Painting Home

by Jolma, Erika;

"It's easy to assume that simply by feeding the hungry and providing a home for the homeless that we are doing enough to bear each other's burdens. But we aren't. It's a great start, but it's not enough."

  "Read Galations 6:1. It talks about redemption and restoration. That's right. It's not enough to simply bear each other's physical burdens. Instead, we must stand by one another to bear our emotional and spiritual burdens as well. This means walking beside one another in a way that's meaningful and real. And being willing to stand up for what's right, even if it costs us."

  Anna stared at the hastily scribbled notes she had taken on her bulletin.

  Stand up for what's right, no matter the cost.

  That's what Matti was dead set on doing, wasn't it? He was angry, but it was justifiable anger. He knew there were some things worth fighting for, and the oppression of the people of Karelia was one of them.

  Anna sighed. He was willing to fight and even die for his brothers in need. She was so focused on her own plans, her own life, that she had dismissed his as warmongering. Some friend she was.

  Pastor Laiho continued, "In Proverbs 17:17, it says 'A friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity.' I think we often pay attention to the part about friends loving at all times and overlook the part about adversity. It's only through adversity that true brotherhood and sisterhood in Christ is formed."

  Her cheeks flushed. For her whole life, she had put a blockade around her heart, convinced that she didn't need anyone else in order to reach her goals. When adversity poured in—and it had recently—she’d wanted to throw a tantrum instead of reaching out and deepening her relationships. And in doing so, she also missed out on the opportunity to form deeper relationships—brotherhoods and sisterhoods in Christ.

  Was she ready to open up and let someone in? To share the load of the adversity that they all were facing? To share her own spiritual and emotional burdens with someone else?

  Glancing at the handsome soldier sitting beside her, she allowed a smile to creep onto her face. It felt terrifying to even consider they could ever have something more than friendship, but it also felt so right.

  Maybe it was time to open up that tightly blockaded heart.

  ~*~

  Matti wandered out into the courtyard, wondering how he would get Anna away from Mrs. Aalto who had just loudly invited the entire Ojala and Ranta families over for supper. He only had five more days here in Kalajoki and he didn’t want to waste his entire Sunday afternoon at a potluck with one of the elders.

  Stepping beside Anna, he unbuttoned the top button of his navy dress uniform and stuffed his hands into his pockets. Nothing but a casual Sunday afternoon. He smiled at Mrs. Aalto and politely introduced himself before turning his attention toward Anna.

  "I'm wondering if I could ask my kind benefactor one more indulgence before I ship out to Helsinki. This poor soldier has yet to see Kalajoki—could I impose on you to skip the family dinner and show me the sights instead?"

  The relief on Anna's face made her eyes sparkle.

  And the smile on her face made his heart almost stop. Goodness, she was beautiful. He'd been trying all morning not to look at her for fear that he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything else. And his fears were confirmed. She had his undivided attention.

  Stepping aside so she could pass, he glanced back toward the old, whitewashed church. So, this tiny building was where Anna had grown up, said her first prayers, and learned her first Bible stories. A beautiful church—old, but maintained with flowers blooming throughout the grounds and oversized stained glass windows framing the front doors. Just like a thousand other Lutheran churches in Finland. Only this one was different. This one was Anna's.

  Matti squelched the temptation to reach out and take her hand. Instead, he hooked his elbow through hers as they strolled down the lane away from the milling congregants.

  Anna pointed out the old red barn sitting a block away from the church. "When I was a little girl, Kaino and I used to run over to that barn after Sunday School and hide in the hayloft until our parents came looking for us. One Sunday, my mom must have assumed I had gone home with Kaino's family and Kaino's parents assumed we went home with ours, because they left us there. For a couple of hours, it was fun. But then we started to get hungry and came out to find the churchyard empty. It was a long hike home in the cold. We learned our lesson."

  Matti chuckled and then pulled her toward the barn.

  "I'll need a tour of the place where Anna Ojala got herself into trouble."

  "Who, me?" Anna looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. "I've never been in trouble in my entire life."

  Matti's laughter echoed across the straw-strewn path as he pulled her inside, careful to avoid the rusty tools littering the floor. Sinking down on a hay bale, Matti turned to Anna. "Mmm. You smell like blueberries and sunshine." Had he just said that?

  She smiled widely. "You try making blueberry pancakes for ten teenage boys without getting blueberry juice all over you."

  "I just might. I can cook a mean pancake, if I do say so myself."

  "Oh, really?" Anna looked up at him with quizzical eyes. "I have a hard time believing that my rough and tough soldier boy would stoop to women's work like making pancakes."

  "Am I hearing you ask for a pancake cook-off? I'll whip up a batch of my top-secret batter and griddle them hot and golden. Women's work, ha! I could beat any woman, any day."

  "It's on, soldier. Looks as if we're having pancakes for dinner tonight."

  "Prepare to lose."

  Anna reached over and brushed the hair off of his forehead. Then a blush rose to her cheeks.

  That did it. He wanted to kiss her.

  She was beautiful. With her hair curling softly over her shoulders like that, she looked almost like the porcelain doll his mom had displayed on her bureau.

  "So, Matti, did you want to spend the day taking a tour of this ratty old barn or did you want to see the rest of the town?"

  "Right now, this barn is looking pretty nice. That trough over there has probably seen better days, but those horse stalls, well, those are quite the works of art. As far as horse stalls are concerned, of course."

  She laughed, stood, and led him toward the back of the barn where an old tractor sat up on blocks of wood. "And this beautiful instrument, Sergeant Ranta, is the answer to all of your agricultural needs. It cuts. It hauls. It even bales. That is, if you can get it started."

  "Well, I do have a lot of agricultural needs."

  Was there any chance Anna could ever love him? On his first night in Kalajoki, Anna's brothers had warned him not to even think about the possibility. Sure, she was beautiful and kind and smart, but she was also the woman who thought she could sail across the Atlantic Ocean by herself and settle in a new country. She had no intention of ever settling down in Finland, of living the simple life he craved.

  Did he dare try to change her mind? To show her that he was someone she could trust? Maybe even love? Looking into those grass-green eyes, so alive that they almost glowed, Matti wasn't sure it was possible. But he wanted to try. "So, what are you thinking, Anna Ojala?"

  "I'm thinking that I'm sorry."

  "Sorry?"

  "Yes, I've been too hard on you. I realized at church this morning that you don't want to fight because you love war, but because you want to help your brothers in need. I respect that."

  Matti looked at her and blinked several times. This was new. "Thank you, Anna. I know I'm not always the easiest to be around, but I do want what's best. For all of us."

  "I know you do." Anna wrapped her arm into his, breaking the tension with a soft smile. "I'm still having a hard time getting over some of the things that happened last year. But let's just say my eyes are starting to open."

  "That's good to hear. Want to talk about it?" He closed his eyes and prayed she'd feel comfortable enough to tell him what was really going on in her heart.

  She looped her arm through his. "Why don't we head down
the street, and I can show you all of the other places where Kaino managed to wreak havoc?"

  He sighed. Maybe she wouldn’t open up to him.

  "So, a few years ago, Kaino decided she would marry Johannes Rahkamo. The problem was that Johannes Rahkamo saw her as his kid sister, not as future wife material."

  "And so?"

  "And so she came up with a plan. We knew Johannes brought milk and butter down to the market every Wednesday morning, and so we hid right over there behind those posts in front of the store. When Johannes started walking in, Kaino was going to dive out behind the post and pretend she had fallen. The whole damsel in distress act."

  Matti loved the way Anna talked with her hands, gesturing wildly as she explained every detail.

  "We saw Johannes' wagon pull up and oh, Matti. You would've died laughing. Kaino arranged her hair just so and put on this pouty face just like a real actress in one of the romantic movies."

  "An actress?"

  "Yes, you know, batting her lashes and cooing. Kaino was a regular movie star as she stumbled off of the porch and fell flat on her face right there on the road. Immediately, she looked up toward Johannes's wagon with big, batting eyes."

  "And?"

  "And Mr. Rahkamo stepped off the step and ran to her aid. Johannes had been sick that day and so his father had taken their goods into town." Anna burst out laughing, clearly enjoying the memory as much as Matti had enjoyed the story.

  "Did Kaino ever catch Johannes's attention?"

  "I guess. After that day, she insisted on visiting the Rahkamo family so she could say thanks to Mr. Rahkamo for his kind aid when she’d "injured herself" in the fall. While we were out at the farm, Kaino did her whole act again, batting her eyelashes and cooing all over Johannes. It was pathetic, really."

  "Pathetic? Sounds adorable to me."

  "No, completely pathetic."

  "I just can't picture it. I think I’ll need a demonstration. Let's see it, Miss Actress. Let's see your best damsel-in-love impersonation."

  Anna batted her eyes furiously and pursed her lips into a dainty pout. "Oh, Sergeant Ranta, I do believe this road is a bit rough for my liking. Could you be a dear and escort me to the café? I do think I'm in need of some refreshment."

  "Will do, milady." Matti grabbed her elbow and pulled her close, grateful for an excuse to have her on his arm. "So, where is this Johannes character now?"

  Anna's gaze drifted away. "He's in Helsinki. He was conscripted last year. He joined the fifth army and fought in Karelia and got shot in the shoulder in February. He's in a hospital in Helsinki, hoping to save use of his arm so he can fight again. And Kaino is here making plans for a summer wedding if he can get some time off."

  "So, looks as if both you and Kaino will be pining away for men in uniform next fall."

  "Kaino, maybe. Not me." Anna shot him a wicked grin.

  Matti pushed his lip out into an exaggerated pout. "You won't be pining away for me even a little?"

  Anna grinned. "Maybe just a little, soldier boy."

  "Good. Let's go grab a cup of coffee and you can fill me in on all the ways you'll miss me when I go. Then we can make mushy plans to write long, tear-stained letters every day."

  As they walked down the street, Matti couldn't help but wonder if she was his own "future wife material."

  She was everything he ever wanted.

  But the timing was all wrong.

  12

  Leningrad, Russia

  Tanya fingered the coins in her pocket, listening to the quiet jingle as she gazed across the park and over the Neva River. She tried her best not to think about what she would do when those last few coins were gone.

  Her money was running out quickly. As was her hope.

  Even as she willed her grief to stay hidden and not to crash down on her, the crushing pain of regret, disappointment, and loss overwhelmed her spirit. After three days of searching for a decent place to live, she had finally plunked down her last four hundred rubles to buy two months at the Azov Sanatoria, a grungy hovel in the worst part of town that she wouldn't have considered if she hadn't been beyond desperate.

  A despicable place, really. The Azoz family lived on the first floor in what Tanya would have considered squalor had she never seen the attic rooms they rented out to forlorn boarders. A tiny, low-ceilinged attic room that they dared called "boarding space" stood just up a rickety staircase from the owner's living quarters. In that room, they had placed fifteen stained and wobbly cots into rows with less than six inches of space between them. And, for a mere two hundred rubles a month, an unlucky lodger could rent one of those cots and all the space underneath to store their possessions.

  Oh, and rent included round-the-clock access to the Azoz family's sole outhouse.

  The Azoz Sanatoria with its rats and dirt and grime was the only barrier standing between Tanya and the streets, but her time there was quickly running out.

  With a deep sigh, Tanya wondered what would've happened if she had stayed in Moscow. She didn't have many friends left—the war had scattered them—but she did have a few. Surely living with Uncle Boris and Aunt Katya would have been better than this. At least they tolerated her. Unlike the people here in Leningrad who seemed to detest her.

  With a scowl, Tanya remembered her latest attempt to find a job. She had waited outside the office of a plant that manufactured ammunition for the war. Surely, they would have a need for workers right now.

  "Excuse me, sir. I'm Tanya Egerov." She’d thrust out her hand in cheerful greeting as the plant manager came up the walkway toward the building. "I'm fresh off the train from Moscow, and I'm here to inquire about a job. I can read. I can type. I can file. I would make a great office manager."

  The man scowled and rolled his eyes. "Not hiring. Not now, not ever." His words were tinged with acid, as if she carried a disease that threatened to overtake his shiny, clean office. "Now get out!"

  Times were tough, but why was everyone being so mean about it? They acted as if she was asking them to hand over their businesses and the keys to their houses as well. Would it really hurt if she typed or filed for them?

  Every single person she’d talked to about a job in the last three weeks had scoffed at her.

  It was high time for a pity party. Shoveling the coins out of her threadbare pocket, she ran her fingers over each coin. She missed Nicolai. He had been her rock for as long as she could remember—and now when she needed him most, he was gone.

  "Oh, Nicolai, why did you do this to me?" She screamed the question out loud, her voice echoing over the water. Tears came, flooding down her cheeks and onto her sweater, and for the first time in weeks, she allowed them.

  She needed a good cry. And then a good kick in the pants.

  Choking back a last blubbering sob, Tanya wiped her tears and stood. Time to figure things out. She had to get a job or she wouldn’t survive.

  Staring at those last few coins in her hand, she made some mental calculations. She had enough to buy herself two, maybe three loaves of bread. Maybe, if she was really careful and allowed herself just a few bites every day, she could make that last for a week or two. Maybe. It was better than nothing.

  Tanya hoisted up off of the park bench and walked back toward the sanatoria, stopping at the corner bakery to buy one small loaf. Taking in a deep breath, she breathed heavily in the yeasty air, hoping a waft of baking bread would satisfy her rumbling stomach. Anything to quell the temptation to rip open the bag and devour the whole loaf in one sitting.

  She tore off a tiny bite and savored her meal for the day. Warm. Chewy.Moist. She kept it in her mouth as long as possible, chewing slowly with her eyes closed. "Mmm…."

  The shop keeper stared at her with concerned eyes. Had she really just moaned out loud while taking a bite of bread? She hurried out the bakery door and down the street to the Azoz Sanatoria, where she would at least have a modicum of privacy as she enjoyed her feast. Racing up the stairs, Tanya plunked down on her cot, kicking a
stray tin cup away from her foot. She hugged Nicolai's satchel to her stomach as she sank onto the creaking frame.

  At least she still had Nicolai's satchel and violin.

  The other residents stored their possessions—old boots, books, cups, and photos—under their cots, but not her. She didn't dare lose her last few fragments of Nicolai. She carried the old satchel with her wedding quilt and his violin everywhere she went. It was exhausting, but she wouldn’t lose the few last remnants she possessed.

  Maybe a nap would settle the hunger pains?

  Hobbling feet and bubbly laughter echoed up the creaking stairs. By the sound of it, her next-door neighbor—if one could call the person who slept on the cot next to her a neighbor—Feodora Yezhof was home.

  Tanya had been trying to avoid Feodora ever since she'd moved into the boarding house, doing her best to steer clear of the woman with a foul mouth, boisterous laughter, and vodka-tinged breath. The other residents seemed to like her although she was constantly drunk and loud, but Tanya couldn't see why. Five minutes with her in the room often sent Tanya scurrying outside for peace and quiet.

  Feodora burst into the room and scanned the cots, scoping out who was home and who wasn't. Her eyes settled on Tanya and she grinned wildly, showing the gap between her crooked front teeth.

  "You! You've been here three weeks and have hardly said a word." Stumbling over, Feodora fell onto her own cot, holding a paper bag that smelled of fresh bread.

  Tanya groaned. Could this day get any worse?

  Tanya tucked the rest of the loaf she was hoarding under her pillow and forcing a smile. "Hello. I'm Tanya."

  Feodora winced as if Tanya had told her she had the plague. Why did everyone hate her so much?

  "I'm from Moscow."

  "I know. Your accent gives you away."

  Her lips parted. Was that why Feodora winced? Did people in Leningrad hate her because she was from the capitol? Stalin's regime came from Moscow, and in the last ten years, their government had wreaked terror on the people of Russia. Good men had been killed for no reason, and the country had been thrown into chaos and war. The people of Leningrad were notoriously freethinking, and most didn't hesitate to admit that they hated Stalin.