The Queen of Diamonds

by Raven Cavalleu

  Alex opened the front door and said, "Give Madison my love. Good-bye, Rachel."

  Rachel heard the finality in her voice and fear gripped her, causing her heart to race. "Alex, please promise me you won't do anything stupid."

  She gave Rachel a disparaging smile. "I do stupid things every day. I'm afraid that's a promise I just can't make."

  "You know what I mean."

  She nodded. "Yes, I know what you mean, and while I can't make any promises, I'm not thirteen anymore and have no intention of swallowing a handful of pills."

  "Please, Alex," she pleaded as tears welled up in her eyes.

  "I need to go, Rachel. I have a book to write." She placed a kiss on her cheek. "Good-bye." She stepped back inside the house and softly closed the door, sliding the deadbolt home as her heart broke once more. She shook off her sadness and headed back into her office to resume writing her story. A short time later the ringing of her telephone interrupted her. She was surprised when she looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Nikki.

  "Hello."

  "Alex. Why did you stop seeing Rachel? I really don't think that's a good idea right now. You need…"

  She hung up the phone, and turned back to her book. When her phone immediately rang again, she turned it off. She was afraid the ache in her chest had become permanent, and knew that Nikki was the only one that could ease it. She also knew that Nikki wasn't ready to forgive her, and she wasn't ready to stop hiding yet. Maybe when the book was complete she would be ready. She only hoped Nikki would wait. With that thought in mind, she once again began writing.

  Alex woke screaming from the nightmare that plagued her every time she fell asleep these days. It always started out the same, with her father killing her mother. Now each time her mother looked into the closet as she died, she morphed into Nikki. Knowing she'd never get back to sleep, she climbed from the bed and headed for the shower before getting back to work.

  As she sat down and fired up her laptop, she noticed her phone and remembered she'd turned it off. She turned it back on and saw she had multiple missed calls from Nikki as well as several voicemails. She listened to them and heard the anger in her voice turn to fear as she asked Alex to let her know she was okay. Knowing she'd fall apart if she heard her voice again, she responded with a simple text message. 'I'M STILL ALIVE.' She set the phone down and pulled up her book so she could continue writing. As she began to type, her phone chirped announcing a new text message.

  'THANK GOD. PLEASE TALK TO ME.'

  Alex leaned back in her chair, her book forgotten as she read the message. "Oh baby, I wish I knew how." She was startled when the phone in her hand rang and felt it slipping from her fingers. She managed to trap it with her leg against the desk, and realized it stopped ringing when she finally managed to get it back in her hand. She looked at the screen to see who had called only to see that she'd inadvertently answered the call. "Hello?"

  "I didn't think you were going to answer."

  Alex was both elated and pained by the sound of Nikki's voice. "I almost didn't," she replied.

  "I'm glad you did. I was worried about you."

  She felt her hopes deflate as she realized the only reason Nikki called was because she was afraid she would hurt herself. "There is no need to be concerned, Nikki. I haven't tried to kill myself for a long time. I have no desire to try again. You can walk away with a clear conscience."

  Nikki felt her anger rising. She blew her breath out forcefully before saying, "Damn it, Alex. You need –"

  "I can't do this, Nikki. It hurts far too much. I'm sorry. Good-bye." She heard Nikki call her name as she hung up the phone, turning it off once again.

  Alex cut herself off from the world. She immersed herself in her writing, spending hours at the computer, and only stopped to sleep when she could no longer see to write. She hardly ate, causing Maria to worry and fuss. After just a couple of weeks her neglect began to show. Her clothes hung from her petite frame, and her strength began to wane. Still she pressed on, writing at a rapid pace, and finishing the first draft in just four weeks.

  With the first draft of the book complete, she took a couple of days off to gather her strength for the first round of editing. She spent some time walking around her property enjoying the peace and beauty nature provided. As she walked under the trees she realized that while she needed the publicity of a traditional publisher to get this book noticed, she didn't have the time. She knew she was going to have to put some thought into how she could get this book out to those that needed its message most. With a sigh she pushed off the trunk of the tree and headed back indoors to begin editing.

  While the editing of the book didn't take as long as writing it did, it was just as painful. The emotional toll was nearly devastating. The nightmares that started after Nikki left still haunted her and became worse as time went on, causing her to get little sleep. She worked on the book all hours of the day and night until it was finally complete. She self-published, and ordered several copies of the book.

  After hitting the submit button, Alex sat back with a sigh. Not allowing herself time to relax, she reached for the computer and began to look up the names of some people from her past that just might be able to help her get the book noticed.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Alex returned home from her trip to Hollywood, after filming several interviews, and was disappointed to find she still had no messages from Nikki. 'Face it, Alex. She's not coming back,' she thought as she placed her suitcase on the bed and began to unpack. Once the small case was empty, she reached for the phone, and couldn't help but smile when Emily answered.

  "Hey, Alex. How's it going?"

  "Great, Em. How about you?"

  "I'm just wonderful. It's good to finally hear from you. It's been a long time," Emily said.

  "Yes, it has. How would you guys like to get an early dinner at The Bluffs about five? I really need to see you." After working out the details, Alex hung up the phone. She looked around her bedroom and realized again how empty it was without Nikki. Everywhere she looked she saw something that reminded her of what she lost. Shrugging off her despair, she headed for the shower to clean off the residue of her travels before meeting her friends for dinner.

  She pulled up in front of The Bluffs, placed a copy of her book in her purse, and climbed out of the car. She took a ticket from the valet, and walked into the restaurant. She turned when she heard her name, and saw Sarah waving at her from the bar. She gave them both a quick hug before ordering a diet coke. "So, what's the occasion?" Emily asked as she waved her hand around the opulent bar.

  Alex smiled and shook her head. "I'm not allowed to invite a couple of friends out to dinner?"

  "Not to a place like this, unless it is a special occasion. So what gives?" Emily wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "Are you getting hitched to that chick we met the night you gave me the boot or what?" Sarah saw Alex flinch at Emily's words and squeezed her knee under the table.

  She looked down at her drink for a moment as she tried to control the sudden surge of emotions Emily's comment caused. "No, nothing that exciting I'm afraid." She pulled her book from her purse and pushed it across the table. "I just wanted you to hear it from me first. This will be hitting the stores in a couple of days."

  Emily looked at the book and smiled. "Good for you, but what's the big deal?"

  "There are things in there that I never told you, and I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me." As a loud group of people walked in, laughter caught Alex's attention. She looked towards the door and saw Nikki walk in with her arm around a pretty redhead, laughing at something the woman had said. She watched as Nikki leaned over and whispered in the woman's ear, causing her to blush.

  "Hey Alex, isn't that…" Emily's voice trailed off as she saw the look of anguish on her friend's face.

  Alex quickly looked away before she was caught staring. She cleared her throat and swallowed, trying to keep from choking on her emotions. "As I said, I'm sorry I never to
ld you, and I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me." She pulled out her wallet and placed two one hundred dollar bills on the table. "Please stay and enjoy your dinner. I've got to go. I've suddenly lost my appetite." She stood and looked down at Emily and said, "I'll be doing a lot of traveling in the coming months, and will be unreachable. If you need me, send me an email." She took a step towards the door, stopped, and turned back, her pain clearly visible. "I love you both and always will. Thank you for everything." Before they could respond, she was gone.

  The next couple of days were a whirlwind of activity. Alex met with her lawyer several times as she made arrangements and finalized paperwork. She sat down with Maria and Ilario and explained that she was leaving, and asked them to keep an eye on the house. She refused to tell them where she was going, just that she was leaving and didn't know when, or if, she'd return but promised to keep in touch. She called Kelly and told her that she would be on the road and could only be reached by email. She sent a copy of her book to Kelly and Natalie with a letter apologizing for not giving it to them in person. Once her business with the lawyers was concluded, she packed a small suitcase, took her passport and credit cards, and called a taxi, disappearing quietly into the night. As she boarded a plane for Italy, she turned off her cell phone and packed it away along with the last hope of ever seeing Nikki again. She watched out of the small oval window as the lights below slowly began to fade as they gained altitude. While those around her began to drift off to sleep, she sat back and let her mind wander. She wondered how everyone would react to her book, and to finding out she was gone. Her only hope was that Madison would be able to forget her quickly.

  Alex pulled out her laptop and began to write a new Millie the Monkey story, detailing the loss of her new friend Lexi the jaguar. She hoped the story would help Madison learn to deal with death and the loss of loved ones. It was some time later when she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Looking into the aisle, she saw the upper class hostess standing beside her.

  "How about you put that down for a moment and come with me?" she asked as she held her hand out to her. When Alex failed to react she smiled and said, "Please. I don't want to wake anyone or draw any unwanted attention." Alex nodded her head, saved her file, and stood. "Thank you." She followed the hostess down the aisle and through the drawn curtain to the galley. "My name is Dawn." She handed Alex a hot towel and said, "Here, this will help soothe your eyes."

  Alex leaned against the counter as she unrolled the towel, placing it against her tired eyes. As the towel began to cool, she wiped the remains of the tears from her face. "Thank you. I needed that." She handed the towel back to Dawn with a smile.

  "That's much better. You have a beautiful smile," Dawn said as she handed her a bottle of water. "Do you mind if I ask why you were crying?"

  She opened the bottle and took a drink as she thought about how she wanted to answer. "I'm writing a rather sad story at the moment. Explaining the loss of a loved one to a child isn't easy, but necessary. I'm hoping this story will help."

  Dawn gave her a look of understanding. "I'm dreading the time I have to explain to my daughter. Are you writing this for your daughter?" She watched as Alex stiffened slightly, and her jaw clenched.

  Before she could apologize, Alex said, "No, my goddaughter."

  "Who did she lose?" Dawn asked. She could tell this was an uncomfortable subject by the rigid set of her shoulders and the pain in her eyes.

  "Me." She held her hand out to Dawn and said, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Dawn." She gave her the brightest smile she could muster as she shook her hand. "Thank you for the kindness you've extended to me today, but I really need to finish this story. If you'll excuse me." Before Dawn could find the words, Alex was gone.

  Dani rushed into the house and headed straight for the living room. "Rachel. You won't believe what I found today." She pulled the book from her bag and handed it to her wife. "It's a book about Alex."

  Rachel took the book and looked at the cover. It contained a picture of a much younger Alex in her team USA softball uniform. She turned it over and read the synopsis on the back. "Good. I hope it helped her to get it out, though I'm a little surprised she didn't tell us."

  "Why would she? She doesn't want anything to do with us, Rach."

  Rachel's shoulders slumped as she thought about what Alex had told her that last day. "It's not like that, exactly. You've got to look at it from her perspective. You look just like the woman that ripped her heart out when she walked away. What do you think she feels each time she looks at you, or hears your voice?" She saw the understanding dawn as Dani slowly collapsed onto the couch. "Exactly. She hurt every time she saw us. She had to step away from us in order to save her sanity. I only hope it worked."

  Dani took a deep breath as she took the book back with a shaky hand. "I didn't realize." She looked at the picture on the cover and whispered, "I miss her, Rach."

  "Me too, sweetheart, me too."

  Dani sat back on the couch, opened the book, and began to read. It was just a short time later that she turned and asked, "What is Eidetic Memory and Hyperthymesia?" Rachel explained that people with eidetic memory have perfect recall and those with Hyperthymesia can remember every day of their lives in perfect detail, and the two tend to be related. "Like that woman detective on the TV show mom likes?"

  "Exactly. Why do you ask?"

  "Alex says she suffers from both."

  Rachel sat up, her eyes wide as the implication became clear. "Dear Lord. That explains so much." She looked over and saw Dani's confused expression. "She was in the room when both her mother and her sister were brutally murdered. It's no wonder she ended up in the mental hospital several times. The average brain would have buried those memories away to protect itself, hers recorded each sight and sound for instant playback instead." Dani's eyes widened. "Exactly. Let me know when you're done with that. I think I'd like to read it."

  Alex wearily stepped from the plane and began to walk through the terminal towards the baggage claim. She smiled when she saw Zaira waiting for her, holding a sign with the Perfetta Armonia name and logo. She walked up to the young woman and said, "Were you afraid I wouldn't recognize you, Zaira?"

  The young woman smiled. "It's been a long time, Miss Alex, and I have grown since you saw me last. I thought it best to be safe."

  "Very wise, little one. How about we find my bag so you can take me home?" She turned and looked toward the carousel and noted it was not yet moving.

  Zaira reached out and placed a hand on her arm. "It will be a few minutes yet, I'm sure. Your Italian has improved considerably from what I remember of your last visit." She grinned at Alex's pained expression.

  "It could only improve." She checked the carousel once more before turning back to the young woman. "Tell me, how's your English coming along?"

  Zaira shrugged. "It's okay, but could be better. I have so little opportunity to practice. Maybe you can help me while you are here?"

  Switching to English, Alex replied, "Of course." She pushed off the wall when she noticed the luggage carousel begin to move. "Let's get my bag. I'm exhausted, and would love to get home so I can relax."

  Zaira took the bag from Alex and began to lead the way through the airport towards her car. "I did not expect to see you alone. Zia Maria said you had a new girlfriend. I thought you would be bringing her with you." She looked over at her when she didn't respond, and saw her furrowed brow and clenched jaw. "I'm sorry, Miss Alex. Did I say something wrong?"

  Alex exhaled sharply. "It's okay, piccola, you didn't know. I am alone because I do not currently have a girlfriend. Now, I'd rather not talk about it anymore." She waited for Zaira to unlock the car. "How about you tell me what you've been doing? How are your studies going?" They climbed into the car and she began to talk about her classes as they traveled through town. She watched the buildings and people slide past her window as she listened. Soon they reached the city limits, and passed out into the rolling hi
lls of the Tuscan countryside. "It is so beautiful here. I had forgotten how much I love this place."

  "We are glad to have you back. My father is excited to show you the changes he has made to the vineyard."

  Alex turned and looked at Zaira. "I'm looking forward to it, but need a day or two to myself first. I hope you all understand."

  "Of course. You have just made a very long journey in a very short amount of time. That is hard on the body and mind." She turned into the driveway of the vineyard and waited for the gates to open. "You need to rest, Miss Alex, and let our beautiful country soothe your spirit."

  She couldn't help but smile at the young woman. "When did you grow up and become so wise?"

  Zaira laughed. "I have always been wise, you just never noticed." She parked the car and opened her door. "Why don't you go inside? I will take your bag to your room."

  Alex walked up the front steps and into the sprawling four-bedroom house she called her home away from home. She wandered from room to room as she reacquainted herself with her surroundings, finally ending up in the master suite. She smiled when she saw her suitcase and backpack on the luggage rack at the end of the bed. She quickly unpacked and placed her suitcase and the portable rack into the closet before grabbing a T-shirt and shorts. After a quick shower and change of clothes, she lay back on the bed and was soon asleep.

  The next several weeks went by swiftly as Alex immersed herself in the daily routine of the vineyard, inspecting equipment, and walking the fields with Dante. She spent several hours in the evenings with Zaira, discussing her schoolwork and ambitions, while she waited for the illustrator to return her latest Millie book. After a couple of weeks of non-stop work, she decided to spend a couple of days in the city. She returned with several bags of clothes to supplement the meager wardrobe she brought with her, and a new much shorter haircut.