Smile Like You Mean It (Charlotte Reynolds Book 1)

by Willow Hadley

  “Then what’s all this nonsense you’re spouting about it being pointless? I’m sure if you just tell her how you feel—"

  “No.” I cut her off with a glare.

  “Why not?”

  I refuse to meet her gaze. How can I possibly explain things to her? My grandmother has always been observant, so I’m not surprised she figured out that I have feelings for Charlotte. Liam and Elliot know I like her too, though I don’t think they realize how serious I am about her. I would love, more than anything in the world, for Charlotte to be my girlfriend. I’ve been crazy about her since the moment we first met, and my feelings for her have grown deeper every day since then. I think—I think I might be in love with her.

  Unfortunately, I’m almost positive that Sebastian, Liam, Elliot, and Grayson feel the same way.

  “I just can’t.” I try to make it clear I’m done with this conversation. My grandma shakes her head, and shoos me out of the kitchen when I offer to help with the cookies.

  I go into my room to clean up, just in case Charlotte ends up coming in here when she and Grayson come over. After picking up all of my dirty clothes, making my bed, and packing a bag for tonight, I make sure to gather up all of my sketch books throughout the apartment. Charlotte will probably ask to see some of my art. I’ve given her a few drawings over the summer, and I’d love to show her more stuff I’ve done. I have countless books filled with drawings of nothing but her, and plenty of paintings as well. I’d be mortified if she accidentally came across one of these, because there’s no way she won’t think it’s creepy.

  A little over an hour later, I’m hovering near the front door while I periodically check my phone. My grandma’s humming to herself in the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on her tea and cookie tray. She’s really going all out with this, which has me feeling anxious.

  I hear footsteps in the hallway outside. I wait until I hear the unmistakable sound of Charlotte’s laughter, and I spring forward and open the door before she or Grayson can knock.

  I meet Charlotte’s eyes first. I must have startled her, because she stares at me blankly before she relaxes and offers me a stunning smile. I smile back as I take her in. She’s as gorgeous as ever. I let my gaze slowly travel over her before looking into her breathtaking green eyes. I watch her cheeks flush and her lips part slightly as she lets out a nearly inaudible gasp. All I can focus on are her lips, and I clench my fist to stop myself from reaching out for her. If I kissed her right now—

  “You gonna let us in or what?”

  Charlotte’s expression blanks out, but a faint blush on her cheeks gives away her embarrassment. I pull my eyes away from her to scowl at Grayson, annoyed when I see the idiotic smirk on his face. I step aside and hold the door open without saying a word.

  Charlotte passes me first with a sweet, shy smile. If Grayson weren’t standing right here, ready to interrupt us again, I’d tell her how beautiful she looks. I glance at Grayson, feeling guilty. As much as I like Charlotte, I don’t purposely want to make him jealous.

  He nudges me and chuckles as he steps into the apartment. “Are Wendy and Richard home? It smells like cookies in here.”

  “Richard’s at work.” I roll my eyes. Maybe I was wrong and Grayson doesn’t like Charlotte the way the other guys do. He seems more bent on teasing me than on chastising me for checking her out right in front of him. “But yeah, my grandma made cookies for you guys. She’s really excited to meet Charlotte.”

  “Aww! That’s so sweet of her.” Charlotte murmurs quietly.

  Grayson raises his eyebrows at me, and gazes past us to the kitchen where my conniving grandmother is waiting with her trap. At least he understands. My heart is fucking pounding now that I’m only a few seconds from introducing her to Charlotte. The odds of her not embarrassing me are extremely low.

  “Wendy is an amazing baker.” Grayson throws his arm around Charlotte’s shoulders and leads her down the hallway. “Almost as good as you!”

  Charlotte giggles and swats his hand away when he tugs on a piece of her hair. I narrow my eyes and glare at his back. Nope, I was right in the first place. He definitely likes her.

  My grandma walks into the living room and sets her tea and cookie tray on the coffee table. I step forward and brush the back of my hand against Charlotte’s, wishing I could somehow warn her. At the same time, I desperately hope the two of them get along.

  “Grandma, this is Charlotte. Charlotte, this is my Grandma Wendy.”

  My grandma stands up and turns to greet Charlotte with a creepy-serene smile on her face. I hold my breath as she walks over to clasp Charlotte’s hands between hers, looking her up and down critically the entire time.

  “Well, now I understand why Remy says you’re the most beautiful girl he’s ever seen!”

  Charlotte’s entire face reddens, but she doesn’t look away from my grandma. God, I knew this was going to happen. I definitely never said that to my grandmother—or anyone else for that matter—but how am I supposed to respond? I don’t want to deny it, and it might hurt her feelings if I do that. So, I groan quietly and push my glasses up on my nose, forced to accept my embarrassment.

  “It’s really lovely to meet you. Remy talks about you all the time.” Charlotte’s voice is quiet, but she sounds really sweet and genuine.

  My grandma smiles in my direction before gesturing for Charlotte to have a seat. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or not. I love my grandmother to death, but she’s making me so fucking nervous! I want to get out of here as quickly as possible.

  I sit down beside Charlotte, close enough that my leg is brushing against hers. Grayson sits on her other side, just as close, and I can tell my grandmother is amused as she takes a seat on the smaller sofa across from us.

  “How do you like your tea, Charlotte?”

  “Oh, um, just a little bit of sugar, please.” Charlotte’s voice is barely above a whisper.

  My grandmother pours her a cup, and Charlotte thanks her. Grayson shakes his head and shoves two cookies into his mouth when my grandma asks him the same question, and I politely decline as well. Charlotte furrows her eyebrows at me before she looks away and chooses a cookie from the tray on the table. I think she might be irritated at me. Sometimes it’s so fucking hard to tell what she’s thinking, no matter how much she’s opened up since we met her earlier this summer.

  I listen to Charlotte and my grandma make small talk, silently wishing we could get out of here already. This is fucking excruciating, and Grayson’s not helping at all. He’s stuffing his face with cookies and periodically bumping his knee against Charlotte’s, which I know he’s doing on purpose.

  After about ten minutes of this bullshit, my grandma sets her teacup down and chuckles. “So, you’re all having a sleepover tonight, I hear?”

  Fuck me, here it is. I brace myself for whatever embarrassing thing she’s going to say as Grayson answers, “Yep!”

  “That must be a bit awkward.” My grandma purses her lips with a ‘concerned’ expression on her face. “With you being the only girl, I mean. Those boys can be so rowdy sometimes.”

  Charlotte giggles. “That’s okay. They’re going to watch Pitch Perfect with me.”

  Grayson snorts and a surprised laugh escapes my throat. I grin down at her and ask, “Really? And who decided that?”

  “I did, obviously!” Charlotte smirks and flutters her eyelashes.

  I laugh again and meet Grayson’s eyes over her head. Neither of us argue with her, and just like that, all of the tension I was feeling when they got here a little while ago disappears. Grayson and Charlotte are two of my best friends for a reason. It doesn’t matter what my grandma says to try and embarrass me.

  My grandma laughs quietly. I never should have worried about anything in the first place. How could she not love Charlotte?

  Charlotte and Grayson have been at my place for over an hour, and the other guys have been blowing up our phones asking where we are. Charlotte seems too absorbed
in her conversation with my grandma to notice, but Grayson and I both agreed to ignore them for now. Things are going well here, and I don’t want to ruin it.

  My grandma doesn’t really draw or paint like I do, but she’s extremely crafty. She loves embroidery, pottery, and she dabbles a little in photography. She’s always had a soft spot for Sebastian because of their shared passion, and I can tell my grandma is impressed by Charlotte’s level of interest. I can’t help smiling while I watch Charlotte gush over some of the projects my grandma has finished. She’s completely forgotten to be nervous as she excitedly chatters about different artists and crafts she’s seen on Instagram and Pinterest.

  When Grayson sighs in annoyance at another bout of incoming text messages, my grandma frowns at us. “I suppose you three will want to get going soon.”

  I sit up straight and grin triumphantly. She’s obviously letting me go, and that means she must approve of Charlotte.

  “Yeah, the guys are freaking out saying we’re taking too long. Sorry, Wendy.” Grayson smiles sheepishly and slides his phone into his pocket.

  “Wait!” Charlotte interrupts. “I wanted to see some of your drawings, Remy. You never bring your sketchbook over when we hang out.”

  I used to bring a sketchbook everywhere with me, the same way Sebastian is practically glued to his camera most of the time. But I’ve been careful to always leave it at home since we became friends with Charlotte, because the temptation to draw her is always so fucking strong every time I see her. Still, I can’t deny the warmth I feel in my chest when I hear how eager she is to see my artwork.

  “I can show you some of my older sketchbooks.” I smile adoringly at the girl beside me. “And I can bring one over tonight if you want.”

  Charlotte nods, and I grab her hand as I stand up so I can lead her into my bedroom. I feel stupidly nervous once we’re in there. Even if Grayson wasn’t here and my grandma wasn’t in the other room, nothing would ever happen between me and Charlotte. Still, I can’t help looking at her and quickly darting a glance at my bed.

  I clear my throat and walk over to my bookshelf to grab a sketchbook, trying desperately to distract myself from where my thoughts are heading. “Here. These are mostly drawings of my grandma and her boyfriend, but there are some other random drawings in here too.”

  Charlotte delicately takes the book from my hands and carefully flips to the first page. I smile in amusement and rest my hand against her lower back. Grayson stands on her other side and looks down at the drawing with her, but I keep my eyes on her face. She has the slightest smile on her lips, and her eyes are brighter and so much more expressive than usual. This is always how she looks when she’s reading. I’ve spent enough time watching her do just that this summer, and have plenty of drawings hidden here somewhere to prove it.

  “You’re so brilliant, Remy!” she whispers admiringly.

  “You are seriously a fucking badass, dude.” Grayson nods in agreement.

  I can’t describe how happy it makes me to hear such sincere praise from two people who mean so much to me. I mumble thanks to both of them, and continue watching Charlotte’s reaction as she flips through the rest of the drawings in this particular book.

  When she finishes several minutes later, she frowns at the bookshelf and whines, “I want to see all of your drawings. I know we need to leave, but...”

  Grayson laughs and reaches toward my bookshelf, surprising me by grabbing an entire stack of my sketchbooks at once. “We can leave whenever we want. I’m sure Remy doesn’t mind chilling here for a while longer, especially if you’re gonna keep stroking his ego like this.”

  Charlotte giggles and I flip Grayson off. He shrugs with a cheeky grin on his face, and winks at me the second Charlotte turns away from him. Well, he’s not wrong.

  Grayson takes the pile of sketchbooks and moves to the other side of my bedroom, flopping onto my bed so that his back is resting against the wall. My heart thuds nervously when Charlotte sits beside him with her ankles crossed. She smiles warmly and pats the empty spot on her other side, silently asking me to sit with them.

  I scoot as close to her as possible. At first, I’m afraid it might make her uncomfortable, but she actually leans into me. I feel an idiotic smile form on my face, and I suddenly don’t even care that Grayson’s here too. I wrap my arm around her waist and rest my hand on her hip, squeezing lightly and pulling her just a tiny bit closer to me in the process.

  Grayson’s arm bumps into my hand, and he gives me the weirdest look over Charlotte’s head as she opens up another of my sketchbooks. He doesn’t look jealous, but I can’t help feeling kinda bad. Instead of moving my arm though, I look away from him and pretend like it doesn’t bother me when he rests his head on top of hers.

  Charlotte asks a lot of questions as she flips through my books. Grayson and I take turns answering her, describing people in the drawings she doesn’t recognize and telling her about certain places or events I’ve drawn. It’s actually really fun, reminiscing about things that have happened over the years since I moved here and made friends with the guys.

  Charlotte gives me endless compliments, and fuck, I want so badly to ask her out. It’s so easy for me to imagine doing this exact thing again, except with her as my girlfriend, and with both of us still being best friends with Grayson, Seb, Liam, and Elliot. Everything would be perfect. I know I promised Elliot I wouldn’t ask her out, but maybe enough time has passed that things will be okay.

  If she gives me even the slightest hint she feels the same way about me, I’m going for it. The other guys will get over their crushes eventually. Right?

  Grayson grumbles something about needing to take a piss, and then I’m alone in my bedroom with Charlotte. Yeah, the door’s open, and I can hear my grandma watching TV in the living room. But still, maybe I can say something...figure out if she likes me back, even a little.

  I’m so fucking nervous. Even more nervous than when I first met Charlotte, or when I flirted with her at the arcade the first time we hung out. I rub my hand over her hip and lean my head closer to hers, lowering my voice to a whisper.

  “Thank you for looking at these. You have no idea how happy it makes me, seeing you flip through all of these books.”

  She shakes her head and leans back so she can meet my eyes, and our faces are only a couple of inches apart. “Thank you, Remy, for showing them to me. I feel like you’re letting me see into your soul. You really are so talented and amazing.”

  I smile again and I think, should I kiss her now? But my nerves get the better of me and I pause for too long. Charlotte turns away to grab another sketchbook from the pile, and I silently curse myself. Almost too late, I realize she’s grabbed one of my books full of my Charlotte drawings.

  Holy fuck. How did it get there? I thought I’d hidden all of them! I’m completely fucking panicking, and I slap my hand down on top of the cover without thinking. Charlotte’s eyebrows raise and her mouth drops. She looks confused and hurt. But she’s too sweet, and I know she won’t ask me to explain myself.

  I slowly lift my hand and adjust my glasses, finding it difficult to meet her eyes while I clear my throat. “I’m sorry. I just—I just don’t want you to think I’m creepy.”

  Charlotte tilts her head and hovers her hand over the cover of the book. I know I’m freaking her out, but the drawings might freak her out even more. Somehow, I find myself nodding at her. She’ll either be completely repulsed when she realizes how obsessed I’ve become, or she’ll be flattered.

  She stares at me for a second longer, and she opens the book to the first page. She gasps quietly in surprise. It’s the first drawing I’d ever done of her, from the first night she came to Arthur and Sebastian’s house, covered in bruises and wearing clothes that were way too big for her small frame.

  I’m barely breathing when she flips to the next page, and then the next. She doesn’t look at me or say a word. She spends a few seconds staring at each drawing before moving to the next one. I
’m so mortified that I think I might throw up. I almost wish Grayson would walk back in here and distract her.

  When she reaches the drawing I made of her the first time we went swimming at Grayson’s house, Charlotte completely tenses up, and I groan in embarrassment. I finally pull my arm away from her and rub my forehead. Fuck me. What am I supposed to say? I’d spent so long on this particular drawing, attempting to get every detail just right, paying extra close attention to every soft curve of her perfect body.

  “Remy...” she whispers hoarsely. I can’t bring myself to answer, and I definitely can’t look at her. She rests her hand gently on my forearm and asks, “Is this really how you see me?”

  I spare a glance down at the book in her hands, feeling embarrassed all over again. “Yes. I’m sorry.”

  “But I look so...pretty. In every picture! These don’t even look like me. I mean, I can’t...”

  “What?” I choke on a surprised laugh, and open my big fucking mouth before I can think better of it. “Charlotte, you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen. My grandma wasn’t lying earlier.”

  Charlotte shrugs and bites her lip. “I thought she was just teasing you.”

  “She was,” I agree, and I slowly slide my arm back around her waist since she’s not yelling at me or running away yet. “But it’s still true. You are breathtaking. I was afraid to show you any of these drawings, because I know it must seem...” I trail off and shake my head, taking a deep breath. “This sounds so fucking cheesy, but you’ve definitely become my muse. I love drawing you. I can’t stop drawing you.”

  Charlotte giggles, and she sounds nearly breathless. I meet her eyes, ready to apologize again and beg her to forget this ever happened. But then she smiles at me with flushed cheeks, and she slowly lifts her hand until she brushes her fingers over my jaw.

  I lean forward, and her gaze lowers to my mouth. She wants me to kiss her! Holy shit! She glances back up at me through her eyelashes then, and I lean a little closer. So fucking close...