GQ How to Win at Life

by Charlie Burton

  1: ONLY WRITE STORIES THAT PASS A CRUCIAL TEST

  “What you need to write a successful book is a profound connection to the material,” says Parsons. “It doesn’t have to be something that happened to you – clearly George R R Martin feels a profound connection to Game of Thrones .” That matters more than novelty. “With Man and Boy , it would have been easy to say, ‘What’s special about this story – guy loses his parents, happens to everybody.’ You could talk yourself out of it. But because of that obsessive connection, you make it work.” Also ask yourself, “What is this book really about?” and keep the answer in mind as a North Star throughout the writing process.

  2: KEEP TO A STRICT SCHEDULE

  To kick-start the daunting task of writing a novel, Parsons has a trick. “I write the first line of the book on 1st January, and that’s all I have to do that day. It goes back to Hemingway’s old mantra for overcoming writer’s block: ‘All you have to do is write one true sentence.’” He then completes a draft of the first chapter over the following week, and finishes a draft of the book by early summer, working from an outline and a cast list but leaving himself room to improvise. Mornings, he says, are best for writing.

  3: EXPERIENCE IS A GREAT RESOURCE – BUT BE DISCERNING

  “The mistake that a lot of beginners make is they think that because it happened to them, it’s pure gold and that’s not necessarily so. Everything must relate to the story.” Parsons recounts a vivid childhood memory of going to get a football from the garage and being struck dumb to find a handgun on the back seat of his father’s car. Significant though the moment was, he resisted putting it in Man and Boy . “In the context of my childhood it kind of makes sense – my father had this hinterland that I didn’t know anything about – but it just didn’t work in the story.”

  4: IT’S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU

  “People try to make the lead character them and it doesn’t have to be. I think a great example is the way Ian Fleming wrote James Bond. Ian Fleming was not a hero, but he lived his life in the shadow of heroes, so he knew how heroism carried itself. If you read those James Bond books, sometimes it’s Fleming’s voice – when he’s talking about women or patriotism, alcohol or Jamaica – and yet James Bond is not him. I think that works perfectly: when the protagonist is like a shadow brother.”

  5: GET AN AGENT

  When Parsons was 16, and knew that he wanted to be an author, he wrote to famous people for advice. “One person wrote back, and that was Keith Waterhouse. He said, ‘Dear Tony, get an agent. Best wishes, Keith.’ It was fantastic advice – you’re three-quarters of the way home when you’ve done that.” Parsons recommends finding out who represents your favourite authors and writing an attention-grabbing letter to those people, possibly enclosing a chapter of your book. “I’d also say: don’t be afraid to fire your agent. A relationship with an agent is like any other, most of them don’t end too soon.”

  HANDSHAKE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS

  It’s important to have a good handshake because people don’t forget a bad one. “Oxytocin [the social bonding hormone] is released when it’s done properly,” says Joe Navarro. “We remember bad handshakes because it goes to the same area of the brain where we collect negative information.” Navarro honed his body-language expertise as an FBI Special Agent, using his knowledge to catch spies, as detailed in his book Three Minutes to Doomsday (2017). Now, he consults on non-verbal communication for the likes of Fortune 500 companies. Here’s how to up your handshake game…

  1: PRESS THE FLESH

  Sweaty palms? “The worst thing you can do is drag your hands down your trousers.” Instead, adjust your jacket – tug it near the lower button or the lapels – as a way to covertly dry them. This has the bonus of being a “preening” behaviour, which elicits positive feelings in others.

  2: THE IDEAL HANDSHAKE

  Don’t get so close that you’re invading the other’s personal space. Make eye contact, smile and swing your arm in confidently with the fingers angled downward. Engulf their hand warmly, imitating their energy level, and match the pressure to the culture – in Turkey, say, handshakes are weak; in Britain they’re firmer. But never crush.

  3: TWO TO AVOID

  Don’t do the politician-style two-hander; if you want to show more affection, grasp their upper arm with your other hand. Also, avoid touching their wrist (a consequence of fingers being angled forward), as this is too intimate. “That leaves you with so many negative feelings.”

  4: HOW TO GET OUT OF A BAD ONE

  If they’re not letting you go, respond by briefly squeezing their forearm. “That usually is a good distraction to end the handshaking.” Alternatively, if you’re getting a knuckle-crusher, call them out. “I’ve told people, ‘Listen, this is not a carnival, you’re not going to get a prize from me.’”

  5: BUT IF YOU NEED TO SHOW WHO’S BOSS…

  Don’t be tempted to start squeezing, pulling or twisting their hand. “I prefer to establish dominance with my body posture and my face. When it’s time to terminate the handshake, you’ll know it because my countenance will change. The facial muscles will tighten: ‘It’s time.’”

  CONQUER YOUR TO-DO LIST

  Getting Things Done is the cult productivity system used by Will Smith, Robert Downey Jr and Joss Whedon, among others. It’s explained in a 2001 book of the same name that has been bought by more than two million people. The man behind it, David Allen, has been named one of the top five executive coaches in America by Forbes magazine. So what exactly is it about GTD that has made this time-management methodology so popular? “Number one,” says Allen, “it works.” At the core of it is a simple idea: get everything out of your head, so you no longer have to stress about it, and break it all down into manageable tasks. The full system is a complicated beast, so we spoke to Allen about some of its key steps. These alone will help you squeeze even more out of every day…

  1: CAPTURE EVERYTHING

  Identify all of your “in-baskets” – your email, your physical inbox, your voicemails. GTD says that you must have as few in-baskets as you can get away with. You should also jot down whatever’s on your mind – each thing should go on a separate slip of paper. Toss these into your in-tray, too. Ready to process your stuff? Work through your in-baskets systematically from top to bottom. For each item, ask, “Is this actionable?” If it isn’t, either discard it or transfer it to a “Someday” list. However, if it is actionable…

  2: WORK OUT THE “NEXT ACTION”

  Next actions are the specific, physical things you need to do in order to complete the task. Is the next action doable in less than two minutes? Do it immediately. If not, but it’s something you need to do as soon as possible, write it on a “Next Actions” list or – if it’s date-specific – put it in your calendar. If a next action is a delegation, however, delegate away and note it on a “Waiting On” list. Any task requiring two or more next actions should also be recorded on a separate “Projects” list.

  3: ASSIGN CONTEXTS

  You will likely have lots of as-soonas-possible next actions. “To see all of those at once on a big list would be a little overwhelming,” says Allen. So create Next Action lists for different “contexts” – this is the situation in which you’ll be best placed to complete the action. For instance, “Commute” might be one, “Computer” or “Home” might be another. Running some errands? Go to your “Errands” list and start working through those. It may also be useful to have people-specific contexts, such as “Boss”, for next actions that involve an interaction.

  4: FIND TIME TO REFLECT

  Once a week, carve out time to review your lists. Ensure that you have removed everything that has been completed. Now go through your Projects, and make sure each has at least one next action. If you encounter a thing that you don’t want to do anymore, either get rid of it entirely or shift it to your Someday list. Also consider whether anything from the Someday list should be added to Projects. Some people like to keep a re
gular slot free every week for this, such as Sunday night.

  5: GET A “TICKLER” SYSTEM

  A “tickler” system is a way of organizing documents and reminders so that you encounter them on the day they are required. It comprises 43 physical files – one for each day of the month, plus 12 for each month of the year. So: you need to renew your visa on 15th May? Put the application form in the May folder. On the evening of 30th April, take out the May folder and organize its contents into the relevant days. The visa form will go in file 15. Some see the tickler as an optional extra, but Allen says it’s vital. “If these things matter to you, you friggin’ better have some system.”

  NEUTRALIZE A CRISIS THE ALASTAIR CAMPBELL WAY

  When Alastair Campbell was working for the British Prime Minister Tony Blair– first as his Press Secretary, later as his Director of Communications and Strategy – he managed crises of the highest level. The September 11 attacks, for example, the Kosovo War, the fuel protests and the foot-and-mouth outbreak. Those last two might not have had international ramifications but, as he recalls in his book Winners (2015), “they were crises nevertheless, not least because in the early days both gave off signals that the government had lost control and had no answers. Even for non-control freaks, that is quite scary.” Yet his record in steering the Labour Party through those experiences – Blair won three general elections – is why Campbell remains in high demand today as a crisis consultant to private organizations and public figures. We asked him what he tells them…

  1: QUESTION WHAT YOU’RE DEALING WITH

  Ask yourself: is this a crisis, or merely a problem? A crisis, to Campbell, is an event or situation that threatens to overwhelm you if the wrong decisions are taken. Don’t go into crisis mode unnecessarily – that can create a crisis – but don’t be blasé either. “I remember Tony and I were in Canada with Chrétien, the Canadian Prime Minister. Godric Smith, my number two, came into a meeting and gave us a note that said there had been an outbreak of foot-and-mouth. Chrétien said, ‘Get on to that right away.’ But we were too slow.”

  2: ENLIST THE HOLY TRINITY

  Since 1994, Campbell has tackled problems in terms of three letters: OST. O(bjective) is what you want to achieve, S(trategy) is the defining idea behind how you’ll achieve it, and T(actics) are the literal things you will do. For most crises, the O is “survive”; S and T will depend on the crisis. The crucial task is to identify them, then rapidly centralize everybody involved to ensure all activity is planned and serves that OST. When drawing up tactics, one misconception is that it’s best to make all information public immediately.

  3: THE MESSAGE IS KING

  You need to constantly narrate your strategy. During the Milošević crisis, for instance, “our message became: ‘his troops out, our troops in, refugees go home’”. Good messages are not formulaic, defensive or repeated verbatim like a slogan (instead, mix up the wording yet retain the core idea). You also need to give the crisis a human face – but pick the best person. “So often with corporate crises they put up a guy who is brilliant at his day job, but like a frightened rabbit in front of a camera. The public don’t care if the screen says ‘chairman’ or ‘finance director’.” Finally, rebut false perceptions.

  4: KNOW WHEN TO ADAPT

  “If a problem persists that people can pick away at, you need to move into a different mode,” says Campbell. “But the best adaptation comes when people don’t necessarily notice.” Take the royal family – in the mid-Nineties, British republicanism was growing. “They’ve seen that off by adapting very subtly. Look at the Queen. She has a Facebook page but the pictures on it are of her riding a horse. Letting tourists into Buckingham Palace and paying tax – these were also big steps.”

  5: DON’T MESS UP MOVING ON

  Even when it all seems hopeless, remember: the crisis will eventually be over. That’s why somebody needs to be thinking about what you will do once things have returned to normal. “With all the strategies I was involved in, there was such a relief when they ended that you just take your eye off the ball for a bit.” If you’ve had an oil spill, say, you might become a more meaningful champion of environmental policy. And sometimes you need a change of personnel to signal your fresh start. “Perhaps you put in a new boss.”

  THE UNEXPECTED

  Murphy’s Law puts it simply: anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Keep that in mind when you read the guides in this chapter, which range from surviving a kidnapping to landing a plane with engine failure. We wanted to address even the most outlandish scenarios with real authority, so in this chapter you’ll encounter people with some unusual backgrounds. There’s a former member of SEAL Team 6, for example, and a man who has lived through a full-scale societal breakdown. If the worst happens, you’ll have the very best shot at making it through…

  SURVIVE A KIDNAPPING

  A volley of gunfire told Andy McNab that he had been discovered. It was January 1991, during the thick of the Gulf War, and a few days earlier his SAS patrol had gone behind Iraqi lines. Soon after, the group had been compromised and started making its way toward Syria, trying to evade enemy forces. Now, he was being dragged from a drainage ditch where he had been hiding and bundled into a Land Cruiser.

  As described in his book Bravo Two Zero (1993), a bestseller that would kick-start his post-SAS career as an author, he would be held – interrogated, beaten and tortured – for six long weeks. In the unlikely event you ever find yourself taken captive, this is his advice on how to get through it…

  1: BECOME THE GREY MAN

  Let’s backtrack. The most important thing is not to get kidnapped in the first place, so don’t present yourself as a person of value. “You’ve got a lot of rich guys in Moscow who drive ten-year-old Skodas,” notes McNab. Give a false name whenever you book a cab to pick you up from an airport. “At a lot of airports around the planet, you’ve got guys there with mobiles and laptops who’ll look up the customer names on the waiting drivers’ signs. If it’s a high-value executive, well straight away that’s a fantastic target.”

  2: CREATE DISTANCE

  If somebody tries to kidnap you, time is of the essence. That means you should plan escape routes for any high-risk location. The crucial thing is to create distance between yourself and the problem: run to a safe place or jump from a window. If that’s not possible, you should comply. “But every opportunity there is, you need to try to escape, no matter what – push and run.” What if they’re armed? “If they’ve got pistols, they’ve got to be really good shots to take you down at 5 metres [or 16ft] as a moving target.”

  3: FORGE A RELATIONSHIP

  In captivity, you need to stay healthy. Avoid beatings by complying with demands and sympathizing with opinions. Your other priority is to make them see you as a human being. Tell them your name, and talk about your family (a well-prepared kidnapper will already know about your relatives so you’re unlikely to put them at extra risk). Also, start smoking. “It’s the universal bond. It gives you a mutual need with the captor. You get physical contact with their hands, because they’re not going to let you use the lighter yourself. And also you get eye-to-eye contact when you’re saying thank you.”

  4: DON’T LOSE YOUR MIND

  While always looking to escape, accept your situation. “The only thing they haven’t got control of is your mind, so get a grip.” If they tell you that nobody wants to pay your ransom, don’t believe it – it means nothing until it happens. As for staying sane in solitary confinement, McNab recalls an American pilot held in isolation for six years in Vietnam. “He built a house brick by brick in his head, working on it every day. Then he did the gardens. Once that was done, he said, ‘Right, the house needs repainting…’”

  5: PLAY THE ENDGAME

  Relationship with your guards deteriorating? Being moved more frequently? Things are going wrong for your captors. If you suspect that they are about to kill you, you may as well fight – use your slop bucket, perhaps, or simply pus
h your guard and run for it. “If the door in the corridor is locked, well, you’re going to get shot – but you don’t know…” On the other hand, rescue might be imminent. If special forces come in, discard any weapons, hit the ground – and don’t grab the soldiers out of relief. “If you do that, they’re all trained to drop [strike] you: you’ll go down.”

  ESCAPE FROM A SINKING CAR

  If your car is going underwater, you have about a minute to get out alive. That’s why Jon Ehm and Steffan Uzzell from Survival Systems USA recommend not calling the emergency services but immediately getting to work on the following technique. Their Connecticut-based company, founded in 1999, specializes in escaping from aircraft and vehicles underwater, and has trained special operations personnel, National Guard units and officers from federal law enforcement agencies. Most car submersions occur, says Ehm, when drivers get caught in a flood. “If people drown in a car, it’s typically because they’ve driven into a situation deliberately: ‘Oh there’s water over the road, I’m just going to go ahead and risk it.’” Some situations, however, are less avoidable. Here’s how to escape…