Captured

by Myers, K. L.

  Everyone fights to be the one on top. There are no friendships. Not really. People are nice to each other’s faces, but the second backs are turned, it’s all about how they’re lacking. I was not above it myself.

  Until Emery. She showed me the error of my ways. My cocky, step on everyone to rise to the top ways changed. I became more about my charity work, and less about big business. It was freeing.

  I understand how Willow got lost. The lights. The parties. Hell, the fans. Everyone gushing about you. She was seduced by the power of fame.

  It’s too bad. From reading her story, it would be nice to meet the humble Willow. The one who was shy and a little afraid of the world. Not that I want her afraid, but the idea of showing her the world through my eyes, introducing her to the wonderment, excites me. It will never happen, but I would have loved that.

  “Jamal,” I call out, knowing he’s not far away.

  He walks in this time without knocking.

  “I need your help with something.”

  “To help pack Willow’s things?”

  “No. She’s staying. But there’s something I need to do first to show her I mean it when I say I want her to stay.”

  His smile is so large, I know I’ve made the right decision. Jamal has become friends with Willow. I want him to have someone other than me in his life. He deserves that. He’s a good kid who has lost too much. We all have. Maybe together, we can build a great life.

  “I’ll be ready in ten minutes.”

  “I’m glad you changed your mind, sir.”

  “She changed my mind. And I’m glad too. I wasn’t looking forward to losing her.”

  “I wasn’t looking forward to how you would be after losing her.”

  Clapping him on the shoulder, I smile. “I can’t blame you. Thank you, Jamal. For everything.”

  I should say more, but the emotions of the day have overwhelmed me. Willow is staying. She wants to. She gave me her first writing since Abe’s death, so I’d understand her.

  She chose me.

  Now, I’m going to show her how happy I am about that.

  22

  A Piece of my Heart

  Willow

  It’s been a full day since I gave Brecken the notebook. I expected him to send Jamal up to ask me to pack by now, but they’ve been eerily quiet. I want to go to him and ask him what he’s thinking, but the new me—or really, the old me that’s trying to resurface—is giving him time to decide what he wants.

  Waiting sucks.

  I swear there’s a path in the floor from my pacing. I can’t see it, but I know it’s there. I’m being silly not going to eat in the dining room, but I don’t want to leave this room until I know Brecken wants me to stay. I feel like a burden otherwise.

  But the longer I’m in this room, the smaller it feels.

  I’ve taken more showers the last few days than I took the entire last month before Brecken came to me. Looking back on that makes me cringe. I was gross and pathetic. Now, I’m just pathetic, holed up in a room instead of an entire house.

  Unable to just sit and wait, I grab a new notebook and pen and walk over to the mirror. Thinking back to what Brecken asked of me a few days back, I stare at myself for several minutes, looking for the inspiration to resurface.

  Wide green eyes stare back at me. Eyes full of anxiety and worry. A woman who wants the man she’s ready to start a future with to tell her to stay stares back at me. That same woman who fears what will happen if he does want her to stay. She’s never been good at giving her heart. Never been good at opening up.

  But here she stands praying he’ll choose her.

  Her brain tells her it will be a struggle to give herself to someone again, but her heart tells her it’s worth it. The battle is exhausting.

  A knock at the door drags me from my note taking and causes my heartbeat to skyrocket. The thought of Brecken telling me to pack is crushing me. I understand how he felt now. He was begging me to choose him. I should have done it sooner.

  My feet feel weighted by cement as I make my way to the door. Sweat breaks out at my hairline, and my lungs seem to be having issues drawing in air. I open the door slowly. “Jamal?”

  My heart shatters. Jamal being here can only mean one thing. Brecken wants me to go. I turn, unable to face Jamal as he tells me I need to pack.

  “Get your shoes and coat on, please, Miss.”

  Jesus, he isn’t even letting me pack. He’s just throwing me out on my ass. Did he find me that horrible of a person?

  I don’t say anything to Jamal, but I do as he asks. I don’t want to make his day any harder. I’ve been enough of a problem.

  I fight back the tears as I pull on my boots and zip up my jacket. Before leaving the closet, I grab a hat, thinking about the wind that’s been whipping outside the window all day.

  “Are you ready?” Jamal asks as I walk toward him.

  No. “Yes,” I answer without looking at him.

  I follow behind him, my eyes rooted to the floor. I don’t want to chance seeing Brecken on the way out. My heart can’t take it. I don’t know how I’m going to handle going back to my house.

  I don’t want to be there.

  Scream for him. Make a scene. Damn it, Willow. Do something. Don’t just go quietly.

  But that’s what I do. I continue to follow Jamal, and I don’t say a word. What the hell would I say? I’m not selfish. I don’t take advantage. I’m not a bitch.

  I can’t lie.

  So, it’s back to my life of misery. God, I wish I’d never met Brecken Wade.

  “Wait here a second, okay?”

  “Whatever you say.”

  “If I had asked that, there would have been an argument.”

  My head bounces up at the sound of Brecken’s voice. A smirk lifts his lips slightly, and his blue eyes swim with mischief. What the hell is he up to?

  “Probably,” I admit, unable to stop myself from smiling at the truth. He brings out the ornery in me.

  “Want to take a walk with me?”

  “You’re not kicking me out?”

  His smirk turns into a full-out smile. “Only one way to find out.”

  He reaches his hand out to me, and I take it, even though I’m going crazy not knowing what he’s thinking. I want to scream for him to tell me what he chose, but if these are the last moments I’ll get with him, I want to revel in the warmth of his hand. I love how large his hand is. How it envelops mine. I’m going to miss this feeling when he sends me away.

  Brecken opens the door to the backyard, and when I step out, all air leaves me. I can’t move. I can’t think. My heart may have stopped beating.

  What has he done?

  The swing set and slide from my yard, the one that was so much a part of Abe and my life, is set up here. The rust-flaked metal looks out of place in this beautifully landscaped space, but I’ve lost the ability to give Brecken shit with my past smacking me in the face. Why would he bring this here?

  Brecken says nothing as I stare at the things that brought me so much pain to the point I wouldn’t walk into certain rooms in my house to avoid seeing them. Now they’re here. But why? What is Brecken trying to tell me?

  “Wha—? Why? How?” I can’t figure out what to ask first. All I know is I need answers.

  “You seem perplexed.” Brecken speaks from behind me.

  Perplexed. That’s one way to look at it.

  “What did you decide?”

  I can’t ask about the swing set or the slide? My brain isn’t ready to understand the meaning behind all of that. I’m not sure it’s ready for what he’s about to say.

  Brecken steps around me, walks across the yard, and sits on the swing Abe used to push me on. I close my eyes, needing a minute to process him mixed with my past.

  “Join me, Willow,” he calls from across the yard.

  I open my eyes, and Brecken is motioning for me to come to him. It’s so like when Abe used to ask me to join him that my heart lurches in my chest. W
hy is Brecken doing this? Is he trying to hurt me?

  “Please,” he says, and the vulnerability in his voice breaks through the pain that’s threatening to consume me again.

  One small step and then another, and I’m on my way to him. Fear holds tight to my heart. Fear of him sending me away. Fear of him breaking me. And fear of me never being whole again. But still, I keep moving, needing to know what he wants.

  Brecken motions for me to sit on the swing next to him. I look down at it and back to him, trying to tell him with my eyes that he’s asking too much, but he doesn’t relent. Instead, he motions again and says, “Swing with me.”

  As much as I don’t want to, I sit, feeling like the swing is burning straight into my soul. I wonder if Abe is looking down and feeling like I’m betraying him. This is our swing set, and here I am, using it with another man.

  “You’re so beautiful.”

  His words are not what I expected to hear. They make my chest warm and my brain flutter with a flurry of worry over what’s coming next.

  He stands and walks behind me. A second later, his hands come to my back, giving a gentle push and propelling me forward. It’s such a familiar feeling. A wonderfully freeing, fun feeling.

  The wind lifts as the swing goes back and forth, and a smile breaks free on my face. I begin to kick my legs, driving myself higher into the air. I want to reach the clouds, just like I tried to years ago. I want to touch the heavens.

  “You belong on those swings,” Brecken says from the ground below me. “Just as much as you belong here with me.”

  I stop kicking, his words hitting me in the gut. He thinks I belong here. The swing slowly comes to stop, and when it does, Brecken steps in front of me. “I brought this here to show you that I don’t want you to go anywhere. You have become as much a part of me as this playground has become a part of you. Stay, Willow. Stay with me.”

  He chose me.

  The words roll through my head, and I feel them all the way to my heart. Warmth spreads throughout my body, and I jump from the swing into Brecken’s arms. Peppering him with kisses, I say, “There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

  His arms wrap around me tight, and it feels right. Like coming home.

  23

  Peaceful Tranquility

  Brecken

  It’s funny how life has a way of tossing your world upside down when you least expect it. Sometimes for the better, and other times, not so much.

  With Emery’s death, I was sure I was being punished for something I’d done wrong in my life. God knows there were so many things that could have fallen into that category. Willow was the unexpected. The goodness that changed me back to a man I could be proud of.

  A man worthy of love.

  I look down at the beautiful woman lying in my lap. My hand strokes lightly over her head as I brush the hair away from her face and contentment fills me. Twice in my life, incredible women have chosen me. I’m the luckiest man alive.

  “A quarter for your thoughts?” Willow asks as she rolls to her back and gazes at me.

  “It’s supposed to be a penny,” I tease her.

  “I know.” She smiles. “But you’re worth more than a penny to me.”

  “So difficult,” I murmur on a light chuckle. It’s such a Willow thing to say. She’s always unexpected and keeping me guessing. I want an eternity of her uniqueness. “I was just thinking how perfect things are. The only thing that could be better is if you were in my bed every night.”

  Willow looks at me, perplexed. “I’ve been in your bed every night.”

  “Yes, but you still have your room. I want you and your things in my room permanently.”

  Willow sits up, leaving a cold, empty space where she just was. Her brows are scrunched together, leaving me to wonder what she’s thinking. Is she upset that I want more? Does she not? Am I okay if she doesn’t?

  Can I accept if things never change?

  “I don’t understand why it is so important where my personal things are as long as I’m in your bed at night.”

  “That’s not the point, Willow. I asked you to choose me.”

  “I did. I don’t know how to make that any clearer to you.”

  “Sleeping in my bed is not choosing me. Not in the sense that I want. I want all of you.”

  “You have all of me,” she shouts, throwing her hands in the air.

  I’m sorry I’m frustrating her, but I can’t let this go. I love this woman, and I will not allow her to only give me part of herself under the guise that it’s everything. I can’t allow it.

  “I want you in my bed and in my shower. Your clothes mixed into my closet and drawers. I want to know you are as committed to us as I am.”

  “You’re asking too much. Why can’t we just enjoy things the way they are? It works.”

  “It works for you,” I yell. “It doesn’t work for me. I don’t understand you. Your body says one thing, but your words tell a different tale.”

  Willow paces the room for a few minutes, clasping and unclasping her hands. Soft words fall from her lips, but I can’t make out what she’s saying. I wish I could hear her. Maybe then, I’d know what the hell she’s thinking.

  When she stops, she doesn’t face me. She stands, staring out the window, and her sadness reflects at me in the glass. It nearly breaks me that my request is bringing her such distress. I won’t back down though. I need her to face her feelings, or she’ll never break free and become the woman I once saw.

  “I don’t know how to give you what you want, Brecken.” She turns, her arms wrapped around her waist. “You envision something that is all so unfamiliar to me.”

  I try to school my features, to hide the shock and pain her words cause, but she sees it, and a single tear falls from her eye.

  “I’m trying,” she says. “You have no idea how much, but I don’t know what to do. Just like with Abe, I’m screwing this up.”

  “You can change things. I’ll help you,” I offer.

  “You don’t understand.” She sounds so lost. I want to comfort her, but she keeps her distance as she continues. “I didn’t grow up with the perfect family. We didn’t have a house with a white picket fence, 2.3 kids, two dogs, and a working mom and dad. It was just me and Mom. I never met my dad.”

  Willow shakes her head as more tears fall. She rubs her hands up and down her arms as if she has a chill, and again, I want to comfort her, but it’s obvious she doesn’t want that. She hasn’t made eye contact with me since she left my side. I’m confident she won’t any time soon.

  “I was delivered in the back of a taxi on the Brooklyn Bridge. There was no one to drive my mom to the hospital in the middle of the night. The closest thing I ever had to a father was the police officer who helped deliver me. Once a year, he’d send a card wishing me a happy birthday. He was kind of like a surrogate uncle, I guess.” She shrugs. “I’ve never known what it was like to have the love of two parents.”

  I stand, determined to walk to her and hold her, but Willow sees me in the reflection and raises her hand behind her. She doesn’t want me near her, and it’s gutting me.

  “Growing up, it was just Mom and me. I don’t count the slew of unnamed men who passed through our apartment. They were only there to fuck Mom and leave, tossing money on the table before they left. My mom was a whore. Is this what you wanted to hear? Does it make you happy?”

  “What? Why on earth would you ask me something so ridiculous?” I snap, unable to control my emotions. “Of course, I’m not happy. I wouldn’t wish that childhood on anyone.”

  “I was raised by a whore, Brecken. You know what that makes me, right? Trash...”

  “Don’t you ever refer to yourself that way again. The woman I saw all those years ago, the woman standing in front of me now, is a treasure. Never forget that.”

  Willow turns to face me. Tears stream down her cheeks. Her eyes puffy and red. “I lost my virginity at twelve and had a miscarriage at sixteen. Does that sound like anything oth
er than trash?”

  After inching my way slowly across the room, I’m finally close enough to pull her into my arms. Wrapping my arms tightly around her, I say, “That doesn’t sound like anything other than a young girl left to fend for herself. A girl struggling to find where she fits into this cruel world without the help of her mother. It makes you human, Willow, and nothing more.”

  Willow steps back out of my arms as she reaches up and cups both sides of my face. “Don’t you see, Brecken? That’s why I never wanted children with Abe. He tried to fix me, fix all this broken inside me, but he ended up broken instead. All because I couldn’t give him what he wanted.” She pauses and takes a deep breath. “What he needed. I don’t know how to give myself unselfishly to another. I’d never make a good mother. I’m not sure I’m even a good person. And now you’re asking me to give you something I’m not sure I know how to give.”

  I brush the fallen tears from her face. “You sell yourself short. I know you have it within you to give unselfishly, but I won’t push you to see what I see. When you’re ready, I’ll be waiting.”

  I kiss the top of her head before I release her and walk away.

  24

  Different Pages

  Willow

  How could he just walk away? I poured my soul out to him. Spilled the darkest secrets of my life, and he just walked away.

  I turn and look out across the yard. The rain has subsided, and the most amazing rainbow shines above the trees. I’m mesmerized by how the red blends into the orange and yellow, forming the green that turns into the brightest blue I’ve ever seen. For a brief second, I get lost in the beauty of the moment and forget that I’ve been crushed by Brecken’s actions.

  They say ‘Hell has no fury like a woman scorned.’ Well, Brecken is going to understand the meaning of that. I muster the courage I need and follow the path he took when he walked out.