by Mia Belle
Dropping to my knees, I open a few, stick in my head, feel around with my hand. No cookbook.
“What are you doing?”
My head slams into the top of the cabinet. “Damn it.” I drag my head out, finding Caleb in the kitchen doorway looking at me like I’ve completely lost my mind. Maybe I have. Promising Lia an awesome dessert? What the hell was I thinking? I can’t bake.
I stand up. “I’m looking for a cake recipe in one of Mom’s cookbooks.”
“A cake? What for?” he asks.
“Lia invited me on a picnic and I promised to take care of dessert.”
He stares at me for a little while, almost as if the words aren’t entering his head. Then he blinks, making his way to the cabinets and pulling out random things.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Helping you.”
“Really?”
He plunks baking powder on the table. “You don’t know how to bake.” He shrugs. “Besides, I don’t really have anything else to do.”
“Thanks, man.”
“Don’t mention it.” He taps his chin. “I think a chocolate cake would be best. Simple but delicious.”
I lean forward, pressing my elbows on the table as I watch him gather more items. “Anything I can do to help?”
“You’re not helping me. I’m going to help you.”
“What?”
He chuckles lightly. “When you’re on your picnic and Lia asks who made the cake, what do you want the answer to be?”
“Me, of course.”
“Right.” He slides a bowl toward me. “Start with the wet ingredients.”
I just stare at him.
He laughs again, explaining what to do. Cooking is a little fun, not anything like I expected. Now I understand what draws my cousin to this hobby. There’s something nice and relaxing about it. I see why this calms him from all the shit with his dad.
“Something wrong?” he asks after I’ve been mixing the wet ingredients for a while. “Looks like you want to pound the living hell out of that.” He nods to the bowl.
I go easy on the mixing. “Sorry. Just got a lot on my mind.”
“Want to talk about it?”
I puff out my cheeks and tell him about the conversation I had with my parents twenty minutes ago.
His eyes are a little wide. “You think you can play again?”
I shrug. “I feel fine. Stronger than ever. And I’m sure my brain agrees with me. My parents are just…” I shake my head. “They don’t even want to hear it. I had to beg them to talk to the doctors. They just don’t understand.”
He adds the dry ingredients to the bowl. “They’re worried about you.”
“I know.”
“They almost lost you.”
I don’t say anything for a few seconds. “But I’m fine. I know my body and it’s telling me to get my ass back on that football field. And my parents told me I have to accept whatever the doctors tell me.”
He rests his hand on my back. “Doctors know what they’re talking about, man. You can always find something else you’re good at.” He lifts a brow. “Maybe it could even be baking.”
I frown at the bowl. “Sorry, dude, but this is your thing. As nice and relaxing as it is, I need to use my energy doing sports.”
He nods in understanding. When we were little and our fathers would play ball with us, it was always me who ran to catch the ball while Caleb was busy with his magic tricks. Even his dad wasn’t big on sports, only joined us because it was something the four of us did together.
“This picnic with Lia,” Caleb says once the cake is baking in the oven, “is it like…a date?”
“Doubt it. She’s not ready to date. I think she only invited me because we both didn’t have plans.”
My heart gallops in my chest. Have I understood it wrong? Could it possibly be a date?
Caleb and I are quiet, our gazes focused on the cake. It came out better than I thought it would, and even though Caleb claims I mostly worked on it myself, I can’t take all the credit. The guy’s a real genius in the kitchen. His talent could take him to great places. Me? I’m still wandering around.
Will I ever find my place?
Chapter Twenty
Lia
I stare at my open closet. There’s seriously nothing to wear in here. I take in the blue dress I wore to Alexis’s party a few weeks ago. It’d probably be a bad idea to wear it to the picnic with Aidan. He got drunk at that party, and I don’t want him to think about it every time he looks at this dress.
Pushing outfit after outfit aside, I scowl. Why am I making such a big deal about it? It’s just two friends going on a picnic. Maybe because we’ve hardly been spending time together and it seems like he’s avoiding me? Ugh, I’m reading too much into it.
I settle on a pretty pink top and a new pair of jeans, make my hair as decent as possible with these crazy curls, slab on some makeup and stare at myself in the mirror. I look happier than I have in weeks, but I’m still not there yet. I hope Aidan and I have a good time today.
Dad’s in the kitchen, reading something on his tablet. When he lifts his head and takes me in, he sits up. “You look beautiful, sweetie. Where are you off to?”
“Picnic with Aidan.”
This odd look captures his features. “As a date?”
“No, Dad.”
He sighs in relief. I guess he’s one of those dads who gets a little bent out of shape when their daughters date. Or maybe it’s because of everything that happened with Josh.
I load the PB&J sandwiches and drinks I prepared for Aidan and me into a basket, bid goodbye to my dad, then heave the basket out the front door.
Aidan’s sitting outside on my porch, hands pressed to his cheeks. A cake pan covered in aluminum foil sits beside him.
“Hey,” I say as the door shuts behind me.
His head lifts, a bright smile breaking out on his face. “Lia, hey.” He gets to his feet. “You look really nice.”
“Thanks. So do you.”
He’s wearing a light blue button-down shirt under his open jacket and black jeans. It appears as though a comb has been brushed through his short hair several times.
He laughs sheepishly. “Hope I didn’t overdress.”
I join in his laughter. “Me, too.”
He looks like he wants to say something else, but must think better of it because he shifts from one foot to the other, shoving his hands in his pockets.
The area around us is bathed in silence. Why? What’s happening between us?
“Did the cake come out good?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think. I hope.” He laughs awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “Truth is, I didn’t make it myself. I had help.”
“Caleb?”
“Yeah. I thought baking was easy, that all you had to do is throw things into the mixer and the cake’s done. But there’s more to it.” He eyes the basket. “How are the sandwiches?”
“Hopefully like my mom’s. She had this special way of making them so they taste just right.”
He smiles as he takes the basket from me. “I’m sure they’re great. Where are we off to?”
“I guess the park. There aren’t many places to go to in this tiny town.” I pick up the cake and we set forth on our journey to the park. It’s a very short walk, but it seems a lot longer as we trek side by side.
One of Aidan’s hands clutches the basket while the other is in his jeans pocket. His eyes are a little empty, as if he’s bothered about something. I hope he doesn’t feel forced to be with me.
“Are you okay?” I ask after several seconds of watching him. We’ve entered the park and are headed deeper inside.
He slowly turns his head to me. “What? Oh, yeah. I was just thinking about something my parents told me.”
I wait for him to elaborate, but it looks like he doesn’t plan to. “This cake smells really good,” I tell him, hating this distance between us.
His grin is strained. “And we owe it all
to Caleb. I would be lost without him. Baking just doesn’t enter my head, like there’s something blocking me from getting it.”
I laugh. “That’s fine. Not everyone is good at the same thing.”
He stares at the spot in front of him. “I still have no idea what I’m good at.”
“You like coaching those kids.”
He nods slowly. “Sure. I mean, I don’t even coach them. Just support them.”
“That’s good, too.”
He exhales deeply, turning to me. “Thanks for trying to help, Lia, but I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Sorry.”
He heaves a sigh. “No, I’m sorry I’m ruining our d…uh…picnic. I just have a lot on my mind, but I’m going to throw that aside.”
I’m barely listening to the rest of his sentence. Was he about to say date? Does he see this as a date? Was Dad right?
We stroll further into the park. Because the weather is nice today, there are many kids running around, their parents struggling to catch them. I also spot a few couples seated at various places around the park.
Aidan and I choose a grassy area that’s pretty isolated. I reach into the basket and pull out the blanket my family always used when we went on picnics and spread it over the grass. Aidan gives me a warm smile as we lower ourselves side by side. I return the smile, but my insides are twisted. What’s wrong with him? And what can I do to help?
He lifts his eyebrows curiously. “So let’s have a look at these delicious sandwiches you made.”
“Can I peek at the cake first?”
“Nope. I want it to be a surprise.”
I playfully cross my arms over my chest and raise my chin. “Fine.”
He chuckles softly.
I open the basket and retrieve the sandwiches. I hand one to him, then place the other on my lap. Aidan’s all excited as he quickly unwraps his. His chocolate brown eyes sparkle. “Wow these look so good.”
I shrug. “They’re just peanut butter and jelly.”
He brings his to his mouth and takes a bite. I don’t move, can’t even reach for my own. I’m too busy staring at him, awaiting the verdict.
He swallows, then bites another chunk of bread. “This is the best thing I’ve ever tasted in my life.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious. It’s so soft and smooth. I can tell your mom put a lot of thought into this to make it the best PB&J in the world.”
I laugh. “Thanks. I guess I was a picky eater, so she had to figure out what I liked. The right brand of peanut butter and jam, the best kind of bread.”
He unwraps his second sandwich. “It’s really good. And it’s great that you have a piece of her right here with us. I kind of feel like I know her, if that sounds a little weird.”
My chest tightens as I picture her sitting with us, sharing in our picnic. She’d love Aidan. Actually, I’m pretty sure she would love all the Armstrong boys.
“No, it’s not weird at all,” I tell him. “I feel her, too.”
He slides his hand in mine, giving it a light squeeze. A tingle runs down my spine, spreading warmth throughout my entire body.
We wash our sandwiches down with the water I brought, not once letting go of our interlocked hands. I catch Aidan staring down at them from time to time, but I can’t read the expression in those beautiful brown eyes.
Once we’re all stuffed and sticky with peanut butter, Aidan reaches for the cake pan and peels back the aluminum foil. A simple but beautiful cake grins up at me, and all I want to do is scarf the entire thing down.
Giving me another warm smile, he cuts us each a slice and hands one to me. I don’t hesitate taking a bite, tasting the delicious cream, chocolate, and spongey richness that is heaven on my tongue.
“This is something else,” I compliment. “If I wasn’t so full from the sandwiches, I’d eat the entire thing.”
His laugh is deep. “You can keep the whole thing. And really, it was mostly Caleb. He told me what to do and I followed. Like I said, I would have been lost without him. He uh…” He clears his throat, glancing at the kids running around the park. “He was adamant that you should know I made this cake under his supervision. I think he assumed this was a date.” His eyes slowly flick to mine. “Honestly, I have no idea what this is.”
I play with my empty paper plate, folding it in half. “Oh, uh…I don’t really know. My dad thought it was a date, too.”
He shifts closer to me, his eyes boring to mine. He still hasn’t let go of my hand. “Why did you ask me on this picnic, Lia?”
“Because we’ve hardly been spending time together. I miss hanging out.” And I miss him. A lot.
He nods slowly. “I know, and I’m sorry. I miss hanging out, too.” His eyebrows furrow as he continues gazing into my eyes. “Why do I sense there’s more to this?”
I drop the rolled-up plate. “I don’t know. I feel like you’ve been avoiding me lately.”
His eyes widen. “Avoiding you?” He brushes his hand through his hair, inhaling sharply, then letting it out. “I guess I have been.”
“Why?”
He shuts his eyes for a second, pulling his hand out of mine and running both hands through his blond strands. “I want to be honest with you. I want to tell you how I feel.”
My breath hitches as my head spins.
He stares into the distance. “I’ve been avoiding you because I have feelings for you. Strong feelings. And it kills me that I can’t…that we can’t…” He sighs. “I know you’re not ready for a boyfriend, and that’s the reason I haven’t said anything. It’s selfish of me to think of only my needs, but I felt like I owed you the truth.” He shuts his eyes again for a second, slightly lowering his head and causing some hair to fall into his eyes. “I like you, Lia Kelly. I like you a lot. And even though you don’t feel the same way, I just needed to tell you.”
Bending forward, I push the hair out of his eyes. Aidan rests his forehead against mine. “Sometimes I feel like I’ll go insane for liking you too much,” he whispers, his breath warm on my cheeks. “But it’s really selfish of me.”
I draw back, gazing into his eyes. I think back to what I admitted to myself in the mirror three days ago, when Zane had me reflect on my feelings. “I don’t want to be scared anymore,” I say, my voice so low I’m not sure he can hear. “I want to knock down the walls I built around my heart. I want to feel again.” I stroke his cheek with the back of my finger. “I like you, too, Aidan.”
He dips his head and his lips brush against mine. They’re so soft, like a cloud, and for a second I’m wondering if I imagined the whole thing. Aidan pulls back, his eyes searching mine.
Wrapping my arms around the back of his neck, I press myself closer to him, my lips connecting with his. His kiss is gentle but filled with emotion. I sense his need to watch over me, to be there for me, to care for me. He was pretty much a closed book before, but now he’s open and raw and vulnerable.
As we kiss, we lock our fingers together, never letting go. I tune out the sounds from the laughing kids, the chatting adults, the cars honking in the distance. It’s just me and this wonderful boy.
***
That night, I lie in bed, my eyes never leaving the ceiling. Oh my god. Aidan and I kissed. We kissed. It was so sweet and amazing and perfect. And after that, he held me in his arms and we just sat there. It felt so good to be in his protective embrace.
I want to bounce off the walls.
Shutting my eyes, I relive every moment, every touch, every exchanged word. I meant what I told him: I don’t want to be scared to let myself feel again. Josh took something away from me, but there’s no chance in hell I’m letting him win.
As I’m replaying each detail, Zane’s face pops into my head. Of when we were in his room, about to kiss and I turned my head.
My eyes shoot open and I jump up in bed. Zane tried to kiss me. Aidan just kissed me a few hours ago. Both guys…like me?
But what does this m
ean? And how exactly do I sort through my jumbled mess of emotions?
Zane and Aidan are not the only faces that pop into my head all night. A long blond-haired head does as well. With a warm smile that could seriously turn me into a puddle at his feet. He helped Aidan bake a cake for me. He didn’t have to do that. Does that mean he has feelings for me, too?
Oh, gosh.
All three of the Armstrong boys are special to me. But exactly how special are they? Why does my heart race when I think about each one of them?
Chapter Twenty-One
Lia
It’s past midnight and I’m still rolling around in bed, my brain buzzing with activity. I’m driving myself crazy trying to make sense of how I feel about the guys, and decide maybe I should just not think about it too much.
When another few more minutes zoom by and I’m still awake, I throw my blanket aside and tiptoe down the hallway as to not wake my dad. Peering toward his room, I figure he’s in a deep sleep and make my way downstairs. I unlock the door, pull it open and walk into the October night. It’s colder than it was this afternoon and I kind of wish I brought a jacket with me.
Sitting out here has always brought me comfort, just as the window does. I could stare into the sky, at the twinkling stars, and a feeling of peace would wash over me. Considering my thoughts are a mess, I need all the relaxation I can get.
I will not think about the guys. Nope.
There’s some light shining from the first floor of house next door and I hear someone shuffling around. Is someone in the kitchen? Maybe Aidan’s sitting there pondering exactly what happened between us.
My feet carry me over there and I approach the window. Someone is bent over the counter, frosting cupcakes. His back faces me, so I can’t see who it is, but from the way his blond ponytail hangs down his back, I know exactly who it is.
Reaching forward, I tap my knuckles on the glass window. He whips around, wide blue eyes closing in on the window. As soon as he learns it’s me, his body relaxes and he gives me his usual smile—the one I thought about only a few hours ago. Seeing it in my mind versus real life is completely different. I forgot just how girl-melting that smile actually is. It nearly takes my breath away.