Unattainable

by Schlosser, Jamie

  Still trying to catch my breath, I went over to the wall and ran my hand over countless man-made grooves chiseled into the rough surface of the rock.

  As far as I could see, there were hearts with names spelled out. Declarations of love and forever. Poetry. Inside jokes and pictures that only had significance to the one who’d used the metal tools at my feet.

  Theo picked up one of the chisels and pointed at his own piece of art. It was an apple with T + H inside. “Hadley and I found it when we went exploring. Pretty cool, huh?”

  “It’s awesome,” I said, plopping down onto the sand for a rest.

  Theo took a seat next to me and we extended our legs until water lapped at our feet.

  “I wanted to show you because no one else knows it’s here,” he explained. “I know how overwhelming it can get to be constantly watched. If you need some time alone, away from the cameras, this is your sanctuary.”

  “Thank you,” I said, truly grateful.

  Since the resort was surrounded by mountains and jungles, the only way to leave was either by boat or a private road. Getting away unnoticed wasn’t easy.

  “I can’t even begin to tell you how glad I am to have somewhere to escape.”

  Theo looked at me, his usual playful attitude replaced by sincerity. “I wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to find it if it wasn’t for you.”

  He was talking about the honeymoon I’d arranged for him and Hadley. I’d pulled some strings with the network and gotten them to push back filming by three days so they could have this portion of the island all to themselves. Since he wouldn’t let me pay for their wedding, it was the least I could do.

  I shrugged. “It’s not a big deal.”

  “It is,” he insisted.

  “Anyone would help someone they love if they have the power to do so.”

  It was the same with letting him use my jet. I had it, so I shared it. Simple. But Theo wasn’t used to that kind of generosity, and he had a hard time accepting the help.

  “You just said love. You love me?” he asked, his voice gruff with emotion. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard you say that before.”

  “Well, I do.”

  He turned his head away and I had a feeling he was trying to hide how much my words affected him.

  “I love you, too,” he responded. Then, because the moment got too deep, he tacked on, “Shithead.”

  I laughed. “Besides, you’ve improved my life more than you know. You being the producer here… I wouldn’t put my trust in anyone else’s hands but yours.”

  “I’m your big brother. I’m supposed to protect you. I wasn’t there for you when you needed me the most—”

  I cut him off with a wave of my hand. “We’ve already forgiven each other and put the past behind us. I don’t like the idea of you carrying guilt around.”

  I wasn’t the only one who’d had trouble dealing with the loss of our parents. Theo reacted differently than I did, but grief wasn’t the same for everyone. I didn’t hold a grudge against him for shutting me out for a while.

  Nodding, Theo changed the subject to something much more pleasant. “So, the girl.”

  He didn’t even have to mention her name, but I knew who he was talking about.

  I sighed. “The girl.”

  “You really fucked it up. Like, I can’t even believe you’d make such a huge mistake.” He nudged me with his elbow. “Mr. Perfect over here.”

  “How can I possibly explain myself?” I turned to him. “How can I make her understand?”

  His eyes were sad. “It’s not like you didn’t have a good reason. Just be honest.”

  “Yeah.” I scratched at the scruff on my jaw. “She agreed to hang out tonight, so I might have a chance with her, right?”

  Theo chuckled wryly. “Either that, or she’s just taking the opportunity to give you a piece of her mind.”

  “That’s fine. She can yell at me all she wants if she’ll forgive me. I’ll do anything. I’d even kiss her feet.”

  “You hate feet.” Theo sounded appalled.

  “I know.”

  “Damn.” Letting out a whistle, he picked up a pebble before tossing it into the water. “I wish you’d talked to me about this before. I don’t know much about a lot, but dating? I can help you with that.”

  As my fingers sifted through the gritty sand, I decided to go ahead and spill it. “You know how sometimes people just become complacent? Like, life’s not awful, but it isn’t great either. And you become okay with everything being just okay?”

  “Yeah,” he replied seriously. “I do.”

  “Well, that’s how I’ve been for a long time. Last night when I saw her, it was like in the medical movies when they all yell ‘clear!’ and jumpstart someone’s heart. Like I came to life again.” I glanced over at Theo. “Is that weird?”

  “No.” He shook his head. “Not weird at all. I’m not a song writer, so I don’t have the nice analogies like you do, but it was the same with Hadley.”

  “So I’m screwed,” I said with a smile, remembering how far gone Theo was from the get-go.

  Hadley was another NTT success story. She’d competed against me on The Final Showdown last year with her dog training act, and although she didn’t win first place, she stole Theo’s heart before they even met. From the moment he saw her on TV, he was obsessed.

  My brother’s expression became concerned. “Just be careful. I don’t want to see you get hurt. You have no idea what Corrie has been up to since high school. Hell, she could have a boyfriend.”

  Motherfucker. I hadn’t thought of that. I’d been so happy to see her again my excitement eclipsed all doubt.

  “Can you do some research for me?” I asked. “Find out if she’s dating anyone?”

  “I definitely can.” Standing up, he brushed his hands together before reaching out to help me up. “Just ask Hadley. My internet stalking skills are on point.”

  I blinked at him. “I don’t even know what to do with that information.”

  He just laughed and took off running.

  “I’ll catch up with you later!” I called after him. “I have something I gotta do.”

  Pivoting, he gave me a knowing grin before he disappeared around the wall.

  Going back to the chisel, I swiped it from the ground and found a palm-sized rock. Then I searched for a blank spot on the wall so I could do something I should’ve done long ago.

  No more time would be wasted. For the first time in a while, I wanted something more than just a successful career.

  I wanted the life I used to dream about before my world blew up in that helicopter.

  I wanted the girl I was meant to be with.

  Unforeseen circumstances may have derailed my future, but it was up to me to get it back on track.

  Theo: I’m 99% sure she’s single.

  Me: What’s the other one percent?

  Theo: Well, I combed through her social media accounts and saw no trace of a boyfriend. So either she’s really private about her personal life, or there’s no one worth posting about.

  Me: Okay, cool. Thanks.

  Theo: There were pics of her with a tall, dark, and handsome dude named Ricardo, but she’s not dating him.

  Me: How do you know for sure?

  Theo: Because Ricardo is married.

  Me: That doesn’t mean he doesn’t want her.

  Theo: His husband’s name is Liam.

  Me: Oh.

  Theo: Yep. So I give you the green light. Go for it.

  Me: I’m so glad I have your blessing. I couldn’t possibly move forward without it.

  Theo: Smartass. Better pay attention to the game. I’m betting $100 that Twila’s next answer will be Tim McGraw.

  Me: You’re on.

  He was going to win. That had been her go-to response for at least half of the questions she’d answered. It wasn’t a bad method. She’d gotten two points with that strategy.

  I pocketed my phone and tried to figure out how
much longer we had until the Music Trivia game was over.

  I wanted—so badly—to seek Corrie out.

  Something I hadn’t considered until this afternoon was how difficult it would be to see her wearing next to nothing, and not be able to go near her.

  She was on the patio above us, sitting behind her laptop underneath one of the giant yellow umbrellas. It was her duty to play songs for the ‘name that tune’ round we had in the beginning, and she was putting on upbeat songs during breaks.

  I’d been trying to be covert about my staring, but she’d caught me several times anyway. It was so cute when she’d duck her head, shift in her seat, and fan herself.

  She couldn’t see my eyes behind the aviator sunglasses, but it was like she could feel them caressing every exposed inch of her creamy skin.

  And there were a lot of inches.

  Through the iron bars caging in the patio, I could see glimpses of her smooth legs. Magenta lips to match her bikini top. Hair in a messy bun, purple wisps framing her face. Cutoff jean shorts so tiny they should’ve been illegal.

  Queen’s “Another One Bites the Dust” stopped pumping through the speakers, signaling the beginning of another round, and I forced my attention to the task at hand.

  A cameraman stood five feet away, and the lens was pointed straight at me.

  I had no idea how Theo endured this for years and actually liked it. Being under the microscope wasn’t new to me, but being the main focal point was.

  Attempting a casual pose, I leaned back and tried to relax my muscles. The chair they had me sitting in resembled a throne, with red padding and a tall wingback. Male models in blue Speedos stood on either side, fanning me with palm tree leaves.

  It was beyond ridiculous.

  The audience was going to eat it up.

  All eight contestants were sitting in smaller wicker folding chairs lined up in the sand and each had a cowbell at the ready.

  There was Elliot, a Florida native with slick black hair and a deep tan. Next was Mallory, a redhead from Texas who was turning pinker by the second under the scalding sun. Chrissy, a curly-haired blond who was the shyest of the bunch. Camille, a dark-skinned, five-foot woman with a wicked set of pipes—seriously, for how small she was, her powerful voice was the biggest surprise.

  Then Twila, Dawn, and Jordan. The last chair was occupied by Stan, our oldest contestant at forty-two.

  And the view behind them was breathtaking.

  A cloudless blue sky met the seemingly endless ocean at the horizon in the distance. With the heat beating down on us, I was kind of grateful for my cabana boys.

  At least I had my cowboy hat to provide some shade. It wasn’t really my style—I was more of a ball cap kinda guy, but the wardrobe team had insisted on me going full-on country today.

  They’d also encouraged us all to dress ‘comfortably’ for the weather. Translation: go nude.

  We weren’t actually naked, but it was damn close. Most of the guys—including myself—were shirtless, with brightly colored swimming trunks and all the girls were scantily clad in bikinis.

  Stan Lawless was the only man who decided to keep a tank top on and I suspected it was because he wasn’t in the best shape. Plus, he had a lot of chest hair. He was just a furry guy. His salt-and-pepper beard was four inches long, but the rough-around-the-edges style suited him.

  He was the contestant who intrigued me the most, and not just because he had a badass last name and he was in the lead in the game.

  He was the real deal. One of the few selected because of raw talent, not looks. He’d spent the last twenty years playing in bars around Tennessee, and his gravelly voice and mad electric guitar skills were what got him here.

  “The next question is for Elliot, Mallory, Chrissy, and Stan,” Hadley spoke slowly into the microphone at the podium while peering down at her notecards with a grave expression on her face.

  My lips tipped up in amusement because she was so serious.

  When the network had asked her to host the trivia game, she was more than happy to say yes, but something I’d learned about my new sister-in-law was that she was highly competitive. Contests made her twitchy.

  And there was a lot at stake here.

  The winner got to have the first private recording session with yours truly, and they would be exempt from the next elimination. In three days, we would be having a duet sing-off competition, and instead of worrying about getting cut, they’d get to perform with me on national television.

  The person with the least points had to go home immediately.

  So yeah, it was safe to say everyone was on the edge of their seats.

  “Don’t forget to smile!” Theo shouted at Hadley from behind the cameraman focused on her.

  Tossing her brown hair over her shoulder, she shot him an exaggerated grin full of teeth.

  “Better.” He winked at her, and her smile turned genuine before she went back to her cards.

  “The clue is: They’re often considered the first family of country music.”

  Stan was the first to hit his cowbell. “The Carter family.”

  “Correct.” She beamed at him. “Another point for Stan, putting him at a total of five. Dawn and Twila are behind him with three.” She directed her attention at the girls. “Ladies, we have a bonus round. If either of you get the next question right, you’ll get to challenge Stan for the victory.”

  Chrissy burst into tears. Her score was zero, which meant she was getting cut no matter what. As Dawn patted her shoulder in an attempt to console her, Chrissy’s hair shielded her face while she continued to quietly sob into her hands.

  Hadley frowned at Theo, but he just gave her a wrap-it-up gesture as Ross retrieved the crying girl and led her up the stairs to the resort.

  Damn. This sucked.

  At this point, these people were barely acquaintances. What would it be like for me to send someone home once I got to know them?

  The speakers started blaring “Shake It Off” by Taylor Swift, and I tipped my hat back to look up at Corrie.

  This particular song choice had several cast and crew members hiding smiles behind their hands. Corrie spared a glance at Chrissy, who was now glaring in her direction as she walked away. With a half-shrug, Corrie turned the volume down and her eyes bounced to me.

  All cameras were currently aimed at Chrissy, because they were probably hoping to get more meltdown material. Which meant I had an unrecorded moment to steal.

  Sliding my sunglasses down my nose, I shot Corrie a wink.

  Her cheeks flared bright pink before she ducked behind her screen.

  “Okay.” Hadley’s voice drew my attention to the anxious group. “Twila and Dawn. The clue is: He was known as ‘The Man in Black.’”

  “Tim McGraw!” Twila shouted while banging away at the cowbell.

  “No.” Shaking her head, Hadley looked to Dawn. “Do you have a guess?”

  “Will Smith?” she asked, and laughter rang out around her. “What?” Frowning, she crossed her arms. “I was supposed to guess, so I did.”

  “You’re thinking of the movie Men in Black, which does star Will Smith.” Hadley gave her a sympathetic smile. “But this is country music history and the answer is Johnny Cash. And that makes Stan our winner, ladies and gentlemen!”

  We all clapped for him and Corrie put on Queen’s “We Are the Champions” as a victory song.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her sway to the music while sipping at what appeared to be a strawberry smoothie.

  The desire to go up there and kiss the hell out of her was strong.

  Instead, I went over to Stan and shook his hand. “Congratulations. You were on fire today. Last night, too. Seriously, can you teach me how to play guitar like that?”

  “Hell yes,” he replied with a grin.

  I wished I could tell him I’d been rooting for him, but I didn’t want our mics to pick it up. His was hidden around his middle under his tank top, but since I wasn’t wearing a
shirt, mine was dangling around my neck. Although the device was small, it could pick up whispers.

  I didn’t want to risk anyone thinking I was playing favorites so early in filming.

  Even though I totally was.

  “Well, he’s like three times our age,” Twila exaggerated as she trudged past us. “Of course he would know stuff we don’t.”

  Not the least bit insulted, he turned to her with a smile. “Miss Jamison, I learned everything I know from your favorite singer.”

  Her mouth fell open. “Carrie Underwood?”

  “No. Tim McGraw.”

  Redness spread from her cheeks to her neck before she pivoted away and stormed off across the sand.

  “Now, that was a little white lie,” Stan told me, chuckling. “Never actually met the man, but I’ve listened to his music for decades. That counts, right?”

  “Counts for something.” Yeah. I really liked Stan.

  Twenty minutes later, we were all gathered on the patio. Dinner was being filmed and the event planner had spared no expense. The long table was draped with an orange tablecloth, and there were tropical flower arrangements, candles, and fancy dinnerware at each formal place setting.

  I was even closer to Corrie now, since she was only a few tables away. She wasn’t required to stick around this evening, but she hadn’t moved from her seat yet and she’d put on a playlist of country classics.

  Of course, I wanted to think it was because she liked being close to me, but it was possible she was lingering for the open bar.

  As Patsy Cline crooned about being crazy, I snuck another peek in her direction. She quickly turned her head away, but I knew she’d been watching me.

  I studied her profile. Long, dark lashes framed her eyes. The apples of her cheeks were rosy from the heat. And her small nose came to a cute point at the end.

  A coy smile tilted her lips up as they closed around the straw of her drink.

  Confidence surged, and doubts dimmed.

  Corrie never could stay mad at me.

  We’d experienced a few quarrels during rehearsals together—minor stuff she was usually right about—and all I’d had to do to get her to smile was give her a flirty look.