Unattainable

by Schlosser, Jamie

  I was polite, shaking hands and smiling, but there was no point in getting too friendly because a third of them would be leaving by tomorrow morning.

  “Okay, listen up.” Theo’s commanding voice echoed off the walls and everyone quieted. “Filming starts in three minutes and we’ve got a long night ahead. See that stage there?” He pointed to the elevated platform at the other end of the room. There was a mic stand, a blue NTT screen covering the entire wall behind it, and a black grand piano off to the side. “You need to give it everything you’ve got tonight because only eight of you will be moving through to the next round. All of you will wait outside those doors until you’re called in. A final decision won’t be made until the auditions are over.”

  His spiel seemed to suck the jovial mood out of the musicians. Most of them were drinking water, probably wanting to make sure their voices were on point. But a few were indulging in the complimentary champagne, and I briefly considered doing the same.

  Since I’d seen Theo drink enough in his younger years to last me decades, alcohol wasn’t something I’d ever been interested in. I’d literally consumed the total of one beer in my life, and if you asked me, it was overrated.

  Yeah, I was a country-singing, non-drinking, twenty-one-year old virgin. I was like a punchline to a bad joke.

  Ah, fuck it. Tonight was a special occasion.

  I motioned Theo over. “Get me a drink?”

  Surprised, his eyebrows shot up. “What do you want?”

  “I don’t know. Something that tastes good?”

  He smirked. “I know exactly what you need.”

  As he walked away in the direction of the open bar, the contestants shuffled out into the lobby.

  I looked around for Corrie one more time.

  Still couldn’t find her.

  Didn’t matter.

  She might’ve slipped through my fingers once, but I wasn’t letting her get away again.

  I’d been denying my dick my whole life and it hadn’t worked out for me yet. Maybe it was time to start thinking with my other head for once.

  ALL THE BRIGHT YELLOW STALLS behind me were empty because none of the other women were willing to risk missing Aiden’s grand entrance.

  But here I was, taking refuge in the bathroom while on the verge of an emotional breakdown.

  I splashed cold water on my neck and used a paper towel to blot the droplets as I stood in front of the sink. I would’ve doused my face, too, but I didn’t want to ruin the makeup I’d spent forty-five minutes on.

  My hands shook as I turned off the faucet and nervously shifted from foot to foot. I finger-combed my hair and made sure my eyeliner wasn’t smudged. Checked to see if I had anything in my teeth.

  All good.

  I fought the urge to bite my nails. It was an anxious habit I’d had on lockdown for over a year. Now three of them were down to the nubs. Ugh.

  To kill some more time, I fiddled with the pearly buttons on my white sleeveless blouse. I decided to secure them all the way up to the neckline, despite the heat.

  I wanted to look as professional as possible, but suddenly the expensive business ensemble seemed inadequate.

  Everyone else out there looked like they were going to prom. I didn’t even attend my own prom, so I’d never worn anything as fancy as the dresses those women were wearing.

  As I smoothed the silk over my chest, I gave myself the stink-eye in the mirror because I was being silly. I’d had months to mentally prepare myself for this day, so why was I such a wreck?

  Well. Because I thought I was over him.

  I was wrong.

  I hadn’t even seen him yet, but I could feel his presence and it stirred up all the old emotions I’d suppressed.

  There was a point in time when I thought I’d had a chance with Aiden Legend, but he was always the shining star I couldn’t quite reach.

  For three wonderful months in high school, I’d had him all to myself every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday from five to seven p.m., and sometimes later for rehearsal.

  And he became my best friend and my first love in the process.

  He was wealthy, talented, and so freaking handsome it made my chest ache. Rich brown eyes, thick chestnut hair, and a chiseled jaw. My absolute favorite part was a rogue dimple on his right cheek near the corner of his mouth when he smiled.

  And his lips… full, pouty, and soft.

  Oh, yeah. I personally knew how soft they were. Everything about that particular moment was still crystal clear in my mind.

  The steaming water of the hot tub was in stiff competition with the scorching grip of Aiden’s hands on my waist. Bubbles played on my skin like a symphony of stimulation. Our breath fogged up the freezing air as the distance closed between our faces and our lips brushed…

  It was our first and last kiss. Not that I counted the extremely brief event as an actual kiss before tragedy ripped him away from me. An almost-kiss—that’s what it was.

  I shook my head to snap myself out of it.

  For the past couple years, I’d done a really good job of not thinking about that night or the week following it.

  The last time I saw Aiden was one of the saddest days of my life. I hadn’t known his parents well, but attending their funeral was devastating for me because it was heartbreaking for him. I hurt because he hurt. I’d tried to talk to him several times after the service, but he was almost catatonic the whole afternoon. Expressionless and silent, he’d just stared down at his feet as I gave him words of comfort and sympathy.

  I’d even reached out to squeeze his hand.

  He hadn’t squeezed back.

  Contacting him on the phone and social media didn’t garner any response either. I’d called, texted, and messaged him for six months before I finally gave up.

  After graduation, I burned three notebooks full of my name blended with his. Hearts, flowers, and my deepest desires had filled the pages with optimistic doodles.

  But with those flames, all my hopes and dreams of being with him had gone up in smoke.

  I knew grief could change a person. I also realized I couldn’t fully understand what he was going through because I’d never experienced a loss like that.

  I’d just wanted to be there for him, damn it.

  And maybe that was selfish of me. Maybe he never needed me in the first place. Obviously, he was doing quite well for himself now.

  He certainly had no shortage of eligible women out there. I’d overheard several of them strategizing about how they could get into his pants.

  I scoffed.

  As if they’d have to try very hard. Rumor had it, the creators of Stranded with a Legend were trying to encourage a romantic development or two between Aiden and the contestants.

  Nothing sold better than sex.

  But I wasn’t about that life. All the guys in my dating pool were the same, which was exactly why I stayed far away. My bullshit radar was spot on and they were constantly slinging steaming piles of it. I didn’t have the time or patience for that.

  Plus, the chances of me finding someone who could accept me, quirks and all, were slim.

  Interesting fact about me: some uncommon phobias sort of ran my life.

  I’d come to terms with that peculiar part of my personality, but what guy in his right mind would want to put up with it?

  The heavy door swung open, hitting the wall with a soft thud. “Showtime. Better get your talented butt out here.”

  I looked over to see Trisha keeping the wood propped open with her hip. She crossed her arms and blew some of the dark bangs out of her eyes.

  Amused, my lips twitched. She wasn’t my boss, but I didn’t mind her mother-hen habits. Getting hired with NTT was pretty much her doing, so I wouldn’t even be here if it wasn’t for the good word she put in for me.

  We’d met several months back at a nightclub where I DJ’ed. Because of a recent divorce from an asshole, she was out on the town, living it up.

  For someone who was pushing for
ty, the woman could party like no other, but making up for fifteen years of suppression in one night wasn’t possible. She gave it her best effort, though. I found her sprawled out on the club’s bathroom floor hugging a toilet—major ick—and helped her get cleaned up before giving her a ride to her apartment.

  We’d been friends ever since. When she told me about the audio engineer opening with the network, I jumped at the chance, even though I knew it would mean seeing Aiden again.

  Honestly, I didn’t think I’d get the job.

  But I did.

  And here I was, ready or not.

  “Give me one minute,” I breathed out, wincing at the way my voice wavered.

  “Shit.” Trisha moved toward me, letting the door shut behind her. “You’re not getting sick in here, are you? Don’t get me wrong—I’ll hold your hair back. I told you I’d return the favor and I meant it. But they’re ready to start and the first singer needs music.”

  “I’m totally fine,” I fibbed, deciding to undo the top button of my blouse after all.

  If I was lucky, no one would see me behind my laptop anyway.

  And if Aiden did happen to spot me, at least he’d get a good look at the gloriousness he missed out on. What? I was allowed to be a little bitter.

  “So, I need to tell you something.” I undid two more buttons until a glimpse of cleavage peeked out. “It’s not a big deal.” Liar, liar, pants on fire. I spared a glance at Trisha’s blue eyes. “Aiden and I… used to know each other.”

  Eyebrows shooting up, her mouth popped open. “You mean…”

  “Not like that,” I quickly added before she could run wild with her assumptions. “We… sort of dated in high school, I guess? I don’t even know what to call it. He asked me to be his girlfriend and then we never spoke again.” A hysterical giggle bubbled out, because it sounded so ridiculous when I said it out loud. “But it was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter now.”

  “It does matter,” Trisha hissed. “Do you still have feelings for him?”

  Guilty, I bit my lip and let my gaze fall to my black stilettos. “I should’ve known better. I refused to watch The Final Showdown for this very reason. If I couldn’t even bear to see him on television, why did I think I could handle being in the same room?” Before Trisha could respond, I answered, “Well, several reasons, actually: a stellar addition to my resume, more money in three weeks than I’d usually make in three months, bragging rights, and the location can’t be beat.”

  “Atta girl.” She clapped me on the back. “Not to mention, you’re on the NTT crew now. After this project, who knows where you could end up?”

  Optimistic, I nodded. “I’m hoping they’ll hire me on for good at headquarters in Chicago.”

  “It could happen,” Trisha said, then her tone got firm. “Listen. You need to put a lid on this crush. This show is Aiden’s ticket to success. You don’t have a ticket.”

  “Ouch.” Harsh, but true.

  “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. Did you read all the fine print in your contract?”

  “Yes,” I muttered. “No fraternizing with co-workers.”

  Especially Aiden or anyone important, like execs and producers. NTT didn’t want any scandals surrounding this show and Aiden cavorting with the hired help was strictly forbidden.

  Not that the consequences would fall on him.

  It was me on the chopping block if I slipped up.

  “I’ll stay far away,” I promised. “Chances are, I won’t even be seeing him that often. Even more likely, he’s probably forgotten who I am.”

  And it was for the best. Really. The less interaction we had, the better.

  Really.

  “Good.” Trisha gave me a nod. “Let’s go, then. First night jitters happen to everyone, regardless of the situation.” She gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze as we made our way into the lobby. “I see it all the time with the newbies. Just imagine you’re back in Chicago. It’ll be just like the nightclubs.”

  IT WASN’T ANYTHING LIKE THE nightclubs. My task tonight was child’s play.

  All I had to do was make sure I put on the right music for the performers who wanted it. Four of them came with guitars to go acoustic, and one played piano. A smart choice if you asked me. Showcasing their abilities put them at an advantage.

  Some people probably thought I wished I could be up there, too. That I envied those singers. That I was settling for grunt work.

  But they couldn’t be more wrong.

  I didn’t miss performing. I wasn’t even sure if I ever enjoyed it in the first place. The nerves. The pressure to do well. The rejection.

  It just wasn’t for me.

  However, I loved working behind the scenes. I still got to put my talent to use in a highly competitive industry, and I considered myself lucky to have found my calling so young.

  The challenging part of my job was what I looked forward to the most, but that wasn’t happening tonight.

  These past few hours would’ve been a lot more interesting if there wasn’t so much deliberation between auditions, but I had to admit the long, hushed discussions were necessary. There were twelve futures on the line and certain factors to consider: vocal range, stage presence, star quality, marketability.

  I tried to suppress a yawn and failed. Glancing at the time, I rubbed my eyes. I was used to staying up past 2 a.m. but traveling had left me a little jet-lagged.

  If it wasn’t for my constant worry about being spotted by Aiden, I might’ve fallen asleep by now.

  The good news was that he hadn’t noticed me, and at least he seemed happy.

  It was nice to see him smiling again.

  In between performances, he was chatting with the two men on either side of him. Dennis and Darrell Whalen were brothers who’d started their own record label twenty-some years ago.

  My station was set up a good thirty feet behind their table and much like DJing, I liked being able to blend into the background and just observe. To be such a vital ingredient in tonight’s events yet left alone to be in my element. Aside from the fact that the performers couldn’t audition without me, it was almost like I wasn’t even here.

  Aiden laughed at something one of the guys said, and I felt that sexy sound all the way to my core.

  My view of him was partially obscured by a cameraman, but as I peered at his back over my laptop screen, I admired the way his suit jacket stretched over the muscles of his shoulders.

  Those were new.

  The Aiden I used to know wasn’t scrawny by any means, but he’d been a lean teenager then. He also used to be against alcohol, but the pink drink he’d been nursing for three hours looked a lot like a sex on the beach.

  Just as I was about to fight off another yawn, the last act came in and she took her place on the stage.

  Twila Jamison. Nineteen years old. Former beauty queen. Talked with a genuine Kentucky accent and was basically Barbie in a ballgown.

  After her short introduction was over, I pressed play on her music.

  Her act got my blood pumping, but it wasn’t from excitement; her eyes were glued to Aiden the entire three minutes she was up there.

  Was song-fucking someone a thing? Because that’s what she did. She song-fucked the hell out of him. And although the belted Carrie Underwood tune sounded more like college-bar karaoke, her voice was pretty damn amazing.

  As she attempted to prolong her time on stage by leaving with the slowest, most graceful footsteps ever, I had a bad taste in my mouth and I recognized it for what it was—the bitterness of jealousy.

  Damn it. I wasn’t supposed to feel this way. It was only night one.

  “You have the schedule for tomorrow?” Trisha’s question made me jump.

  “You scared me.” I pressed a hand to my hammering heart. “Way to sneak up on someone.”

  “I said your name twice.”

  “Oh.” Well, at least I wasn’t in danger of falling asleep anymore. “Yes, I have the schedule. Two o’clock, music
trivia on the terrace.”

  “Be there thirty minutes early to set up.”

  “Yes, boss,” I smarted, sending her a cheeky grin.

  “I could get used to you calling me that,” she quipped. “I can take everything from here. Go get some sleep.”

  “Thanks,” I told her, grateful for the chance to slip away.

  I unplugged a few cords from my laptop, and I was starting to let myself believe that maybe I wouldn’t have to talk to Aiden at all.

  Maybe we could spend this entire time skirting around each other.

  However, my illusion of invisibility popped as soon as he stood up and his brown eyes zeroed in on me right away.

  His gaze hit me like a wrecking ball. Like a physical blow to my gut.

  Light-headed, I swayed in my seat and had to grab the table to steady myself. My pulse resumed a breakneck speed and the hairs on the back of my scalp prickled.

  He’d known.

  He’d known all along I was here.

  And now that he was facing me, I noticed how much he’d grown up. How he was taller by a couple inches. How the dark scruff on his jaw made him ten times sexier than I remembered. And the possessive glint in his eyes… it was all too familiar.

  I thought they’d spend some time discussing the elimination process but apparently, they were taking a break first because Aiden started sauntering my way.

  Shit.

  Standing up, I almost knocked over my stool in my haste to flee. After righting the chair, I closed my laptop and shoved all my equipment in my black backpack.

  As I glanced over my shoulder, I saw Trisha cut Aiden off and start fussing with the mic wire attached to his shirt.

  Thank you, Trisha.

  I turned and hightailed it to the lobby, not caring if the prom parade thought I was sprinting to the bathroom because of explosive diarrhea or a tampon malfunction.

  Why else would I be skidding across the marble floor like my ass was on fire?

  But the lobby was empty. Everyone must’ve been told to go back to their rooms until a decision was reached.

  Good. Hiding in a public restroom to evade my ex wasn’t my finest moment. I didn’t need any witnesses.