Sins of Omission

by T S McKinney

  There was no other option.

  I glanced around at the poor, naïve imbeciles who loved me. They’d fallen for his charm and thought he had my best interests as his priority. Fools. Sweet men, and I loved them, but they were nothing more than fools.

  “If you intend to go on this cruise, Arizona, Eli will be with you as your bodyguard,” my dad said in his very firm, very dad voice. “If you can’t agree to those terms, then you’ll stay home…and Eli will be your bodyguard. Those are your two options. I’m not going to take any chances with your safety, son. It would kill me if something happened to you because of me.” His eyes bore into mine. “You know this, Ari. It would destroy me if I lost you...too.”

  Annnnddd, he’d done it—pulled the card. He was using the mother argument against me. When he pulled that bad boy out of the deck, he meant business. Shit. Motherfuck. I had no idea why my mother, his wife, had walked out on us. She’d given birth to me and then simply disappeared. When I was younger, the knowledge that my mother hadn’t wanted me had left me hurt and broken. As I grew older, I stopped caring about the whys or who was to blame. I definitely stopped caring about her. The bottom line of the matter was, and it had taken me years and three different therapists to get to this point, that it wasn’t my fault or my dad’s fault. I understood that. He didn’t. After all these years, he still blamed himself for her sudden disappearance. He either blamed himself or the job.

  Seeing my dad like this was my Kryptonite. I was defenseless against him. I felt my last hope of avoiding Eli slipping between my fingers like priceless bits of gold dust.

  “Nothing will happen to me on the cruise, Dad,” I whined. Yes, I knew grown men weren’t supposed to whine, but it was my card. “I’m gonna be with friends—lots of friends.” That was a lie, but there was no need to admit to it. Hell, what was I? A professional liar? It had started with Eli, and it looked like I’d never stopped.

  “I’m certain I won’t have any problems fitting in with your friends,” an incredibly sexy, incredibly husky, and incredibly too close voice said.

  I whirled around to face him, at the same time wondering how in the hell he’d gotten inside my apartment. There was a code! A security code. No, no, no!

  He winked. “I mean, if there’s someone special traveling in your group, don’t worry about me pouting with jealousy or getting upset.” Another wink. “May the best man win, is all I can say to that.”

  My dad cleared his throat, interrupting Eli’s torture of me. It was a good thing—I hadn’t had a proper comeback for his may the best man win comment. What had he meant? Like he would get into a physical altercation with any significant other he might foolishly believe I had…or something else?

  “Stop being an ass, Eli,” Baker said. “We’re here to convince Arizona the necessity of a bodyguard to ensure his safety, not to play high school boyfriend games. Get your shit together and get on board.”

  Wow. That outburst didn’t seem very Baker-ish. Maybe I had somebody in my corner after all? Thinking maybe Baker was on my side gave me a wee bit of courage.

  “How did you get in here? Only my friends and family have the security code.” Which meant three people had the code, but none of them needed to know that. “Why in the hell would you ever think I’d allow you to go on a cruise with me, as my bodyguard or my ex-friend? It’s too late to get you a room anyway. They are fully booked. And, most of all, you’ll never be the best man, so you’ll never win.” Bullshit flowed from my mouth the same way water spurted from the tap. Nothing but bullshit. Some bullshit here, some bullshit there, some bullshit everywhere.

  Eli didn’t seem the least bit fazed by my heaping-helping of crap. He leaned against the wall, crossed his arms over his chest, and crossed his ankles—looking all casual like he wasn’t about to ruin my boring life with his explosive appearance. How could he be so casual while my heart thundered like I’d rounded the final turn at the Kentucky Derby?

  “Okay, let’s see,” Eli began. “Your father gave me the code, so I could join the meeting this morning. Sorry I’m late, but I was busy booking a cruise. As a matter of fact, the cruise ship is fully booked but, thankfully, I’m sharing a room with someone, so it wasn’t a problem. I’ll be there as your bodyguard, but I guess we could also refer to me as ex-boyfriend.” He grinned like an evil, yet devilishly handsome demon. “Boyfriend—you forgot to add the boy in front of the friend a few minutes ago.” He raised a hand and tapped a finger against his chin. “What else was there? Oh, yeah, I remember. I’m not the best man, so I’ll never win. The only way I know how to address that one is with only time will tell.”

  He was so fucking smug. I couldn’t believe how much it turned me on. Most of my life had been a display of weakness, and it pissed me off that I was going to allow Eli back into that weakness column…but there was something about the man that made me want to throw caution to the wind and simply let someone else take over the reins for a while. It was exhausting trying to portray this image of me that didn’t really exist.

  “It’s settled then; if you want to go on this cruise, Eli will accompany you as your bodyguard,” my dad piped up, interrupting my morbid thoughts. Yes, morbid. The thoughts of me falling in love with Eli again could only be categorized as morbid. He’d stomped on my pride and heart and once he’d completely flattened both, he’d thrown them away without a backward glance. The morbidity was the fact that he was clearly still my biggest fantasy.

  My head whipped around so I could face my father, otherwise known as ‘the traitor’. “What? I’m not an underaged teenager. You can’t dictate my vacations, who I vacation with, or anything else for that matter! That isn’t how things work in the real world.”

  “This isn’t the real world, Ari. It’s a dangerous world and after the attempt on your life, we all realize it became an even more dangerous world. How is it that every other adult in this room sees this except for you?”

  I watched my father physically brace for the temper tantrum he expected to follow his ridiculous attempts at not only scaring me but trying to imply I was too young to make an intelligent decision. The lovable bastard knew the age thing always got to me. Too bad. He was going to be disappointed. Another plan had formed in my head, and I decided to run with it. I hated confrontations and this discussion was headed straight toward confrontation land at a high rate of speed. When I couldn’t lie my way out of a situation, I always went with my next best talent—evasion.

  I shrugged. “Whatever.” Turning to Eli, I said, “I’ll email you my flight information. I assume you’ll want us to travel together the entire time.” Dismissing him, I turned back to my father, Baker, and Seth. “Everybody out. I’ve enjoyed your company about as long as my duration meter can handle. I have packing to do. Out.” I started toward the hallway that led to my bedroom, turned around, and added, “Oh yeah, I’ll be changing the security code for my apartment.” My voice dripping with sarcasm, I said, “I’ll be sure and give each of you the new information.” Continuing my trek down the hallway, I mumbled, not. Havoc, my rescue cat I’d adopted after Eli ditched me in college, followed me down the hall, her tail fluffing and swirling with much more arrogance and confidence I felt at the moment.

  *****

  Nobody liked an arrogant, braggart, but I couldn’t stop myself from the tiny thrill of victory that had crept into my bones when I’d climbed up the gangplank, all fucking alone, to board my newly booked cruise. All it had taken was a few clicks of my computer, a bit of illegal hacking, a rushed plane flight, and here I was, sitting on my Royal Caribbean Fantasy cruise instead of the Carnival Valor I’d been originally booked on. Sure, this cruise was a bit out of the budget I’d set aside for the official ‘hide from my father’ birthday week, but, on the other hand, it was worth every bloody cent it cost me. Thought they’d send Eli Wallace as my bodyguard, did they? Fools—they were all fools if they thought I’d be stupid and naïve enough to fall for that shit. Nosiree, not me. I might be younger than most, but
that didn’t necessarily mean I couldn’t pull a fast one when necessary.

  Tricking them on the cruise had been necessary. There was no way humanly possible I could have been in such close proximity to Eli Wallace without losing my cool. Well, if I had any cool to lose. I felt fairly certain it had been established years ago that cool was not on my list of attributes.

  As I lay in the sun, fruity cocktail in one hand and the day’s itinerary in the other, I took a few minutes of pure pleasure to picture the look on Eli’s face when he shows up at the airport in Colorado tonight, waiting on me to meet him there. My original cruise had been scheduled to leave port tomorrow, which meant my original flight schedule had been later tonight. I’d kept the flight, deciding to lose the money if they wouldn’t allow me to save it for another trip, just as I had the cruise. If I’d tried to change anything, Eli or my dad would have been all over it, catching me in mere seconds. No, I had to be much smarter than that and if there was any characteristic on my attribute list, it was that I was smart. Actually, being smart was what got me into trouble with Eli to begin with.

  Damn underage bullshit.

  Between being much smarter than the average Joe mixed with my superior computer skills had made it fairly simple to create a new identity online, schedule a flight, and book a cruise. It was actually scary how simple it had been for me to create a new person, print a fake birth certificate that would fool the stork himself, and make a fake driver’s license. I hadn’t pushed my luck with a passport, so I probably wouldn’t risk getting off the boat at any of the ports we docked at. That was fine; I wasn’t on the cruise for a good time. I was cruising to avoid facing my father, Seth, and Baker on my birthday. I’d lied about all the friends I was supposedly vacationing with. There were no friends. I was awkward and socially inept—we all knew it. It should probably worry me how incredibly naïve my family and friends were. Instead of worrying, though, I decided to simply be thankful.

  I checked my watch. Yep, Eli would be on his way to the airport right about now. Unless he’d changed dramatically, he was always early—a real tight-ass about following the rules and being punctual. Me? I’d hit the airport, going in hot, nearly missing my flight…every damn time I flew. Dad said I didn’t take things serious enough. I thought he took things too seriously. I supposed it would be one of those things that we just had to agree to disagree on. I didn’t plan on changing and felt certain he wouldn’t either. In my defense, I’d only missed about ten flights over the years of traveling.

  What would he do when he got there, and I was a ‘no-show’? He’d be so pissed—not that he wasn’t going to get to perform his babysitting duties. No, it would be that Eli didn’t like to be bested at anything. He was a perfectionist—everything had a place, and everything needed to be in that place. I wouldn’t be in the place, and that would piss him off as much as a towel out of place or dirty hands pissed me off.

  I smiled—couldn’t help it. The pleasure of fucking with his head was just too much for me to ignore.

  When a shadow blocked my sun, I didn’t even bother to peek an eye open. We were still in port, but the partying on the boat had already started. “I’ll take another one of these please.” Keeping my eyes closed, I raised my hand to indicate the cocktail.

  Without a word, the cute crew member that wore nothing but a pair of short-shorts which left absolutely nothing to the imagination, disappeared to grab me another cocktail. Oh, that was another plus to rearranging my cruise—I was now on a gay cruise. Hell, I hadn’t even known they existed until I’d started my desperate search to find another ship I could book on short notice.

  A gay cruise. As in, gay men, scantily clad, everywhere…as far as the eye could see…if I’d bother to open mine. There was no fucking way in hell I was leaving this cruise a virgin. Nope. This was it.

  Finally.

  I might not be the worldliest man in existence, but I knew without a doubt that when I finally had sex, I’d be able to put Eli out of my head forever. The only reason I couldn’t do it now was because I’d gone further with Eli than with anybody else—that was my only problem with purging the bastard from my system once and for all. Sadly enough, I hadn’t even gotten past kissing and heavy petting with Eli. Fuck, I was so pathetic.

  Not after this trip, though. Sex. I would do it. Maybe not the kinky shit that Baker and Seth did, but sex would be involved. Gnawing on my bottom lip, I wondered if I was a top or bottom. I mean, with Eli, there had never been a question. I’d wanted him inside of me more than I’d ever wanted anything before or after. It might be different with someone else. Maybe I would enjoy both? Didn’t know and didn’t care; I only knew that I was going to do it.

  “Your cocktail, sir,” a husky voice said as the shadow from earlier once again blocked my sunshine. I peeked an eye open at him and then practiced my sexiest smile. He was hot in a nice to look at way, but there was nothing about him that made me want to get naked and rub my body up and down his like a cat in heat. Maybe I needed to quit being so damn picky? Apparently, I’d been at my sexual peak when I’d fake-dated Eli in college. I’d wanted him all the time.

  “Uh, thanks,” I finally muttered when he became obvious he was totally immune to the tiny bit of charm I’d mistakenly thought I rocked. I reached for the receipt he held out and when I went to sign it, I nearly forgot to use my fake name. That would be an awesome start…and finish, if I got caught. I’d bought the drink package—it seemed like the adult thing to do since I’d already lied about my age when I’d created my new identity. It wasn’t as if I hadn’t ever had alcohol before; there’d been plenty of times when I’d snuck some of the good stuff from my dad’s liquor cabinet. Okay, maybe not plenty of times, but it had happened. Twice. Handing the receipt back, I asked, “How much longer before we leave port?”

  The cutie checked his watch and answered, “We won’t sail yet for another four hours, but your room should be available sometime in the next hour or two.” He took the receipt, winked at me, and said, “Enjoy your trip, Sebastien. I’ll keep an eye on your glass to make sure neither of us ever sees the bottom. How does that sound?”

  What did he mean by that? Was he flirting? Suggesting one of us was a bottom? How the fuck would I know?

  “That sounds perfect…”

  “Javier,” he quickly supplied. “If you need anything, just yell ‘woop-woop’ and I’ll be here. Enjoy your cocktail and I’ll see you again in a few.”

  Another wink. Damn, I was off to a good start—even if Javier wasn’t my type. I looked around the deck, hungrily feasting on all the male flesh displayed in front of me while my eyes were hidden behind sunglasses. There were lots of hot guys and lots of not-hot guys but, most importantly, everybody seemed to be having a good time already. If they were acting this crazy and we hadn’t even left the port, I couldn’t begin to imagine what the next seven days of my life would offer for entertainment.

  Odd, though that none of them could hold a candle to Eli’s tall frame and rugged muscles, regardless of how even the hottest guys looked in their itsy-bitsy speedos. Fuck…those new tattoos…there was a damn good chance they might end up being the death of me. When had he gotten all of them? When he’d walked out of my life, his body, still muscular but nothing like it was now, had been without the first drop of ink. Now? His physique was nothing short of a work of art.

  Angry at myself for allowing thoughts of Eli into my head, I slurped a huge drink of my cocktail through the straw, nearly draining the second glass in one swallow. The alcohol immediately went to my head and the most wonderful buzz started oozing through my blood, calming my nerves and increasing my bravery. Liquid courage—I’d heard alcohol referred to it before but hadn’t really understood what it meant. As I finished off the second cocktail, I slowly, and sluggishly, began to understand.

  I liked it.

  Like magic, Javier was standing next to me within seconds, offering me my third drink and an incredibly lustful grin. “I believe someone is planning
on having a good time tonight, yes?”

  “Definitely,” I answered as I signed my fake name on the receipt, leaving a heftier tip that time, and then took the drink right off Javier’s tray before he could hand it to me. “Keep em coming, Javier. Keep em coming!”

  “Of course, sir,” he answered with another one of his sexy winks. Weird; he was starting to look more my type with each passing wink.

  I checked my watch for the twentieth time, knowing I wouldn’t feel completely safe from my father’s overprotectiveness and Eli’s bout for revenge until we had sailed away from the port. Right about now, Eli would be calling my dad, roaring angrily about me not being at the airport. I didn’t want to worry anybody but, damn, they needed to realize I wasn’t a child any longer. My twentieth birthday was tomorrow. They were going to have to back their shit down.

  Out of the kindness of my heart, I had left a note telling them that I’d taken a different cruise, so they wouldn’t spend the next week worried about my safety. They could get as pissed as they wanted but worrying was a totally different story. I hated the feeling—had spent my entire life suffering through the weight of worrying over everything. I blamed it on the fact that I’d never really fit in anywhere, but if I was honest with myself, I probably just carried the worry gene in my body’s chemistry.