The Queen of Diamonds

by Raven Cavalleu

  "What did you learn?"

  She drained her glass and set it back down on the ground beside her chair. "I learned that you are all true friends, and I am not. I learned that it feels horrible to hide, and that no matter the outcome, I must be honest."

  "What did you think we were after?" Dani asked.

  "The same thing all of the others were. Fame, money, and the things it can buy."

  "Fame is fleeting, and money will only get you so much. Love and friendship are what matters," Dani replied.

  "Money can open doors, and it can change lives." Alex looked over at Rachel and said, "I've seen it in your eyes. You've suspected for some time now haven't you? Even before I wrote you that check for our sessions." She nodded. "They refuse to see it." Again Rachel nodded. Alex stood and faced them all. She needed to see their faces when she explained. "I own the house in America, with no mortgage. I own approximately ninety percent of this vineyard and the Perfetta Armonia winery, with no mortgage. I've given the other ten percent to Dante for his service." She saw the look of surprise on Dani and Nikki's faces. "I am well off."

  Nikki cleared her throat and looked up. "What does that mean exactly?"

  Alex saw the pain in Nikki's eyes and felt her heart breaking. She looked down at the ground as she tried to control her emotions. She looked back up and said, "I am a multi-millionaire." She heard Dani gasp, but refused to look away from Nikki. She watched as she thought about what she'd said, and tried to understand.

  "Why did you hide this from me? I don't understand."

  She ran her hand through her hair, and began to pace between the pool and her chair. "Alex, how many of your girlfriends and friends were with you because of the money?" Rachel asked.

  "All of them except for Emily and Kelly. They all acted like it didn't matter, but in the end they all wanted it more than they wanted me. I was just someone they had to be friends with, or sleep with, to get it."

  Alex turned and dove into the water. She couldn't bear to see the pity in their eyes. She swam a couple laps before pulling herself from the pool, and refilling her wine glass. "I was blind to who Jo really was for a long time. I gave her everything, and gave up so much more." She took a deep breath and looked out towards the foothills. "She took everything and twisted it for her own purpose, including me. I lost myself for a long time."

  Her hand shook as she lifted her glass to her lips. "To think I wanted to bring a child into that relationship." She shook her head. "What was I thinking?" A tear spilled over and ran down her cheek. "I was nearly five months pregnant when I found out she was cheating on me again. When I confronted her, she denied it. I showed her the evidence and told her to get out. She was so angry. Not at losing me, but at losing the lifestyle she wanted." Alex began to shake and slowly dropped down into her chair. "She started screaming and slapped me. I tried to run, but she caught me and threw me into the dresser."

  "Oh, Alex. No," Dani covered her mouth with one hand, as her eyes grew wide.

  Alex nodded as she brushed the tears from her cheeks. "I lost the baby." She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

  "I'm sorry, Alex. I can't imagine that pain," Rachel said with a sigh.

  "I'm glad, Rachel. For your sake and for Dani's," she replied as she looked at her friends. The pain in her eyes was unmistakable. "I wouldn't wish that on anyone."

  After several minutes, Rachel finally broke the silence. "Why don't you tell Nikki what happened after she left. Why you decided to leave the States and come here."

  Alex sighed and looked away. She knew in her heart she had to be honest if there was any chance of reconciliation, but was ashamed. "It wasn't pretty." She cleared her throat before continuing her story. "I basically fell apart. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't write. I called several times a day, but Nikki wouldn't answer."

  Rachel shook her head. "Don't tell me, tell her, Alex."

  She felt her eyes fill with tears when she looked at Nikki. "I left you so many messages. You never took a single call, nor did you return one." She looked down at the wine glass in her hands. "At that point I gave up, on everything. I stopped my physical therapy, stopped seeing my friends, and cut myself off from the world. The lack of sleep and malnutrition began to have an effect on my health."

  "What…" Nikki swallowed and cleared her throat. "What effect?" She asked as her brow furrowed and her lips tightened.

  "I lost a dangerous amount of weight, and I got lost in my head. I was completely catatonic for several days. Maria finally pulled me out of it, but I nearly ended up in the hospital. I probably should have, but I didn't want you to see me that way." She placed her glass on the ground beside her chair. "After that, Maria kept a closer eye on me, and forced me to eat. That's when I decided to write and publish my story. I thought that since you wouldn't talk to me, maybe you would read it instead. It became my purpose, the only hope I had of fixing what I had screwed up so badly."

  "If you wanted to fix this so much, why did you leave?" Nikki's voice cracked. "You didn't tell anyone where you were going. You just disappeared."

  Alex looked away as the memory of the night she saw Nikki with another woman flooded her brain. She struggled to push it away as she tried to explain. "I contacted some people I used to know and asked for their help with advertising the book. The next thing I knew I was traveling to Hollywood and New York for television interviews. The night I got back to town I met with Emily and Sarah for dinner. I needed Emily to know about the book before it hit the stands and before the TV shows aired." She looked over at Nikki and felt the color drain from her face. She bit her bottom lip, pressed her hand against her throat, and quickly looked away. She stood and began to pace across the patio. "While we were enjoying a drink at the bar, you walked in with a small group of people. That was when I knew that it was too late for us."

  Nikki crossed her arms over her stomach and grimaced. "What do you mean?"

  Alex sat back down and leaned forward with her elbows on her knees. Her head hung low as she stared at the ground. In a flat, monotone voice she replied, "I saw you with another woman. It was obvious you were on a date even though you were with a group." She sighed and slowly ran her hands through her hair. "I left a couple of minutes after you walked in. I couldn't stand to watch. It was clear you had moved on. The next day I contacted my lawyers and began the process to set up the trust. I left the States shortly after that." She swallowed as a shudder ran through her body. "I couldn't take the chance of running into you again. You looked so happy, and I was dying inside."

  Alex reached for the glass at her feet and took a drink. "There's one more thing I need to tell you all. Sometimes I despise myself for this, but can't change the past." She looked up and saw three pairs of eyes watching, waiting for her to continue. "I've never forgiven my father for what he did."

  "That's understandable," Rachel replied. "What he did was horrific, and most would consider him a monster."

  Alex stood, took a large swallow of wine, and set the glass down on the table. "Yes, it was, but I wonder sometimes if I'm any better than him." She looked away and continued on before anyone could interrupt. "I went to visit him once. I convinced the warden to let me in. I was in my early twenties, and recognizable so I had to wear a disguise." Uncomfortable with their eyes on her, she walked behind them and leaned against the low wall of stone surrounding the pool and patio. There she looked out over the rows of grape vines as she told the story. "When I told him who I was, he begged me to forgive him. I told him that I wasn't there to offer forgiveness, but to make a new memory to replace the last one he gave me."

  She took a deep breath and wiped at the tears that flowed down her cheeks. "I told him that the only reason I spoke to him at all was because I wanted him to know I was there. I told him that he was getting off far easier than they had." She wiped her cheeks, and exhaled forcefully. "Less than an hour later I watched him die calling my name." She turned and faced Rachel. "What kind of monster does that make me?"


  Rachel stood and pulled her into her arms. "Wanting to see him pay for what he did to you and your family does not make you a monster, honey. That makes you human. We know you're not like him. You've proven it to us over and over again." She pulled back and looked her in the eye as she said, "Nothing you've told us here today changes the way I feel or think about you. I love you, Alex. You are one of my best friends, and my daughter's guardian angel. I don't want to lose you again."

  Alex sniffled as she gave her a small smile. Rachel stepped aside and allowed Dani to pull her into her arms. Alex was surprised by how tightly she hugged her, and she returned the hug just as fiercely.

  "I've missed having you in my life, Alex. I love you and that will never change no matter what else you have to tell us." She pulled back, searching her face. "Please promise me that no matter what happens between you and my bonehead sister, you will not run away from Rachel and me again. If seeing my face hurts too much, I'll change it." She smiled at Alex's low chuckle. "If you feel like either of us starts to take advantage of you, or asks you for money, please say something. Money can be nice, but love, friendship, and family are what matter. You're more than a friend, you're family, and have been since the beginning."

  "Thank you."

  Dani stepped back and took Rachel's hand. Together they headed into the house, leaving them alone. Alex watched them enter the kitchen and close the door. The silence was suddenly deafening, and she became even more nervous than before as she waited for Nikki to speak. She walked over to the table, and ran a finger over the rim of her wine glass.

  "Are you avoiding me?" Nikki asked. Alex shook her head as she met her gaze. "I'm not sure where this leaves us, Alex, or where we go from here." She stood and slowly made her way over to the table. "Lovers and partners should not have secrets. I thought it didn't matter, but I feel like I don't know who you are anymore. Everything I thought I knew about you was a lie."

  "That's not true, Nikki. You know who I am. You told me that the past didn't matter because you wanted to know who I am, not who I was. I showed you who I am, Nikki." Alex reached for her and winced when she pulled away. "You know what makes me smile, and what makes me cry. You know just what to say to make me laugh. You know all of my sensitive spots, the ones that make me sigh, and the ones that make me come screaming your name. You know who I really am Nikki, far more than anyone else ever has." She picked up her glass and the half-full bottle of wine, and turned towards the villa. She paused and said, "I kept many things from you, Nikki, and that was wrong, but don't tell me you don't know who I am." She squared her shoulders, and walked away, leaving Nikki alone on the patio.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Alex changed out of her bikini and curled up in the middle of her bed. She looked over at the picture of Nikki and felt her heart breaking again. "What have I done?" Rolling over, she looked up at the ceiling. "I need help, Momma. I think I've pushed Nikki away, and I'm not sure she's going to come back to me." A single tear slid down the side of her face and into her hair. "I'm not sure if I can survive losing her again. It almost killed me the first time."

  A memory of her sister flashed before her eyes. In it Raychel turned to a young Alex and said, 'If you really want it, then go get it. Don't wait for someone to just hand it to you, because no one will.' A smile slowly spread across her face as she whispered, "Thanks, Ray." She headed towards the kitchen to prepare lunch while she thought about how she was going to win Nikki back. Dani walked in just as she put a pot of water on the stove.

  "What can I do to help?"

  She lit the burner under the pot and adjusted the flame before turning to Dani. "I'd love it if you would set the table for me."

  "No problem, just point me in the right direction." Alex pointed to the correct cupboards and Dani set to work. Within just a few minutes the table was set and lunch prepared. They all sat down around the table and quietly filled their plates.

  "This looks and smells wonderful," Rachel said as she picked up her fork. "Thank you."

  "I hope you enjoy it," Alex replied as she reached for a crostini.

  "Oh my god, this is amazing." Dani closed her eyes and moaned. "You've got to teach me how to make this."

  "If you like." She reached for her glass of water and took a drink as she watched Nikki push the food around her plate. "So, Nikki." She smiled gently when Nikki's eyes met hers. "Tell me about the woman you fell in love with." She heard Dani's fork clatter to her plate and her sharp intake of breath. Alex held Nikki's gaze as she said, "Nikki feels like I'm not who she thought I was. I want to know what it was that she fell in love with."

  Nikki carefully placed her fork on the edge of her plate and leaned back in her chair. "Do you really want to do this here?"

  "Why not? I asked them to come here to help us work through our issues. The only way they can do that is if they know what those issues are. They've heard mine, isn't it time they heard yours?"

  "Fine." Nikki sat quietly for a moment before saying, "The woman I fell in love with was self-less, courageous, and strong. She wasn't afraid to step in front of a speeding car to save a child she didn't know, or open her home to complete strangers to mend their relationships. She was thoughtful and generous. Giving Dani and Rachel a romantic trip away when they couldn't afford it, even though she had to work multiple jobs to pay her bills." She paused as she reached for her glass.

  Alex pushed her plate away, unable to touch her lunch. She reached for her water to keep her hands busy as she waited for her to continue.

  Nikki took a deep breath and looked up. "She was honorable, private, and so stinking independent. There were times I wanted to do things for her but she just couldn't let me. Above all she was passionate and sensual. I think I lost my heart to her the first time she held my niece close and looked up at me with those beautiful blue eyes." She looked down at her plate as she picked up her fork.

  Alex sat back and took a deep breath. "Tell me something, Nikki. What changed?" When she failed to respond Alex continued. "I've never thought of myself as self-less, courageous, or strong. I've always thought of myself as more of a survivor. I ran in front of that car because I wouldn't have been able to live with myself if something had happened to that beautiful little girl and I could have stopped it. For such a private person, was writing that book for the world to see any less self-less, courageous, or strong?" Her hands shook as she lifted her glass to her lips.

  "I had to get my story out there, first and foremost so that you would understand, and to help other girls and women get through abusive situations. To let them know that they are not alone." She looked down as she ran her finger through the ring her glass left on the table. "I am no less generous now than I was five months ago. I am far more generous than you ever thought." She looked back up at Nikki and asked, "How have I changed? Why am I not the person you thought you knew?"

  When Nikki failed to answer after several minutes of silence, she pushed away from the table. "Excuse me. I think I need some air." She walked out the back door, hopped over the low wall, and disappeared into the rows of grapevines.

  "Nikki –"

  "Don't start with me, Dani."

  Dani held her hands up. "Easy, sis. I was just going to ask if you were okay."

  Nikki's shoulders slumped. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap at you." She looked over into Dani's eyes and saw understanding. "I just feel so betrayed."

  Rachel reached over and placed a hand on Nikki's where it rested on the table. "Has Alex really changed or is it just your view of her that has changed?"

  "She made her point quite clearly. She hasn't changed, not really." She sighed and shook her head. "I guess that means my opinion of her changed. How can I trust her to be honest with me?" She looked up at Rachel with a frown. "How can you?"

  Rachel pulled her hand away and sat back in her chair. "I may not be the best one to ask." She sat quietly for a moment as she thought about what she could say without revealing confidences. "She didn't keep very much from me
overall. She revealed a lot in our therapy sessions."

  "What are you trying to say?" Dani asked as she looked at her with one eyebrow raised.

  "I've known who she was since our very first session. She didn't tell me she was wealthy, but I suspected." She looked at Nikki. "Surely you suspected as well. Just look at that house and the property it sits on. The Beemer? There is no way any of that came cheap, and no way she can afford all of that by writing children's books."

  Dani nodded. "True, and I did wonder but felt it wasn't any of my business." She shrugged. "She didn't try to hide it from us and we never asked did we?" She looked at Nikki, her brow furrowed. "Are we any better?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Have you told her how much money you make a year?" She paused and Nikki shook her head. "I didn't think so. Why should she reveal how much she has or makes? Like Rachel said, what she surrounds herself with should make it obvious that she has more than we do. The question is, does it really matter?"

  "Did you know that when I stayed there past the originally agreed upon week I offered to pay rent?" She smiled at her sister's surprise. "I did, and she took me up on it. I really thought she needed the money. Why would she do that?"

  "The only way to know for sure is to ask her, but it sounds to me like she wanted you to be an equal and not a kept woman," Rachel replied.

  "Okay so that takes care of the money issue. Now for the honesty." Dani bit her lower lip as she thought about it for a moment. "She says she's never lied to us and I can't think of a single time that she has. I know she held things back and we'll get to that in a minute. Can you think of a single time Alex outright lied to you about something?"

  Rachel shook her head and turned to Nikki who closed her eyes as she contemplated the question. "No, I can't think of a single one. She would find ways to avoid answering a question, but not lie."