Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3)

by Faith Gibson

  “Same here, except I don’t have meds keeping my nightmares at bay.”

  The sound of truck tires crunching on the gravel interrupted their conversation. Mal parked behind the barn so the other truck had plenty of room to maneuver the two-horse trailer. Bryan stayed back out of the way since he’d never been around horses. He’d leave that task to the cowboys. Andy, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to offer his assistance.

  It didn’t take long to offload the two large animals. Mal and the man who’d driven the truck led the horses to a small enclosure off the side of the barn. Neither animal tried to get free. They both followed the men, and once inside the fence, turned their heads to the grass at their feet. Moe and Curly didn’t hesitate to scoot under the bottom rail to check out the strangers. The horses had either been around dogs or just didn’t mind the smaller creatures sniffing around their legs. One of the horses, the one with the big spots, leaned his head down, sniffing Moe in return. A snort escaped its nostrils, and Moe yipped his response. Bryan had no idea if animals could speak to each other, but watching these animals together, it seemed like they were communicating.

  Mal and the other man spoke quietly, and Andy stood at the fence talking to the horses. Bryan made his way to where Andy stood. “Aren’t they magnificent?” Andy asked. When Bryan didn’t answer immediately, Andy turned his gaze to Bryan. “I know they can be intimidating, but once you get the hang of riding, it can be fun. I’ll teach you, if you want.”

  “I didn’t think you’d ever ridden.”

  Andy shrugged. “It was a long time ago, and only a few times at that. I didn’t want to make it sound like I’m an expert or anything.”

  First cooking, and now riding horses. Bryan couldn’t think of anyone he’d rather have as a teacher than Andy.

  Chapter Five

  Andy

  Andy was trying his damnedest to keep his eyes off Bryan. He was failing. Miserably. After their run-in outside the bathroom, Andy had thought of nothing except Bryan’s chest. And the V that dipped into his thin sleeping pants. And the dick that was hidden beneath those pants. They’d been together on the farm for less than twenty-four hours, and Andy was already ruining things. He was trying to make up for it by offering to help Bryan with the things he didn’t know how to do like cooking and riding horses. He thought he’d screwed up again until Bryan grinned.

  “As much as I would enjoy the four wheelers, I’d really like to learn to ride a horse. You know, play the part of cowboy since we are working on a farm. Maybe I’ll even get me a cowboy hat and boots to look the part.”

  Andy squinted his eyes as he tried to imagine Bryan with pointed boots peeking out from the hems of a pair of Wranglers. The man’s ass would certainly fill the jeans up nicely. His dick twitched at the thought of Bryan’s ass, and Andy turned back toward the horses, praying Bryan couldn’t see the effect he was having on Andy. Gravel crunched again, and Andy turned as the truck and trailer pulled away from the barn. Mal met them at the fence and said, “The Paint is Cochise, and the Quarter Horse is Calculus.”

  “What kind of name is that for a horse?” Andy asked.

  “The owner said she’s smart and calculating. Good with a herd. Besides, his daughter called her Callie instead.” Mal let out a low whistle, and both horses ambled over to where the three men were propped against the fence. Callie stood directly in front of Andy, and he rubbed the area between her ears. She nodded her head at him before stepping closer to sniff his face. Her breath puffed out of her nostrils, tickling his skin. Andy wiped his face, and Bryan laughed.

  “Looks like you have a new girlfriend,” Bryan said. Just then, Cochise nipped at Bryan’s shoulder when he wasn’t looking. He yelped and jumped backwards.

  Andy was the one laughing then. “Yeah, so do you. Yours is a biter. Kinda kinky.”

  “Shut-up, Lily.” Bryan stayed where he was instead of coming closer to the big animal. Mal let himself into the pen with the horses and got right between both of them.

  After a few minutes of letting the animals get acquainted with him, Mal led Cochise out of the enclosure into the barn. “I’m gonna saddle him up and see how he rides. One of y’all wanna ride Callie?”

  Andy asked Bryan, “Do you want the honors?”

  “Uh, no thanks. I’ll watch you two from right here.”

  “Okay, but you can help me put the saddle on her. No better time than the present to start learning.”

  “Yeah, I can do that. I think.”

  Andy hated the doubt in Bryan’s voice. Horses were big and intimidating, even for someone like a Marine. Andy entered the pen and grabbed the lead, directing Callie to the barn where Mal had disappeared with Cochise. Two new saddles were waiting for them along with blankets and tack. It had been quite a few years since Andy had fitted a horse, but once he got started, it all came rushing back. His grandmother would have been mortified if she knew he’d ever done such a mundane task. The bridle was already on Callie’s head, and as he moved about the horse, he explained everything he was doing to Bryan. When Bryan kept a good distance between him and the big animal, Andy grabbed his hand and pulled him closer. The current he felt from their skin touching had his dick coming to life inside his jeans. Still, he didn’t release Bryan’s hand. Instead, he placed both their hands on Callie’s back.

  “Just like any animal, she’s going to sense your fear. You have to let her know who’s in charge, or you’ll never be able to control her.”

  “I’m not sure I will ever get to that point. She’s so… big.” Bryan didn’t remove his hand. He rubbed over the soft swell of Callie’s flank.

  “Size doesn’t matter when it comes to dominance. Attitude does.”

  Bryan raised his eyebrows, one side of his mouth twitching.

  Andy realized what he said. “Mind out of the gutter, Marine. We all know size matters, usually. But like I said, not when it comes to being dominant. Haven’t you ever… Never mind. I don’t want to know. Anyway, if you’re scared, she’ll know it. You need to be around her and get used to her before you ride her. When you’re comfortable, then we’ll put you in the saddle.”

  As Andy pushed thoughts of Bryan dominating him in the bedroom out of his mind, he tightened the flank cinch and pulled on the saddle to make certain it was good and snug. His combat boots were going to be a tight fit in the stirrups. Maybe he and Bryan could go into town and both of them could get some cowboy boots. He’d had several pair growing up, but he had no doubt they, along with all his other stuff, had been burned by his grandfather within minutes of his being kicked to the curb.

  Andy did his best not to think about his family. No, they weren’t his family. Not since they turned their backs on him. Christy was the only family he had, even if they weren’t related by blood. Maybe Bryan and Mal would keep him around, and they’d also become his family. Andy’s chest tightened at the longing to belong somewhere. It had been over eight years since he felt wanted. Loved.

  “Lily, you okay?” Bryan’s voice brought him out of his maudlin thoughts.

  “Fine.”

  “You sure? I called your name several times.”

  “Yeah, just remembering riding a long time ago. You ready, Mal?” Andy didn’t look at Bryan. He didn’t want him to see the half-truth that was probably written on his face. He knew his face was expressive. He’d lost his ass at poker more than once because of it.

  “Yep. Just waitin’ on you. Bryan, you wanna follow along on the four wheeler?”

  “Yes. I want to see you two riding.” Mal had shown them where the keys were kept for the ATVs and how to start them the day before. Bryan found the key to Cade’s and loaded up while Andy and Mal mounted the horses. Mal inserted the shotgun into some kind of holder on the side of the horse before he softly touched his heels to Cochise’s sides to get the horse moving. Andy did the same to Callie, and she followed the other horse out of the barn. The dogs trotted alongside the horses, not getting too close to be underfoot. Bryan kept a safe di
stance behind them on the ATV, and the three men set out across the fields.

  The feeling of the powerful animal beneath his body brought a sense of nostalgia to Andy. One he didn’t want. He wanted no reminders of his time before Patrick. He needed to get over the longing for what could have been that he still clung to subconsciously. The farm was so different from the land he’d grown up on. Where in Texas it was wide open spaces with a monstrosity of a house, here the land was nestled in between hills, and the home he was living in was old and in need of repair. But the biggest difference Andy found in the twenty-four hours that he’d been there was this place was a home. The love between Mal and Suzette was tangible. Hell, he’d felt her love for Bryan and him in just the way she touched their faces. The woman was a true mother. Instead of helping to kick Mal out of the house when she knew he was gay, she’d almost given her life for her son.

  After stopping several times to check on the fencing, Mal directed them back to the barn. Whoever chose these two horses for Mal had done well in Andy’s opinion. He only needed to nudge Callie with his knee and she’d turn the direction he wanted her to go. Not once did she try to take the lead away from him. It allowed him the opportunity to breathe in the fresh air and take in his surroundings. They had traveled over more of the land today, and Andy was thinking he would enjoy his time spent working on the farm. His gaze found Bryan several times, and his fellow Marine was enjoying himself too, if the smile on his face was any indication.

  As much as he’d enjoyed the ride, Andy was glad to slide down from the saddle, because his ass and thighs were already sore — and not in the way he longed for. If Callie hadn’t been so docile, Andy’s legs would have gotten even more of a workout. He led her inside the barn, where he and Mal removed the saddles and stored them in the tack room they had finished repairing the day before. When he’d ridden as a teen, he’d had someone in the stable to take over at that point, so he wasn’t sure what needed to be done. “Do we need to brush them down?” he asked Mal, embarrassed that he didn’t know what to do.

  “We didn’t run ‘em, so they’ll be okay for now. I wanna get ‘em set up in their stalls with feed so they get used to their new home. We need some supplies, and I’d really appreciate if one of you would go into town. Or you can both go, if you’d like. That way you can drive around and see where it is you’re gonna be livin’,” Mal said.

  “I want to get some new boots. Is there a clothing store?” Andy asked.

  Mal removed his baseball cap, ran a hand through his dark hair then put it back on. “Depends on the kind of boots. There’s a Tractor Supply down the street from the feed store that carries western boots, if that’s what you’re lookin’ for.”

  “Yes. I prefer to wear something besides my combat boots while I’m riding. I also want to grab a couple pairs of gloves.”

  “I need some things as well, so I’ll ride with you,” Bryan said.

  “Come on in the house. I’ll give you the list of what I need. I’ll call ahead so they can get everything ready. That way you can drive around the back of the store, and they’ll load you up. Here’s the company credit card. Use it for the feed and for your gloves and boots.”

  “I have some money to buy my stuff.” Andy hadn’t expected the company to pay for his boots, and he told Mal as much.

  “If they’re for work, you can expense them. If you’re buyin’ clothes to hit the town on, you can pay for those yourself,” Mal explained.

  “Fair enough.” Andy didn’t think he’d need a new wardrobe since the town was small. The way Mal had explained it, his former bar was one of the few in Arlo, and it was a redneck joint. Andy figured he’d fit right in with a pair of jeans and T-shirt. He’d just have to keep his eyes averted from any of the men. If Bryan went with him, he’d need to remember to keep his eyes away from him, too. Andy had pretended to be straight for the last eight years. Hopefully, he could keep up the charade long enough for him and Bryan to throw back a few beers on Friday nights.

  After they washed up, Mal handed Bryan the list of items they were to pick up at the feed store. “Take your time lookin’ around town. I’ve got some paperwork I need to do. I’ll have supper ready by five.” It was only two o’clock then. That gave them three hours to drive the short distance into town, get what they needed, and shop around a little. Instead of taking Bryan’s truck, Mal insisted they take the company dually. It was larger and had more room for what they were picking up.

  The dogs followed them toward the truck, and Andy pointed at them, saying “Stay.” They both sat where they were. Andy gave them each a rub on the head and told them what good boys they were. He wondered if Mal ever let them inside. Andy would love to be able to pet one or the other while he was watching movies.

  Bryan didn’t offer to hand over the keys, so Andy jumped up into the passenger seat. When Bryan started the big engine, the radio came to life with sounds of hard rock coming through the speakers. It surprised Andy that Mal would listen to something other than country music, but he remembered Mal’s boyfriend was a major rock star. “What do you know about Cade?” Andy asked Bryan.

  “Not much. He was in 7’s Mistress until they broke up last year around Christmas. The lead singer’s daughter was kidnapped right after their last show. I had just gotten out of the Corps and went to that show. I had no idea any of the madness was going on until the next day when it was all over the news. Tag, the singer, ended up marrying his boyfriend. It was rumored that Cade and Tag had been lovers a long time ago, and if you believe the tabloids, Cade was a horn dog fucking both men and women wherever they went. Other than that…”

  Andy barked out a laugh. “Other than that? That’s a lot. I can’t imagine dating someone that high profile, especially someone whose reputation is what you mentioned. Can you?”

  Bryan tapped out a rhythm on the steering wheel as he maneuvered the big truck like he’d driven it his whole life. “I can’t imagine dating anyone at all, much less someone like Cade.”

  “You don’t want a relationship?”

  “It’s not that. I just don’t see myself finding someone to put up with my issues.”

  “You just have to find the right person,” Andy said. He emphasized person instead of saying woman. He knew he was setting himself up for a big ole letdown, but dammit if he didn’t want to be the one to put up with Bryan’s issues. Why the fuck did he have to want his straight friend so bad? They’d only known each other less than a week, but in that week, he’d had more fun than he could remember ever having. Bryan was not only easy on the eyes, but he was kind and funny, even if he was quiet.

  “Did you date much before you enlisted?” Andy had already admitted his one boyfriend and the way that turned out.

  “Not really. I spent most of my time working and helping my mom with my brothers and sister. I mean, I went out a few times, but nothing serious.” Andy had to wonder at Bryan’s sex life, or lack thereof. He wasn’t about to ask though.

  The drive to town was a short one. They decided to hit the Tractor Supply store first so the feed wouldn’t be sitting in the back of the truck for anyone to come along and take. A bell on the front door sounded as they entered. The cashier called out a welcome. When she looked up from the items she was ringing in, her mouth fell open. The man who was checking out was also staring at both of them. Bryan turned toward the clothing without another glance, but Andy threw up a hand and said hello. If they were going to be around the town folks, it wouldn’t hurt to be friendly.

  Bryan was trying on a cowboy hat when Andy found him. “What do you think?” he asked. Andy thought he wanted to drop to his knees right there in the middle of the store and blow Bryan. He was beyond good-looking. The hat did something to make his already sparkling eyes stand out more.

  “That bad, huh?” Bryan said, frowning.

  “Uh… No, uh…” Andy cleared his throat and turned toward the boots. “Not bad at all. As a matter of fact, if you don’t buy it, I will. Cowboy’s a good look on y
ou,” Andy said, barely above a whisper. Bryan hadn’t moved, so Andy chanced a glance over at him. He couldn’t tell if Bryan was pissed or flattered.

  “Can I help you fellas find anything?” The cashier, a pretty girl who looked like she might still be in her teens, asked as she walked toward them. Her eyes flitted between the two of them like she couldn’t decide who she wanted to look at more. Andy laughed to himself. If she only knew. “I’m Janene, by the way. I don’t think I’ve seen you around these parts. Just passing through?”

  “Are these all the boots you have in stock? I like this black pair, but you don’t have my size,” Andy said instead of introducing themselves to the girl.

  “Oh, yeah, we have more in the back. What size do you need?”

  “An eleven if you have it.”

  “Sure, just let me go check. What about you, Sugar? You a larger size, too?” she asked Bryan. When his eyebrows shot up, Andy laughed out loud.

  “I’m good,” Bryan muttered. The blush on his cheeks was adorable in an I can kill you with my bare hands kind of way. Adorable was not a word Andy would have associated with the bulky Marine until that moment.

  As soon as Janene was out of earshot, Andy winked and asked, “You sure about that, Sugar?”

  “Suck it, Lily,” Bryan shot back, but blushed even harder when he realized what he said.

  Andy leaned in close and whispered, “Anytime.” He turned his back on Bryan, because now Andy was blushing. Hopefully Bryan would think he was joking and not get pissed. Janene was back with the box and directed Andy to a chair where he could remove his own boots. Bryan began humming while looking through the different styles of boots. Andy didn’t recognize the tune, but he didn’t normally listen to the kind of music Bryan did.