Surrender (Cunningham Security Book 7)

by A. K. Evans

  “Are you sure?”

  I shifted my body closer, sending Holden to his back. As I rested my head and my palm on his chest, his arm curled around my back and held me tight.

  “I’m sure,” I confirmed.

  And I was.

  I no longer had just my earlier conversation with Reece swirling in mind. There was something else much bigger that was suddenly taking up space. It was becoming clear to me what had happened with Holden in the shower. Understanding it, I knew I needed to hold back something. As hard as I knew that was going to be for me, I had no choice.

  Holden hadn’t yet opened up to me the way I’d hoped he would, and I was afraid of what might happen if I shared that my feelings for him were growing stronger.

  So, I decided to keep them close to me for just a little bit longer. At least until I felt that I could surrender them to Holden, and he wouldn’t break my heart.

  “I bought a dress today,” I shared after we’d laid there for a while just cuddling with each other.

  “Yeah?”

  “For your grandparents’ party this coming weekend,” I added as I lifted my cheek from his chest, planted my chin there, and looked at him. “Zara and I went shopping earlier today, and we managed to find the perfect dress. Or, at least, I hope you’ll think it’s the perfect dress.”

  He smirked and wondered, “What are the chances I can convince you to show it to me now?”

  “Zero percent.”

  He cocked an eyebrow. “Really? There’s nothing I can do to convince you? I could at least confirm that it’s perfect for the occasion.”

  Grinning and biting my lip, I shook my head. Then, because I was feeling good and excited about my dress, I teased, “But I promise you it’ll be worth the wait. It’s way better than the yoga outfits. And I trust my own judgment enough that I’m not worried about it being inappropriate.”

  Holden shared his pessimism. “I’m not convinced it’s possible to top the yoga outfits. They complement your figure perfectly.”

  “Are you suggesting they’d be appropriate to wear for meeting your family?” I taunted him.

  “If we were going to be at home, it wouldn’t matter to me. But I get the feeling the restaurant might frown upon it.”

  That made me wonder. While I didn’t disagree that my typical yoga wear wasn’t exactly meant for wearing to a restaurant, I didn’t agree with Holden about it not being a problem to wear when meeting his family, especially for the first time.

  It made me think that he didn’t seem to care what his family thought of me. And while I believe that could be good in some cases, I found it doubtful that Holden felt that way because of his undying devotion to me.

  Was I disposable?

  The thought made me visibly shudder. Holden noticed it and asked, “Are you okay?”

  Thinking quick, I nodded, moved to sit up, and said, “I’m feeling a bit famished. I think I’m going to get a snack. Do you want anything?”

  Holden eyed me in a way I knew he didn’t believe me. Even still, he didn’t call me on it. “I’m good,” he assured me.

  With that, I got up and walked out of the room toward the kitchen. On my way there, I tried to calm the twisting in my stomach. Maybe I should have shared my concerns with Holden. Maybe I should have told him that it worried me he didn’t seem to care if his family liked me.

  Normally, I didn’t hold back. But something stopped me.

  And I had a feeling it was the same thing that stopped me from sharing the words Reece had said to me with him.

  Uncertainty.

  Uncertainty about where he stood.

  Worry that if I succumbed to what was in my heart and fell all in with him, he’d never reciprocate.

  By the time I made it to the kitchen, I had to lean over the counter and take a few deep breaths. I’d just barely gotten two of them out when I felt Holden’s body curl around mine. He slid his arms around my waist and brought his mouth to my ear.

  “Sweetheart, talk to me,” he begged.

  I wish you’d talk to me, I thought.

  I lifted myself up and took another deep breath. “Don’t you care?” I blurted.

  Immediately, tension flitted through Holden’s body. It went from being mostly relaxed to completely rigid. And he made no attempt to answer my question.

  Tears welled in my eyes.

  “Why don’t you care what they think?” I pressed.

  That got me a response.

  “Who?” he retorted.

  I stepped out of his hold and turned to look at him. “Your family,” I clarified.

  “What do you mean?” he asked. “What makes you think I don’t care what they think? And about what?”

  “Me!” I cried. “You just said you wouldn’t care if I showed up to meet them in a pair of yoga shorts and a sports bra if this party wasn’t being held at a restaurant. Doesn’t it matter to you if I make a good impression?”

  Understanding dawned in Holden’s features, and he visibly relaxed. “Sweetheart, I said what I did because I know my family better than you do. They wouldn’t be the slightest bit concerned with what you’re wearing. There are so many other things that they’d be focusing on, not what you look like. When it comes to your looks, the only opinion I care about is my own.”

  Okay, so I hadn’t expected that.

  Holden continued, “My family will want to know what kind of person you are. They’ll want to know that you are an upstanding member of society. Taking care of yourself and others is important to them. Knowing that it makes me happy to be around you is what they’ll be most concerned with. Anything else, especially your clothes, is not of any concern to them.”

  “Oh,” I murmured, diverting my eyes away from his.

  He took a step toward me, brought his thumb and forefinger to my chin, and urged me to look at him. “How did we go from me being excited about seeing you in your dress to this?”

  It was difficult to find my voice over the lump that had formed in my throat. Apparently, my grandma wasn’t exactly right. It seemed my heart could still steer me in the wrong direction because I had just made a fool of myself.

  Holden must have realized that I was struggling because he switched topics and asked, “Are you still hungry?”

  I shook my head. “I never was,” I admitted.

  “You just needed to get away from me for a minute,” he guessed.

  Holden was entirely too perceptive. I shrugged because admitting that would have been horrible.

  “Do you still need some time away from me?” he questioned.

  Panic gripped me. “No,” I answered immediately.

  Holden shot me a beautiful smile and pulled me in for a hug.

  I did all I could do.

  I hugged him back.

  The last time I felt nerves like this, my life changed forever. Part of that change was for the better, but there was a large part that just felt bad. It had been years since I felt like this, yet it was one of those things that I’d never forget. I remembered the fear I felt that day like it happened yesterday.

  And because I didn’t frequently find myself feeling fear like this, I had to wonder if there was a good reason for it. Years ago, my fear was justified. Because in the end, I lost my family. While I tried not to dwell on that, and I had no regrets for taking charge of my own life, it was hard not to think that perhaps I was having flashbacks of walking down the hall to my father’s office all those years ago because I already knew how things were going to go today.

  It was late Saturday afternoon, and I was preparing to go out with Holden to his grandparents’ anniversary celebration.

  Meeting the family was a huge step in any relationship, so of course it was only natural I was feeling anxious. But I had a feeling I was so twisted up inside about it because I still had the words Reece said to me earlier in the week playing over and over in my mind.

  Fuck, I hope you’re serious about him.

  Combining that conversation with having th
e way he’d looked at me on three different occasions running through my brain was causing serious havoc inside me. There was still a small part of me that was wrestling with whether it was best to share it with Holden or keep it from him. Ultimately, I decided I didn’t want to be responsible for any tension between the brothers who seemed to have such a close, loving relationship. So, I kept my mouth shut.

  But it was more than frustrating to keep it to myself. Because those words made it seem like Reece thought I was playing a game with Holden when in fact I was the one who’d received the mixed messages.

  To keep myself from going into a full-blown worry mode, I tried to look on the bright side. Overall, things with Holden had been much better this week than they were the previous week. We got together twice during the week, and the best part about it was that it wasn’t just about sex. Obviously, sex was still a big part of it, but we had more than just that. It might not have been as much as I would have hoped for; however, it was far more than Holden had given me previously.

  As much as I wanted more of him, I still felt like he was trying. I was going to be meeting his family today. That counted for a lot in my book. So, I made a silent compromise and promised myself I’d give him more time to open up on an emotional level. And considering he wasn’t holding back from me completely, I believed he deserved to have that from me.

  Holden was making strides in his relationship with me that proved that he’d gotten beyond whatever it was that kept him from really connecting with me beyond sex last week. And it was having that from him now that made me believe I needed to stop dwelling on the bad and focus on the good. The outside factors needed to no longer be a factor because they were negatively impacting my mindset, and I didn’t need that kind of stress and worry.

  So, I was going to try my hardest to let go of Reece’s words and focus only on the things that Holden said or did. His actions and words were the only ones that should matter anyway. Deep down, I knew I was serious about Holden so Reece’s words really shouldn’t have affected me at all.

  Obviously, I wanted to know what Holden’s brother meant by them, but I wanted whatever that reason was to come from Holden himself. In the meantime, I knew where I stood. I knew where my heart was. And if Reece thought that I wasn’t genuine, he would soon enough see that he was wrong. Only time would prove that to him that he’d made an incorrect assumption about me.

  All that aside, I was still feeling worried at the prospect of meeting Holden’s family. And even though he’d eased some of my fears about it by letting me know that they’d essentially reserve judgment until after they met me and got to know me, it only made things marginally better.

  Realizing there was little I could do about their acceptance of me, I finished getting myself ready. I was wearing my dress I’d picked out just for Holden. Since he had such an appreciation for my legs, I went with something that was short, but not too short. It was a navy blue, fitted cocktail dress. The dress stopped just below mid-thigh, fit snug to my curves, and was a halter top. My shoulders were bare as was the majority of my back. It didn’t dip too low in the back, which I didn’t think would be appropriate for the occasion.

  The skirt of the dress was solid, but from my neck down to about my belly button was a navy blue, stitched lace overlay. It dressed it up nicely, giving it an elegant look.

  I hoped Holden would like it.

  With near perfect timing, there was a knock at my front door.

  The minute I opened the door, Holden gave me a once-over and muttered under his breath, “Fuck.”

  I gave him a coy smile and asked, “So, what do you think?”

  Holden didn’t respond immediately. Several long seconds passed before he replied, “Leni, you look amazing.”

  I spun around to give him the full view. Once I was facing him again, I questioned, “Is it better than the yoga outfit?”

  “It’s hard to say. At the very least, they’re tied with each other. I like them both for very different reasons,” he remarked.

  I loved that answer.

  “You look really nice, too,” I declared after giving myself an opportunity to check him out.

  Holden always looked nice, even when he was sweaty after a workout. But I could see that he’d put in that little extra effort tonight. It felt good because it made me believe he thought it was worth looking nice alongside me.

  He stepped inside, brought a hand up to curl around the side of my neck, and pressed a kiss to my cheek. “Thanks, sweetheart.”

  I took a step closer to Holden so my body was just barely brushing up against his. With the two of us being that close together, he couldn’t stop himself from giving me more than just that kiss on the cheek.

  No.

  If there was one thing Holden never held back on, it was this. Physical affection never seemed to be difficult for him. And I thought that was great because I believed physical affection was just as important in a relationship as the emotional connection. So, at the very least, while I waited for him to get comfortable enough with me on an emotional level, I had kisses like this to hold me over.

  Holden and I did a fair amount of kissing and groping before separating from one another. “We’ve got to get out of here,” Holden declared. He wasn’t wrong. I believed wholeheartedly that if we didn’t get ourselves out the door, and fast, we’d miss his grandparents’ party completely.

  “That’s a good idea,” I praised him.

  A few minutes later, we were in his truck on the way to the party. Fifteen minutes after that, we’d arrived.

  And that’s when all my nerves came rushing back. But I didn’t really have an opportunity to focus on them because Holden immediately exited his truck, rounded the front of it, and came over to meet me at my door. Then, he held my hand as he walked us to the entrance of the restaurant.

  We were led down a long hallway to a set of double doors. Once there, Holden took one look at me and smiled before he pushed open the door. He ushered me inside ahead of him, but quickly took my hand and guided me farther into the room.

  The two of us had arrived exactly on time. While I didn’t know how big the guest list was, I had to assume based on how many people were already in the room that most of them had to have been there.

  I barely had a chance to take in just how many people were in attendance when I heard someone call out, “Holden.”

  I shifted my gaze in the direction of the voice and saw a man who looked a lot like Reece heading our way with a beautiful woman on his arm.

  When they made it to us, Holden didn’t wait to introduce us. “Leni, this is my father, Troy, and my mom, Eva. Guys, this is Leni.”

  Troy and Eva both stood there silently a few seconds seeming a bit stunned. Eva was the first to snap out of it. She directed her attention to me, opened her arms, and threw them around me before pulling me in for a hug.

  “It’s so nice to meet you, Leni,” she said.

  “And you as well,” I returned, hugging her back.

  Holden’s father came up to me after Eva stepped back. He greeted me with a kiss on the cheek. “Welcome,” he started. “You look stunning, my dear.”

  I felt myself blush at the compliment. “Thank you,” I replied. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

  “Come, come,” Eva urged. “I’ll show you where we’re sitting. You two can sit with us. Reece and his date are already here. We’re all still waiting on the guests of honor to arrive. Your father spoke to your grandmother a few minutes ago, Holden, and she said they were still going to be another twenty minutes. So, we’ve got time to get acquainted.”

  Holden put his hand to the small of my back and guided me through the maze of tables and chairs as we followed his mother and father to where they were seated. I was doing my best to stay focused on where I was going, but I was so distracted by the number of tables.

  Luckily, I managed to make it to the table without incident. Once there, Holden and I said hello to Reece and were introduced to his date, Sophie. S
he looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t quite place her. Oddly enough, Reece didn’t give me the strange look I’d been getting from him the last few times I’d been around him.

  After one of the servers came around and asked for our drink order, Holden and I sat down. I instantly leaned into him and whispered in his ear, “When you said that this party was taking place at a restaurant, I assumed there were going to be a handful of people sitting in a couple of booths. I wasn’t expecting this. There are a lot of people here.”

  Holden laughed. “I come from a large family. My dad’s side is huge, so gatherings like this are typical for us. You don’t have to worry, though. Everyone is super friendly.”

  I wasn’t exactly worried; I just hadn’t expected so many people.

  “So, Leni,” Troy called. “How did you and Holden meet?”

  The instant he asked, I felt myself grow somber. I could remember talking with Holden not that long ago about his family. He told me that he and Reece were both very close with their father and Eva. Hearing Troy ask me how we met indicated to me that either they weren’t as close as he made it seem, which I didn’t believe was the case, or perhaps I just wasn’t someone he felt was worth mentioning to them.

  Doing my best to ignore the hurt in my heart, I explained, “My yoga studio was actually one of the businesses affected by the arsonist. It was completely torched, and Holden happened to be there after it happened. He was really wonderful that day, and he went above and beyond to help me out afterward. In fact, he talked to Reece about my situation, and now I’ve been working out of Reece’s gym for the last couple weeks.”

  Troy and Eva both glanced at Holden and Reece with looks of approval. They were clearly proud of the men they’d raised. I couldn’t say I blamed them.

  “Don’t give me that look,” Reece warned his parents. “No doubt I did it for Leni and Holden initially, but it’s been great for my business. You wouldn’t believe how many people have asked that we offer yoga classes. Word has spread quick and I’ve seen an increase in my gym memberships.”

  “I’m one of them,” Sophie chimed in.