Captured

by Myers, K. L.

  “Where is he? I have to see him.”

  “He’s gone. It’s been two days.”

  “Two days?” How can that be? I wrap my arms tightly around my middle trying to figure out how I’ve lost two days of my life. “How is this possible?”

  “Come, Miss.” Jamal reaches for my hand and leads me to the sofa. “Sit.”

  We sit with Jamal still holding my hand. “You woke the next morning, but you were so distraught that I had to give you a sedative to calm you. I’ve just been patiently waiting for you to wake again.”

  “Where is his body, Jamal?”

  “He’s buried by the water garden, where he wanted to be, Miss. I will take you to see him soon, but first, we need to take care of something more important.” Jamal pats the top of my hand a few times before he stands. “Come. Follow me.”

  Without question, I stand and follow Jamal down the hall and through the door into Brecken’s office. My feet stop once inside, keeping me rooted in the center of the room. Walls of photos stare back at me. Photos of Emery Wade are everywhere, but it's not just her. There are photos of me. Photos I wasn’t even aware Brecken had taken. Ones where I am sitting and reading by the fireplace. Ones where I’m peacefully asleep in our bed. There are even pictures from the day I arrived. I’d forgotten just how bad I had let myself go until now.

  “Miss,” Jamal calls out, pulling me back to the here and now. His hand outstretched, holding an envelope. “For you. You must read it.”

  I take the envelope from his hand, quickly walking toward Brecken’s desk. I take a deep breath. Once I’m seated, I slowly open the envelope. “Do you know what this says, Jamal?”

  “Yes, but I’ll leave you to read it in private. I’ll be in the kitchen if you need me.”

  I wait until the door closes behind Jamal before setting the partially opened envelope on the desk. A single tear runs down my cheek. My heart beats quickly in my chest as I sit there staring at the large manila square with the word WILLOW written in script on the front. I breathe in and out several times, trying to calm my nerves some before I once again pick up the envelope with shaky hands and search for its contents.

  Two smaller envelopes await me inside. I set them beside each other on the desk. One is marked READ ME FIRST, the other OPEN WHEN YOU ARE READY TO LIVE AGAIN. The rebel in me wants to read the latter first, but in the back of my head, I can hear Brecken scolding me for being insubordinate, so I do as I’m told and slowly open the first letter.

  My Sweet Willow,

  It's cliché, but it’s the truth. If you are reading this, then I am dead and not able to tell you these things myself.

  I’m sorry to have left you alone. I am certain it was not by choice, but I still feel the need to apologize. I hate hurting you. Now stop crying. I know that you are by now.

  How is it possible that he knows I’m crying already?

  There are tissues on the corner of my desk. Blow your nose, dry your eyes before you read on, and stop rolling your eyes at me. I know you are. I know you better than you know yourself.

  I chuckle despite feeling like my heart is shattered. “Always so bossy,” I whisper to the air, hoping he hears me.

  When Emery was murdered, I never thought I’d ever love anyone again. There was a hole in my chest that would forever stay empty. I thought killing those who took her life would somehow fill that emptiness. It didn’t. I was still lost, still empty, and so I decided to correct all the wrongs in this world. I looked for those damaged, dark souls that were shattered like mine. I brought them light, gave them hope, and then snuffed it out. It was cruel. I was cruel. But I believed it would fill the void. It never did. I tried to correct the wrongs that were done to those closest to me, but nothing made me whole. And then there was you. I watched you for months, knowing exactly what you were feeling because I was feeling it too. Before Abe’s death, you were a force to be reckoned with. All that changed with his death. I thought you would snap out of it. That the fight within you would bring you back, but when it didn’t, I knew giving you what you wished for might somehow save me. So, I captured you, brought you to my home, and had all intentions of ending your life just as you wished. Just the thought of watching your last breaths leave your body excited me. You were going to be the salvation I needed. Your death would fill my heart and give me the respite I needed.

  Little did I know then that ending your life would have destroyed me. The longer I waited, the more I saw that I couldn’t kill you. I didn’t want to steal your last breath. I wanted to breathe life back into you. It became my mission to bring you back to life. To become the monster you needed, in hopes that it would push you to be strong once again. You didn’t disappoint me. I knew you wouldn’t. As time went on, I fell in love with you. I had a new purpose, to protect you, provide for you, and never let disappointment touch your heart again. Well, Willow, it looks like I failed you once again.

  Let’s see if I can make it up to you—just a little bit. I know you never cared about my money or what I have, but this house is yours now. I put it in your name months ago as a birthday gift I was planning to give to you. I would love it if you let Jamal stay with you. He has been my loyal friend and companion for years. All we have in this world is each other. Please do not let me down and leave Jamal by himself. He needs a family just as much as you do.

  Honor me and my memory by staying here. Live for me—despite me. Just live, Willow. You have the strength within you to do so. Mourn me briefly. I know asking you to not mourn me at all is fruitless, but don’t wallow in my loss. Give it a reasonable amount of time and then fight. Fight with everything I know you have within you and then live again. Be that strong and amazing woman I love, and then, when you are ready, read my second letter. Don’t open it until then. I know you. You’ll want to be defiant and read it next, but you are not ready for what is in it, so please wait.

  I love you in this world and the next,

  Brecken

  I clutch his letter to my chest and let out a sorrowful laugh at how right he is. I want to open the second letter and see what I’m not ready for. It takes all my fight not to shred the other envelope and spring right into his words, but I’m determined not to dishonor his memory. My shoulders begin to shake as the tears roll down my face once again. Losing Abe hurt, but this is so much worse. There’s an emptiness that I hadn’t felt when Abe died. I was sad, but my pain was wrapped up in a guilt that refused to let me move forward. I allowed the blame to consume me, believing his death was my fault. If it hadn’t been for Brecken, I probably wouldn’t be here today. He saved me.

  And now he’s gone.

  27

  Just A Memory

  Willow

  The thought of life without Brecken is cold and lonely, even though I’m not actually alone. Jamal is a sweet kid, but he will never be able to fill the part of my heart that aches. Watching Brecken die opened my eyes to the love I had been feeling but denying. Screaming, I slash my arms across Brecken’s desk while still clutching the letter I just read. Everything goes flying onto the floor. Papers float into the air, and pens soar across the room, finding their final resting place in corners and crevices. When everything settles, I realize my second letter was among the stuff that went flying. In an instant, I’m on my hands and knees, pushing papers out of the way and trying to find the missing envelope. Finally, I spot it, several feet away. Without hesitation, I crawl toward it until I have it firmly in my grasp.

  “I’m so sorry,” I wail to the empty room like Brecken is going to hear my apology. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you I loved you sooner. I’m sorry I fought you so much. I’m sorry we didn’t get our happy ending.” I break on those last words, allowing myself to wallow in my despair until I have no tears left to cry and once again, I’m completely and utterly spent. Curled into a ball, I lie there on the floor just staring into the emptiness. “We deserved that happy ending.”

  I watch the trees sway back and forth through the window. Side to side, th
e branches move. My body rocks slowly with the movement of the wind until an inner peace takes over. I can’t explain it, but I know it's Brecken reaching out to me from beyond. In my mind, I hear him whispering, “Relax, Willow. Everything is going to be alright. I promise.” It soothes me. With his voice rolling through my mind, I remember our last night together.

  “You look so beautiful sitting there by the fire. What are you reading?”

  “The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. I guess they found their happily ever after in the afterlife.”

  “Oh, Willow. Not every happy ending ends with ‘They lived happily ever after’. You do realize that, right?”

  “Yes... no... I guess. It’s just that the hero and the heroine’s love should stand the test of time.”

  “Standing the test of time doesn’t always mean that two people die happily in each other’s arms. Their love can live on for each other even after they have loved and lost.”

  “That’s not how it works, Brecken.”

  “That is precisely how it works. And sometimes, the best happy ending is simply that they were better for having known each other.”

  Brecken’s lips gently kiss mine, sending sparks down through my belly into my core. I squirm in my chair and yelp as his hand squeezes my breast while his fingers pinch my nipple. “Mmmm” I murmur into his mouth.

  He lifts me into his arms and hurriedly rushes us up the stairs, two at a time, pushing his way into the room we share. The bed is soft beneath me as Brecken lays me down. He adjusts the pillow under my head as his other hand rests on the side of my face.

  “You still love Abe, correct?” I nod as he places a kiss on my cheek. “I still love Emery, yet that doesn’t stop me from having feelings for you. I will love her until I take my last breath and then probably some after, and I’m guessing you feel the same about Abe.” I nod again. “But I’m better with you in my life. My happily ever after came the day I brought you here. You’ve completely captured my heart, Willow. And even if you chose not to love me back, this would still be my happily ever after.”

  Brecken’s lips consume mine. A fierceness breaks free that I’ve never experienced from him before. It sends shivers down my spine. His hand grazes down my side and rests between my legs, the warmth of his palm against my core making me tingle with anticipation. He presses down, rubbing circles on my clit through my paper-thin leggings. I buck beneath him and raise my hips, trying to gain as much pleasure as I can from his touch.

  “You like that, don’t you?”

  “Yes.”

  I groan in protest when Brecken removes his hand and climbs off me. It’s only a moment before he tugs at my leggings and then pulls them down my legs. His gasp when he’s greeted by my bare pussy almost has me orgasming.

  “Dear God. I wasn’t expecting that.”

  I smile at catching him off guard. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, I feel victorious.

  “Spread those legs and let me see that beautiful pussy.”

  Like a puppet on a string controlled by her master, I widen my legs. The cool air embraces me in places that are begging for him. “Touch me, Brecken,” I cry out to him.

  “Touch yourself, Willow. Show me what you want me to do to you.”

  Slowly, I slide my fingers into my entrance, keeping eye contact with Brecken. He adjusts himself as my fingers pump in and out. I pretend my fingers are his as I bring myself closer to the edge. My hips buck off the bed as I push further inside, the sensation of my own pleasure building.

  “Stop,” Brecken commands, his hand reaching down toward mine and pulling my fingers from my opening. “Your release comes from me. Only me.”

  “Please. I was so close. Don’t deny me my orgasm.”

  A wicked smile forms on Brecken’s face as he kneels between my legs. A quick brush of his tongue against my opening causes me to moan loudly. “I’d never deny you anything.”

  Brecken’s mouth closes around my lips. His tongue flicking at my clit quickly sends me over the edge into sweet bliss. “Count them, Willow. Each and every orgasm you get from me tonight.”

  He strips bare before me, and I can’t take my eyes off him. Off his muscles. His tattoo that courses from his chest down to waist. His scars. Everything that makes him so damn sexy and irresistible. He climbs back onto the bed and thrusts into me with a vengeance. “Store them in your memory. I may not always be here. Someday, you may have to rely on a memory to have an orgasm as sweet as this.”

  I hadn’t understood it at the time. My sex-charged brain was too busy enjoying one of the few times he had taken me bare. The enormity of his statement not fully hitting me until just now. I’d never feel him again. His touch, his smell will only ever be memories now.

  * * *

  Jamal is in the kitchen just as he said he would be. As usual, his stride never breaks from his task at hand. “Would you like breakfast, Miss?”

  I want to scream at him. Ask him how he possibly thinks I can eat at a time like this, but it’s not his fault what’s happened. It’s not his fault I feel so damn lousy. I’ve been sliced open, my heart exposed to the coldness of the outside. I want to curl up and die, but I can hear Brecken in the background. Eat, Willow. You need your strength. It’s what keeps me from lashing out at Jamal.

  “Yes, Jamal. Just something simple, please.”

  “I understand. If you want to shower, I’ll have breakfast ready for you when you return.”

  I touch my hand to the scar on Jamal’s face. He leans his head slightly into my hand as I speak. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do if you weren't here.” Then I do something I’ve never done before. I kiss the side of his cheek before I turn and walk away.

  I strip out of the blood-stained shirt and toss it into the trash. After today, I never want to see that shirt again. The water is steaming hot when I step under it. Probably hotter than it should be, but I welcome the burn. I welcome feeling anything other than the emptiness that has taken hold of me. Standing there, I let the water pelt against my skin, causing it to turn bright red. Turn the heat down, Willow. Once again, I swear Brecken is telling me what I should do. I slap the wall in frustration. Will I continue to hear him in my mind every time I do something he wouldn’t approve of? I may go insane.

  Take care of yourself, and I won’t have to. “Damn it. Get out of my head, Brecken.” I cry into the water.

  It doesn’t take me long to shower and dress. Jamal is sitting at the dining table eating when I arrive. He stands quickly, heading into the kitchen. When he returns, he places my breakfast on the table before me.

  I lift the fork to my mouth but then stop. “When I’m done, please take me to Brecken’s grave.” Jamal doesn’t raise his head but nods in acknowledgement. “Thank you,” I tell him and proceed to finish my breakfast.

  28

  A New Beginning

  Willow

  The sun peeks through the window for the first time in four weeks. The Monday following Brecken’s death, the sky turned black, just like my heart, and the rain began to pour. I sat in our room, the room that Brecken and I shared the most wonderful nights in, and I cried. Day in and day out, I cried for weeks. I did what Brecken allowed me to do, mourn his death. Though I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to pull myself out of the despair that I allowed myself to fall into. Jamal, like the saint he is, brought me my meals. He constantly reminded me that Brecken wouldn’t like it if I didn’t eat. So, I ate. I showered because in the back of my mind, I could hear the lecture I’d get from Brecken if I didn’t. But I did nothing else. I slept, cried, ate, and showered and then fell asleep only to start it all over again.

  Today though, the cycle feels like it’s changed. The sun is shining through the window, heating up my face. I raise my arms above my head and stretch. I glance over at the chest of drawers and see the envelope with Brecken’s handwriting OPEN WHEN YOU ARE READY TO LIVE AGAIN. Only I’m not ready to live again. I’m not ready to move on with my life. The sun may be shining,
but my heart is still empty, and if I open that letter today, there is nothing that it could possibly say that would make me want to venture out into the world of the living.

  So, I ignore it. Walk right past it and into the bathroom. Today though, the tub is calling my name. I’m still tired, and standing under the water has no appeal to me. I turn the water on and test the temperature. When it’s just as I like it, I push the stopper into the hole and pour a little bubble bath in. I go to twist the top on, but it slips from my fingers, falling to the floor. It rolls behind one of the claw feet toward the back. I reach between the glass wall and the legs of the tub, my fingers stretching as far as they can. I feel something cool and round and quickly grasp it in my hand. When I open my hand, I’m sucker-punched to see Brecken’s wedding ring in my hand. I remember the night he took it off and cursed violently at Sebastian for taking away his everything as he threw it against the wall.

  A sound like a sob wakes me from my sleep. Turning over, I realize Brecken is gone. Quietly, I step from the bed and tiptoe toward the bathroom, following the light from in there. I peek around the partially open door, but I’m not prepared for what I see.

  Brecken is standing at the sink, looking in the mirror with tears pouring down his face. His wedding ring sits on the edge of the vanity beside him. “You can try to haunt me in my sleep all you want, you son of a bitch, but you will never be what I fear. Do you hear me, Sebastian?” His words are spoken in a low, deadly, angry tone, and they make me shiver. “You deserved what I did to you. You deserved worse.”

  He shakes his head, and when he stops, the tears are falling harder. “She didn’t deserve it though. You should have never touched her. She was a fucking angel. A fucking angel.”