The Patient One

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  She loved reading with the preschoolers. “Danke, Mrs. Laramie,” she said as she started guiding her wheelchair to the children’s section.

  “Enjoy yourself. And brace yourself for all those hugs.”

  Molly smiled to herself as she wheeled over to choose two books for the story time. The last time she’d read, she’d answered almost as many questions about her wheelchair as she had about the book. One little boy had even wanted to hop in her lap.

  This library really was proving that almost anything could happen, if one had the right attitude.

  THIRTY–ONE

  “So even though it doesn’t make a lot of sense, and maybe isn’t even all that happy, that’s the story about Andy that I wanted to share with you—a couple of hours when we were hurt, lost, soaking wet, and surrounded by kittens and felt like we only had each other to depend on.

  “It was everything and it was nothing. Special and inconsequential. Easily forgotten yet completely memorable.”

  Later that night, when Danny realized who was answering the door at the Byler house, he bit back a groan. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Molly’s brother John, it was that he seemed determined to go out of his way to make him uncomfortable.

  But maybe this time would be different? All John did after he answered Danny’s knock was stand back and let him inside.

  Ironically, that made him feel more ill at ease. “Hi,” he said. “I’m here to see Molly. Is she home?”

  “Jah. Come on in.”

  “Danke.” He noticed then that John wasn’t dressed Amish. He had on a soft oxford and faded jeans. Unable to help himself, he stared.

  Before Danny could ask John about his unusual outfit, John kind of half-smiled. “Well, if you’re back, I guess we haven’t scared you off yet.”

  Danny shook his head and looked him in the eye. “I’ve had to deal with a far sight more than protective older brothers at my haus. I’m glad you all care so much about Molly.”

  A glimmer of respect entered John’s eyes. “What did you want to talk to Molly about?”

  “Nothing special.” Nothing that he wanted to talk to her brother about, that was.

  “If it’s nothing special, how come you came over, then?”

  “John, you apologize right now,” Mrs. Byler called out as she strode forward. “Now, if you please.”

  “Sorry, Danny,” John said obediently, though it was obvious he wasn’t sorry at all.

  Danny shrugged. “Nothing to be sorry about.” Turning to Molly’s mom, he smiled. “Hiya, Mrs. Byler.”

  She smiled right back, making him realize that she really was one of the nicest ladies he’d ever met. “How are you today? Did you work at Newman’s?”

  “Nee. I was finishing up a job over at Marie’s haus.”

  “John’s Marie?”

  John groaned. “Mamm.”

  “If you’re moving heaven and earth to be with her, she’d better be your girl, son.”

  “Yes, Mamm.”

  Danny bit back a smile. He personally was hoping that John was feeling just as awkward as he was. “Jah, it was at Marie Hartman’s haus, Mrs. Byler.” It took just about everything he had not to say “John’s Marie.”

  “You’ve done a great job with her yard. It looks a whole lot better,” John said.

  Hoping he didn’t look as shocked as he felt, Danny said, “Danke. It wasn’t hard.”

  “I would disagree. You’ve got a knack for it,” John said, continuing to surprise him. “And it ain’t easy, either, carving out flower beds in land that’s been ignored for so long.”

  “I like working with the land.”

  “When do you go back again? Maybe I’ll see you there.”

  “I don’t know if I’ll be over there anytime soon. Marie already paid me.”

  John smiled at him. “Hey, that’s great.”

  Danny would have gaped at the man’s reaction if his mother wasn’t standing right there.

  “Oh my stars,” she said as she clasped her hands together. “I’m sorry again, Danny. He’s a bit besotted with Marie.”

  “All I’m doing is making sure she is taken care of, Mamm.”

  “She’s fine. And so is Molly.”

  He inhaled. “Now, Molly—”

  Making a shooing motion, she said, “Go make yourself useful, John. Ezra needs a hand in the barn.”

  He hesitated before turning away.

  She sighed. “You’ll have to excuse him. He’s a bit protective over our Molly. I guess we all are.”

  “I see.” Was she trying to warn him off?

  She smiled sweetly. “However, when I was speaking to your mother today, I realized that Molly couldn’t be in better hands. You are a mighty grown-up seventeen-year-old.”

  Wait a minute. “You spoke to my mother?”

  “Jah. She had a couple of questions. I guess she didn’t tell you?”

  “Nee, but I didn’t see her when I got home.” All he did was take a quick shower, change clothes, and grab an apple to eat on the way over to the Bylers’ house. But, of course, even if he had seen his mother, they wouldn’t have had much to say to each other.

  “No matter. Molly will tell you everything I told your mother. Oh! And here she is now.”

  “Mamm, please tell me that everyone didn’t wait to tell me Danny was here so you could talk to him first,” Molly called out, diverting his attention.

  Today she had on a bright royal blue dress and flip-flops on her feet. She looked pretty. Almost like she had also gotten cleaned up for his visit.

  “Hey, Molly.”

  “Hiya, Danny. I’m sorry. I was going to try to wait at the door for you, but my sister took forever in the bathroom.”

  He laughed. “I was fine.”

  Mrs. Byler folded her hands in front of her chest. “Now that Molly is here, I’ll leave you both alone. Go take him into the parlor, dear. I told Ezra to do his homework someplace else.”

  “He didn’t care?”

  “Of course not, seeing as how I didn’t give him a choice,” she said before walking away.

  Molly sighed. “This is my life. I’m surrounded by way too many people all of the time. I bet you’re never going to want to come back.”

  “I might.”

  Cheeks turning pink, she reached down to move her wheels. “Come on. Let’s go where there’s at least a little privacy.”

  After watching her move the wheels, he said, “Hey Mol?”

  “Yes?”

  “How about you let me push you?”

  “There’s no need,” she said quickly, sounding flustered. “I’m pretty gut at getting myself around.”

  “Maybe I want to push you for a change.”

  “Um, all right.”

  Grasping the handles of her wheelchair, he started pushing, kind of liking the idea that he was helping her get somewhere. When they got to the room her mother mentioned, he sat down on a chair near where she’d motioned him to stop in front of.

  “So, I heard John and my mother talking to you. What were they talking about?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. Marie Hartman and your brother.”

  “Isn’t it something how they are together now?”

  He nodded. “Does it bother you that he fell in love with an Englischer?”

  “Nee. I think there’s been a lot of things between them for a while now. Even my parents are glad that everything is out in the open.”

  Danny nodded. He could see that. He was slowly learning that things were a lot easier if people were honest instead of hiding secrets. Now that he was alone with Molly, he supposed that he should finally ask her to tell him about her life in a wheelchair. But how did he even start that conversation?

  “Hey, Danny?”

  “Jah?”

  “Were . . . were you still wanting to understand more about my paralysis?”

  “Jah. Can you talk about it? I mean, do you mind?”

  She shook her head. “It’s who I am. Talking about my
legs and my paralysis doesn’t upset me. I live with this all the time, you know.”

  Although she was acting like she wasn’t self-conscious, he could tell that she was. Figuring it was better to simply get everything out in the open, he said, “So, you told me once that you have some feeling in your upper legs.”

  “I do. I didn’t for about a year after my accident, but then I slowly regained some feeling there.”

  Her statement made him realize just how much he didn’t know about her condition. “What does that mean?”

  “Well, it’s a good sign, especially since once it returned it didn’t vanish again. For me, it means that they aren’t steadily getting worse.”

  If they weren’t getting worse, did that mean they could get better? “Does that mean you might one day walk again?”

  “Well, um, not exactly.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “My doctor told me that some soldiers can get electrodes and all kinds of things to help their nerves and muscles work better. Some men and women are even able to walk a bit.”

  He was stunned. “Really?” Her news sounded like a miracle! But he was also confused as to why she didn’t seem happier about it.

  She smiled sadly. “I’m afraid that’s never going to be me, though. We relied on lots of doctors and technology after the accident in order for me to survive. That was enough. Most likely, I’ll spend the rest of my life in a wheelchair.”

  “Not to be mean, but do you ever want to change your mind?”

  “To be able to walk around and look like everyone else? I’m not sure. Sometimes I think I would. Other times, I tell myself that I should be happy living the rest of my life in a chair.”

  “What does your family think?”

  “They’re supportive. By now, I think they realize that no matter what I decide to do, it’s going to affect me a lot more than them.” She looked just beyond him. “They’re the best. I’m blessed to have such caring parents and siblings.”

  She was more blessed than she probably ever imagined. “If, say, we ever wanted to go for a buggy ride . . . could you do that?”

  She nodded. “You would just have to lift me onto it.”

  Just thinking how he would do that made him wary. “Would your parents be okay with that?”

  She laughed. “I understand that you are worried that it might be um . . . too personal, but I promise, it ain’t like that. And I would help you.”

  “But . . .”

  She laughed again. “Danny, how about we try this out? Come help me sit on that chair.” She pointed to the dark blue lounger next to him.

  He stood up and looked down at her. “What do I do first?”

  “First, let me move my chair closer so you don’t have to carry me too far.”

  He felt like telling her that he was strong and that lifting her wouldn’t be too much for him at all. But he knew that wasn’t what she wanted. So he stood to one side while she moved her chair to the side of the lounger and then popped the brake. Then, with her hands on the sides of the chair, she twisted her body.

  “Danny, you can help me now. You can either put one arm under my thighs and the other around my waist and pull me off, or I can kind of wrap my arms around your neck, you hold me close, and then shift me from the wheelchair to the other chair.”

  He was scared of hurting her. “Which is easier for you?”

  “Both are fine. I’ll help you, I just need to be prepared for how you want to move me.”

  After eyeing Molly again and seeing her determined expression, he said, “How about we try the second way?”

  “Sounds good. Bend down so I can loop my hands around your neck.”

  He leaned and she pressed her hands on his shoulders. He found himself closing his eyes, enjoying being so close to her.

  “Danny, wrap your arms around my ribs and pull me up.”

  Forcing himself to get back on track, he placed his hands on either side of her, inhaled, and pulled her toward him.

  But instead of feeling like he was lifting a dead weight, Molly was helping him.

  “Now turn and put me down on the lounger.”

  Anxious to not hurt her, he did just that. Automatically, she used her arms to situate herself. When he leaned back, she smiled. “You did it.”

  “No, we did it.”

  “It wasn’t so hard, was it?” Her voice was chipper, like he was a child and she was spurring him on.

  He smiled. “I think it only took a minute or two.”

  “My brothers are so used to moving me around, it hardly takes any time. Half the time I get into chairs by myself.”

  “You can do that?”

  She nodded. “It’s not always graceful in a dress, but it gets done.”

  She was being so upbeat, but still, thinking about how much she’d had to learn to deal with made him sad. “I guess it does.”

  “Oh, no.” Looking stricken, she said, “Was this all too much? Did . . . did I gross you out or something?”

  He was shocked. “Why would you think that?”

  “What we just did is a big reminder about my handicap. Some people don’t want to be around people who aren’t whole.”

  “Well, you certainly are whole. Don’t talk about yourself like that.”

  Her eyes widened. “All right.”

  He pulled over a ladder-back chair and sat down next to her. “Molly, you know I like you. It’s . . . just that, well, sometimes I feel like I must seem like a little kid around you. You are able to discuss all of this so easily.”

  “I have to be able to do that. It’s my life.”

  “I wish I had your confidence sometimes. I’m still trying to figure out my life and my future.”

  “Danny, I might know how to deal with my handicap, but that doesn’t mean I have everything about my future figured out. I’m fumbling around, too.”

  He shook his head. “Nee, I feel more selfish.”

  “Danny, just because I’ve had a lot of surgeries and doctor visits doesn’t mean that I’m any more mature when it comes to the rest of my life. Not like you are.”

  “Why would you say that?”

  “Well, I know you have always looked after your brother.” She swallowed. “Because, um, of your parents.” When he gaped at her, she blushed. “Sorry, I guess I shouldn’t have mentioned them.”

  He looked down at his hands. “It’s no secret that my family ain’t like yours, Molly.” His parents didn’t fight and they weren’t mean to him and his brother. But it was clear—especially when he was someplace like the Byler house—that it wasn’t a very happy house.

  “It must have been hard, wishing your parents were happier.”

  It was hard, coming to terms with the realization that his parents weren’t ever going to be happier. Or more giving. Or less selfish. “Like you, I’ve come to terms with it. You have gotten used to your limitations, and I’ve gotten used to the fact that being in my haus is going to be anything but a place to sleep until I’m old enough to get my own place.”

  “What about your little brother?”

  “Samuel has always seemed kind of lost. I’ve tried to help him, but even a pretty good brother can’t fill in all the gaps, you know? He’s been acting up since he was old enough to act up. Right now I just hope he stays around until next May, when he finishes the eighth grade.”

  “Then?”

  “Then I bet he’ll find someone to help him move on.”

  “Maybe the bishop could do something?” Her voice was full of hope, thick with the belief that good things could still happen if a person really wanted them to.

  As much as he hated to dispel her hopes, Danny shook his head. “Sam doesn’t want to stay around here, Molly. Too much has happened, and he’s too unhappy.”

  “But maybe if you talk to him, you could convince him to try some more.” Hesitantly, she said, “I mean, it ain’t the same, but I wasn’t always all right with me being like this.” Her voice thick with emotion, she
said, “I had to give up a lot of dreams after I woke up in the hospital. I had to reimagine my future. It was hard.”

  Looking at the pained expression in Molly’s eyes, Danny once again realized that he’d mistaken Molly’s quiet ways and generally even temper as one of complacency. Or maybe he’d imagined her to be perpetually optimistic.

  He’d never fully imagined how hard it must have been for her. How difficult and painful her surgeries had been.

  “I’m sorry I never thought about what you’d gone through.”

  She shook her head impatiently. “Nee, this isn’t about me, Danny. I’m trying to tell you that the Lord has given all of us times when things are hard and painful. But just because He has, it doesn’t mean that it’s not a gut idea to stick it out.”

  “I believe you. I think I agree, too. But that ain’t the same with Sam.” When she continued to look at him with her wide eyes, he murmured, “See, Molly, you could get through your accident because you have faith and the knowledge that there are lots of people who love you and will help you. Sam doesn’t have that.”

  “But doesn’t he have you?”

  “I’m seventeen, not twenty-seven.”

  “But, still you could do something.”

  “I’ve been trying.” Gathering himself together, he forced himself to continue. Made himself reveal his weaknesses. “But don’t you hear what I’m saying? Everything that Sam has been going through? I went through it, too.”

  “Oh, Danny.” Her eyes had filled with tears.

  He knew he couldn’t handle sharing his secrets and her tears at the same time. “Don’t cry for me.”

  She sniffed. “I’m trying not to. But I feel so badly for you.”

  “Molly, like you said, we each have our own hardships and pain. That’s why I made peace with the fact that I’m not going to try to force Sam to stay if he doesn’t want to.”

  “But anything can happen. Doesn’t what happened to Evan not scare him?”

  After glancing at the door, he lowered his voice. “I think what happened with your brother’s friend Andy Warner scares him more, Molly.”

  “Why?”

  She looked so sweet. So completely confused, he almost didn’t want to be completely honest. He would have liked to let her keep her innocence. “Because for people like me and Samuel, the only thing worse than being in the situation that we’re in is knowing that there’s no hope for the future. As bad as things have been at our house, it would be worse if Sam thought he couldn’t hope for anything better.”