You'll Never Lose Me (The Never Series Book 4)

by B C Morgan

  There isn’t really anything I can say in response, so I kiss him and don’t come back up for air until we’re both gasping.

  “I don’t like the idea of her going off on her own, not with Dante out there somewhere,” H says and I guess my face must be paling or something because I’ve never seen Noah stare at someone with such murderous intent before.

  “She won’t be alone, she’ll have the girls with her and they care almost as much as we do. Besides, she won’t be alone, not technically,” Noah looks positively guilty and I think we’re about to find out what was said between him and Devon.

  I slip out of his hold and stumble my way into the living room, with Harrison close on my heels. Noah doesn’t try to sit beside me on the sofa, instead he’s perching himself on the coffee table in front of us both and he’s staring at his hands as though the answers to the universe are written upon them.

  “Devon is placing someone down here to keep an eye on you, someone with the skills to keep you safe,” he still can’t look at us and that’s probably the best decision he’s made today.

  “Not happening, I’ve had enough of being followed around to last me a lifetime. I’m not doing it again,” I state, and I will not be talked down from this decision. I’m not being followed, no fucking way.

  “It’ll be different this time Leighbear, it won’t be behind your back and if you ask him to give you some space he will. It’s only to keep you safe, none of us want anything to happen to you, we can’t bear to lose you,” his voice is cracking under the pain that is crying out to me.

  “I’m kind of with them on this one woman, I’ll do anything to keep you safe, we all will,” H is holding my hand and trying to make me look at him.

  I get why they’re saying this, but I’m feeling pretty ganged up on right now. What about what I want, of course I don’t want to fall prey to Dante again but it doesn’t mean I want to just accept something that I’m being railroaded into.

  “What if I say no,” I’m sticking my chin out and meeting Noah’s eyes, that he now decides to lift away from his fascinating hands.

  “Then he won’t send him down, it’s your choice my love. We’ll support whatever decision you make,” That’s all I needed to hear I guess. I just wanted to know that my life wasn’t going to be dictated to me, that I still have a semblance of control.

  “Do I get to meet the guy before he starts tracking my every move?” I ask as I sigh deeply, and they’re not even trying to hide their shit eating grins at my obvious agreement.

  “Apparently you already have.”

  SERIOUSLY, what are the chances. Because if I knew it would be him walking through my door today I may have hid in my room like a little girl.

  “Hello little Hen,” says Devy as he smiles at me, and he needs to work on injecting some warmth into the look. Because right now, he’s promising a world of pain and I don’t think that’s the look he’s going for. At least I hope not.

  “You’re the guy who’s following me,” shit did I just scream that at him?

  “No hug from my little sister,” he says, while raising his eyebrows, as if I could deny him that simple little gesture. Henleigh, meet reality check.

  “I can’t, I’m sorry,” it falls out before the tears start to fall and I charge my way up to my room and slam the door.

  I ignore the way the guys call for me as I fall against the door, and slide down it until I’m sitting against the wood and drawing my knees up into my chest. I wish I was six years old again, times were simpler then. Maybe not in reality, but my young brain perceived it that way. And I would give anything to feel that carefree, that protected once again. When the only monsters I had to face were the ones under my bed or hiding in my wardrobe, the same ones my brothers would scare away and show me that it was all within my incredible little mind.

  10TH FEBRUARY 2009

  It happened again, she wouldn’t go asleep until we proved that nothing lurked within her wardrobe. I’ve had enough of this, I can’t handle lying to her anymore. It isn’t all in her mind, the monsters are real and our parents are welcoming them into our home. I found one of them coming out of Hen’s room once, luckily she was at Asher’s house playing with his cousin. Only I can’t be certain this is the only time it's happened, what if Hen has seen this before and her mind conjured up the monster? We’ve never questioned her about it or asked her to describe what she sees, mainly because I think we’re too scared to. We need to believe that she is oblivious to all this shit, it’s okay though. This time next year, we’ll be long gone and she’ll never have a reason to fear anything again.

  Besides, it’s not like this particular twat will be showing his face again. Not after what we did to him. I guess his one saving grace, he’ll never have to visit a dentist. I thought I would balk when Dante started pulling them out, but I stood my ground and watched. The fucker deserved it. He took fucking drugs in my sister’s room and didn’t even remove the needle, what if she had found it. My parents are a joke and I’m done with them. They’re dead to me and I’m done listening to their rules.

  I know what a true family is, it’s the guys and Hen and everyone in the Black Heart. They may not be good guys, but they are the best guys I know.

  Devon only proved that fact to me even more, yesterday when that girl approached him broken and alone and he didn’t even blink when she asked him to help her.

  Her scumbag of a boyfriend had tried to force himself upon her and when she refused, he beat her. Broke her nose and left a mosaic of bruises upon her face, he even had the audacity to tell her that she was lucky he didn't like his girls to look like dogs when he’s looking down at them. But if she refused him again, then he’d just give her to his mates and they wouldn’t be as kind and understanding.

  That was the moment I saw just how scary Devon and the guys could be, no one second guessed him when he told Asher to take her to the pub and to get his foster mum to check her over. The rest of us went with him and I will never unhear the screams he caused within that waste of space or the sight of the blood that he spilled. He hit the guy so hard that he ruptured one of his eyes, he broke all of his fingers in such a way they’ll never heal right again. Making it clear what happens to guys that don’t like to take no for an answer and then he removed his tongue, another lesson of what happens to guys who threaten a lady. He even got us to go a few rounds with him, we didn’t go further than punching or kicking, but we all made our mark. On him and on our souls, so I may not get to go to heaven, I have no regrets. He deserved it and I’ll happily teach a lesson to every piece of shite in this world. Have No Regrets and Never Apologise. Our very own motto.

  Oh yeah, I don’t think we’ll be getting anymore reports from him again, and the girl had no idea what to make of Devon when we returned. He didn’t bother to clean away the blood, and it was clear that none of it belonged to him. He told her that the piece of shit wouldn’t be bothering her again and she thanked us, before she scampered away. I don’t think we’ll see her again, but I know I’ll never forget her face or the way she looked at us like we were heroes, no one ever looks at us like that. Other than Hen.

  “LITTLE HEN, come on please let me in,” says Devon, he really needs to work on putting some warmth into his tone. Does he have to sound so angry and broody all the damn time?

  “Or what, you’ll huff and you’ll puff,” I throw back and his laughter filters through the wood and I can’t help but smile.

  “I can be the big bad wolf if you want or I could kick your door down.”

  “I can hear you smiling and you don’t scare me Devy Wevy, you never have and you never will,” I fire back but I am going to open the door now.

  He’s looking down at me with the most gentle face he can muster, I don’t think anyone else would deem it gentle but they don’t know him like I do. Or at least like I did.

  “Do you want to talk about it?” He asks and I want to laugh at the awkward look on his face.

  “Not really, I jus
t haven’t been great with all that touching crap since you rescued me. I hate it, but it’s just the way it is now,” if he doesn’t pick up on the sound of defeat in my voice, then he really needs to work on his listening skills.

  “I’m going to hug you little sister but if it’s too much, then I’ll let you go. How does that sound?” He says it as though we’re discussing the best way to cut out the majority of traffic, so we can get to town. Can it be that simple? Maybe not for everyone but Devy was my guardian for so long, I guess it could work with him.

  He doesn’t close the distance slowly, he just grabs hold of my shoulders and pulls me into him. He’s gentle which seems so wrong for him, but he’s a walking contradiction half the time anyway. He’s rubbing circles over my back and I’m squeezing my eyes closed, I don’t want to pull away but I think I need to.

  He smiles at me, although on him it’s more of a grimace and ruffles my hair with his huge hand which I have no hesitation in slapping away.

  “It’ll get easier, you just have to want it. I’m here little sister,” he drops a kiss onto the top of my head before turning to leave but my hand on his bicep — how is it so hard — makes him stop.

  “Are you the one following me around? Doesn’t really fit your image Devy,” I don’t know if I want him to say yes or no, but I think it would be easier if he wasn’t the one staying with me . He’ll stick out like a sore thumb.

  “No, I have other things I have to do and following a nineteen year old is not my idea of fun. I’m just here to spend a little time with you before I have to get back to London and to introduce you to your bodyguard properly,” he’s smiling and I don’t like it. If it’s who I think it is, then all bets are off.

  “I swear to God above Devon, if I go down there and see Amias I will wring your thick fucking neck. It will be difficult but I will make it happen,” my reaction makes his smile turn more genuine and fill with nothing but affection. Is it any wonder I’m so messed up.

  “As if I would ever put that numpty twat in charge of keeping you safe. Besides, he’s no longer apart of the group, he left long before all that shit went down. He only came to me because he was worried,” he’s growling again, I wonder how many people cower at his growl or dark, murderous stare? “He’s a little shite and I have no place for him, but he did help us find your location when we lost track of you,” his mouth is turned down at the corners. Probably thinking about the ways I could lose my new guard if I changed my mind.

  “You had him beaten Devy, I can’t wrap my head around that. I knew you were pissed at him but you never would have done that to our guys,” I don’t want to sound disappointed but I can’t keep it from my voice.

  “You really think I would do something like that?” There’s a coldness to his tone that I haven’t been subjected to before, this isn’t Devy my guardian, this is Devon ex prisoner. I shake my head, because it didn’t fit in my mind, but why else would he do it?

  “Henleigh, you’re a smart girl. The smartest I know and a hell of a lot smarter than me, if you know I wouldn’t do something like that then what does it mean?” Seriously, why can’t he just tell me? Because it’s a test and I don’t think it’s one I want to fail.

  “Someone did it off their own back, you never ordered it. Which means you would have made sure the one who did it was punished for his actions,” the realisation hits me like a bucket of ice cold water, I can’t believe I didn’t see it sooner.

  “That’s right, removed from the let’s say ‘club.’ Tattoo stripped from his skin and he had the same beating that he gave to the lad, only it was given to him by me. I think we both know in comparison, Amias got the better end of the stick,” he isn’t wrong there, Devon has been known to lose control and has been stopped short of killing the people he taught a lesson to. I don’t think this guy will heal the same way Amias did.

  I wonder how the tattoo was removed or as he said “stripped.”

  I FOLLOW HIM DOWN, listening to the guys talking in the kitchen and I can tell there’s a new voice in the mix. Only, it isn’t new to me. Why can’t I place it? I can recall everything I see, but I forget who a voice belongs to, how does that work?

  I walk through the door, to see the back of a guy. My two stop talking to look at me and he chooses that moment to turn in his seat and I can’t stop my hand from flying to my mouth. I always wondered what happened to him, I just never thought to question anyone about it. I’ve been wrapped up in my own shit, I won’t pretend otherwise. I can’t believe he’s here, that he’s okay.

  “Sawyer right?” I say, it’s coming out quieter than I intended and I don’t even bother pulling out a chair as I sink into Noah’s lap and Harrison comes to crouch beside me. Laying his hand on my knee, I love how there’s no jealousy between the two or if there is, they don’t let it affect us.

  “That’s right little lady, but before Devon sticks his big oar in,” he says with a massive smile that lights his eyes up and I can’t help but draw in a breath. I don’t miss the way Harrison squeezes my thigh a little tighter or the way his jaw is ticking, but it isn’t like that.

  When I first saw Sawyer up close all I could think was how... ordinary he was. He didn’t stand out and could slip into a crowd without ever being noticed. He followed me without making anyone suspicious, other than me, but to be fair I was on high alert. However, looking at him now shows me how wrong I was. Because when this guy smiles, the whole room seems to get a little brighter and feel a little warmer. He’s built more like Noah, his muscles are more defined and he isn’t as bulky as everyone else seems to be. He’s tall but I remember that we were closer in height than I am to any of my guys. I just can’t get over his smile, that one action changes him from invisible to someone that you would never forget seeing.

  “I wanted to say thank you, you made sure I got to the hospital, and you stayed with me until I told you to go. It was foolish but I appreciate it, I’ll admit that it was nice to know I wasn’t alone during those moments,” I can feel a warmth spreading through me and it feels… good. His words are humbling and I can’t understand how he got involved with the Black Hearts. I also better remember that I’m not supposed to know anything about that.

  “Okay enough, Sawyer will be looking after you and this time he won’t be stupid enough to get himself poisoned,” Devon says, and I choke on my shocked laugh. Bloody hell Devy, have a little tact will you.

  “It wasn't like he planned it,” I reply and I don’t know why I am jumping to a stranger’s defence.

  “It’s fine little lady, I get it. I won’t get poisoned again and I will keep your girl safe,” he says with a smirk before walking out of the room and it isn’t long before the front door opens and closes and Devon is shaking his head before he follows after him.

  “That’s a weird dynamic, how do you think he chooses his gang members?” Harrison asks, and I don’t know why but his choice of words has me bristling. It’s a club not a gang, although I guess there isn’t much of a difference where Devy is concerned.

  “I doubt it's as simple as that and it may not make sense to us, but I’m sure it does to them,” I reply before I climb out of Noah’s lap and make my way upstairs.

  Devon is staying for a little while and I’m planning on making the most of it, I’ve also decided I’m going to see if I can find a way to play again. But it won’t be for Roxie or the guys, it will be for me.

  “REALLY, all the places we could visit together and you’re dragging me to a beach,” there is nothing but disdain coming from Devon, as he drops his aviators over his eyes, despite the fact it isn’t even that sunny out.

  “I remember you taking us all to the beach for my seventh birthday, it was the last celebration we had together before everything was taken away,” I reply quietly, the weight behind my words weighing us both down under the pain that, although it ebbs slightly, never goes away.

  “That was a fun day, no parents, rules or jobs. Just us having fun together, I should have tried to make
it like that all the time and not just on special occasions,” I grab his hand to stop him walking, he shouldn’t be shouldering the responsibility and guilt alone. It isn’t even his to hold, not really.

  “I don’t blame you Devy, Elliott would have gotten tied up in something one way or another. You’re probably the reason he didn’t get himself killed sooner, I don’t mean to be so blasé about it all, but you know I’m right,” how else can I be, but matter of fact about the whole thing, we can’t change it and living in the past is only going to make things worse. What’s done is done.

  “I didn’t want you to know the truth about your brother, I wanted to keep the memories you had intact and untarnished. I know you were never scared of me, but I couldn’t guarantee that you wouldn’t look at him differently. I know you don’t agree with my decision but that's your issue, not mine,” he says as gruff and unaffected as ever, but we both know he isn’t that unshakable.

  “I didn’t agree, you’re right about that but it’s a moot point now. I know what El got up to back then and his reasoning behind it. I know about the guns and that you lot were as high as a kite. Just like I know he was in love with a guy called Damon who got shot the same day El died and he is now in an institution. It made me reconsider who Elliott was but it hasn’t changed the way I feel about him. He was a good guy, despite what he did or didn’t do. His heart was always in the right place,” I pick up a shell and throw it into the waves, my voice is getting louder the more heated I become and I need to take a few moments to calm down.

  “How did you come by this knowledge Henleigh and is that all you have learnt or do you have more to share?” His words are a double-edged sword, I want to refuse to answer but I don’t think he will let me get away with it for long. I think he is worried about what I know, but is it because he thinks it will drive a wedge between us or because he doesn’t trust me to keep it to myself?