Insanity

by Kira Moericke

Shooting up into a sitting position, I reached forward and grabbed the orange pill bottle from where it was hidden behind my stuffed panda. I struggled to open the cap–my hands were shaking uncontrollably–but some-how, I finally managed to do so. Knocking out two pills into my palm, I was about to swallow them dry again, but just before I could, the screen to my phone lit up with an incoming message.

  I slowly lowered my hand and grabbed my phone. It was a picture sent from an unknown number, but it showed that it was from an Apple product. With one hand, I opened the message and felt suddenly sick.

  It was a picture of the oil painting.

  Being that Nova was the only other person who knew about the painting, the message had to have been sent from her. But how did she get my number?

  She’s a hacker, I reminded myself. She probably hacked into the school system or some other phone to get my number.

  Even though I didn’t want to look at the picture, I did. I just couldn’t help it. I stared and stared and stared at the picture until my vision began to blur. Then something hit me and I blinked, clearing my vision. Casey knew a lot about Brier Hall, maybe he would know who this woman was and why she looked like me?

  Knowing that he was the only one who could clear up this madness, I jumped up from my bed and hurried out.

  SEVENTEEN

  “CASEY!” MY VOICE echoed around me in the spacious room as I hurried to the center of the ballroom. I whirled around in a circle, searching the shadows. “Casey, where are you? We have to talk!”

  “What is it?” His voice came from behind me.

  I spun around to face him. It was hard to see tonight, for the moon was being hidden by clouds, as if it were afraid of the answers that were yet to be told.

  My nose tingled, and tears sprung to the corners of my eyes. I started toward him with heavy strides. “Who is she?”

  “Who are you talking about?” His beautiful face twisted into confusion.

  Tearing my eyes away from him, I looked down at my phone in my hand and brought up the picture that Nova had sent me. Zooming in on the photo, I held it up to Casey’s face. “Her.”

  “What is that thing?” His eye grew wide when he saw my phone. He took a frightful step back.

  “A cellphone?” I frowned. Taking a step forward, I shoved my phone back in his face. “Now tell me. Who. Is. She?”

  Swallowing hard, Casey took a small step forward and looked at the phone. Something passed over his eyes. Sadness perhaps.

  “Emilia.”

  “Why does she look like me?” I asked, my voice trembling. A tear slipped from my eye. Using my free hand, I quickly dashed it away.

  Casey looked at me, and I could see that his eyes were watery too. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. I could see the answer written on his face.

  “No.” I shook my head. I took a step back. Then another. “No! That’s…that’s insane.”

  “It is you,” Casey said. He took a step forward and reached for me. I quickly moved away. “It must be.”

  My breath was coming out in heaves now. I shook my head slowly. Then something hit me and I could feel the bile rise in the back of my throat. Needing to confirm it, though, I stepped forward and pulled down his collar that he always wore up. An ugly purple ring around his neck revealed itself to me, and I quickly snatched my hand away. “You.”

  Casey just stared at me, his arms hanging at his side.

  “You!” My voice rose in hysteria. It made sense now. How he knew so much about Brier Hall. How he didn’t know that it was now holding troubled teens. And how he didn’t know what a phone was. It explained why he got so emotional when he saw the picture of…her. “You’re him.” I swallowed back the bile. It burned going down. “Castiel.”

  “Em, please, let me explain.” He started toward me again.

  “Don’t touch me!” I jumped back. Tears were coming now, and even though I told myself to stop, I couldn’t.

  A pained expression crossed Casey’s, no, Castiel’s face. But he didn’t try to touch me again.

  “If you’re…him…that means you’re…you’re…” I coul-dn’t say the word “dead.”

  Casey shifted his gaze downwards, as if ashamed. “Yes.”

  “That means you’d be…”

  “A spirit?”

  I nodded.

  “Em, please, I beg of you, let me explain.” His voice sounded so sad that it tugged at my heartstrings. I was so close to letting him just come to me. Close, but not quite.

  “Fine.” I crossed my arms tight over my chest and stared at him. “Explain.”

  Casey opened his mouth then closed it.

  I waited.

  “Okay, I do not really know how to explain it besides that it has something to do with us. You and me.” Before I had a chance to move, he grabbed my one hand in both of his. I gasped and tried to pull my hand away, but his grip on me was too tight.

  How can he do that if he’s dead?

  “Please, you must believe me.”

  I slowly shook my head, and with a quick yank, slipped my hand out of his. As if my hand was keeping him upright, he fell to his knees.

  “Please,” he begged, his voice choked with tears. “You are Emilia. You must believe me.”

  “No!” The single word exploded out of me. “My name is Emma. Emma Knightley.” But something didn’t feel right. The name sounded empty, hollow.

  Casey shook his head. “Please.”

  Tears blurred my vision, making it hard to see. I swallowed, but the stubborn lump wouldn’t go down. “I can’t be.”

  “But you are.”

  I wanted to argue. To make valid points on why I was not Emilia. But nothing came out. So instead, I turned and quickly hurried out of the room, tears pouring from my eyes.

  “Don’t go, Em!” Casey called after me. “Please don’t go.”

  I left.

  EIGHTEEN

  I STAYED IN bed for two days straight. I didn’t feel like doing anything or seeing anyone. I just wanted to be by myself, lay in bed, and do absolutely nothing. But I knew I couldn’t do this forever, so on Tuesday, I finally decided to haul my ass out of bed and attempt going to class.

  “Finally decided to stop moping?” Nova asked, as I threw on the school’s ugly uniform. I didn’t bother taking a shower–I just didn’t have the energy to do so–and threw my hair up into a sloppy bun.

  “It’s not like I can stay in bed forever,” I mumbled. I slipped the black tie around my neck, but didn’t tighten it all the way.

  “Wouldn’t that be a dream?” Nova sighed. She tapped the tip of her cigarette against the windowpane, letting the ashes fall two stories down.

  I finished getting ready before I left to Mr. Atherton’s class. My feet felt heavy the whole way, and I had this sudden urge to turn back around and go back to bed. But I didn’t. I couldn’t.

  I kept moving on.

  ***

  Not many people were in class by the time I arrived, and I was slightly relieved. I didn’t want a whole bunch of people looking at me when I looked like shit.

  “Oh, Em,” Lena said as I slipped into my seat next to her, placing my messenger bag down by my feet. Worry filled her dark green eyes. “You don’t look too good. Are you okay? Are you feeling sick?”

  “I’m fine,” I replied, but in reality, I still felt numb from Saturday night.

  Lena looked at me doubtfully. “You didn’t go back to get that dress, did you?”

  I nodded. “But it doesn’t matter. I don’t think I want to go anymore.”

  “You don’t?”

  I shook my head. “I just don’t feel like getting all dressed up when we’re stuck in this shithole.” Or wear a dress that I may or may not have worn in a past life.

  “But what about Jayden?”

  “I don’t know.” Shrugging, I reached down, distra-cting myself as I grabbed my Past Eras textbook from my bag. “I guess I’m going to have to tell him that it’s off.” Surely he’d understand,
right? I mean, it’s Jayden.

  Yeah, Jayden. The nicest, sweetest guy that you’ve ever met. And now you’re just going to crush his spirit by telling him that you’re not going to the dance. Dick move right there, Em.

  Lena didn’t say anything. Instead, the two of us sat in silence, listening to the murmuring chatter of those around us, waiting for Mr. Atherton to arrive.

  ***

  “Alright, class! I know that all of your teenage minds are thinking about the dance this upcoming weekend,” Mr. Atherton called out when the bell shrilled, and we all started to gather our belongings, “but remember that we have an exam next Monday. So study hard!”

  “Ugh,” Lena groaned as we both got up. She grabbed her backpack and threw it over her shoulder. “Who gives an exam on a Monday? Like, seriously, that should be illegal or something.”

  “Yeah. Sure.” I wasn’t really paying attention. All I wanted to do was hurry through this day so that I can lay back in bed.

  “Em? Are you even listening to me? Em? Hello, earth to Emma.”

  “Miss Knightley?” Mr. Atherton’s voice snapped me into focus. I paused by the door and turned at the waist. “Could you stay for a minute?”

  “I’ll see you at lunch,” Lena said, brushing past me.

  “Yeah.” I moved away from the door as the last of the students filed out of the room and closer to Mr. Atherton’s desk. I could feel all of my nerves becoming jumbled together. A cold sweat broke out in the small of my back. What was going on?

  “Yes?” I said when I stepped near his desk.

  “Here. I wanted to hand back your quiz from the other day. You did a very good job. One of the highest scores.” He handed me back a familiar one-sheet page with a big fat A on the top. “And I was wondering if you were alright?” Mr. Atherton tilted back in his computer chair and scrutinized me with his cold blue eyes. “You look a little…off this morning.”

  “Yeah, I had trouble getting to bed last night,” I lied. Actually, night was the easiest part of my day with the help of those pills that Dr. Langley prescribed me.

  Mr. Atherton raised an eyebrow, as if he didn’t fully believe me.

  “Well…I should probably get going.” I stuffed my quiz into my bag and took a step back. Then another.

  “Of course.” He nodded, then turned back to his computer.

  I turned around, ready to head to my next class when something inside me froze. Maybe Mr. Atherton could help me. If anyone knew about the possibility of soul reincarnation, he would.

  “Mr. Atherton?” I turned back around and stepped close to his desk.

  “Yes, Miss. Knightley?” He looked back up at me with questioning eyes.

  “Um…I was wondering if...if soul reincarnation…” What if he doesn’t believe me? What if he sends me to Dr. Langley so that I could be doped up with even more pills?

  “What is it?” Mr. Atherton asked, his voice snapping me out of my thoughts.

  I blinked and swallowed hard. Okay, here goes nothing…“Um, I was wondering if soul reincarnation is possible?”

  I expected him to laugh me out of his room, but instead, he raised an eyebrow and propped his elbows up on his desk, lacing his fingers together. “What makes you ask that, Miss Knightley?”

  Okay, time to come up with a lie. Quick! “I watched a movie where the main character was reincarnated, and was just curious if it could happen in, like, real life?” The statement came out sounding more like a question.

  “Hmm…Interesting question.” He was silent for a moment, thinking. “I guess it could be possible. If a soul is lost between time and space, and then finally finds a host to attach itself too…”

  “So you’re saying that it is possible?” I said.

  Mr. Atherton nodded his head and unlaced his fingers. “I believe so.” He squinted his eyes at me. “Are you sure that there is no other reason you’re asking this?”

  I stared at him for a moment, feeling a bead of sweat run down my back before answering, “No.” Then before he could uncover the truth, I hurried from the room.

  ***

  I wanted to skip lunch. I didn’t think I could face Jayden, especially since I was planning on breaking our date to the Autumn Ball. But Lena had found me right before, and had pulled me to the cafeteria.

  “So, what did Mr. Atherton want to talk to you about?” she asked as we stood in line.

  “Nothing really,” I replied. I didn’t want to tell her about the conversation I had brought up with him. She’d think I was crazy. Or maybe I am. Maybe I’m a patient in some insane asylum right now, and all this was just a hallucination that I was having. “He just thought I looked a little tired, and just wanted to make sure that I was doing alright.”

  “Oh.” She sounded disappointed.

  As we inched forward in line, I glanced around the cafeteria. The room was already full, but I saw that someone was sitting at our table. I knew by his curly afro and light brown skin that it was Jayden. My nerves instantly became jumbled and a sick feeling rose in my stomach. I really didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

  “What’s with the long face?”

  Both Lena and I jumped at the sound of Nova’s voice. Turning, we saw her just as she cut in line behind me.

  “Seriously?” the girl Nova cut in front of growled.

  “Yup,” was all Nova replied before dismissing her. She turned to look at me. “What’s with the sad face, Blondie? I thought you blonds were supposed to be annoyingly peppy all the freaking time?”

  “That’s a stereotype,” Lena pointed out as she grabbed herself a tray. “Let Em just have her sad day.”

  Nova rolled her eyes.

  “How about after classes, you both come to my room and we can just have a girls’ evening?” Lena suggested. We held our trays out toward the lunch lady, who plopped an ice cream scoop of gray, chunky potatoes onto them. “We won’t talk about any sad stuff. We’ll read magazines, gossip, and just goof around.”

  I did have to admit that that did sound fun. I remembered all the times that Rue and I hung out, having a girls’ day. We used to watch teen flicks such as Never Been Kissed and She’s All That, flip through fashion magazines, and gossip about the guys at school. I remembered the last time we talked about boys, I had a crush on Drew Corgan, who now seemed more like a distant memory. But then I thought back to what happened in the ballroom two nights ago, and all that happiness that was starting to bubble up inside of me deflated.

  “I don’t know…” I started.

  “Please!” Lena begged.

  “I’d rather jab a tack in my eye than go and braid each other’s hair,” Nova bit out. “So, no for me.”

  “Seriously, you guys are no fun.” Lena pouted.

  We made our way to our table once we had our food, and settled down. Jayden looked up from his tray at our arrival, but I kept my gaze down, not meeting his eyes.

  I didn’t say a word all through lunch. Instead, I kept my gaze casted downwards and forced myself to eat the food in front of me. I listened to Lena rave about the upcoming dance, and Nova as she made snarky comments. After what felt like forever, I finally finished my food and got up, ready to dump my tray.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  I jumped, completely startled by Jayden’s voice. Placing my tray on top of the pile of dirty ones, I turned to look at him. “Jayden, you can’t sneak up on me like that.”

  “Sorry.” A bashful look crossed his face. He ran a hand through his mane of curls. “I just wanted to make sure that you’re alright. You seemed a little…closed off at the table.”

  “I know.” I suddenly felt embarrassed. Had I been that noticeable? “I’ve just been thinking about the dance.”

  “Oh yeah?” Jayden smiled, and I felt a gooey sensation within me. “I’ve been thinking about that too. I was talking to my mom the other day, and she already bought me a tie in that champagne color. It’s in the mail, on its way here.” He paused, blushing. “She’s really happy that I met you�
�I could hear it in her voice. I think that she thinks that you’ll make me a better person.”

  Oh, shit. How was I supposed to break off our date now?

  “Em?” Jayden’s eyebrow–the one with the scar slicing through it–rose upwards. The happiness that shone in his eyes disappeared and was replaced by uncertainty. “Do…do you not want to go to the dance anymore or something?”

  I stared up at Jayden. He looked so sad. It tugged at my heartstrings. I couldn’t hurt him. I just couldn’t.

  “No,” I said. “I…I was just thinking about how I should do my hair.”

  “Really?” His face brightened a little.

  Not trusting my voice, I nodded.

  “Oh.” A smile rose on his lips. “Well, if that’s all that’s bothering you…”

  “It is,” I said, nodding vigorously.

  The bell shrilled over the speakers, announcing that lunch was over.

  “Well, catch you later,” Jayden said, taking a step back.

  “Yeah.” I watched as he walked away, disappearing into the crowd with a mixed feeling of happiness and dread pulsing within my chest.

  NINETEEN

  I TRIED TO focus on my homework later that evening, but there was an invisible force that was pulling at me in a different direction. A direction that would lead me directly to the ballroom.

  No, Em, I scolded myself. Don’t even think about going to the ballroom. If possible, try to avoid it. Until Saturday, that is.

  I had to distract myself. How, I didn’t know. But then an idea hit me, and I scrambled up from my bed and grabbed my phone from where it sat on top of my desk. Turning it on, I went straight to the Internet and did a Google search. Castiel Brier I typed in.

  It took a moment for the results to appear, but when they did, I saw that there were several of them. I scrolled through them, seeing which ones seemed more legit. I stopped when I saw a heading to one article: The Greatest Love Story Since Romeo and Juliet. The feeling of baby spiders tap-dancing along my spine overcame me, and I shivered.