The Queen of Diamonds

by Raven Cavalleu

  "So it comes down to those things she hid," Rachel stated as she leaned back and stretched out her legs, crossing them at the ankles. "Can we agree that she had some very valid reasons for hiding certain things from us at least at the beginning?" When they both nodded she continued. "Can we all agree that getting to really know someone takes time? Sometimes years?"

  "Yeah, but who you are? That's something that comes up in the first couple of days. Weeks at the most," Nikki said as she pushed her chair back.

  Dani reached out and placed a restraining hand on her arm. "Please, Nikki. We need to finish this." She relaxed as Nikki settled back into her seat.

  Rachel leaned forward, placed her elbows on the table, and rested her chin on her folded hands. "That's just it, Nikki. She doesn't see herself as that Alexis Mohr anymore. She's Alex, a completely different person than Alexis ever was. She gave up Alexis in order to be who she was meant to be. Unfortunately she met several people along the way that took advantage of that generous nature you referred to earlier, and now she has some serious trust issues. But she's been working on those. As a matter of fact, I think she's come a long way on that already."

  Nikki's brow creased and she pressed her lips together. "How do you figure that?"

  "Do you realize that before she wrote and released that book, the two of us were the only people that knew her given name? I'd say that took a lot for Alex to trust us with that information." Rachel took a deep breath and faced Nikki. "Did you know she planned on telling you everything on your trip in June?" Her head snapped up and her eyes widened. "I don't know what happened between you two on that trip. All I know is you packed up and left within an hour of returning to town. Judging by your shock at everything you've found out in the months since that day, I'm assuming she never told you."

  Nikki's eyes filled with tears and she quickly brushed them away. "No. I was angry with her. I overheard part of a conversation with her cousin and realized she was keeping more from me than I thought. After we left her family, I shut her out completely. I never gave her the chance to tell me."

  Dani stood and walked around the table to place her arms around her sister. "She's the one isn't she?" she asked. When Nikki nodded and began to cry she said, "Then you need to find a way to forgive her and move past this. You love her. Don't let her go or you will never be whole again." She kissed Nikki's temple and stepped back. She quietly began to clear the table, wrapping up the left over food with Rachel's help as Nikki sat staring out the window.

  Nikki stood and wiped the tears from her cheek. "I'm going to go for a walk. I'll be back in a little bit." Seconds later they heard the front door close as she left.

  Alex walked aimlessly through the vines as she thought about her conversation with Nikki and wondered if their relationship was truly over. She looked at her watch and realized she'd been gone for nearly an hour. With a sigh she turned back towards the house. Minutes later she stepped out onto a main pathway and nearly ran in to Nikki. She could see the pain in her eyes and the tracks her tears had left on her cheeks. She reached for her but dropped her hand before making contact. "I'm so sorry. I wish I could change what I've done, but I can't. Just know that I never meant to hurt you. I know it's not enough, but it's true." She ached to pull her into her arms and took a step backwards to keep from reaching for her again.

  Nikki gave her a tentative smile. "I think we need to talk. Do you mind if I walk with you?"

  "Not at all." They fell in step and walked quietly through the rows of grapevines for a moment.

  "I think I'm still trying to wrap my mind around all of this. I knew you were holding something back, I just had no idea how much." Nikki stuffed her hands into her pockets as they walked. "I'm beginning to understand why you did it, and I forgive you. Can you forgive me for not talking to you about how I was feeling? For just walking away?" She held her breath as she waited for an answer.

  "Your leaving hurt. I never saw that coming." Alex ran her hand through her hair as she looked out over the rolling hills. "But I understood why you did it, and I forgave you for it a long time ago." They continued to walk in silence until they reached the villa.

  As Alex closed the door behind them and they stepped into the living room Nikki said, "I'd like to go to the party with you later if you don't mind."

  Alex paused and looked over at her. "Why would I mind?"

  "I'm just trying to avoid making any faulty assumptions."

  "Probably wise. Maybe this will help. You can correctly assume that I want you with me all of the time, that I want you in my life for the rest of my life, and that I want you in my bed for the same amount of time." She watched as hope returned to Nikki's eyes. "I love you, mia cara, and nothing less than all of you will do. Can you handle that?"

  Nikki stepped up and placed her hands on Alex's waist. "Everything that I have and everything that I am is yours for as long as you'll have me." She leaned down and captured Alex's lips in a kiss that left them both breathless.

  "Well, I hope that means you've worked things out." Dani chuckled when she saw Alex's cheeks flush slightly. "What's the matter, honey? Did you forget you two aren't the only ones in the house?"

  Alex turned to face Dani with one eyebrow raised and her lips pursed. "Me, forget? Not likely." She took Nikki's hand and walked over to the couch. As they snuggled together she said, "I think we are another step closer, but we still have some things to work through." She smiled as Nikki wrapped her arms around her.

  "So what's on the agenda for tomorrow?" Rachel asked.

  Alex shrugged. "I have no plans. Why don't you tell me what you'd like to see while you're here in Italy? Maybe we can take a trip or two over the next few days."

  Dani's eyes widened. "Really?" She smiled as Alex nodded. "I'd like that. I'll have to think about where to go."

  "That sounds like a good idea. While you think about it, I'm going to take a quick nap."

  Nikki looked down at Alex her concern evident. "Are you feeling okay?"

  "Yes, cara. I'm just tired. I've not been sleeping well lately." She snuggled closer to her and placed her head on her shoulder. She sighed softly as Nikki began to gently stroke her back. Her eyes slowly drifted shut and before long she was sound asleep.

  Alex peered out from behind the clothes hanging in the closet. She watched as her father slapped her mother, knocking her to the ground. He reached out and grabbed her as she tried to crawl away, pulling her closer. Alex cowered in fear as her father began to punch and choke her mother. She felt Raychel place a hand over her mouth as she watched her father pull a knife from his boot and thrust it into her mother's chest repeatedly. She began to shake as she watched the blood pool and her mother slowly turn her head to look into the closet where she hid. Suddenly her mother's blue eyes turned a deep brown as she transformed into Nikki. Alex watched as her lover's pain filled eyes looked at her accusingly. "Why Alex?" Nikki whispered as she died.

  Alex screamed and scrambled off of the couch as she fought off the dream. A wave of nausea sent her staggering to the bathroom. After emptying her stomach, she splashed water on her face and quickly brushed her teeth. She took a deep breath and headed back into the living room.

  "Is that why you haven't been sleeping well lately?" Rachel asked as she watched Alex walk back into the room. At Alex's barely perceptible nod she continued. "How often are the nightmares coming?"

  Alex walked over to the window and stared out as she replied, "Every time I fall asleep."

  "When did they start again?"

  "It started in June."

  Nikki walked up behind her and put her arms around her. "When exactly?" Alex turned and buried her face in her chest. "It's okay, baby. Don't be afraid, you know you can tell me anything."

  Alex pulled back and looked into Nikki's eyes. "June eighth." She saw the pain reflected in her eyes and reached up to cup her cheek.

  "I'm so sorry. I never meant to –"

  "I know, mia cara. I told you that I understood and forga
ve you a long time ago, and I meant it." She pulled her down and kissed her. "I think it is time to move past it and work on our communication skills so it never happens again. What do you think?"

  Nikki smiled as she pulled her closer. "I think I'm a very lucky woman to have found you. And even luckier than I thought possible because you've given me a second chance."

  Alex shook her head and sniffled as tears filled her eyes. "I'm the lucky one. Thank you for giving me another chance." She wrapped her arms around Nikki's waist and placed her head on her shoulder.

  Rachel chuckled. "Why don't you two come back over here and sit down? I'd like to hear about your nightmares, Alex. Will you tell me a little more about them?"

  Nikki felt Alex tense in her arms. She ran her hands gently over her back, trying to soothe her. "I love you. It's going to be okay. I promise." She released her, took her hand, and led her over to the couch.

  Alex sat down next to Nikki, leaned forward, and with her elbows on her knees placed her head in her hands. "It starts like it always did. My father breaks into the bedroom and beats my mother before stabbing her. I watch her die." Nikki reached out and placed a hand on her back. "It's the end that changed." She felt the shudder run through Alex. "After she turned to look at me, she actually changed into Nikki." She began to shake as she said, "I watched her die over and over again."

  Nikki pulled Alex into her arms. "I'm right here sweetheart." She held her close, gently stroking her hair. "I'm not going anywhere."

  Her tension began to slowly drain, and she settled into the comfort of Nikki's arms. With her head pressed to her chest, she closed her eyes and listened to the steady beat of Nikki's heart. "I guess the meaning behind that is pretty clear, huh Doc?" she asked. When she heard the quiet chuckle she opened her eyes and looked over at Rachel and Dani sitting together on the loveseat.

  Rachel's mouth curved up slightly and she gave her a wink. "I think it is pretty safe to assume the obvious on this one."

  Alex looked at Dani and asked, "Have you decided where you'd like to go tomorrow?"

  She cleared her throat before replying, "I don't really have anything in mind. Any suggestions?"

  "Why don't you take a look at some of the travel guides I have on the various provinces?" Alex pointed to one of the bookcases. "I picked up several when I was researching the area for some of my books."

  Rachel watched her wife head towards the bookcase Alex pointed out. "Do you write children's books about Italy too?" she asked.

  Alex's eyebrows drew together and her head tilted to one side. "No. Why do you ask?"

  "I was just wondering what books you were referring to. I'm only familiar with your autobiography and the Elizabeth Mohr books, and none of those would require travel guides of Italy."

  Alex laughed. "I write under several different names and in a few different genres, Ray." She watched as Dani browsed the shelves. "As a matter of fact, you will find a large selection of my work here in this room." She grinned as Dani quickly looked over her shoulder, her eyebrows raised. "Why don't you look around and see what you can find? I'll let you know if you get it right."

  They all watched as Dani ran her finger across the spines of books on several shelves before pausing. "You have quite the collection here, Alex."

  Alex couldn't help but grin when she realized what had captured her attention. "Find something you like?"

  "I see you are a fan of Robbie Ross. I never would have believed it if I didn't see it for myself." She looked at Alex with one eyebrow raised.

  Alex stood and slowly walked over to Dani. "There's a lot you don't know about me, Dani. But then that's why you're here, isn't it? To find out who I really am." She reached out and ran a single finger down her bare arm. "The question is, how much do you want to know?" She watched Dani's eyes widen as she took a step back, and chuckled. She reached over and pulled one of the books from her Robbie Ross collection from the shelf. Turning to the last few pages, she handed it to Dani. "Why don't you read what it says here?"

  Dani looked down at a picture of rolling hills covered in grapevines in the spot where the author's picture usually resided. She quickly read the brief biography of the author who lived in a small Tuscan vineyard and whose passions were writing, wine, and women. When she finished reading she looked up from the book into Alex's eyes. "You?" she asked incredulously.

  "Of course, I should have seen that sooner," said Rachel. "Very clever use of your name there, Alex."

  Dani closed the book and placed it back on the shelf. She turned to Alex, her eyes full of questions and a small frown marring her features. Alex waited patiently for her to speak. When nothing was forthcoming she asked, "What are you thinking?"

  Dani shook her head slightly as her eyes refocused. "Sorry. I was just trying to reconcile these two sides of you. It's quite a broad range between children's books and erotica."

  Alex chuckled softly. "Don't think of me as a coin with only two sides, Dani. I'm more like a diamond, multi-faceted." Her head tilted slightly as she listened. "It's true, there is a broad range between the two types of books you mentioned. Just know that I'm not limited to those two. I've written several other types of books as well. Each style has its own pseudonym."

  Dani quickly turned back to the books, scanning the shelves. Alex heard the small gasp as she found the AMore books. "You're missing the latest in the series."

  "You're right. One of my best friends needed my copy more than I did. I haven't gotten around to getting another one yet." She watched Dani as she bit her lower lip and ran her finger over the book spines. "I'm not sure I'll replace it."

  Rachel walked up behind Dani and slipped her arms around her. "Why's that?" she asked as she rested her chin on her wife's shoulder.

  "My muse has abandoned me. I've never gone this long without writing. That may be the last book she'll ever give me." She shrugged, but knew the pain was visible in her eyes. "Seeing them now just brings me pain. I may give them all away, or burn them."

  Nikki walked up and pulled Alex into her arms. "Why would you do that, sweetheart? You've worked hard on these books, they're a part of you."

  "It hurts to see them all and realize I may never write another."

  Dani stepped away from her wife and placed a hand on Alex's back. "You will. You're too talented not to. Just give it a little time." She leaned down and placed a kiss on her temple. "Thank you for giving me your book, and for the note you wrote inside. It's even more special to me now that I know you wrote it." She smiled as she stepped back. "Now what was that about going to a party?"

  Alex took a deep breath and pulled away from Nikki. "That's right. We wouldn't want to keep the birthday girl waiting any longer than necessary would we?"

  Chapter Nineteen

  Alex prepared the Moka pot, set it on the stove, and lit the burner. While she waited for the coffee to brew, she gathered cups and a jug of milk. She turned as she heard the back door open.

  Zaira walked in carrying a basket. "Mom sent me with biscuits and homemade jam."

  "Lovely." She took the basket from her and placed it on the counter. "Will you stay for breakfast?"

  "I don't want to intrude. I know you have company." Zaira began to empty the basket, placing the items on the counter. "You don't need a kid hanging around."

  Alex reached out and stilled her hands. "I don't see a kid here anywhere, do you?" The young woman stood quietly, unable to look at her. "Have I treated you like a kid?"

  "No, Alex. You haven't." She bit her lower lip. "It's my parents. They treat me like a child."

  "I'm sorry, piccola. I don't know what to tell you. I never had parents, so I don't know if that's normal or not." They both looked up in surprise as Rachel spoke up from the doorway.

  "It's very normal. You will always be their baby, no matter how old you get." She gave Zaira a smile. "Its just a fact of life you'll have to get used to."

  "You're probably right, Miss Rachel. It's just difficult to take sometimes." She smiled a
nd shrugged. "You know how it is, yes?"

  "Yes, I do. You'll survive." Rachel looked over at Alex and asked, "Is there coffee this morning?"

  "Of course. Give me just a moment." She pulled Zaira in for a hug and whispered in her ear, "Please stay." She smiled when she felt the young woman nod. "Good."

  Alex pushed her empty plate away and reached for her cappuccino. "Did you have a good birthday, piccola?"

  Zaira leaned back in her chair and smiled. "Yes. It was a very nice party, and I was fortunate to get some nice presents." She stood and began to clear the table. "I wanted to thank you again for the necklace." She set the plates in the sink and returned to her chair.

  Alex watched as she ran her finger over the table in random patterns. "What is it, my friend?"

  Zaira looked up with a shy smile. "Will you do me a favor?"

  Alex set her cup down and sat back in her chair. "What is it you need, piccola?"

  "Will you talk to my parents? I really want to travel before I go to college, but they say no. I know they'll listen to you." She leaned forward and looked beseechingly at her.

  Alex pushed her chair back and stood. "I'm sorry, Zaira but I don't think I can do that." She walked over to the counter and picked up a manila envelope. "I believe your parents just want what is best for you, and I will not interfere with that." She stood beside the table and looked at the dejected young woman. "Maybe they feel you have responsibilities here that cannot be ignored. Maybe they think you will be too busy." She slid the envelope across the table until it stopped in front of Zaira. "Happy Birthday, my friend." Zaira looked up at her questioningly. "Open it."

  Zaira picked up the envelope and pulled out the paperwork. Seconds later she looked up, her eyes wide. When Alex smiled, she let out a scream, jumped out of her seat, and flew into her arms. She was so excited she was unable to find enough words to express herself in English and slipped into her native Italian. "Oh my God, Alex. I don't know what to say. Thank you so much." She wrapped her arms around her, lifted her off her feet, and swung her around in circles.