Blank Canvas

by Coopmans, Kathy

“Want to come while inside you.”

  Even though I’m not standing, those words make my knees go weak.

  He pulls me up further until he’s able to capture one of my nipples in his mouth. He sinks his teeth around the sensitive bud. My hips roll against his pubic bone, getting just enough friction to feel another build-up inside of me ready to explode. I’ve never come so hard in my life as I do with him. The truth is, it’s been so long since I honestly have. The way he touches me soothes me and makes me feel as if I’m the most important person in the world. He makes me soar.

  Zeke moves to my other nipple, talking before he pulls it in his sexy mouth. “There’s nothing more than me wanting to be bare inside you, feeling your pussy gripping my dick. We are going to have to use a condom this time.”

  I nod, gazing down at him as he wraps those lips around my nipple, feeling his cock slide up and down my ass. I pull back before all of this sends me straight into another orgasm, because I want the next one to be when he’s making love to me. I roll off him and lie on my back.

  Zeke reaches over to his nightstand pulling out a condom. His pulse fluttering out of control in his neck. He tears it open quickly and settles on his knees between my spread legs. I grow wetter watching him stroke his cock before rolling on the condom.

  “Zeke,” I whisper, not wanting my past to taunt this moment, but it’s the right thing to do. “I’m sterile.”

  He snaps his attention to me, concern in his eyes.

  “I fell pregnant, and my stepdad took me to his office had some of his buddies come in and perform an abortion, then they told me they made sure I was sterile to avoid any further fuck-ups.”

  I squeeze my eyes closed, feeling my chest grow lighter with the admission, but the entire weight of the world is settling on my shoulders. He’ll never want me now. Who would?

  “Gonna be real blunt right here, Amelia.” He cups my face, forcing me to look up at him. “I know everything. They were playing fucking head games with you. You have all your reproduction organs. When you were in the hospital, we had to run tests. Baby, the only thing you walked out of there without was knowing that I was falling for you back then. You can be someone’s mother. When that day comes, he or she will turn into beauty like everything you touch.”

  “You know?” I whisper.

  “Please don’t be mad.” He kisses me deep and hard like it might be his last time. “I overheard you telling Ronan one day.” He winces.

  “Why didn’t you run then?” I ask.

  “Because I was falling in love with and no smart man would ever run from that. Even if you couldn’t have kids, I would still be right here, Amelia. Right the fuck here.”

  “I love you,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him. I don’t know how I became so lucky.

  “I don’t want them in this bed, Amelia. It’s just me and you in here. You get me?”

  His movements are slow and deliberate as he removes my hands, lays me back down, and covers my body with his.

  “Grab my cock, Bluebird.”

  He stills when I reach down, grabbing him at the base.

  “This is all for you. Always,” he whispers at my ear, kisses down my chin, and stares into my eyes. “Take charge, baby girl. I want you to guide my cock into you.”

  I gulp. Then slowly thread him inside me. The man is very well endowed.

  We both still when he’s deeply rooted. Filling me more than I ever thought imaginable. I want to squeeze my eyes shut. But I can’t. Not with this man on top of me for the first time, looking into my eyes and beginning to move slowly.

  His lips graze mine, causing my entire body to quiver. I writhe underneath him, begging with my hips for him to move. It’s the sweetest torment I’ve ever experienced.

  A live wire full of need races up my spine when he begins to move faster.

  Goose bumps race over my skin. There’s a tug of war battling inside of me of one side wanting to release with Zeke deep inside of me, while the other side wants this to last forever. The freedom of the whole situation strikes me hard, allowing me to experience all of it. The gratification of moaning out his name while feeling an intimate connection with him takes over my body. I can’t breathe. And yet here I am with a man who wants me for me despite all my wrongdoings. All my insecurities and a lifetime of baggage that comes with it.

  He loves me. I can feel it with every thrust, every groan. I feel it everywhere.

  “Zeke, faster,” I beg. “Oh, God. Oh, God. Please.”

  He groans into the side of my neck and then bites down on the sensitive flesh while he begins to pound into me. Each time he hits deep inside of me, the swell builds higher with waves that are bound to crash down.

  “I’m there. Zeke. I’m there,” I rasp out so loudly I could wake the dead. In a way I have, or I should think we have. My heart has been dead for so long that I can feel it finally beating.

  “Let go, Bluebird.”

  His words send me over the edge. My world spins. All the darkness is gone, and a burst of light fills my vision as the wave crashes down on me hard. So hard that for a moment I’ve forgotten my name.

  Zeke’s arms grow taut as he growls out his own pleasure. His dick thickening inside of me. He collapses on top of me taking in heavy gulps of air. I’m not pleased when he rolls off me, because I want him to stay there forever. I know he can’t. I just never knew sex could feel like that. That it would clear my mind as the time it clouded my vision. I throw my leg over his thigh and my arm across his chest. We lie there for long moments.

  “Th…”

  Abruptly, I cut myself off. There’s no need to thank him. We weren’t exchanging anything. The act was out of love.

  I shake my head on his chest. “I love you, Zeke.”

  He tilts his head down, kissing the top of my head. “Love you, too, Bluebird.”

  The long moments of silence between us speak louder than any words can. Zeke moves first, getting out of bed to go clean up. He returns with two bottles of water and a mischievous grin on his face. It’s something I’ve come to detect quite easily with him. Funny how he used to be a stranger and now I can read him like an open book.

  “What are you up to?” I ask, perching up on my elbows.

  He places the bottles of water down on the nightstand next to us still in his naked and very glorious state.

  “The truth?” he questions.

  “Yes.”

  “I think I need to get you on birth control, fast,” he replies

  “I can make an appointment to get on the pill.” I smirk.

  I bite down on my tongue, not spilling out the fact I’m clean, because let’s face it, this man knows better than anyone else that I am. It may be the one tiny miracle in my life. It took me a long time to come to grips with the fact after the life I lead for so many years.

  “I know a doctor.” He wags his eyebrows and then pounces on the bed, crawling underneath the sheet with me.

  “You do?” I play along.

  “Yes, he’s very smart and sexy.” He kisses my cheek. “But in all seriousness, I can write you a script for birth control if that’s something you’d be interested in.”

  I don’t have to think twice about it. My answer spills from my lips. “Yes.”

  “Yes?” he asks.

  “Absolutely, yes, beyond a shadow of a doubt, yes. I want all of you, Zeke.”

  He rolls me completely onto my back, his hard body coming along.

  “A girl could get used to this, you know? Her guy taking care of her.”

  “My girl should.”

  He sneaks down my body, vanishing underneath the sheet.

  I pick up the sheet and peer down. “What are you doing?”

  “The doctor’s in the house, baby. Need to do an examination.” He kisses the inside of my thighs then nuzzles his nose lightly against my flesh.

  “Zeke,” I squeal as he begins tickling the inside of my thighs.

  “This is serious business. You
need to hold still.”

  I get my full examination, all right. With teeth, tongue, and fingers.

  20

  Zeke

  “She’s not ready to talk about her family, Saxon. Until I feel she is, I’m not asking. Neither are you.”

  Jesus. If I didn’t want those fuckers buried, I would say fuck this search for these people. I know I won’t rest peacefully until I have the word they are dead. Dicks cut off and shoved down their throats, then tossed out to sea will be a sufficient enough death for me.

  “I get that, brother. But what the fuck do you want me to do? You're sitting here telling me you're in love with her and you haven’t the balls to find out where these fuckers are? On top of that, you haven’t even filled me in as to why you want them dead. I’ve backed off from asking you, because I see how much she means to you, but fuck, man. Give me something here.”

  I’m beginning to fucking snap. I get why he’s asking. He’s been riding my ass to tell him for the past week. The one constant thing that’s been dragging me down when everything else happening in my life is lifting me up.

  Amelia and I have reached an entirely new level in our relationship. I won’t lie to anyone, not even myself. I can’t keep my hands off her. It’s nearly impossible to try. The woman has completely unmanned me, and I couldn’t give a fuck if she carries my balls around in her hands.

  I’ve never been one to talk much after sex. I mean, what’s the point when both of you know you're never going to see each other again, or it’s plain to see all you both want is sex. The only two people I’ve ever talked to or slept with more than a few times are Marissa and Daniella, and they were clearly out of convenience. So, for me to be vastly interested in every word that comes out of Amelia’s beautiful mouth is proof that she’s it for me. And God, does she love to talk. It’s as if she’s blossomed the way I wanted her to overnight. It’s exhilarating and frightening at the same damn time.

  “You gonna sit there and daydream or answer my Goddamn question? I know you have Katch looking for her family, brother, but more details are needed,” he states. Loudly and rudely.

  “Lower your voice, asshole,” I seethe.

  I’m pissed off over a shit ton more than him hounding my ass. I do not appreciate him calling me and asking to meet him outside the same restaurant where Amelia was attacked. I mean, what the fuck? I would much rather be home right now. Although Amelia isn’t there. She went to spend the night with Renee. Girls’ night. She misses her, and I get it. I also get that both of them are worried about Zoe. I am, too. When I asked Amelia a couple of weeks ago if she thought something was going with Zoe, she simply shrugged. Told me at times she thinks there is and other times she thinks that’s simply Zoe. Amelia loves her but claims she’s sort of flighty. Now, for whatever reason, Zoe has canceled once for coffee and another time to go shopping with Amelia. Which has Amelia worried. So yeah, this bullshit trip down here does not sit well with me at all.

  “The fucking restaurant is closed, Zeke. And don’t tell me to shut up. I don’t ask jackshit when you call me up and tell me to basically find her family and put them to ground. I’m not asking for you or for me. I’m asking for her. ‘Cause the way I see it, she’s family, and I’ll gun anyone down for my family, but if they did to her what I think they did, then I want to make sure they burn before I put a bullet in their heads.”

  Jesus Christ. This is all kinds of fucked up.

  “They raped her. Started it when she was just a kid who didn’t even know right from wrong. Threatened to kill her. Did all kinds of shit, and if that wasn’t bad enough, they took her to get an abortion when one of them knocked her up. Is that what you want to hear? How a fucking doctor and his son took turns on the woman I’ve fallen in love with, and her cunt of a mother knew and didn’t protect her kid? If it is, then you can kill them any way you want as long as when you walk away, they aren’t fucking breathing.”

  I’m so pissed off my hands are shaking. Saxon stares me down. Exposing the raw vulnerability that only a brother can see. I can see the same thing, same look, same thoughts radiating off my little brother that pours out of me every time my mind drifts to what they’ve done. I picture them when Amelia smiles. I see their shadows when her back is naked and straight with a sheet wrapped around her waist on her stool when she paints right after I’ve made love to her on the floor in her studio. I see them every fucking where.

  “I figured it was something like that. I’m sorry, brother. I really am. I’ll do her right. Kill those demons, and she’ll never even know. I’m glad you're happy. I’m damn proud to call you my brother, Zeke.”

  My heart plummets to the floorboards. A sickly, poisonous sensation crawls up my spine from his words. Not the ones where he’s happy for me or the fact he’s proud to be my brother. It’s because I love Amelia so damn much that I’m blinded by the fact I’ve asked my brother to find two men and a woman and kill them for me. Everything about this is so wrong, and yet I sit here gazing into his eyes, telling him to make sure they suffer in the worst possible way they can.

  “I love you, too, Saxon,” I express from the center of my chest.

  He nods. Stands tall from where he’s been leaning inside the window of my car. Lights a smoke, body stiffening as does mine when lights pull up behind us.

  “Katch. You got something in there for me?” Saxon barks out. My heart sinks.

  What in the ever-loving fuck are they doing?

  “Doc,” Katch acknowledges when I step out of my car, make my way to the front of his truck, and nod.

  “I got the fuckers who attacked her. You’d be surprised how people squeal when you press a knife to their balls. Of course, I had to stab one of them to get him to stop squealing. He’s sucking on his own ball right now. Goddamn thing was the size of a marble. Little balls for a fucker who likes to beat on a woman. Thought maybe you might want to have a few words with the scum before we have a little fun?” Katch runs his hand through his beard like this is just another day at the office for him.

  For fuck’s sake. These guys can’t be serious right now. I’ve done some shady-ass shit for Saxon’s club. Shit that would toss my ass in jail right along with them if we were to get caught. But this? Asking me to come down here and expose myself has me throwing my head back and laughing like a Goddamn psycho.

  “You fuckers should have been cops. How the hell did you find them?”

  I’m not questioning if the men they have in the vehicle that looks like a food delivery van are really the men who attacked Amelia. I know these guys; they do not make a mistake when it comes to shit like this. I want to know how in the hell they did what the cops should have done, and why they did it without telling me.

  “You’d be surprised what people in this town will do for money.” Katch lights the cigarette dangling between his lips, taking a few long pulls. “The one who hurt your woman. His name is Ricky. He’s a well-known drug dealer. If the cops had done their job, they could have found him easy enough. Listen, doc, this isn’t my normal style of killing someone. I’m exposing my ass out here in this alleyway. If you want to see them, then get to it. My wife wasn’t all that happy about me skipping out, but you saved my life, hers, too. I’ll kill any rotten motherfucker you ask me to, and Hollywood simply goes along for the ride. So, have at 'em and don’t be a Goddamn pussy about it.”

  He turns, taps the hood of the van, and that’s when I notice Curtis getting out the passenger’s side. I swallow. Do my best to shove the oath I took to save anyone’s life down my throat. Even the scum of this earth that deserves to die.

  I move out of the way when Katch starts up the van, pulls around my car, and glides slowly down the alley where I found Amelia. My heart that plummeted a few minutes ago is now galloping at a steady beat to lodge back in place. It’s thrumming in my chest. In my ears and rages.

  “Jesus, I can’t believe I’m about to do this,” I mumble.

  I follow Saxon and Curtis quietly down the alley, stopping
at the back of the van. Curtis opens the doors. I’m half expecting to see a couple of guys in here beaten all to shit, but I don’t. Three men. All of them with rags stuffed in their mouths. One with blood covering the crotch of his jeans and pale as a fucking ghost, sweat dripping down his face. I’m surprised he isn’t dead from the blood loss yet, or shock. Frankly, I hope he’s suffering.

  “Fuck, man. You really did cut off his ball. How’s it taste, you slimy piece of shit?” Curtis grabs him by his throat.

  Foam begins to seep out of the corners of the soon-to-be-dead man’s mouth.

  “This is Ricky, doc. The man who cut your woman’s nipple off and stuffed it in her mouth.” He drags him from the van. Drops him headfirst on the cracked pavement and kicks him right between his legs. The guy flails on the ground like a fish squirming fresh out of the water. Body convulsing as Curtis takes his boot, places it underneath Ricky’s stomach, and flips him over. I haven’t seen anyone look more scared in all my life. Except for Amelia and those blue eyes that zapped open and pierced my soul the night I found her lying in a pool of her own blood.

  I squat. Tilt my head and look at the fucker. Stare into his shady eyes.

  “You scared, motherfucker? You should be. I’m wondering something. Wondering if you swallowed what they put in your mouth. Wondering how it felt to have it cut off? I got all kinds of shit I’m wondering about. The one thing I really would love to know is how you think hell is going to be? ‘Cause that’s where you are going, man. You aren’t going to be able to lay a finger on a woman again. What you did to Amelia is going to haunt you down there. It’s going to eat away at you every time your skin catches fire, and it’s going to hurt so bad you’ll regret it. But there won’t be salvation for you in hell. Only pain, so much of it that it’s eternal. Know this, though, while your skin burns to ashes and your mind is the only thing that stays aware, Amelia is up here living.”

  I would love to be able to say more. To be able to fuck him up like he did Amelia. It isn’t in me to do it. I feel guilty as hell about it. Like a Goddamn pussy. But when I turn to my brother and his own club brothers by his side, they’re a wall of sheer determination. It will only take one nod of the head before they rip these slimy motherfuckers from limb to limb in the same spot they left my Bluebird for dead. My fists clench and unclench, thirsty as hell to beat in each of their faces until all of their bones are nothing but mush.