Finding Me (The Music Within Book 3)

by Faith Gibson

  “I sure am, and I appreciate the offer. I’m willing to pull my weight around here however I need to, even if you do double duty cooking and I do extra laundry.”

  Andy slid a sideways glance at Bryan. The man was doing a number on Andy, and all he was doing was standing there. Whatever body wash he’d used in the shower was stronger than Andy remembered. Or maybe it was because Bryan was closer than he’d been since they sat shoulder-to-shoulder in the truck earlier. That had been torture. Straight, remember? Maybe that was the reason Andy was so infatuated with his new friend. Besides the fact Bryan was handsome enough to be on a magazine cover, he was safe. Other than the probability of blue balls, Andy wasn’t worried about getting hurt. Physically or emotionally.

  “I’m not sure what else we’ll do to occupy our time at the end of the day, so we might as well put that time to good use. Besides, I love a good challenge,” Andy said as he stirred the beans and corn. He added a little salt to the potatoes before turning to face Bryan.

  “Between the two of us, we have enough DVDs to last a while. Besides, didn’t you tell me you can play the piano? You could always serenade Mal and me after dinner,” Bryan said with a wink. Andy was glad Bryan felt secure enough in his straightness to flirt with Andy, but Andy’s dick didn’t know the difference between a hot gay guy and a straight one, and this straight one was going to kill him. Andy’s stash of toys was definitely going to get a workout. He prayed the walls weren’t thin.

  Chapter Four

  Andy

  Mal returned from upstairs, his dark hair damp from his shower. He was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt with some band Andy had never heard of on the front. While Mal got the food ready, Andy and Bryan set the table and fixed their drinks. Mal left all the food on the stove, and once they’d all dished out a plate, they sat down and enjoyed their first meal together. Bryan and Andy took turns telling Mal a little about themselves. Bryan’s story wasn’t any less painful the second time Andy heard it. The hurt from losing his parents wasn’t anywhere near what it must be for Bryan to have completely lost his mother. At least Andy’s mom was still living, and although the chances of them reconciling were slim to none, there was a chance.

  “Where’d your mom get off to?” Andy asked.

  “She’s over at Walt’s. She has been spendin’ a lot of time with him, plus she wanted to give y’all some space on your first night.”

  Leaving out why Andy found himself on his parents’ front porch, he shared his story with Mal. “I have to admit, it feels good to be around another gay man,” Andy said after he talked a little about the last eight years.

  “I’m not exactly out and proud,” Mal admitted.

  “But you’re dating Cade Anderson. If you’re not out, how does that work?” Bryan asked.

  “I need to tell you my story, but I’d rather do that after we eat. Once you hear what I have to say, I think you’ll understand why I don’t fly a rainbow flag.”

  Andy was certainly curious about Mal still being in the closet, especially since he was dating such a high-profile person. As soon as they’d finished eating, Andy and Bryan did the dishes while Mal excused himself to his office. His phone had pinged several times during dinner, but he’d refused to look at it while they were eating. His face was flushed when he returned, and Andy had to wonder exactly what his new boss had been doing.

  Mal grabbed a six pack out of the fridge and said, “Let’s go outside.” Andy and Bryan followed Mal to where a circle of large stones was on the ground. Wood had already been stacked up, and Mal lit the kindling he placed strategically around the larger pieces. Once he had it going, he handed them a beer before taking a seat on the ground against a hay bale. Andy thought it was dangerous to have hay so close to a large fire, but Mal obviously didn’t see anything wrong with it. Andy and Bryan also sat down, stretching out and getting comfortable. Moe stretched out between Andy and Mal, with Curly taking the spot next to Bryan.

  “My pa tried to kill me,” Mal said, shocking the shit out of Andy. Both he and Bryan were staring, mouths open, and Mal continued. “He came home early from work one day and caught me with my best friend, Tyler. Me and Ty had become much more than friends, and we were always careful. But my pa had gotten laid off from his job, and when he got home that day, he caught us.” Mal rubbed a hand over his chest and took a long pull from his beer.

  “He tried to kill me. Almost succeeded, too. He left me for dead in the barn and went after Ma. If Tyler hadn’t called the cops, I would have bled out. That’s what’s wrong with Ma’s eyes. He beat her so bad she nearly went blind. Blamed her for spittin’ out a faggot. I’ve been pretendin’ to like girls ever since. It’s just easier than puttin’ myself out there for another bigot to come after me. Now that I’ve been seein’ Cade, things are kinda confusin’. He does visit here, but we meet up in Nashville for the most part.” Mal removed his ever-present baseball cap only to reset it, still not looking at either man.

  “I can understand you hiding. I imagine small town minds are much like Marine mentality. I’ve hid who I am all my life. As much as I’d like a husband and kids, I don’t see me ever getting either,” Andy admitted. It hurt his heart, because he absolutely loved kids. Had always thought he’d have a houseful of his own one day.

  Bryan nudged Andy’s boot with his own. “Don’t give up, Lily. My brother and his husband are trying to have a baby.” Andy’s stomach fluttered at the nickname. He’d love nothing more than for Bryan to grab hold of his ass and… Don’t fucking go there. Bryan was trying to make him feel better. When he looked over at Bryan, the sincerity he found in the gorgeous man’s eyes made Andy long for something he couldn’t have. He assumed Bryan’s brother was just as good looking, and Andy knew any child that came from their genes would be beyond beautiful.

  “Yes, but they live in an area where being gay isn’t grounds for attempted murder.” Andy wished he could take the words back. “Sorry, Mal.”

  “Don’t be. You’re just speakin’ the truth.”

  “Where’s your dad now?”

  “He’s in the state prison over in Eddyville. Anyway, I wanted you to know my situation and why I’m not a big fan of going to town, even if I’ve tried to convince everyone I’m straight.”

  “But you tend bar. Isn’t that hard? And what does Cade think about you flirting with girls?” Andy asked.

  “Who says I flirt?” Mal responded before tipping back his bottle. He tossed the empty in the fire and pulled another bottle out of the small cooler. “Beer?” he offered.

  Bryan

  Bryan had missed the simplicity of sitting around shooting the shit with others. Even in the middle of war-torn countries, there had been plenty of peaceful nights spent relaxing while swapping stories and listening to music. Sitting there on the ground with Mal and Andy brought back the fond memories from his time in uniform. Mal’s story was horrific. Bryan’s life hadn’t been a cake walk, but it hadn’t been that bad either. Yes, he’d lost his mother, but he’d had her love until the day she died, and that was worth more than all the money in the world. Bryan couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have grown up having everything you could want handed to you without working for it. Not only had Andy had the privilege taken away, he’d lost his whole family. Mal still had his mom, and now a boyfriend, even if he was a high profile one, so maybe Andy’s past was worse than Mal’s.

  Mal was a reserved man, quiet in much the same way Bryan was. His eyes spoke the words his mouth wouldn’t. The new boss was a tortured soul. He rarely smiled, so when Andy said something amusing, it was nice to see Mal’s lip turn up on one side. Now that they had laid their pasts out to each other, the conversations turned back to happier things. Mal bragged on his nieces, and Bryan could feel the love from where he was sitting. He couldn’t wait to meet the little girls. He missed being around his own family, but he hadn’t wanted to subject them to his dark moods ever since he left the Corps. Brett had begged him to stay with him and David,
and their sister Brianna had also offered him a place to stay. She and her husband had their hands full with their twin boys. Bryan had visited them over Christmas, but the boys were loud like little boys could be, and Bryan’s nerves just couldn’t handle the stress. His middle brother, Bryce, was off in California. They only spoke about once a year, and they weren’t as close as Bryan was with Brett and Brianna.

  Before joining the military, Bryan often thought about getting out, finding a nice girl to settle down with, and starting his own family. Now, he’d be lucky to find someone to put up with his mood swings. Working alongside Andy on a daily basis would help with that since Andy was also in the same boat. Hopefully, though, their bad moods wouldn’t come on at the same time.

  “I’m gonna turn in. Y’all are welcome to stay out here for a bit, if you like. I want you both to make yourselves at home, since this is your home now. It’s not much, but the company’s agreed to fixin’ it up, so it won’t be so run down soon.” Mal headed into the house, and instead of following their master, the dogs continued to guard the fire pit. Or maybe it was the two men they were guarding.

  Bryan and Andy bid Mal a goodnight, but neither one of them moved to get up. Andy pulled another beer out of the cooler and offered it to Bryan. They sat in companionable silence watching the flames in the pit flicker and dance. Andy hadn’t stopped rubbing Moe’s fur the whole time he’d been sitting there. Bryan had tentatively petted Curly. When the dog sighed and placed his snout on his paws, Bryan felt he’d made a friend. It was comforting rubbing over his fur. Maybe that’s why Andy had latched onto Moe.

  After a while, Andy shifted on his ass and turned toward Bryan. “So, you gonna go to town and meet some girls?” His question was innocent enough, but the way he wouldn’t look at Bryan made him wonder what was really going through the other man’s head.

  “I want to get settled in first. Besides, I’ve never really had a girlfriend. I don’t see what waiting a while longer will hurt. I don’t have anything to offer a woman, you know? I have my savings, but I’m living in a house with two other men, and I’m not exactly steady as far as my moods go.”

  Andy seemed to be deep in thought when he muttered, “That’s okay. You have me.”

  Bryan wasn’t sure how to take the comment, so he let it go. Andy had already told Bryan how lonely his life had been. Maybe he was looking forward to spending time with someone who could understand him. The two of them had fun hanging out, and Bryan didn’t see that changing. Other than Andy taking for-fucking-ever to get ready to go somewhere, he was a great guy, and Bryan already thought of him as a friend. If he was honest, he was looking forward to spending more time getting to know Andy better. He liked the same sports and the same movies Bryan did. He was funny, and he could sing well, even if it was country. So yeah, he was glad he had Andy. “You have me, too,” he admitted.

  Not giving Andy time to comment, Bryan stood and brushed the grass off his jeans. “I’m going to head on in. I doubt I get much sleep, being in a new place and all, but I need to try. We have horses coming in tomorrow, and it’ll probably be a full day.” He wasn’t lying, but he also wanted a little alone time.

  “I’ll give you a head start to do whatever you need to in the bathroom. See ya in the morning.” Andy’s eyes shone brightly from the fire casting light across his face.

  “Goodnight,” Bryan said and left Andy where he sat. He stopped off in his bedroom and grabbed his toothbrush and toothpaste. When he passed by Andy’s room, Bryan noticed the door was cracked. Mal had mentioned it not latching right. Bryan was tempted to peak in, but that would be invading Andy’s privacy. He continued on to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

  Bryan had meant to ask about setting his toiletries up, but forgot. He didn’t have that much crap, not anywhere close to what Andy had, so he only needed a small space on the counter. After he brushed, he took a piss, washed his hands, and made his way back to the bedroom, leaving his things on one end of the counter. His new room was larger than what he’d had in his apartment. The bed was queen-sized, and that, too, was larger than what he’d left behind. The inside of the house wasn’t all that warm, and Bryan wondered if Mal kept the heat turned down to save money or if the old house wasn’t insulated very well.

  He changed out of his clothes, and once he was down to his underwear, he pulled on a pair of thin sleeping pants. Instead of putting his pistol under the pillow like he normally did, Bryan left it in the bedside drawer on the far side of the room. He’d already removed the clip and made sure there wasn’t one left in the chamber. He was in a new place. A strange place. He didn’t want to run the risk of being woken up and shoving his gun into someone’s face accidentally.

  Bryan slid beneath the covers, leaving the comforter turned down. Even though the room was cool, the sheet would be enough to keep him comfortable as well as not make him feel smothered. He was almost afraid to go sleep. When he first moved into his apartment, he often woke up disoriented with the bedding wrapped around his legs. Bryan panicked more than once trying to untangle himself. Still, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths trying to relax. The back door opened and closed. Bryan knew it was Andy because he was singing. Bryan didn’t think Andy realized how often he sang.

  The floor in the hallway creaked with every step Andy took. It was oddly comforting having his friend and fellow Marine sleeping across the hall. If Bryan happened to have one of his nightmares, Andy would know what to do and would know to keep Malcolm out of his room until the worst of it subsided. Bryan concentrated on the noises Andy made while getting ready for bed. He assumed Andy was brushing his teeth when the water turned on and off. The toilet flushed, and the water sounded again. The bathroom door opened, and Bryan waited for Andy to close his bedroom door. The sound never came. At least not the snick of it closing completely. Bryan did his best not to imagine Andy removing his clothes. He didn’t understand his sudden infatuation with the other man’s body. Maybe his brother had been wrong, and gay could actually rub off on you.

  The smell of bacon met Bryan’s nose the moment he woke up. His stomach growled, and he pushed the covers back, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. Bryan stretched his arms overhead and closed his eyes. He’d had a peaceful night’s sleep, even if it had taken him an hour to wind down. He stood and padded barefoot down the hall to the bathroom. The door was closed, so he turned to go back to his room to wait, but before he could take a step, the door opened. He turned back around to find Andy in his tight boxer briefs and nothing else. Bryan’s eyes traveled down the length of Andy’s body and back up. He knew Andy had caught him staring, but when he braved a look at Andy’s face, the other man’s eyes were glued to Bryan’s chest. He unconsciously rubbed a hand where Andy was staring.

  “Sorry,” Andy muttered. In his attempt to hurry around Bryan, Andy’s nearly naked body brushed against Bryan’s. The feel of the other man’s bare skin pressed against him did seriously crazy things to Bryan’s head as well as his body. His dick stirred, and not for the first time from being around the blond.

  Fuck. If they were going to be living in such close quarters, seeing each other in various stages of undress was more than likely going to be a common occurrence. It wasn’t like Bryan wasn’t used to seeing other men naked. Being in the military meant you lived, slept, showered, and did everything else with others all around. Hell, he’d even seen a few guys going at it when they thought no one was looking. Watching two fellow Marines sucking each other off always got him hard, but he had chalked it up to not getting any action himself. Seeing Andy in his underwear shouldn’t matter. Feeling Andy’s body against his shouldn’t cause such a stir.

  Bryan stepped into the bathroom and closed the door. His morning wood had been noticeably absent ever since returning to the States and the doctor put him on anxiety meds. Now that he’d come face to face with an almost naked body, his erection decided to make its return, the same way it had when Andy opened his door dressed in only his briefs th
e previous morning. I definitely need to find a girl and soon.

  Ignoring his aching dick, Bryan rushed through his morning routine and returned to his bedroom to get dressed. He found Andy and Mal in the kitchen tag-teaming breakfast. Bryan called out, “Good morning,” and asked if he could help. Mal told him to grab the plates and some glasses for juice. Andy poured an extra cup of coffee and handed it over, not looking him in the eyes when he did.

  “Thanks, Lily,” he said, hoping to lighten the mood. It wasn’t Andy’s fault he was gay or that he stared at Bryan’s body. If anything, Bryan was honored his new friend found him attractive. Andy snapped his head up, smiling.

  The three men made quick work of their meal and headed outside to get busy. Having a few hours before the horses were supposed to be delivered, Mal showed them his morning routine, and by the time they’d unloaded the last hay bale in the back pasture, it was time to head back to the barn. Mal let them out while he went to unlock the gate by the road. “That wasn’t so bad,” Bryan said. Andy had been unusually quiet, and Bryan hated to think he was the cause. When Andy merely nodded, Bryan continued, “Did you sleep okay?”

  Andy, running the toe of his boot over the dirt, said, “Yeah, as good as could be expected on my first night. You?”

  “I didn’t wake up screaming, so yeah.” Andy looked at him, the skin crinkled in between his eyes. “What?” Bryan asked.

  “I thought I was the only one who did that,” Andy admitted.

  “Nah. It’s better now that I’m taking something for it, but it still happens every now and then. I guess it’s a good thing you sleep across the hall from me instead of Mal. I won’t feel like a complete loser if you’re the one who has to deal with me freaking out.”