Cowboys Don't Have a Secret Baby

by Jessie Gussman

  He lifted his head slightly, his eyes still half-closed. She touched her tongue to her top lip, then her bottom, and smiled a smile as old as Eve. “Ty,” she whispered.

  He groaned, and this time, there was no laughter in it. “Stop,” he breathed out, but it sounded more like a plea to continue. He shook his head and dropped his arms to his sides, but didn’t move out from under her hands. “I’m not doing that to you again.”

  “Maybe I want you to kiss me.” She did. She wanted him to. Right now, in the park where God and everyone could see.

  “No. Not now. Not here.” He finally stepped back, slowly, like it cost a great effort. “It’s only been four weeks. You need to know. Everyone needs to know that I’m serious. I’m not hiding this, I’m not leaving you. That you’re more than just a physical relationship to me. They’re not going to wonder who your boyfriend is and whether he’s coming back.” His voice got deep and rough. “They’re not going to wonder who the father of your children is because I’m going to be there holding them. We’ll raise them together and make our living together. I’m going to be with you.”

  “Hey, you two. This park isn’t going to decorate itself.” Mrs. Aucker came stumping over, her tremendous girth in no way slowing her down.

  Ty’s eyes didn’t move from Louise’s. Her whole body felt trembly and weak, while her heart fluttered and bounced in her chest. Whatever his desired outcome of that little speech, he’d managed to make her want to kiss him about a thousand times more than she had to begin with. But she drew a shaky breath and tore her eyes away from his.

  He waited a good five seconds before he stepped back and bent to pick up her tablecloths. Mrs. Aucker had reached them by the time he handed them to Louise.

  “Ty, you did this girl wrong. Everyone in town knows it. But everyone also knows she’s got you wrapped around her little finger.” She huffed then rolled her eyes. “Louise, tell this boy to stop mooning after you. We’ve got a festival that’s starting in two hours, and you might have been up at the crack of dawn, but you don’t have anything more done here this morning than you did last night.”

  The festival went well, not that Louise noticed, but everyone said so. She walked around in a haze most of the day. They had cleaned up, Ty had followed her and Tella home, and she was just drifting off to sleep with a smile on her face when she realized that Ty never did kiss her that day.

  LOUISE WALKED INTO church with Tella the next morning. From the smiles of her fellow worshippers and the hearty congratulations she received, she could safely assume that Harvest Festival was a success. Although the true test would be when the church tallied the money it made to send to missions.

  Still, she allowed herself to feel grateful to Ty. She couldn’t take responsibility for half of what went on yesterday. He’d come up with so many ideas and improvements. Of course, he’d said that was because he’d been to festivals in other towns and gotten ideas there, but still, he’d done a great job, put in a lot of time and work, and he deserved more than half the credit.

  Louise was at the piano when he walked in, so she really didn’t get to hear what anyone said to him. She didn’t have a great view of the congregation from her corner, but she was thrilled when Pastor Houpe announced that they’d made more money at Harvest Fest this year than they ever had before.

  He thanked Ty and her, and they sang the last hymn before the sermon. She was halfway down to her seat before she realized that Ty was sitting in her seat. Right by where she’d left her purse and Bible.

  This was a new development—he’d always sat with his mother before—and her step faltered, even as her eyes met his, confident and sure. He was raised in this small town, same as she, and he knew exactly what it would mean for her to sit with him in church. Like they were engaged.

  Rumors had flown around for the last few weeks, as people started finding out who Tella’s father was, and he’d borne the nasty glances and irritated looks and hateful comments. The ones that said he’d known she was pregnant and left anyway.

  Louise had supposed it would help him to sit with her in church, and she’d almost suggested it herself a time or two.

  Maybe that’s why he waited. Because he wasn’t going to take the easy way out of smoothing things over by giving her attention now.

  No. He’d waited weeks for the gossip to die down before he moved to her seat.

  Her heart clenched as she forced her feet to continue to move toward the big man with his arm casually draped over the back of the pew where her purse and Bible sat. His eyes tracked her movement down the steps of the platform and down the aisle, past Tella who sat with Donna. His mother beamed at her.

  The pastor droned on in the background, giving the scripture references, and pages crinkled as people opened their Bibles. Louise barely heard it as she walked closer.

  Ty’s eyes danced as she arrived at her pew and slid in, sitting primly an arm’s length from him, her purse and Bible between them.

  He leaned over. “Everyone’s going to think that you don’t like me much.” He sighed almost inaudibly. “If you want to stay there, it’s fine, but you’d save me some teasing after church if you slide a little closer.”

  She twisted her head to look at him, seeing the cocky attitude. But this close, she could also see the shadow of insecurity that threaded across his features. It pricked at her heart.

  Sure, she’d been the subject of gossip for years, far longer than the weeks he’d spent with tongues wagging behind his back at what a horrible person he was for leaving her, alone and pregnant. But she wouldn’t deliberately wish that on anyone, and she really felt like if he wasn’t justified, she at least understood why. She also knew he hadn’t known about his child.

  His eyes held hers. Her expression softened, and a spark of triumph came into his gaze before she slid closer, past where his hand lay on the back of his pew, and into the circle of his embrace. He picked up her Bible and purse and set them on his other side, then he slid closer, obliterating the six inches between them, still balancing his own Bible on his knee.

  His lips feathered her ear. “Relax, Louise. Maybe once you get done looking like you’re scared to death of me, you could act like you like me a little.”

  She whispered back, “I like you a lot, you big doofus. But you know as well as I do that if I sit beside you in church, especially this close—” she probably looked like she was a mouse poking out of his shirt pocket “—they’ll have us married by next month.”

  He grinned, slow and devastating to her insides. A knowing grin that said he absolutely knew what she said was true and he was perfectly fine with it.

  She allowed her lips to turn up and made her shoulders relax.

  Pastor was halfway through the sermon when she realized that no one would have her married by next month, because Ty was leaving.

  Chapter 20

  The change in Louise was sudden and dramatic. One minute, she was snuggled under his arm, her warmth pressing against his side; the next, she had stiffened and pulled away. Just slightly, but enough that he noticed. He couldn’t get her to look at him, and he hated to whisper as the pastor’s sermon wound down.

  He’d be asking her as soon as the service was over.

  Except he didn’t get to her. She was still playing the postlude when he was surrounded by people congratulating him on the success of Harvest Fest. The pastor mentioned Christmas festivals, but Ty declined immediately, since he’d be in the middle of hockey season.

  “In fact, I leave this afternoon for training camp.”

  “Oh.” The pastor’s face fell. “Well, you’ll be back after the season ends in April. You can help with tractor days, Easter, Memorial Day, summer solstice, and the Fourth of July. We’ll need floats for at least nine parades and...” The pastor continued to speak. Ty was okay with any of that as long as Louise was beside him. If she wanted to help the church participate in every parade and festival the town did—and there were a lot of parades and festivals—he was g
ame.

  But he didn’t say that to the pastor. He’d suddenly realized the piano music had stopped and Louise was no longer on the platform. But he couldn’t see her anywhere. Waiting impatiently for the pastor to get to a place where Ty could interrupt him, Ty finally excused himself only to be stopped by well-meaning people who wanted to congratulate him on a good Harvest Fest, or wish him well on the upcoming season, or even ask about whether or not he was helping with more church festivals.

  By the time he’d made it out to the pavilion, Louise was nowhere in sight. He did see Tella eating with his mom, so he ignored the rumbling in his stomach that said it was well past lunchtime and walked over to them.

  “Hey,” he said.

  Tella jumped up and gave him a hug. He didn’t deserve her adoration, but he hugged her back.

  “Where’s your plate? Aren’t you eating with us?” she asked.

  “I was going to, but I thought your mom would be out here.”

  “She didn’t feel well and went home. Palmer and Ames said they would take Tella home with them. That just makes sense.” His mother held a spoonful of mashed potatoes suspended in midair. “Is there a problem?”

  “No. I was busy, and she didn’t tell me.”

  His mother’s look grew thoughtful. “You’re leaving,” she stated softly.

  Could that really be it? But he’d tried so hard to let her know that he was with her no matter what. Even sitting with her in church today was designed to show her that he didn’t care who all knew he was sweet on her. It was basically a way to announce to the town that she was his and they were together.

  But none of that guaranteed that he would call. Or that he’d come back. Really, all those things he’d done would make it worse if he left and abandoned her again.

  He hadn’t told her how he felt. But all the talking in the world wouldn’t guarantee that he’d come back. Only his actual return would do that. He had every good intention of calling, texting, and flying back home as much as he could, but he also knew how all-consuming playing a professional sport could be. Everyone wanted him, all the time.

  Maybe she’d go with him.

  Lights turned on in his brain. Why hadn’t he asked her before this?

  “I’m driving out.” He glanced at Tella. “Just to be sure she’s okay.”

  “I think that’s a good idea,” his mother said.

  “But first, can I get a picture of you, Tella?” He had plenty on his phone, but he’d never have too many pictures of his daughter.

  She smiled, and he snapped a couple of shots. Then he took several with her and his mother together, trying to savor the last time with his daughter for he didn’t know how long but all the while feeling a driving need to go to Louise.

  “Can I see?” Tella asked, holding out her hand for his phone.

  He handed it to her. “Can you make sure I get it back? I should be leaving for the airport soon, but I need to see your mom first.”

  “Yes. I will,” his mother promised.

  He hugged Tella tight, wishing once again that Louise would move to Pittsburgh with him. He hated leaving his daughter, especially when he was just getting to know her.

  Louise’s car was parked at her house when he got there, but she didn’t answer the door. It wasn’t locked, so he pushed it open and called out, “Louise, are you in here?”

  He didn’t hear anything. She could be outside, but he had a feeling she wasn’t. His need to see her was greater than his desire not to trespass, so he pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped inside.

  She wasn’t in the kitchen. Nor the living room. He didn’t check in the last room downstairs, knowing that was where her gram and pap stayed.

  The stairs loomed large in front of him.

  Remember what happened the last time before you left.

  Oh, he knew. And he absolutely was not making that mistake again, but he needed to see her. Maybe his mother was wrong and she really was sick.

  That thought was enough to prod him up the stairs, taking them three at a time, making enough noise so he wouldn’t startle her, whatever she was doing.

  He had no idea which room was hers. He stared at the four closed doors. Two were cracked.

  Figuring the one at the end was a bathroom, he stretched so he could see in the other open door. A pink comforter with lots of stuffed animals covered the bed. Tella’s room. Tempted to push the door open and maybe learn a little more about his daughter, he resisted.

  He stopped in the act of opening his mouth to call Louise’s name again. A sound. Sniffles.

  His heart cracked, and he strode to the door on the left, putting his hand on the knob. Yeah, definitely sniffles. He forced himself to knock gently before pushing the door open.

  His chest cramped and twisted at the sight of Louise on the bed, curled up in a ball, crying softly. He shouldn’t be in her bedroom, and he knew it, but he couldn’t stand the sight of her tears. Striding across the small room, he stopped at the side of the bed and said, “Louise?” gently, trying not to startle her.

  Her head snapped up, her eyes wide and horrified. She rolled over, pulling the covers with her and covering her head. “Go away,” came her muffled words.

  What had happened? Last night, he’d been so close to kissing her. She’d even said out loud that she wanted him to, but he’d held off, determined to take it slow, to court her the way she deserved. Now today, she didn’t even want to see him?

  Hoping he wasn’t making the second biggest mistake of his life, he slid into the bed behind her, spooning her back and hips, curving his legs to fit hers, keeping the blanket between them. His chest was against her back, and her head fit against his neck under his chin. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, pushing his other arm under her pillow so her head rested on his bicep.

  She started crying in earnest then. Great, big hulking sobs that shook her body, his body, and the bed they lay on.

  “Frig. What have I done?” he said softly, not really asking her but more asking himself. If he’d known sitting with her in church would produce this reaction, he never would have done it. Never. He’d have stood in the back. Outside, even, if it would have kept her from facing this pain, whatever it was that was making her cry.

  He held her while she cried. She didn’t try to get away. Grateful for that, because he would have let her go, he continued to hold her until her sobs became sniffles then hiccups.

  Conscious that he shouldn’t be there, that her family could come home at any time and he’d have a lot of explaining to do to her brother about why he was in her bedroom, especially after their history together, but he couldn’t bring himself to get up. Not until he knew what the problem was.

  He wanted to brush the tears off her cheeks, but he knew he’d better stay as still as possible. All the trouble they’d had last time had started with the emotions of him leaving. Everything had spiraled out of control from there. He couldn’t even put a foot on that path, because he had less control around Louise than anywhere else in his life.

  “Tell me, please,” he begged softly when her hiccups had gotten fewer and far between.

  She shook her head.

  “Is it me?”

  She didn’t move. He supposed that was a yes.

  “Did I do something?”

  The covers moved as her head shook.

  He took a breath to ask another question, but she moved, just a little. “I’m sorry. I’ve known that you’re leaving again, and everything from the last time hit me like it was happening again, and I know you didn’t do anything to deserve it, but I couldn’t stand to go through it again, although this didn’t help, and now you know, and I’m really embarrassed, because Norwegians don’t cry.”

  She said it all in one breath and finally stopped to drag in a lungful of air. “I’m being a baby, I know it. And you haven’t done anything wrong, and I’m sorry.”

  “Go with me,” he said, still begging.

  Her whole bo
dy stiffened. “What about Tella? We should just leave our home?”

  Disbelief and fear laced her voice, but he wanted her with him more than he wanted anything else in the world. He couldn’t let go now that the words were out of his mouth. “Yes. Both of you. Come with me.”

  “I can’t live with you.”

  “No, of course not.” He shoved his nerves down. “If there’s not another condo available in my building, we’ll rent something side by side. There are some great private schools. We’ll send Tella somewhere with a great reputation. I owe you money, lots of it, anyway.”

  Her body relaxed a little. She was quiet for a long time. “What if I go and you decide you don’t want to do ‘us’ anymore?” she asked.

  It hurt, but it was a fair question. “I can get something set up with a lawyer to make sure you have your own money. Because of Tella, I owe you. You don’t have to get a job. Even if you stay here, you don’t have to work. You don’t have to struggle.”

  “I never wanted you to feel like you have to take care of us.”

  “I want to take care of you.”

  “Can I think about it?” she finally asked.

  His hand lay on her stomach, the blanket between them. He wanted to move it so much, but he forced himself to lay still. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

  “It wasn’t you.”

  “It’s from what I did nine years ago.”

  She didn’t deny it. He wondered how often over the years she’d cried alone. The thought ripped at his heart and hurt his stomach.

  He wanted her to marry him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making it up to her. He wanted to take care of her and never make her cry again. But she wasn’t ready to trust him with all that. Would she ever be ready?