Painting Home

by Jolma, Erika;

  Could it be that the people here hated her by association?

  "I'm from right here in Leningrad,” Feodora continued.

  "Do you have family?" Tanya asked, already knowing the answer. Anyone who had a family wouldn't be living in the Azoz Sanatoria.

  "Nope. My husband was sent to the gulag back in '34 and I haven't seen him since…" Her voice drifted off, causing Tanya to shudder. She'd heard about the gulag, a forced labor camp where opponents of Stalin's economic policy were sent and often tortured. There was little hope Feodora's husband was still alive, and even if he was, there was no hope of him getting out of prison.

  Feodora tore open the bag and ripped hefty chunks off of the loaf, stuffing them into her mouth and chewing loudly.

  Tanya turned her head away, unable to watch.

  "Do you want some?" Feodora ripped the loaf in half and held out a steaming hunk. "I have a whole loaf. It'll go stale by tomorrow."

  "I couldn't." The instant the words slipped out, she wished she could grab them and stuff them back into her mouth. What was she thinking turning down an offering of bread? She was hungry and Feodora was offering, yet a tiny bubble of pride stuck in her throat, blocking her from the one thing she needed to survive.

  "No, I insist." Feodora set it gingerly in Tanya's lap. "Eat up!"

  Tears stung her eyes. Could this really be happening? Her first kind interlude in weeks, and from the most unlikely of places. Feodora, the boardinghouse drunk, the woman she had avoided for weeks was giving her bread. "Thank you Lord for something to eat," Tanya's heart prayed out of habit. She’d almost forgotten she didn't believe in God anymore. "Thank you, Feodora. This really means a lot."

  "You look half-starved the way you're downing that."

  Tanya let out a sob. All semblance of pride now gone, she might as well spill it. "I'm out of money! I thought I'd find a job by now, but…" Tanya trailed off, swallowing a huge chunk of bread while eyeing the dirty pitcher of water that sat on the table at the edge of the room. Grabbing her own tin cup, she stood to pour a drink.

  Feodora sighed loudly, the cloudy look in her eyes revealing her own sadness and fear. "It's a tough time in Leningrad, Tanya."

  How had she been so stupid? Most of the country hated Stalin after the great purge. Why had she been so naïve to think she could waltz into town and land a great job to start over?

  Feodora took a deep breath and looked Tanya in the eye. "There are jobs out there for girls like us, Tanya. You have to know where to look."

  A glimmer of hope?

  "Oh, please, I will do anything. Tell me what to do!"

  "I'm not talking about an office job."

  Tanya stared at her expectantly. Did she mean a factory job? She could do that too. Sure, it would be boring…Oh. That kind of job.

  She slumped back onto her bed and dropped her cup, the clattering of tin on the hard floor drowning out the thoughts racing through her mind. She could never do that. Not ever. "Oh, Feodora, I couldn't. I can't."

  "I said the same thing once." Her eyes were distant, pensive, as if she relived the choice she’d made years ago.

  Tanya gave her new friend a once over. Frizzy blonde hair hung loosely over her shoulders, framing a pale face that was probably beautiful at one time. But now, with dull, gray eyes and sagging cheeks, she simply looked tired. Old.

  Tanya bit her bottom lip. She didn't want to judge Feodora—especially since she was the only friend she had—but she had to wonder how anyone could stoop that low. Tanya reached out to Feodora and gave her a tentative smile. "Thanks for the bread, friend."

  And as she turned around to sleep, Tanya told herself that even if she were about to be thrown onto the streets where she would starve to death, she would never, ever do that.

  Never.

  13

  Kalajoki, Finland

  "Your brothers already set up the picnic," Kaino hollered over her shoulder.

  Anna tightened her jacket and walked through the meadow, trying not to trample any of the tiny white valkovuokko that were blooming everywhere around her.

  Kalajoki was beautiful this time of year.

  Wildflowers peeked out of the soil, exposing their soft petals to the still-chilly arctic air. They bloomed in clusters amongst the edges of the tall, towering pine trees that made up the forest that bordered their farm. Up ahead, where two of her brothers had set out a large, hand-knitted afghan for their picnic, the Kalajoki River glimmered a deep navy blue.

  Anna and Kaino sank down on the blanket, each grabbing a handful of frozen blueberries from the bowl that sat in the middle. Mmm. In a few months, they would have fresh blueberries again. Still, nothing could beat a picnic on the Kalajoki River in early summer. Well, actually, something could beat it. A picnic on the Kalajoki River with her soldier boy sitting beside her.

  Anna glanced back down the trail and wondered if Matti was coming at all. When they’d left, he had been caught up in a lively discussion about the war with her father. He had tersely told them to go on ahead and he would meet them down here.

  Would he come?

  Anna distracted herself by pulling a tin of roast chicken and some limpua out of the basket, setting it out beside the blueberries and the basket of pipparkakuts she had baked this morning. Grabbing one of the spicy cookies, Anna took a huge bite, hoping the cardamom-tinged goodness would distract her.

  Arvo picked up a soccer ball and tossed it to Kaino, who ran onto the field, screaming at him to kick it to her. Before long, the Ranta boys and her brothers had teamed up and played an intense game with Kaino serving as the goalie. Anna watched warily, briefly considering joining in on the game until a flash of red caught her eye.

  "Hi!" Matti panted as he jogged down the path wearing a red jacket over khaki pants and a T-shirt. An extra blanket hugged his shoulder.

  "Hello." Anna fought to keep herself from staring at him. The way this shirt clung to his muscular chest left her stomach tingling in a way that it never had before.

  He gestured toward Kaino and her brothers. "Looks like an intense game."

  "That it does. Which is why I'm sitting here with only a basket of cookies to keep me company. Want one?"

  "Did you make them?"

  "Yes."

  He grabbed three out of the basket and sat beside her.

  Anna took a deep breath to compose herself. Three minutes into their day, he was already giving her that look that told her he wanted to kiss her—and if she was being honest, she would've been happy to oblige. In fact, if her brothers weren't ten feet away…

  Seriously, this man drove her crazy.

  "I had an interesting talk with your father. He thinks that even though Karelia is still in Russian hands, the government will wait a few months and feel out this peace treaty before marching back down to Lake Lagoda."

  "And, what do you think about that?"

  Fire flashed in his eyes. "I think our government is stalling."

  Anna bit her lip.

  He looked at her with wide eyes. "I just can't believe anyone thinks they can hand Karelia to Russia on a silver platter without fighting back."

  "Some would believe that Karelia is a small price to pay for peace. And if we can get ourselves over the hump and find new housing for all of the refugees, we won't be that bad off."

  Matti's eyes flashed. "Do you really think that, Anna?"

  "I…don't know what I think, Matti."

  "You don't know? Karelia is my home, my heritage. My family has run our fish-packing plant there for five generations. And now it's just gone."

  "I'm not sure what I think about the war, Matti. I'm still figuring it out. But I do know that I will support you and pray for you no matter what happens." She stood. Things were getting a bit too intense for her liking. Time for a distraction. "Let's agree to disagree for now. Do you want to go for a walk?"

  His eyes brightened as he leapt up to follow her.

  "We're going for a walk," she yelled toward the crew playing near th
e river. She grabbed Matti's hand and dashed down the path before anyone could get the idea to come along.

  As soon as they were out of view, Matti flung his arm around her shoulder and leaned in to whisper in her ear. "Now this, Miss Ojala, was a smart idea."

  "I'm just full of them, Sergeant Ranta."

  "I'm starting to see that. So, where are we headed?"

  "There's a field of wildflowers just around that next bend. It's gorgeous this time of year." Gorgeous and romantic and…what was she thinking? There were enough sparks flying between her and Matti as it was—taking him to a field full of wildflowers on a beautiful spring day…well, that sounded like a recipe for romance.

  Either that, or a recipe for disaster.

  14

  Kalajoki, Finland

  One more day.

  The words echoed in her mind, taunting her as she carefully buttoned the wooden buttons on her best dress. He had asked her if he could take her out to dinner to say goodbye.

  She shivered, pulling her red, hand-knitted cardigan over her shoulders. Who knew if she'd see him again? After what had happened with Henrik, she was well aware that life was tenuous. And even if they did see each other, it wasn’t as if they were, well...anything.

  Her heart began to pound. Could he be her boyfriend? They had only just met and he was leaving for who knew how long. But he could be. Yes, she was willing to admit it that he could be. "Don't even think like that right now," she whispered to her reflection in the dingy mirror on her dresser.

  A soft knock sounded on her bedroom door.

  Anna turned around. "Hi, Mama." She allowed her mom to smooth out her hair.

  "Matti is waiting for you in the parlor."

  Anna pursed her lips together, willing herself to keep it together and hold her emotions in check for one last night.

  "Anna…." Mama's voice trailed off.

  "It's all right." Anna put on her bravest face. "I'm all right."

  She slipped her practical black pumps over bare feet and pinched her cheeks to bring some redness, some cheeriness. She glanced in the mirror one more time, measured herself, liking what she saw. No stockings, but at least she looked somewhat presentable. Tucking that wayward strand behind her ear, she turned and sauntered into the parlor. "Hi, Matti."

  He leaned over and whispered into her ear. "You look beautiful, Anna."

  She turned and waved goodbye to her parents, who stood by the stove with barely contained smiles.

  "I'll have her home by ten, sir. And don't worry. Your little girl will have the best of care."

  "Have her home by nine, sergeant." Her father smiled.

  "Yes, sir!" Matti gave a mock salute and lead Anna out the door. "I thought about taking the horses, but it's so lovely out, would you be up for a walk?"

  "Why, of course, soldier boy, as long as you keep your eye out for horse poo. I'd hate to stink at dinner."

  "I do not need a stinky date." Matti tentatively looped his arm through hers. "I'm so glad we met, Anna Ojala. And just in the nick of time—you with your big plans to go to America. You would've had those Yanks lining up for you."

  Anna's laugher came out jingling and melodic, just how she felt when Matti was around. As if music burst around her, inviting her to sashay through a meadow, or something sappy and romantic like that. Rolling her eyes at her poetic thoughts, she couldn't help but giggle again.

  No one had ever made her stomach flutter like this before. Even talk about going to America didn't bother her tonight. In fact, the only thing that bothered her was that niggling reminder that he was leaving tomorrow. And she may never see him again.

  "So, where are you taking me?"

  "Well, considering the fact that there's only one restaurant in Kalajoki, I'm sure it will come as a surprise to you that I’m taking you to Iida Merenelävät."

  "I knew it. I figured it out as soon as you turned onto Pääkatu Street."

  "Brilliant detective skills."

  While sauntering up the lane to the tiny house that served as both Iida Niskala's home and business, Anna explained that Iida had recently moved the tables out of the center of the room to make room for a dance floor. She said it was her effort to boost morale in town, although she thought it was perhaps more of an excuse for Iida to dance. Rumor had it she had been an amazing dancer when she was younger.

  Regardless, anyone could see that Kalajoki needed a morale boost. The mixture of defeated soldiers on leave and peace treaty refugees certainly hadn't brought Christmas in May.

  Iida led them to a corner table.

  Matti pulled out a chair for Anna before sitting down on his own and unbuttoning the top button of his uniform. He raised one corner of his mouth in a forced smile. "Can I tempt you with a soda?"

  "That'd be great." Luxuries like American soda were a rare treat in Anna's world—in fact, she had only tried the soda once in her life.

  Iida hurried off with their drink orders.

  Anna turned her attention back to Matti. "Are you scared to go?" The words slipped out before she had the chance to censor them.

  "Yes and no. I'm not scared to fight. I know it will be hard—cold, miserable, and terrifying—but I also know it's right. We can't lose Lake Lagoda and the rest of Karelia. But I don't want to leave my family. Or...you."

  Anna choked back a lump. Was it possible that he felt that same flutter of hope when he thought of her? Maybe they had a chance to be something more than...well, more than whatever it was they were right now.

  Matti broke through her teetering emotions with a handsome grin. "Would you care to dance?"

  Oh, goodness, she wasn't exactly a graceful dancer. She'd square danced with Kaino on sunny lakeside afternoons but never in public. And never with a man. What if she fell all over herself? Or worse, stomped all over his toes? She wasn't exactly known for her grace and rhythm. Anna let out a soft sigh and looked at Matti. Those big blue eyes.That soft smile. How could she say no to him?

  She couldn't. She grabbed his hand and led him onto the dance floor. Turning, she gazed into his face, handsome even in the dim light, and did her best to act as though she knew what she was doing. Holding up her palms with a shrug, she allowed him to wrap his hands around her waist.

  "So, Miss War Committee Sock Making Queen," he whispered. "How are you feeling about everything?"

  Anna drop her gaze, suddenly self-conscious about her bare legs. They had spent all winter knitting socks for the soldiers, which left very little time and supplies for making her own unmentionables. What if she brushed against Matti with her bare legs? How embarrassing.

  He pulled her closer, yanking her out of her reverie. He didn't seem to care about her bare legs. Or that the music was scratchy. Or even about her inability to dance with any semblance of coordination.

  No, tonight, her solider boy didn't seem to care about anything but her.

  He hummed softly in her ear along with the saxophone solo playing on the record. Matti's soft humming soothed her, relaxed her. Soft as the whisper of a thousand promises—a lifetime of gentle moments, stolen kisses, simple yet strong love. Promises she wasn't sure could ever come to be.

  "You're a good dancer, Matti. I think I need lessons."

  Matti beamed. "My mom taught me. She said it would come in useful someday. I guess it has."

  "Well, maybe I should have her teach me. Then you can come back and I can really show you how it's done."

  He pulled her to his side, spun her around the floor so quickly her feet left the ground.

  “Ahh!” She clung to his shoulders, trying to maintain some semblance of balance and grace. "I hope I don't stomp on your toe."

  "Wouldn't be the first time."

  Anna punched him in the arm. "Not fair. You drag me out onto the dance floor and then insult me?"

  He spun her around in a circle, dipping her backward before pulling her up to him, his face so close his warm and sweet breath caressed her.

  "Nice move. You’d think you planned that."<
br />
  "Maybe I did." He gave her that schoolboy smile—the one that made her insides melt and her guard drop. She searched his eyes, wondering if his emotions matched hers, looking for a sign that this was real, that it would last.

  Instead she saw her brother Aabel.

  She skittered backward and smoothed her skirt, frowning at Aabel as he walked up behind Matti. "Aabel. What are you doing here?" This was supposed to be her night. Hers and Matti's. Why in the world would her brother be in the restaurant?

  "I'm sorry Anna. Matti." Aabel's words rushed out, the strain in his voice punching Anna in the stomach. "But a message came for Matti. It was marked urgent so Mama had me race down here." He held out a small cream telegraph page, his hand trembling.

  Matti grabbed and unfolded the thin paper, frowning as he read the page. He looked up at her, his eyes dark. "Anna. I'm so sorry, but I have to go. They're calling our unit back to Helsinki a day early."

  "Early?" The word stuck in her throat. "But you have one more night."

  "No, it doesn't look like it. It looks as if they want me on the last train out tonight." He glanced at his watch and closed his eyes. "It leaves in less than an hour. I need to go now."

  Anna slumped against the wall as Matti walked over to their table and slipped his arms into his navy jacket. He left money on the white tablecloth and then turned back to Anna.

  "I'll escort her home, Matti. You go ahead." Her brother stepped beside her, placing his hand on her shoulder.

  "Anna. I'm so sorry." Matti wrapped his arm around her in an awkward side-hug. Just minutes ago, he had almost kissed her. Now he hardly touched her.

  So much for Matti as a boyfriend.

  Anna swallowed hard. Would she ever see him again?

  "Anna?" His voice sounded pinched now. "I didn't want to leave like this, but I don't have a choice. Will you promise to write?"

  She took a deep breath, bit her lip, and willed herself not to cry.

  He turned and ran out the door, seemingly desperate to make the last train out of town. More like the last train out of her life.