Surrender (Cunningham Security Book 7)

by A. K. Evans

  That’s when it dawned on me why Sophie looked familiar. I’d seen her in one of my classes earlier in the week. Unfortunately, I hadn’t had an opportunity to chat with her.

  I gave her a friendly smile and stressed, “I hope you enjoyed the class you took and are planning to come back for more.”

  She turned her head in Reece’s direction, smiled, and leaned into him as she confirmed, “Without a doubt.”

  I looked at the couple. While I didn’t really know what Reece’s dating life was like, I thought he and Sophie made a gorgeous couple. And she didn’t hide the fact that she was totally smitten with Reece.

  “You’re a yoga instructor?” Eva asked, redirecting my attention.

  Nodding, I clarified, “Yes, I actually have two separate sides to my business, though. Obviously, I had the studio to hold in-person classes. But I also used it to film courses for my online business.”

  “What do you mean?” she wondered.

  “I’ve made a name for myself in the yoga community,” I began. “As a result, I had a lot of people who were interested in taking classes with me; however, the expense of traveling here to take a couple classes over the course of a week just isn’t practical. I found a way to bring my classes to anyone all over the world.”

  Her eyes widened as Troy gave me a nod of approval. “Would somebody need to have experience before taking one of your classes?” she asked.

  I shook my head. “For some of them, you would. But a large portion of my classes are meant for all levels. Even when I do a class with more advanced poses and postures, I always try to offer modifications since not everyone is at the same level.”

  Eva grinned and looked to her husband. He advised, “You should try it.”

  It wasn’t uncommon for me to have people interested in taking my classes, but I was curious why Troy was telling his wife that she should do it. Clearly, I’d been wearing my confusion on my face because he divulged, “Holden, Reece, Eva, and I are all very physically active people by nature. But my wife is on another level. She can’t seem to keep herself still and is always looking for something else to do.”

  Eva held her hand up and interrupted, “It’s not as bad as he makes it seem. From the time I was three, I was a dancer. I took every dance class known to man. Ever since, I’ve always craved movement. Troy just doesn’t like to dance, so he gives me a hard time about it.”

  Just then, I stared into the eyes of my soul mate. I had absolutely zero doubt about this woman’s ability to understand me in ways nobody else ever would, not even my own parents.

  Eva continued, “That’s why I insisted on getting the boys to dance with me.”

  My eyes widened. I directed my gaze to Holden, silently questioning him.

  He gave me a nod and affirmed, “She isn’t lying.”

  “You dance?” I asked.

  “Not in the professional sense, and definitely not if I have a choice,” he asserted.

  I narrowed my eyes and turned my head slightly in Eva’s direction. She warned, “Don’t let him fool you. He always loved dancing with me as a kid. Both boys did, in fact. But Holden would seek me out to dance whereas Reece would wait for me to drag him into whatever room I had the music blaring in. Sadly, in more recent years, Holden’s decided he’s too cool to dance. I don’t care, though. I’ll still make him dance with me because he’s just that good.”

  Unable to stop myself, and with a grin on my face, I blurted, “Will there be music here tonight?”

  “Damn it,” Holden muttered beside me as Eva slowly nodded her head and smiled deviously at me.

  I turned my attention to Holden and proclaimed, “I want to see you dance with your mom, Holden Locke.”

  He shook his head in a way that I knew I was going to get what I wanted. And I couldn’t wait.

  From that point forward, all my nerves about meeting Holden’s family flew out the window. They’d been warm and welcoming right from the start. And even after the guests of honor arrived and the party officially started, things only got better. There was a steady flow of conversation at our table throughout dinner. I learned a bit more about Holden’s family, Reece never gave me any indication that he was doubting my loyalty to Holden, and I found a new friend in Sophie.

  But the moment I’d been waiting for from the time I realized it was going to happen finally arrived. The music was on, dinner and dessert had been consumed, and folks were heading to the dance floor. Some had already made their way there.

  Eva stood, fixed her eyes on Holden, and ordered, “Let’s go.”

  I twisted my head and looked in his direction to find him looking at me. “Go ahead,” I insisted. “I’ve been waiting all night to see this.”

  Holden got up out of his chair and acted as though someone was forcing him to do something he really didn’t want to do. If it hadn’t been for the small smile tugging at his lips, I might have believed he was genuinely unhappy about it.

  By the time the pair had made it out to the dance floor, I worried if they were going to turn around and come back to the table. The slow song that had been playing ended and Wham’s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” came on.

  There was no way. No possible way Holden was going to dance to a song with this up-tempo beat. But to my utter shock and surprise, Holden put one hand around Eva’s waist while the other held her hand.

  Then, I fell in love. Officially.

  Because Holden moved around the dancefloor spinning his stepmom while they both laughed and had what appeared to be the best time of anyone else that was out there with them.

  I couldn’t recall ever seeing him so happy before this very moment.

  And it overwhelmed me.

  I wanted that with him. I wanted him to laugh and smile like that with me.

  Yep.

  I couldn’t deny it anymore. I loved Holden Locke.

  Watching him with his mom, I felt something come over me. My eyes welled with tears. I didn’t know if it was finally realizing what it was I’d felt days ago when Holden and I were in the shower together, if it was longing for a relationship with my parents like Holden had with his, or if it was something else entirely.

  Before I could process that it was over, I saw Eva and Holden walking toward the table. The moment he was in front of me, Holden held his hand out to me.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Your turn,” he declared.

  “I… I can’t do that, Holden. I love movement, and I love to dance. But I don’t know how to dance like that.”

  He grinned and insisted, “You’ll be fine. I promise. Just follow my lead.”

  I sat there, staring up at him completely dumbfounded. When I made no move to get up, Holden bent down, took me by the hand, and lifted me out of the chair. By the time we made it to the dancefloor, I was hoping a slow song would have come on, but I wasn’t so lucky.

  Bruno Mars’ “Runaway Baby” had just started, and Holden was wasting no time.

  “This is crazy,” I maintained my stance.

  Unfortunately, Holden wasn’t having any of it. He moved us to the middle of the floor, held one of my hands, and slid his arm around my waist. Then, without any idea how it was happening, I was dancing in Holden’s arms. He frequently spun me around and moved himself around me.

  It was even more fun than I had when we went to the trapeze class. Every so often, Holden would pull me in close to him, smile brightly at me, and just look in my eyes. He didn’t say anything. He communicated everything with those looks. And what he told me was that he was enjoying every minute of our dancing.

  When the song ended, I assumed we’d head back to the table.

  But I was wrong. The music rolled right into Clean Bandit and Jess Glynn’s “Rather Be.”

  My eyes widened as I asked, “Another one?”

  Holden simply nodded at me.

  The ease with which he moved around the floor, guiding me, was magical. Deciding this was something I deserved to have, I let myself go complet
ely and surrendered to Holden. The chorus hit, and I allowed him to hold me, spin me, twirl me, and move himself around my body on the dancefloor without an ounce of hesitation.

  The minute I gave in to it, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I had told myself that Eva was my soulmate when I heard her say how much she craved movement, but now I knew I was wrong.

  Because it was him.

  Holden.

  He was the one for me. Having this moment was so incredibly special, and I found myself thanking my lucky stars he’d come into my life.

  But being so lost in the moment, having the best time of my life, I had lost all my inhibitions. So, when the last line of the chorus ended the song and Holden had pulled me close, I blurted, “I love you.”

  Holden was stunned.

  In fact, he didn’t say anything at all.

  And that’s when I realized I’d made a huge mistake.

  I love you.

  What was I thinking?

  I stood there on the dancefloor with Leni in my arms, staring into her gorgeous eyes, as I let my shock consume me. I shouldn’t have been surprised. I knew what I was doing. I knew if I didn’t stop, this was bound to happen eventually.

  I ignored the voice in my head.

  Ever since I met Leni, I seemed to be doing the exact opposite of what that voice was telling me to do.

  I tried so hard to stay away and keep things strictly physical like she had suggested in the beginning. I lasted barely a week before I couldn’t take it anymore.

  There was just something about her that I craved so much. But the day I picked up that phone and asked her out on a real date, I knew it was a mistake. Not because I didn’t think she deserved to be treated right, but because I didn’t think I’d ever be able to give her what she should have.

  But now that she’d admitted her feelings for me, I didn’t know what to do. And that worried me. Because it wasn’t very often that I was ever in a position where I didn’t have a game plan. Of course, I knew the reason I was stuck now had everything to do with the fact that I chose to ignore sound logic.

  Apparently, either my shock and fear were too evident, or I waited too long to respond to Leni because she suddenly tensed in my arms. I felt the change in her body and knew I had to do something.

  Unfortunately, I had no clue what that was.

  “Leni…” I trailed off, my voice a hair over a whisper.

  She took half a step back and stammered, “I’m… I’m so sorry.”

  Even though she took another step back, I didn’t let her go. I couldn’t. But I also knew I couldn’t expect her to stay where she wasn’t going to get back what she had to offer.

  She struggled to pull out of my hold. “Please let me go,” she pleaded, her eyes filling with tears.

  “Where are you going to go?” I asked.

  “Ladies’ room,” she choked.

  Seeing her like that and hearing her strangled voice nearly broke me. It certainly threw me off balance enough that she was able to pull herself out of my arms. She didn’t even look at me again before she took off in the direction of the restrooms.

  Watching her walk away, it felt like there was a boulder lodged in my throat. I had known all along what could happen, but I ignored it. And in doing it, I knew I’d just hurt her.

  No matter that I didn’t think I could ever love Leni back, I never wanted to hurt her. Especially not like this.

  I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and walked back to the table where my family was sitting. Once there, my eyes went to Reece’s. He knew something had happened. And I got the distinct feeling his date did as well because she said, “Excuse me, I’m going to take a trip to the ladies’ room.”

  “Take your time,” Reece insisted.

  Sophie got up and walked away.

  I didn’t have a chance to process all that was happening because my father called, “Son.”

  When I directed my attention to him, he smiled and declared, “She’s amazing.”

  Fuck. They’d already fallen in love with her. This was not going to be good. In fact, I was mentally kicking myself for all the stupid decisions I’d made since I met her.

  Eva chimed in, “I think she’s wonderful, Holden. And I’m so happy you’ve finally decided to give yourself another chance at something special. It’s clear that waiting and taking your time to really get involved with someone else again was the right thing to do.”

  “I’ve never seen you this happy before,” my dad added. “And the way she looks at you… there’s no doubting how much she really cares about you.”

  My mind was so consumed with the hurt I knew she was feeling that I couldn’t seem to do anything but nod my head at them.

  At that point, Reece stood and ordered, “Come grab a drink with me, Holden.”

  I was thankful for his interruption and walked away from the table with him. Because even if he was going to give me an earful, I knew he’d support me. I could talk to him about how I was feeling, and he’d give me solid advice. What he wouldn’t do is feel disappointment over the loss of Leni like I already knew my parents would.

  When we got to the bar, he ordered a drink while I just got myself a water. I didn’t need my mind any more muddled than it already was.

  I was leaning my back against the bar, looking back at the table. Leni hadn’t yet returned from the restroom and neither had Sophie.

  “What happened?” Reece asked.

  As I slowly shook my head, I stated, “She’s going to get hurt.” After a brief pause, I continued, “Worse than she already is.”

  “And why is that?” he wondered.

  I looked at my brother and confessed, “Because she just admitted she fell in love with a man who will likely never be able to love her back like she deserves.”

  Something strange washed over Reece’s face. As quickly as it was there, it was gone.

  “Do you want to?” he asked.

  I didn’t honestly know the answer to that question. Shrugging, I answered, “All I know is I’m not looking to end up in a situation like I did with the last one. But at the same time, I never meant to hurt Leni like this either.”

  “Does she know about what happened with Kristen?”

  “No,” I replied.

  “Maybe you should share that,” he suggested. “If you’re struggling to get somewhere you think you might want to be, I think the best thing you can do is talk to her about it.”

  I closed my eyes and turned my head away from him. When I opened my eyes again, I asked, “How well do you think that’s going to go over? Sorry, sweetheart, my ex-fiancée did a number on me, and now I can’t commit to you. But, hey, thanks for the mind-blowing sex.”

  “Listen, I’m not here to tell you what to do. You’ve got to figure out what’s best for you. My only additional advice is that you are mindful of what you’ve been through. If you think Leni is someone special and you want to go after it, then that’s what you’ve got to do. But if you have any doubts, don’t hand your heart over to her and risk putting yourself in another place to be hurt again.”

  Shaking my head, I admitted, “I don’t think I can do it, Reece. I know how I am. If I surrender to Leni, I’ll go all in. And then she’ll have the power to destroy me.”

  “Do you think she would do that to you?” he asked.

  I took a minute to consider his question. Then, I replied, “I don’t think she’d ever set out to do something like that intentionally. Then again, I never thought Kristen would have either. But I don’t know if I can take that risk. Unfortunately, if I don’t, I know I’m going to hurt her. And that’s the last thing I’d ever want to do to her.”

  “Why?”

  My brows pulled together. My brother knew me. He knew what kind of person I was. The fact that he was asking me why I wouldn’t want to hurt Leni made no sense. “Are you serious, asking me a question like that?”

  Reece nodded and explained, “You hooked up with other women after Kristen, and none
of them caused you to look the way you do now. What makes Leni any different?”

  I looked away from Reece, realizing he had a point I couldn’t necessarily argue. And that’s when I saw Leni and Sophie walking back to the table from the restroom. God, she was beautiful. Not just in the physical sense either. She lit up a room just by being in it. Her appreciation for everything around her and the fact that it was the littlest things that made her happy made her so special.

  But even standing this far away, I knew she was hurt from putting herself out there and not getting what she had hoped for in return. And I hated that I was the one responsible.

  “She’s just not like other women,” I admitted.

  “She is if all you consider her to be is a great lay.”

  That wasn’t how I saw her at all. She was the first woman since my ex that I cared about. Leni wasn’t just a great lay. She was so much more.

  But despite the fact that she meant something to me, I knew what my limits were. And I’d already crossed the boundaries I’d put in place. If I ignored what was happening now, I’d only end up hurting her more. That’s when I knew I had a tough decision to make.

  “She’s more than that, Reece.”

  When he didn’t respond, I looked at him. That’s when he asked, “So, what are you going to do?”

  I didn’t want to say it, let alone do it. But Leni deserved to have someone who was going to love her back. So, there was only one option I had. “I have to be fair to her,” I started. “When I take her home tonight, I have to end things.”

  I felt Reece’s hand on my shoulder as I looked across the room and saw Leni sitting at the table with my parents and Sophie. She was doing her best to be happy, but I could see that she wasn’t.

  “Are you sure that’s what you want?” Reece confirmed.

  “It’ll be better for her if I do it now,” I assured him. “She can heal and move on.”

  Squeezing my shoulder, Reece noted, “That’s telling me about her. I asked if that’s what you want.”

  Sadly, I didn’t have an answer for him. I simply shrugged and walked away.

  When I made it back to the table, Leni glanced up at me before she looked away. Luckily, my parents didn’t seem to notice and continued talking with both Leni and Sophie. I sat down next to her and began to dread what was ahead of me.