by Damian Maher
“What?” Jacob asked.
William stared with his mouth open.
“I changed the brakes on this car this morning. They’re new, mate! Don’t worry. Buy yourselves some chic perfume for the cabin!”
“Are you sure? Are those brakes really okay?” William asked.
“No worries! They’re okay!” the man answered. “No worries!”
“ Hey, thanks for helping us out, mate,” Jacob said. “Heaps good!” he added, trying to show off his Aussie English.
“We will just have to believe him. Perhaps he did a good job with the breaks this morning,” William said, trying to be positive.
“It’s actually possible that the new brakes stink at the beginning. So let’s hope for the best,” Jacob said.
Just as they were leaving the premises, William’s phone buzzed.
What the hell? Not this cocksucking gold digger again! Jacob tried to read William’s face as he looked at the message. “What is it? Your ex again?” he asked, noticing how nervous William had become.
“Yes. He’s asking why I’m not answering.”
“What are you going to do?” Jacob asked.
“Shall I answer? What do you think?” William returned the question.
“Write him off! He’s not good enough for you, this gold digger!” Jacob said impatiently.
“I’ll do that. You’re right. He was with this other person for two months before he told me he was moving out. His now already ex was fifteen years older than he is. And he slept with me during that time.”
“You deserve better,” Jacob said.
“I guess so,” William said. He started to write a message, murmuring, “There’s no place for you in my heart. I’m in good company. Goodbye.”
Jacob was glad to hear these words.
“Did you notice? The brakes don’t even seem to smell anymore,” Jacob said.
“ Great! But things like that might happen in the Outback, so we better be prepared,” William said.
“Let’s hope for the best but prepare for the worst!” Jacob said.
They laughed.
“There is one thing I really want, though! To hear a butcherbird!” Jacob said after they were quiet for some moments. “I would really like that!”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to hear this bird in the Outback. I’ve never heard of him, though,” William said with a very serious face. Then he asked, “Is it because you’re starting to get a little bald on the top of your head that you wear a baseball cap?”
“What? What kind of a question is that?”
“It just came spontaneously,” William said, smiling.
“You little . . .” Jacob started to laugh, and William joined in.
As they were starting to drive among the high eucalyptus trees again, the long shadows announced the imminent sunset, creating a somewhat ominous atmosphere.
“Who knows what lurks in that jungle?” William was thinking out aloud.
“We soon have to find a place to spend the night. Soon after six o’clock one can expect the night to fall,” Jacob said.
“Look! There’s a caravan park! I guess it’s the last one before the real Outback!” William exclaimed.
“Great! I’m the driver, and you’re the navigator!” Jacob said.
“You work, me brain,” William joked. *
At the caravan park, the high trees were lit with thousands of small lights and this, along with animal sounds from the rainforest, created a special ambience. They were relieved to find electricity and water on the site, so the air-conditioning and fridge worked without using up the car battery.
“Jesus, what is this dot on my upper arm?” William exclaimed nervously after they had taken showers.
“Let’s see!” Jacob said as he brushed his teeth. “That’s nothing. It’s only a small pimple—nothing to worry about!”
“Are you sure?” William asked.
“You are quite a sensitive girly!” Jacob said with a derisive grin. “Do you think a tiny pimple would kill your good looks?”
“It could be cancer. You never know. Don’t be so cruel!” William said, his eyes watering.
“It’s only a pimple, for God’s sake! Don’t make such a fuss about it! You’re not going to die!” Jacob said somewhat impatiently. Oh, God, what am I going to do with him? Will he perform hara-kiri over a mosquito bite?
“Okay. Maybe I overreacted. Leave me alone.” William tried to mend the situation, but it was obvious to Jacob that he was still shaken to the core.
“Don’t worry about a thing like that!” Jacob said in a comforting voice.
“G’day! How ya doing?” A kind woman with a huge amount of ginger-colored hair greeted them with a deep and apparently permanently hoarse voice as they approached the counter of a restaurant in the caravan park.
“Is your kitchen still open?” Jacob asked, flashing his charming smile.
“Naw. But I can see if there is something left,” she said and shouted to a woman in the kitchen, “Maaaaybeeeel, is there any casseroooole left? We have two hungry gentlemen here!”
“Come and see, Ivankaaaa!” the woman from the kitchen screamed.
After a while Ivanka returned, carrying what might have been the hugest casserole dish Australia had ever seen, showing them, with a questioning look, what appeared to be a drop of a dried-up vegetable stew on the bottom.
“I think we’ll pass,” William said, looking at Jacob.
“I’m not so hungry,” Jacob agreed, “but thank you.”
Not too disappointed by the expected outcome, Ivanka brought the casserole back to the kitchen and called the dog.
“Shall we eat a little something in our car, or shall we simply have a beer by the car and then call it a day?” William asked.
“I prefer the beer version,” Jacob said with a laugh.
Already feeling the beer going to their heads, they enjoyed the charming garden and observed other, more routine, tourists.
“Beside your shoes, nothing’s going to fit into our cabin! You have such huge feet!” William said.
“I’ll leave them outside,” Jacob said.
“ Are you crazy? Who knows what might crawl into them during the night! A poisonous snake? A spider? This is Australia, remember?”
“I’m not afraid of snakes. I’m a herpetologist,” Jacob said.
Before going to sleep, they managed to find a suitable place for their shoes under the seat.
“So, you’ll take the upper bed, and I’ll take the lower one?” Jacob asked.
“It’s fine by me,” William said as he threw a package with the linen to Jacob.
“We might be two complete strangers, but judging by the first day, we do get along quite well,” William said as he covered himself with a thin sheet. “I’m so excited! See you in the morning.”
After a few moments Jacob heard William snoring. What a day! he said to himself. On the one hand, he was glad that he was traveling with William, but on the other, at night the healing enthusiasm of the day disappeared; everything that was dearest to him came closer to his heart, along with the realization that he had lost it forever. Once in the remote wilderness . . . nobody will be able to find me and . . . Jacob was saying to himself.
*
In the middle of the night, William suddenly woke up. The commotion from the bed below had finally interrupted his sleep. At first he couldn’t see much, but as his eyes adjusted to the moonlight coming through the large windows, he saw that Jacob was acting strange. He would throw his head to one side and then turn it over to the other side, kicking violently at the same time. He stopped moving for short moments and then seemed to have trouble getting air into his lungs, which caused him to snore heavily a couple of times. Then he turned onto his back, opening his hands as if he were trying to hug somebody. William could see Jacob’s moonlit face clearly, and it was obvious to him that a nightmare consumed him, since he mumbled from time to time. Will he finally say something clearly? Although it
wouldn’t have been appropriate, William felt the impulse to lie beside him, to take him in his arms, and to make him feel safe. Although Jacob’s body, only partially covered with a wrinkled sheet, was obviously in good shape, firm and sexy, William saw that depression made his face look hung over. He looks tortured, William thought. What shall I do? How can I help him? He decided to wait for a few minutes, hoping that the nightmare would end.
It didn’t.
Jacob started making sudden, strong movements with his legs and arms again, turning his head rapidly, still mumbling incomprehensibly.
William decided to crawl down from his bed to awaken Jacob. Just as he was about to touch Jacob, he slapped William’s shoulder with a sudden movement of his arm. That seemed to wake him up.
“Aaaah . . . what . . .” he said, covering his head with the sheet.
“You seem to have had a nightmare, Jacob. I’m trying to wake you up.”
“Was I saying something?” Jacob asked, pulling the sheet back from his face.
“You were mumbling, but I couldn’t understand what you were saying,” William said.
“ I was just having a bad dream,” Jacob said quietly.
“I don’t know what your problem is,” William said, holding Jacob’s hand, “but try to remember when you were a child. Remember that good feeling that although horrible things happen, people still manage to survive and, at the end, they live happily ever after. Try to find that childhood feeling. We have to believe, and we have to leave past negative experiences in the past. I know I always try. As hard as it may be.”
Jacob made a wry face and with a gesture that he obviously wanted to look accidental, he tried to wipe something from his eyes. But William couldn’t be fooled. He saw the moisture from Jacob’s tears reflecting in the moonlight.
“Thank you. But I think I am beyond repair,” Jacob said in a hoarse voice.
“I hope that your heart will heal a little bit more, each time you remember my words,” William whispered.
“My problems are no concern of yours,” Jacob said harshly. “Now leave me alone. I want to get some sleep.”
“Do you want some juice?” William asked.
“No. Good night.”
William climbed back to his huge bed and lay down so he could observe Jacob. I’ll be damned if I don’t break down those defenses of yours one day. Tired and shaken, he couldn’t fall asleep. He listened to Jacob breathing, and it seemed to him that Jacob was listening to his breathing, too.
It was far into the wee hours of the morning when they finally fell asleep again.
They both slept well into the next day. William woke up first, at about nine o’clock. After he took a shower, he decided to prepare breakfast. First he picked up a small flowering branch of red bougainvillea and put it into a cup in the middle of the table. He prepared white bread toast and brought out everything suitable that they had in the fridge. When he looked at the table to see whether everything looked okay, he was quite satisfied. Then he made coffee and brought the whole can into the car.
“Good morning. A cup of coffee?” he asked as he noticed Jacob yawning and rubbing his eyes.
“You must be the good fairy from the fairy tale that you were telling me last night,” Jacob joked.
“Are you calling me a fairy?” William laughed. He poured Jacob coffee, put his bread into the toaster, and showed him what they had to choose from.
“You don’t have to serve me, you know. I can choose a spread alone,” Jacob said.
“Oh, I just wanted—”
“We don’t have to talk all the time. I need some quiet to gather my thoughts,” Jacob said curtly.
They were quiet for a while.
William started to feel more and more uncomfortable. Would I be better off alone? They ate their breakfast in silence, and as they were clinging to the surprisingly cozy chairs, finishing their coffee, William could not stop wondering why Jacob was sharpening some small branches with his Swiss knife.
“Why are you sharpening those branches? For the snake hunt?” William asked.
“ I always do that when I think of my daughter. I used to build small tents for her, only with bent branches stuck into the ground. Then we covered the structure with leafy branches,” Jacob answered.
“How old is your daughter now?” William asked.
From the contorted expression on Jacob’s face, he realized that he had crossed a line .
2 BUTCHERBIRD’S CALL
After their late breakfast, they headed toward Blackmore and along Litchfield National Park Road to the famous Wangi falls. They had to get used to using the metric and not the imperial system for measurement, and they calculated that about a hundred kilometers would take two hours.
After about an hour’s drive, Jacob noticed a small rest area amid dried grassland dotted with gray rocks, scarce eucalyptus trees, and cycads—only found naturally in isolated spots in the top end of the Northern Territory.
“That’s the right terrain for a snake hunt!” Jacob said.
“You’ll easily find a snake here. Look at the many signs warning people to be aware of snakes and only to use the stone paths! Do you have some equipment for snake handling? A long hook?” William asked.
“ Naw, that’s for weaklings. I handle snakes with my bare hands,” Jacob said, but William noticed that he was not mentally present.
“What interests you about snakes? What do you examine?” William asked.
Jacob hesitated before answering. “I’ll try to see how aggressive the Australian snakes are,” he finally replied after an empty silence.
William started to feel uncomfortable, and he finally decided to take the next step.
“Can you tell me about your problems?” he asked. “I am a very good listener. And I don’t judge.” “Don’t get me wrong, but I need some space.
I need to be by myself,” Jacob replied. “I’m okay.” “All right, then,” William answered.
“You stay here and walk only on stone paths. You do want to stay alive, don’t you?” Jacob said. “Okay. I might prepare something to eat.” “Great! Don’t panic if I come back after dark. It only means that I got lucky.”
“Take care!” William said as Jacob walked toward the rocky hill.
After listening to some music, William decided to walk through the designated paths and research the area. He observed a flock of dark birds flying over the high eucalyptus trees, and a sense of foreboding overtook him. How far has Jacob gone, searching for snakes? What is wrong with this man?
Walking along the designated path, which was surrounded on both sides by high, half-dried rustling grass, William wondered how long it would take before a snake bit him if he started walking through it. Nobody else was in sight, and the thought of being alone in the wilderness both scared and fascinated him. It was all very quiet until the loud scream of a bird echoed ominously.
Luckily, a young family with a child came along the way.
“Did you go to the end of the path?” William asked.
“Yes, we did. It’s another 200 meters along this small creek. It’s almost dried out at this time of the year, but there are many flowering bushes growing alongside it. And we saw a snake swimming in the water,” the woman explained.
“It was about two meters long,” her husband added proudly, turning to his son and tapping him on his shoulder. “Our son spotted it. He’s got eyes like a hawk. I wouldn’t see a snake even if I tread on it.”
They all laughed, enjoying the Australian experience.
“It’s fascinating here—scary but fascinating!” William said.
“We traveled from Broom to Darwin, and I can tell you there are many wild animals around. Lizards, snakes, crocs, kangaroos, even wild donkeys. You liked it better than the zoo, didn’t you?” the woman asked her son, who, embarrassed by a stranger, clung to her.
“Did you see anybody else down there?” William inquired.
“ Indeed we did! There was this man who was almost run
ning, and as he came to the end of the path, he went on through the grass. Then he disappeared behind a huge stone formation,” she answered.
“Did he go to the left or to the right?” William asked.
“You can only go to the left after the stone path ends. Was this your friend?” the man asked.
“Yes. He’s a herpetologist. He was hoping to find some snakes,” William answered.
The man and his wife looked at each other.
“Was there something unusual about him?” William asked.
“No, no,” the woman said, but her face suddenly grew serious.
“We have to go now. We have to do a crocodile zoo and make it to Darwin today,” the man said. “Good luck! One most certainly needs it in the Outback!”
William continued his walk along the creek. As he reached the end, there was a waterfall that was nearly dried up, with stone blocks on the right. Jacob must have gone through this grass on the left side. He wondered what the scenery looked like behind the slope, but he was too afraid to enter the high grass that covered a great part of the way. He decided to sit on the rock and enjoy the awe-inspiring feeling of nearly untouched nature.
Somehow, as he lost himself in the fascinating surroundings, he let his anxiety about Jacob diminish for a while. It surprised him, when he thought about it, that he had almost forgotten about splitting up with his boyfriend. The power of nature had overtaken him, and he realized in the core of his soul that it was important just to be alive. Nothing else is that important! He did not have a watch, but he figured that he had stayed in this meditative state of mind for about an hour. Because he was getting thirsty, he finally decided to return to the car.
What should I prepare for our afternoon snack? he wondered. Because it didn’t feel safe to spread the things that he needed to cook around the car—they were in the wilderness, after all—he decided that they would only have cheese and tomatoes on toast. There had been some other mobile homes at first, but as the last of them finally left, he found himself alone in the rest area. Another hour had passed by, and he could not endure the pulsing uncertainty anymore. He started to walk in circles in front of the car. What if something happened to that idiot? Where has he been for so long?