Against the Tide

by Meredith Taylor

  Darryn, reluctantly, found himself thinking the same about JP. There was something soft about his features that Darryn had never noticed before, and something gentle about his personality that was always hidden behind the cocky exterior. The blue eyes that had seemed so cold and angry to him were now deep and inviting. Darryn felt his heartbeat quicken as his mind spun into a fantasy, an idea he had never considered before, but he pushed it away quickly. Something was changing in the way he saw the rough, challenging guy who was sitting in front of him. But he could never say this to JP. Instead, he just nodded, “I think this was a good first session, yes. We can try and do a bit more tomorrow when I see you.”

  They both stood up, and JP reached out his hand to shake Darryn’s. “Good luck for Saturday at the semi-finals. I’m sure you won’t need it, though.”

  Darryn took JP’s hand, feeling the firmness of his grasp and watching the smile on his face. He held JP’s grip for a long time, both of them seeming to notice a change in the other. JP’s eyes were scanning his face. It felt good to hold his strong hand like that, and soon it was no longer a handshake, but something more. Darryn finally spoke: “You’re a good swimmer too. I’m sure you’ll make it to the finals.”

  JP’s sparkling white teeth broke into a broad, satisfied smile, contrasting with his bronze skin. “Wow, Darryn, that’s literally the first time you’ve ever said that I’m a good swimmer. I think I might just faint.”

  “Don’t get used to it,” Darryn said. “I’m still gonna beat you in the finals.” Darryn couldn’t restrain a smile of his own at this final cheeky comment, and they both laughed together.

  “There it is again. That’s the Darryn I know and…” JP said before breaking off, and their hands finally separated. Darryn felt strangely compelled to stay with JP. He wished that he could get to know him better, rather than just fighting with him constantly.

  As Darryn left the block of apartments, he felt excited about his new job as a tutor to JP. At first, he thought it would be torture to spend time alone with him, and he only took the job because he needed the money. But now, he had actually enjoyed himself. He was seeing JP differently. And he was looking forward to their next session.

  Chapter 15

  Darryn was sitting at the counter in the small coffee shop where he and JP had agreed to meet for their second tutoring session. The coffee shop was quiet, with only two of the tables occupied by bohemian students working on their laptops, and the comfortable couches and bean bag chairs in the coffee shop were empty as many students were stacked into the library to prepare for test season. JP was late, and Darryn could see the sun setting over the Ridgemont buildings. He sat trying to look busy, but wondered if he was being stood up. He was disappointed more that he might not have been able to see JP again like he wanted to.

  Darryn looked at the menu in the coffee shop and thought about ordering something to keep himself busy while he waited, but he stopped short. The prices were astronomical, and Darryn decided to give JP ten more minutes before he left. He couldn’t be waiting there for too much longer. He still had to get to his nighttime job in a few hours.

  The door opened suddenly, waking Darryn from his thoughts, and he looked up to see JP frantically walk into the coffee shop. He was wearing a shirt and tie under his brown leather jacket, and he looked frazzled. He carried his satchel and was placing his keys inside of them as he walked towards Darryn. JP greeted him with a warm smile.

  “I’m so sorry I’m late. I hope you haven’t been waiting for too long,” JP said.

  “It’s okay. No problem,” Darryn offered.

  “I just need to get some coffee. It’s been such a long day. Can I get you anything?”

  “No thanks. I just had a cup,” Darryn lied. He waited for JP to put down his satchel and remove his jacket, and watched him walk over to the counter to order coffee. Darryn noticed that JP’s satchel was open, and some of his books were visible through the opening. On top of his business and statistics textbooks, Darryn could see what looked like a self-help book and a novel. He moved slowly to open the bag further, glancing at the covers of the books. The self-help book was covered with a corny picture of a man smiling and the title Find Your Purpose, Find Your Bliss, and the novel looked like a romance novel with a handsome, shirtless man on the cover, and the title Forbidden Pleasures. Darryn was intrigued, and wanted to explore the books further, but as he turned to check how far JP was he saw that he was already standing right next to Darryn with a concerned look on his face.

  “What are you doing? Going through my stuff?” JP looked hurt as he came over, carrying two cups in his hands, and sat down across from Darryn.

  “I wasn’t looking through it. I was just closing your bag for you,” Darryn lied again.

  “Okay,” JP said, still seeming concerned. “I got you one of the caramel lattes. It’s my favorite drink. I know you said you already had coffee but I just wanted you to try it. You don’t have to finish it.” JP put down the cup in front of Darryn, and the incredible smell of the latte overpowered him. He nodded in thanks, but didn’t say anything more. JP spoke again, his eyes seeming more vulnerable than ever as he asked, “Did you see… anything… when you closed the bag?” JP pushed the bag aside, clearly seeing that it had not been closed but ignoring it. Darryn knew that JP would be embarrassed if he told him what he had seen, so he waved off the question without responding. JP said, “I just like to read some silly books to get my mind off work sometimes. I wouldn’t want you to know what a weirdo I really am.” JP smiled again, but it was weak and tentative this time.

  Darryn felt guilty for invading JP’s privacy, and wanted to set him at ease. “I read some silly things too,” he said. “Murder mysteries, mostly. They fascinate me for some reason.”

  JP seemed like he was less self-conscious after Darryn said this, and he felt good that he could take away some of his embarrassment. “It can be fun to escape your own life sometimes, you know?” JP asked. “Real life can be sucky sometimes.”

  Darryn wondered what someone who had good looks and so much money would really have to complain about, but he knew that he had judged JP too quickly, and that there were more layers to him than Darryn had initially thought. He held back the question, and instead asked, “Why are you dressed like this?” looking at his shirt and tie.

  “You don’t like it?” JP asked, playfully.

  Darryn felt warmth flood his face. “I do like it,” he said, and when JP still didn’t respond, he let out, “You look good.”

  JP’s smile beamed brightly after this comment. “Why, thank you, kind sir. I work at my grandfather’s company some afternoons when I don’t have class. He’s driving me crazy, though. Terreblanche International. You know the building in town, right?”

  “Your family owns Terreblanche International?” Darryn asked, wide-eyed, “That’s crazy! That’s like one of the biggest buildings in the city center. You’re even richer than I thought, JP!”

  JP seemed deflated and embarrassed by Darryn’s comment, and said, “Yeah, well it’s not my money. It’s my grandfather’s. And he’s not the easiest person to be around. He treats me like I need to be a carbon copy of him or I’ll be completely cut off.”

  An awkward silence followed this. Darryn knew that he had said something to offend JP, and for the first time since he had known him, Darryn realized that he could really hurt JP by judging him for his family name and his wealth. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make such a big deal. I know I don’t really know you. It’s none of my business.”

  “It’s just that I hate working there so much. I’m only doing this business degree because he wants me to take over the company one day, but I’m not sure I really want to. I’m not sure that I’m cut out for it.”

  “Well, what do you want to do? What do you like doing?” Darryn asked, trying to change his demeanor towards JP.

  “I don’t really know. I’m a little bit lost. I’ve never really had the chance to figur
e out what I want to do on my own. It’s always just been, be a good Terreblanche man. That’s all I’ve ever heard. And I was expected to take over the company since the day I was born. I don’t know what I want, but I know the thought of working there for the rest of my life makes me want to throw up.”

  “Is there anything you like doing? Are you thinking of making a career out of swimming?”

  JP’s eyes fell. “I know I’m not really good enough to make a career out of swimming. I’ll never be as good as you, no matter how much I practise. I know I’m good at it, but when I see you in the water… If I had to choose something I really like… This is kind of stupid, but I really like spending time with my nephews and teaching them how to swim. I love teaching kids, and seeing them get better at something. But that’s not really the kind of thing that a Terreblanche man is expected to do professionally.” JP’s voice became deep and mocking when he said “Terreblanche man”, and Darryn sensed how much pressure he was under to live up to this label.

  “I know what you mean,” Darryn said. “My brother is eleven, and seeing him getting better at swimming is great. We’ve been trying to get him into this private school where he can have access to a great pool too. He really wants to be a swimmer like his brother.” Darryn’s expression changed when he spoke about Billy, and he felt pride swell inside of him.

  “A little brother? Cool! I’ve always wanted a sibling. Tell me about him. Are you guys close?” JP asked.

  Feeling strangely comfortable around JP, Darryn started to speak freely, “He’s great. We’re really close. His name is Billy. He’s got some problems that he needs special care for, so I’ve been trying to save up some money to help pay for a private school.”

  “So that’s why you’re willing to spend time tutoring an idiot like me?” JP laughed.

  “Don’t do that,” Darryn said, suddenly becoming serious. “You’re not an idiot. You did well yesterday. And you’ll do even better today once we start with some work.” Darryn fumbled with his books.

  “Of course. I don’t want to waste your time,” JP said. “Your brother sounds like a great kid. And you look like a proud big brother. I think it’s amazing that you’re looking out for him like that. You’re a great guy, Darryn.”

  Darryn felt his conflicting emotions return to him. Was JP looking down on him because he needed to work to help his family? He pushed away the thought before it gained any steam, deciding that JP had been nothing but kind to him lately. Except for being friends with someone like Peet. But JP wasn’t like the other guys on the swim team. There was something sincere about him, even sweet. Darryn sipped on the delicious caramel latte and asked JP, “Are you ready to get back to the books?”

  “Sure thing. I think you’re on to me and how I’m trying to avoid studying at all costs. It just makes me feel so stupid to not understand this stuff so close to the end of the semester. But thanks for not judging me.”

  The two of them studied for about half an hour, and Darryn was proud that JP seemed to be catching on to a lot of the ideas that he was explaining to him. Darryn gave JP another short test, and looked over it finally. “Great work, just one small error. You confused the median and the mean in this problem. You should have fifteen as your final answer.”

  “Damn, and I was so proud of it too!” JP said. “Really thought I had it there.”

  “You were really close. I’ll give you some exercises to do on your own so when I see you again on Sunday we can just work through the solutions.” Darryn handed JP a sheet of paper with some mock exam questions.

  “I really can’t thank you enough, Darryn. This has been amazing. I feel like I might not fail dismally this time.”

  “I think you’ll be okay. You’re definitely not the worst student I’ve had to tutor. You should’ve seen Mario when we started studying together.” They both laughed at Darryn’s comment, and Darryn watched JP’s handsome features light up. Darryn spoke again, “I believe in you. You can definitely do this.”

  JP seemed genuinely touched, and said, “Thanks, Darryn. It might sound strange, but I hardly ever have people say that they believe in me, so it really means a lot.” He gave Darryn a gentle smile before he spoke again: “Listen, it’s getting a bit dark. Do you need a ride to somewhere? Do you live on campus?”

  Darryn started packing up his books, “No thanks. I’m taking the bus. I don’t stay on campus. I live at home with my dad and brother. We usually have dinner together when my dad’s off work, so I’d better get back on the next bus.”

  “Wow, dinner as a family. That must be nice. I hardly ever see my parents, even though they live right nearby in Ridgemont Estates. Well, my mom does anyway.”

  “How come you guys don’t just hang out more? We love seeing each other at the end of the day,” Darryn said as he pulled on his backpack.

  “My mom’s a bit weird, and my dad travels in Europe a lot for business. I do kind of miss them. My dad used to take me fishing as a kid, but it’s been years now since we spent that kind of time together.”

  Darryn noticed the sadness in JP’s eyes, and felt an overwhelming desire to hug him then. There was something magnetic about him, and all of their talk over the past two days had made Darryn see him differently. But he couldn’t allow himself to get too close. He imagined JP’s look of horror if he actually went in to hug him. Instead, he just waved goodbye to him. “We’ll talk again on Sunday. And good luck in your race on Saturday. I’m sure you’ll make the finals,” Darryn said.

  JP smiled, “Thanks Darryn. Good luck to you too, not that you need it. This was really fun. It was good just hanging out with a person who I can have a conversation with for a change.” He smiled and picked up his satchel, and walked with Darryn to the door where they said goodbye.

  Chapter 16

  The day after his second tutoring session with Darryn, JP was sitting in the small office at Terreblanche International, again working through a large pile of documents with obscure figures that he was supposed to make some kind of sense of. JP felt constrained by the shirt and the tie around his neck. He felt the urge to just run away again, as he had done before, but he knew that after last time, he was walking on thin ice. His grandfather had given him an official warning, and even had a manager have a disciplinary session with him just to humiliate him more. JP knew that he was risking too much by rebelling against his grandfather. What else would he do with his life if he wouldn’t go on to work at Terreblanche International? He was already flunking out of his classes, and he didn’t have any real options for his career. He resigned himself to the thought that he would have to do exactly what his grandfather wanted him to do. At least it gave him some direction in life.

  The tiny office was especially humid. The fan that was on JP’s desk was hardly effective, and he had gotten probably the only office in the entire building without working air conditioning. Just another way his grandfather was torturing him, he thought. His shirt was becoming moist with sweat, and JP rolled up the sleeves and loosened the tie around his neck to give himself some relief. He fantasized about being in the pool then, freeing himself of his clothes and diving in, leaving every worry behind. And in his fantasy, there was always someone else there. Someone who had been in his thoughts since their encounter in the locker room. Someone who he was only thinking about more since they started their tutoring sessions. In his fantasy, he saw the strong, stern and handsome features of Darryn’s face greeting him as he emerged from the water. There was no smile there, but a look of deep connection and longing. The beads of water were falling from his strong chin, his dark hair wet and curly, his brown, soft skin calling out to JP. And JP thought about swimming closer to him, meeting him in the pool and taking his hand, that soft, large hand that JP had held for so long at their first tutoring session. JP imagined staring into his brown eyes, the eyes that held so much pain but also so much strength. The proud eyes that he wanted to stare into for hours. He pictured the inviting, small mouth, agape, breathing heavily in an
ticipation. And that body that he had seen completely that day in the locker room, the day he had really looked at Darryn Fredericks for the first time.

  “What are you doing staring at the wall?” came the harsh voice of his grandfather. The old man stood at the door, his eyes narrowed on JP with a scowl on his wrinkled face. The majestic silver hair was perfectly in place, as usual, and his dark business suit and strong shoulders reminded JP how dominant he could be.

  JP immediately sat up straight and tightened his tie. “Nothing, Oupa, just lost myself in thought for a bit.”

  “What are you thinking about that’s distracting you from work?” he asked, walking closer to JP’s desk, his imposing figure making JP feel even smaller. JP had the desire to say, I was thinking about a hot guy in my swim team. The team I haven’t quit. He pictured the look on his grandfather’s face, and let out a smile.

  “Oh, now I’m funny to you? Where is your mind, JP? I was so proud when you finally started your internship here. I thought you were finally starting to grow up, to become a man. Then you go and act like a spoiled child again and run out of here on your first day. I don’t see anything to smile about there.” A vein in the old man’s head started to twitch, and his distinguished grey hair seemed to fall slightly out of place.

  JP was becoming annoyed with the constant talk of him being spoiled and being a child. “I already apologized for that, Oupa. I told you that I’m here one hundred percent from now on. What more do you want from me?”

  The old man just stood in silence, staring at JP with a look of shock. After he collected himself, he said, “How dare you speak to me like that? If it weren’t for me, you would be living in student housing instead of getting that flat I’m paying for. You wouldn’t be able to afford the car, the clothes, all of the things that you take for granted. You will show me the respect that I demand!”