by Lyra Shanti
Heading out of his hotel room, he was even more determined to convince Sam that they were meant to be together.
~~
Sam couldn't sleep any longer. She'd dreamt about the priest yet again; it was something about him fighting a dragon and losing. She'd figured it was merely symbolic this time, and not necessarily a memory. She could almost tell the difference now.
When she woke, Jon wasn't there. She assumed he had to go for something urgent and would call her soon. Truth be told, she relished the privacy. Needing to catch some air, she went to her balcony and let her mind wander while she watched the gentle rain falling through the mist-covered trees.
She thought about Jon and how deeply in love with him she felt. But after he'd asked her to marry him, she felt at a complete loss. Was she ready? Did she even want to get married… to anyone?
Plus, there was this new question bubbling up inside her. She couldn't stop wondering if she really felt female. All her life, she’d never really felt feminine, but she didn't exactly feel typically masculine either. Growing up, she was allowed to be a “tomboy,” and luckily, her mother never forced her to fit into a mold.
Once she hit puberty, though, Sam felt the pressure to be more “girly.” If she wanted friends and to fit in, first at school, then at jobs, she had to wear makeup and at least slightly feminine looking clothing.
As for her body, she never really had big breasts, so that wasn't an issue. If Sam was being honest with herself, she didn't feel particularly female, but not exactly male either.
Of course, once she had vaginal sex with James, she figured she was fine with being a woman. But was she? When she dreamt about being Sa and having sex with Gan, it felt amazing. Do I like being in a man's body more than a woman's? she asked herself. Without experiencing it physically, though, how can I be sure?
“Ugh!” Heading back into her room, she threw on a t-shirt and jeans, grabbed her room key and wallet, then headed for the door. She couldn't wait for Jon. “I need coffee!”
In the elevator, she almost wanted to cry but told herself she was being stupid. A gorgeous, intelligent, and wealthy man is in love with me. What am I worried about? I just need some time to think, that's all.
When the elevator door opened to the lobby, she felt a little more confident. As she was about to exit, a pretty young blonde raced to make it to the elevator. Sam smiled and held the door for her.
“Thanks!” the girl said with a shy giggle. She looked young, perhaps no more than twenty, and wore a pink summer dress, perfectly curved in all the right places. Sam figured the pretty thing was on vacation, maybe even a honeymoon.
Sam nodded politely, then felt a shudder of doubt crawl through her spine once again. This girl… She's good enough for someone like Jon. Why is he so into me? It doesn't make sense!
Turning away from the blonde goddess in the elevator, Sam returned to the goal of hot, steaming, soul-cleansing caffeine.
“Coffee, black with sugar, please,” she said to the man behind the counter in the lounge.
“No coffee,” he curtly replied in a Chinese accent.
“What?” said Sam, feeling as though she'd been gutted with a steak knife.
“Only tea.”
“But… I was able to get coffee yesterday!”
“Only tea. Too early. Get coffee later.”
Sam wanted to strangle the guy. How could he refuse her the one thing that might save her soul?
“Fine,” she said with a grumble, “I'll take tea with a little sugar.”
The man nodded, then poured a cup. Sam took the cup and brought it to one of the comfortable chairs with a table. She wanted to curl up somewhere and cry.
After a few careful sips of the incredibly hot black tea, she realized her phone had been buzzing in her pocket. Looking at it, she saw Jon’s number. She almost didn't want to answer, which made her feel like the most cowardly person alive.
As she was about to answer, it stopped. She was too late. He'll leave a voicemail, and I'll call him back, she thought, sipping her tea. On second thought, she decided to text him instead. She just didn't feel like talking just yet.
Sam: Hey, what's up?
Jon: There you are! Where are you? You're not in your room.
Sam: I'm chilling in the lounge area.
Jon: Oh, I see. Want to get breakfast? We need to talk.
Sam felt a lump rising in her throat. We need to talk? Shit. That sounds so serious and awful. Has he changed his mind about me?
Sam: OK, sounds good.
She almost asked him if he was feeling alright, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Whatever it was, she'd find out soon.
A few minutes later, her gorgeous lover arrived with a smile and a kiss for her cheek. He sat down next to her and said, “Let's get some steamed buns and eat them in the garden area.”
Sam nodded. Steamed pork buns sounded like heaven. If only there had been coffee to go with it; she figured she could handle whatever Jon had to say.
He bought the buns, then took her hand, leading her to the lovely stone bench by the spring. This was the setting that was almost eerily similar to the temple in her dreams.
She took a bite of the yummy bun, then looked at the spring. “Doesn't this look familiar, Jon?”
“What?”
“The water here… and the way this place is designed. Doesn't it kind of seem like the temple in our dreams?”
Jon looked at the spring and squinted in thought. “Yeah, I guess you're right,” he said before ripping the bun, allowing the steam to escape. Taking a bite, he chewed and looked at Sam with determined, focused eyes.
“What is it?” she asked. “Are you okay?”
He nodded and drank from his bottled water. “Listen… Sam… about last night, and what I said…”
Here it was. Sam was certain now that he'd thought about it and realized she was not at all what he wanted, certainly not in a wife. Gripping the stone bench, she braced herself emotionally as best she could.
“I know you said you need time to answer my question, but… how much time? I'm going to visit my parents tomorrow, and I was hoping to bring you along. I know you were only supposed to stay for a few more days at this hotel, so I was thinking… maybe you could stay with me at my parents’ house?”
Sam’s jaw fell open. He hadn't changed his mind. On the contrary, he seemed determined to plough ahead at lightning speed.
“Jon, I…”
“It would just be for a few days.”
Sam looked at his pleading, beautiful, blue eyes. Could she really deny him anything?
“Okay, I'll do it, but Jon… I still don't think I'm ready for marriage.”
“That's fine. I can simply introduce you as my girlfriend. Although, I still plan on getting you a ring when you least expect it.”
His adorable grin and wink made her want to laugh. He made her so easily light-headed. It almost didn't matter if she was having gender identity issues, without a cup of coffee in sight. As long as Jon was there, she would gladly follow.
“It's set, then,” he said, rising to his feet. “I'll tell the concierge to get your things ready.”
“Wait!” she said, grabbing his arm.
“What's the matter, my love?”
“Jon… I'm not ready to go there today. Can't we do it later? I mean, you said you weren't going till tomorrow.”
Jon sighed with a shrug. “Sure, I just thought we could do it now, but… it's fine to wait, if you want.”
He seemed to be in a hurry, and it bothered her. “Did something happen?”
He blinked and said, “No. Why?”
Sam hadn't known him long, but she swore he was lying. She knew that reaction; she'd seen it before… when he was Gan.
“Jon,” she said, softly reaching for his hand. “What happened? You're upset, aren't you? I can tell.”
He gave a half-smile and held her hand. “No, Sam, I'm fine. I just can't wait to show you off. My parents will love you.”
&
nbsp; She took back her hand. “But do you love me?”
“What? Of course I do! I'm the one begging for marriage, aren't I?”
Sam gave a sigh. “Yeah, but I can tell something is off, and you're hiding it. Plus, I feel like… I don't know, like you're trying too hard to impress your parents.”
Jon’s charming smile turned into an annoyed-looking expression. He folded his arms and said, “I told you before, Sam, I am not with you just to impress my parents.”
“Yeah, but…”
Surprising the hell out of her, Jon got on his knees in the dewy grass. “I love you, Samantha. The connection we have is deep and pure, and I want to be with you. Please, I beg you to believe me.”
Sam couldn't help but smile. He really seemed to mean what he said. "I love you too, and I believe you," she meekly replied.
“Good!" he said, rising to his feet. "I'll let my parents know we're coming. Get your stuff ready, and we'll go tomorrow. Sound good?”
“Yeah, I can do that,” she quietly replied. She felt a nervous knot forming in her belly. She loved him, and even believed his words, but there was something not quite right, though she couldn't put her finger on it.
She just didn't want to get hurt. After getting burned before by James, she was wary. She hated being lied to, and she refused to ever let it happen again.
“Jon?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you promise?”
“Promise what?”
“Never to lie.”
Jon raised his brow for a moment, then held her hands. “I promise, my love. As long as I live, I will always tell you the truth.”
Sam desperately wanted to trust his words, but the priest inside her head wasn't so sure.
Chapter 26: Yin and Yang
S a raised his left brow and said, "Where have you been?"
Gan stood in the temple doorway, wet from the rain, with his head hanging down, looking like a guilt-ridden boy. "I… have been rebuilding my clan's village. I told you that already, my lord."
Sa hated when Gan used "lord" to address him. It almost seemed sarcastic. "What, no bow?"
Gan smirked, then gave a small bow with his hands tightly held together.
Sa had no idea what was happening to their relationship, but it didn't feel right. Plus, there was a strange vibration in the air, as if the spirits all around the temple were unnerved. It didn't help that he hadn't seen his estranged lover in weeks.
Turning away from Gan, Sa motioned with his forefinger. "Come inside, or you'll catch a cold."
As they walked into the main room, Sa immediately began to remove Gan's wet outer leathers. Exposing the warrior's chest, Sa felt a twinge of excitement racing through his body. But he would not allow it, not until Gan fully explained why it took him so long to visit.
"Stay here," he ordered. "I will get you dry clothing."
Gan nodded, again with a half-bow. At this point, Sa was certain his lover had committed some kind of crime, though he hoped it was a forgivable one.
When Sa returned with a blue silk robe, he saw Gan's naked, robust body, fully on display.
Trying not to care, he handed Gan the robe and turned with his arms folded. "You look well," he stated.
"My flesh may be healthy, but my mind is not," said Gan as he put on the robe, tying it with a blue belt.
Sa turned around to face him. "And why is that? Have you done something you are ashamed of?"
Gan grimaced and said, "I'm so sorry, my lord."
Sa arched his left brow. "What have you done to warrant such a dire apology?"
Gan went to his knees. "I am ashamed to say that I have been weak. I was in need of a woman, and I…"
Sa raised his hand to Gan's face. He didn't want to hear any more. "Enough!"
Gan grabbed Sa's hand. "Please, forgive me, my yin. I didn't mean to sleep with her, but…"
"I said enough!" Sa yelled, his hand forming a fist.
"Hurt me, if you wish," Gan said, ripping off the long, black coat from his chest. He then offered Sa his sword. "Go ahead. Pierce through my heart. I deserve it."
Sa rolled his eyes and pushed the sword away. "You are a dramatic fool."
Gan gave a small laugh. "I am a fool, yes… I am truly sorry."
Sa shook his head with a disapproving glare. "Who is the woman you pleasured? Is she a survivor from your clan?"'
"No, she is foreign to me," Gan replied. "I swear, my yin, I only slept with her once."
"Only once?"
"Yes, but…"
Sa began to pace. "Oh, just spit it out!"
"She took my ring, and now I can't find her."
Sa took a few moments before shouting, "What?!"
Gan's expression showed his surprise. Sa usually kept his cool, but the opal ring he'd given Gan was not just a token of his love, but a rare, magical heirloom, passed down from master to student for hundreds of years. Losing it, especially to some loose, foreign woman, was absolutely unthinkable.
"Please, forgive me!" Gan yelped, reaching for the lining of Sa's white robe.
Swatting away Gan's hand, the priest sneered with disgust. "How could you be so careless?" As tears began to threaten his eyes, he turned away from Gan, refusing to let his only love see him so distraught.
"My yin…" whispered Gan as he approached from behind, "how can I make this right?"
Sa took a deep breath, willing his tears away. Turning back around, he grabbed Gan's wrist and pushed his lover to the floor. With a movement as swift and graceful as a rushing river, he straddled Gan's lap. "You will find that woman, and you will retrieve my ring. Is that understood?"
Gan silently nodded, as if caught in a trance. Sa could feel his lover's growing shaft against his own, and the heat between them drowned his anger. Their breathing soon became one, and Sa could no longer refuse his own heart.
"You are mine," he said with a commanding tone, squeezing Gan's wrists to the floor. “Do you understand me?” Gan simply nodded with an intense stare.
Unable to hold back his need, Sa kissed his warrior's lips with the desperation of a starving man. It felt to him as though they had been apart for years.
Gan responded to his lover's need with a hungry tongue and grabbing hands. In a matter of seconds, they were naked and writhing on the floor.
"I’ve missed you!" Gan said with a gasp as he entered his yin.
Sa couldn't speak. He could only moan and cry.
Their love making was quick but powerful, and Sa knew Gan was still his. Even if his warrior had laid with a woman, Sa believed with all his soul that she could never equal the passion he gave to his yang.
Digging his nails into Gan's chest, he looked deep into his lover's eyes. "You are mine."
"Yes," Gan said with a look of sleepy contentment.
"Stay here tonight, my yang. But tomorrow, you will find that woman and get back my ring. It is our bond, our promise. You must find it, Gan."
Looking up, he saw his lover fast asleep on the floor. Sa shook his head, amazed at Gan's ability to sleep on a hard, wooden floor. It made him smile.
Slowly, Sa stood up and pulled his lover to his feet, leading him to the bed. Lying together peacefully, he felt Gan's breath on the back of his neck, and everything felt harmonious, balanced. Despite temporarily losing his sacred ring, Sa now felt loved and secure. Nothing else mattered.
Chapter 27: Normal
J on's parents were extremely polite, and the dinner had been pleasant. Yet, something made Sam feel unbearably itchy and nervous. It was hard to pinpoint, but everything felt so sterile and pristine, as if they lived in a doll house in the Twilight Zone.
The house was modern and clean, decorated in white furniture and fake plants. It was extremely orderly, a perfect example of feng shui. But it made Sam want to scream.
Jon's parents themselves were nice but dry. They spoke English extremely well, so it helped, but the whole experience overwhelmed Sam to the point of exhaustion.
Luckily, she
had her own room, since Jon had merely introduced her as his girlfriend, not his fiancée. He had kissed her goodnight, then went to his own room across the hall.
Lying on the flower-print bed, Sam's mind raced with emotions and fears as endless questions filled her mind. Was she good enough for him or his parents? Did she want to be? How did she get there? What was she doing?