Captured

by Myers, K. L.

  Jamal sits quietly in a chair in the corner. His head rises from the book he is reading when I walk into the room.

  “Where is he?” I demand.

  “His office.”

  I storm my way to Brecken’s office, determined to have my say. I have no intention of knocking. Hell, no. I’m going to barge into his space and let him have it. I reach for the knob, turn, and shove, but it’s locked, and my body bounces off the door.

  “Brecken, you open this door right this damn minute!”

  I wait, but I receive no response. “Brecken,” I yell as I pound on the door. My determination to be heard commands the strength and power I put behind each strike of my fist. Just as I pull back, ready to pummel the heavy slab of wood once more, the door creaks open slightly.

  “What do you want, Willow?”

  His voice is tired, and he sighs as if I’m annoying him. Seriously? I’m the one who should be annoyed. He walked away, and now I’m ready to fight, so he better back the fuck up. “What do I want?”

  “Yes.” He sighs again. “You’re the one pounding on my door.”

  “How dare you?” I try to push past him, but he stands firm, barely wavering from the collision with my body.

  “Don’t,” he warns. “I don’t invade your private space, so do not invade mine. If you want to talk, we can, but not here.”

  Like I’ve been slapped in the face, I step back. His words hurt, just like when I did something wrong as a child. I deserved to hear them, but I still don’t like it.

  Stepping back, I put my hands to my hips and throw as much attitude into my voice as I can as he walks from his office. “As I was saying... how dare you walk away after I stripped my soul bare to you?”

  He rubs his hand down his face, his shoulders falling forward. It’s as if he’s aging before me. I should feel guilty, but I don’t. He owes me an answer. He says he wants all of me. Well, this is me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I guess it’s time I find out if he means what he says.

  “I can’t imagine how tough it was to share your past with me, but learning why you are the way you are made me need space.” He raises his hand between us to stop me from speaking as I open my mouth to argue. “I don’t know if you can ever feel for me the way I feel for you. I’m sorry, but I needed time to think. To lick my wounds, I guess. A man's ego can only take so much, and after everything we’ve shared, I was sure you cared more. It’s rather defeating to find out I read more into what was going on than what actually is.”

  Brecken’s eyes shimmer with unshed tears, and he blinks rapidly to gain control. My heart aches at the obvious pain I’ve caused him. It was unintentional. I’m trying to be what he wants, but how do I make him see that this is all I can give? I gave my heart to Abe, and I destroyed him. Giving all of me turns good men into puddles that I step on. I can’t do that to Brecken.

  I’m giving him what I’m able to.

  Have I given him the wrong message though?

  I thought we were both under the same understanding. I never said this was forever. I chose him, but I never committed to giving up my freedom. Isn’t that exactly what you did the day you took his hand and let him lead you to his home? I want to kick myself because he probably did see it that way.

  He was going to save me.

  But that was when I thought he was going to answer my prayers and take my life. When the tables turned, so did my expectations. I willingly gave myself to him, to be ravished and claimed, but I never once agreed to give up what little independence I still had. Does choosing him mean I have to?

  “Tell me, Brecken, if I had agreed to what you asked of me, what kind of future would we have? You can’t marry me. Brecken Wade is dead. We’d never be more than what we are at this moment.”

  “How can you be so blind? I was a killer before you. I was going to take your life. Do you believe the man standing before you, the man you’ve been sharing a bed with, is that same man?”

  Pounding his chest in frustration, he walks past me into the library and pours a drink. I want to tell him he’s changed. That I met a hard, cold man, and now he’s gentle and kind, but instead, I watch as the crystal touches his lips and the amber liquid slides into his mouth. He swallows with his eyes closed, and when he opens them, the sadness emanating from them slays me.

  “I thought I found a reason to change. You were that reason. The darkness that had been drowning me was overtaken by your light. All my shadows chased away by your beauty. And now I’ve come to realize I was wrong. You were always just a little out of my grasp.”

  He places the tumbler on the table next to him. “My soul’s bare now too. I’ll see you at dinner, Willow.”

  Brecken turns to leave, but I can’t let him. We can’t end like this.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  “It wouldn’t change anything. You’re blind to anything but what affects you.”

  When he walks away, I let him because I’m too shocked by his words to stop him. Like I’ve been sucker-punched, I stand there, sucking in air, trying to gain a breath. Trying to make sense of what just happened.

  Is he right?

  Am I blind? Did I not see what he expected of me? Or did I not care? It’s not the first time I’ve been selfish with someone else’s heart. I said I was going to be better, but I fell into the same pattern as with Abe. A man was willing to give, and I was willing to take. And now, I’ve broken another good soul.

  I’m an asshole.

  When will I learn?

  Arms hugged around me tight, I run to my room, needing to distance myself from Brecken’s pain. I can feel it everywhere. It’s in the walls, the floors, the echo of my footfalls. I can’t escape it. I don’t deserve to. Still I run, trying to get away from the demons that haunt me until I’m closed in my room and doing the only thing that feels right.

  With a pen and paper in hand, I write. I write until my fingers ache. The selfish character who came to me weeks ago bleeds onto the pages. How she takes advantage and is careless with others. Breaks hearts and drains souls. But she doesn’t want to be that way. She wants to love and be loved. She wants to be the person whose heart feels full.

  Tears fall down my cheeks at the realization that this character is me. I do want to love and be loved. I want that more than anything.

  I want Brecken.

  25

  The Past Collides with the Present

  Brecken

  It’s one a.m., and Willow lies beside me as she has for the past few months. Her smooth skin brushes up against mine with every rise and fall of her chest. My chin rests atop her head, and the scent of her shampoo relaxes me as I inhale deeply and press a kiss to her hair.

  I rarely get a good night's sleep these days, my mind constantly wandering down the rabbit hole, wondering when Lucifer himself will come to claim me for my sins. It’s only in the brief moments of rapture since I’ve claimed Willow that I find the respite to fall asleep. It barely lasts more than a few hours before my anxiety wakes me, letting me know that solace is never going to be mine.

  But as long as I have Willow in my arms, solace can fuck off.

  I often wonder how I got lucky twice in my lifetime. Two amazing women, so different, yet they both embedded themselves into my body and soul. It took me awhile to come to terms with embracing my feelings for Willow. That loving her wasn’t diminishing the love I felt for Emery. I’ll never stop loving Emery, but that’s okay. I can keep her in my heart and give the rest to Willow.

  Willow curls tighter into my side, and I’m about to pull her even closer when the sound of breaking glass jolts me. Trying not to panic or wake Willow, I gently lift her head, dislodge myself from beneath it, and place a pillow there. How I don’t wake her, I’m not sure, but I instantly feel the emptiness inside me when I move away from her. It’s crazy how whole Willow makes me.

  Now I need to make sure she’s safe. No one knows about this place. At least that’s what I thought. Jamal and I must have made a mistak
e. Whoever is here will be sorry.

  Quietly, I close the bedroom door behind me and make my way down the stairs. It's dark, but I’ve become accustomed to the darkness. After returning home from the island, I refused to turn a single light on. I didn’t want to be among the living, and sitting in blackness felt right.

  It doesn’t take me long to sense a presence, and it’s not Jamal who lingers here in the dark with me. This presence is sinister and brings my senses to high alert. I’m not sure who it is, but this person means me harm.

  I tiptoe toward my office, knowing my spare gun is in the desk. Why didn’t I grab the one in my nightstand before I left my room? This is not the time to get distracted. Woulda, shoulda, coulda’s are not going to take this person down. I need to focus and be ready for the attack.

  Just as I’m about to reach for the doorknob, a female voice calls out, “Turn around with your hands in the air. Do it slowly, or I swear I’ll pull the trigger.”

  I would recognize that high-pitched, nasally voice anywhere. How the fuck would she know to come here? I raise my hands slowly, twisting until I’m facing the woman I haven’t seen since I told her to get a grip on life years ago. Moonlight shines through the floor-to-ceiling windows beside her, giving me a clear view of Amber Black. Her hair is shorter now, and she’s lost a substantial amount of weight. Her once perfectly toned skin that accentuated her high cheek bones is now weathered. Dark circles stand out even in the dim light.

  It isn’t Satan who’s come to claim my soul tonight. My past has come knocking, threatening to take away my future. I want to say something, anything that could distract Amber long enough for me to rip the pistol from her grip. Only I can’t. All I can think about is Willow asleep in my bed upstairs.

  “I see you remember me.” Amber’s voice shakes, not from fear but from rage. “Imagine my surprise to find you were still alive.” Her gun waivers as she raises it to the same height as my head. “It took me years to finally find you.”

  Amber steps closer to me. The venom in her voice clear as day as she continues. “I was there that day, you know? The day you killed Sebastian.”

  There’s no way. Jamal and I scoured every inch of his house. I’m sure he was alone. Only he wasn’t, because here Amber stands, and she knows I killed Sebastian. I want to ask her where the hell she was hiding, but I don’t get the chance.

  “You took everything from me that day. I was too scared to stop you then, but I’m not afraid to do it now.” Amber straightens, standing taller. “I searched everywhere for you. Every time I asked, I got the same response. ‘Brecken Wade is dead,’ they kept saying. I even began to question my own sanity until recently.”

  “As you can see, I’m very much alive. No thanks to your dead boyfriend.” I’m hoping the vehemence in my voice tells her I’m not afraid. “Sebastian got what he deserved.”

  “Shut up!” The gun wobbles in Amber’s hand as she gets emotional. “Shut the fuck up, or I swear I’ll kill you!”

  “Oh, Amber. You don’t have the fucking backbone.”

  I’m probably pushing my luck, but I’m hoping Jamal also heard the breaking glass. I don’t dare to look around her and see if I’m right. I can’t afford for Willow to wake up and find me gone, come looking for me, and step right into this clusterfuck by accident.

  “The years haven’t been kind to you, Amber. You look tired.”

  “Fuck you, Brecken. You caused this. You took away everything that meant anything to me. For years, every time I closed my eyes, I would see how you tortured Sebastian. Even the alcohol couldn’t take away take those visions.”

  “I would have gladly taken them away for you.” I leave the insinuation of me taking her life hanging in the air between us.

  “Fuck you!” Amber's voice is so loud I’m certain she’ll wake Jamal if he’s not already awake. “I’m taking your soul to hell with me.”

  Amber’s hand shakes as she pulls the trigger. It’s like everything is happening in slow motion. The bullet is coming toward me. Amber laughs in delight. I tell myself to move, but I can’t. My feet stay planted in place as the pain erupts. The burn of the bullet as it enters my abdomen is pure agony. Clutching my gut, praying this is not how my life ends, I watch, frozen, as Amber turns the gun on herself. A pathetic no falls from my lips as she places the barrel to her head and pulls the trigger. Her body drops to the floor, but the scream from the top of the stairs takes all my attention.

  “Willow,” I whisper, before falling to the ground.

  26

  Not Like This

  Willow

  I wake to the sound of an angry female voice screaming. I’m instantly aware that Brecken isn’t beside me and the voice is directed at him. A quick, pop... pop... sounds, and I jump out of bed. Fear has me racing into unknown danger, but I need to get to him.

  From the top of the stairs, I can see Brecken bent over, clutching his stomach. I don’t mean to, but I screech, and his eyes meet mine. So much pain bleeds from them as he mouths my name and then falls to the floor. It’s as if I’m stepping back in time. The all too familiar ache as my heart breaks into a million pieces threatens to crush me.

  I can’t lose another man I love.

  “Oh my God, Brecken. No, no, no!” I scream, my feet flying as fast as they possibly can down the stairs.

  “Jamal!” I scream at the top of my lungs, but he’s already reached Brecken. “Do something,” I call out, but Jamal does nothing.

  I drop to my knees in front of Brecken “Please don’t die. Please don’t die,” I say over and over.

  “I’m sorry, Willow,” Brecken speaks to me, his voice soft. “I once again cannot comply with your wishes.”

  I turn to Jamal. “Do something. Call 911.”

  “I’m sorry, Miss. I can’t do that.”

  “What do you mean, you can’t do that?” I try to stand, so that I can call 911, but Brecken's hand stops me.

  “Willow. Listen to me, please.”

  Everything in me tells me to ignore him, to get him help, but I don’t. I stay where I am and listen as I’ve been asked.

  “I’m sorry. This is not how I planned our story to end.”

  Brecken brings my hand to his lips and kisses my palm, sending shivers of fear down my spine. He’s trying to say goodbye. Tears begin to fall down my face. Slowly, one after the other, they land on tile in front of me and pool together.

  “You won’t be alone, Willow, I promise. I will take care of you. There is an envelope in my office. Jamal knows which it is. Promise me you will do as it says.”

  “No. You can’t leave me, Brecken.”

  He grips my hand tighter and looks me deep in the eye. “Promise me.”

  His words are so full of need that I can’t do anything but comply. “I promise.”

  “Kiss me one last time. Once more before I’m gone.”

  I want to argue, to tell him we have a lifetime, but I know this is it. Our last moment together. Lowering my head, I gently place my lips against his and breathe all the love I feel for him into the kiss. When I pull away, his eyelids start to close. They flutter open and closed a few times. He’s fighting to stay with me, and it’s killing me to watch.

  “I love you, Brecken,” I whisper directly into his ear as I place my hand on his heart.

  Brecken tries to raise his hand, but it doesn’t make it far from the floor, so I reach for it and help him place it on my face. His thumb brushes underneath my eye. “I love you, Willow. Thank you for loving me.” His words are barely a whisper, and as soon as he says them, his hand drops to the ground. The light in his eyes dims and goes out, and then he’s gone.

  “NO!” I scream as if my words could possibly change the outcome. I can’t do this. Not again. My tears come harder, falling steadily like raindrops in a storm. I can’t get my sobbing under control.

  Jamal slides his hand over Brecken’s face, closing his eyelids and confirming what I already know in my heart. Brecken is gone.

  I st
and quickly, running for the bathroom.

  “Miss! Wait!” Jamal's voice carries down hallway to me.

  Only I can’t wait. I have to get as far away from the two of them as possible. I drop to my knees in front of the toilet, emptying everything there is inside me. I heave until there is nothing left, but yet I still can’t stop. My body wants to purge the emptiness from within, taking every bit of remaining energy I have until I drop to the floor.

  The tile is cool beneath me as I lie there and cry. The hurt unbearable. I feel myself slipping back into the woman I was before I met Brecken. The shell of a woman from the past desperately trying to claim me once again. I’ve given up trying to fight back the sorrow and let myself cry until I fall asleep.

  Arms tightly grasp beneath my legs and around my shoulders as I’m lifted into the air. I sigh in content at feeling Brecken carrying me to bed. I whisper, “I love you” to him as he lowers me to our bed. A blanket covers my body as I reach for the spare pillow and hold it tight. The gentle touch of a hand brushes my hair away from my face, tucking it gently behind my ear. I barely hear the footsteps as they cross the room, shutting the door behind them. I sigh once again and let myself fall into a deeper sleep.

  * * *

  I wake to an empty bed, an uneasy feeling surrounding me as I try to wake up. Dried blood on my shirt draws my attention instantly. I push the covers off me. Memories flood forth. “BRECKEN!” I scream at the top of my lungs. Holding my breath, I wait for the door to open. When it does, Jamal walks through, not the man I’ve come to love.

  “Good morning, Miss. How are you feeling?”

  Has Jamal lost his mind? How can he be so calm after everything that has happened? “Where is he, Jamal? What did you do with his body?” I stand quickly and run for the door, making my way down the stairs only to find that everything looks just as it normally does.