A Cemetery, a Cannibal, and the Day of the Dead

by CC Dragon

  Chapter Six

  It was the first funeral I’d dealt with since my brother’s. I forced that thought to the back of my mind as I helped Mary Lou sort through dresses. Mrs. Weathers had a small bedroom for her wardrobe. It was extensive and smelled of mothballs.

  I’d never been in the master bedroom of the Weathers home. It was stuffy and grand. The furniture looked like what I imagined the Queen of England had in her bedroom.

  There were even grand portraits on the wall, one from her wedding and one of her late husband in his later years. I tried to take it all in without looking judgy. Money was freeing but it hadn’t changed what brand of jeans I bought. I wasn’t the only mansion dweller who didn’t drive a luxury car but Mrs. Weathers believed in the rich living like they were rich.

  “You’re quiet, what’s wrong?” Mary Lou asked.

  “Nothing. I’m just glad she had a long life.” I’d sent Ivy home since her fashion preferences wouldn’t really help here. Greg needed checking on anyway.

  “Sorry. Your brother hasn’t been gone that long and I’m roping you into helping with a funeral.” Mary Lou smacked her own forehead.

  I shook my head. “I’m fine. I know it’ll be weird for you and Greg. I just feel like I’m not upper crust enough to help.”

  “She made sure it’ll be high-end. The right jewels. The right gilded gold coffin. A platinum rosary. Do they even make those? She will only have the best of everything, trust me. Her hair and makeup people will go to the funeral home. There will be great food and champagne afterward. Enjoy it. Forget about Lance and all that crap. Men don’t know how to handle grief in public.” Mary Lou pulled out a lovely cream dress.

  “Some men can’t handle their emotions at all.” I frowned at the dress. “Too wedding-like.”

  “True. I think that burgundy is good but it might not be formal enough.” She pointed.

  “Formal? It’s not the red carpet.” I chuckled.

  “It can’t be a gown but it has to be right. This Chanel should do it. Lavender but on the gray side, not too bright.” Mary Lou looked at it.

  “Charcoal might be better. Then any jewelry will go. Gold or platinum,” I said.

  “Oh no, she’ll wear her best pearls. That goes with anything. Gray will come off morbid.” Mary Lou pulled out the nice lavender suit.

  “You know this stuff better.” I poked around in Mrs. Weathers’ jewelry box. The pearls were huge. I knew they were real but that was a lot of money on bits and bobs.

  A loud knock on the door made me jump.

  “Mary Lou, you know all the furs and jewels are inventoried. They’ll be distributed according to her will. Don’t think you can sneak something,” Lance snarled through the closed door.

  I frowned.

  She rolled her eyes. “We’re looking for the right shoes. We have the outfit. If you want to handle this, you’re welcome to.”

  “Please. Make sure you take pantyhose. You know how she felt about women without hose.” Lance stomped off.

  “Seriously. Why haven’t you divorced him?” I whispered.

  “Prenup. Though with his mother gone, I don’t know how long I’ll last,” she confessed.

  “What do you mean?” I pulled out gray and black pumps and set them on the bed.

  She sat on the huge four poster mahogany bed. “She protected me. Told Lance, you married her. You will treat her like you should treat a wife. But now that she’s gone, he’ll do whatever he wants. He’s the bully of the family. John is nice. Matt is too nice. I might have to cut my losses.”

  “Well, prenups were meant to be challenged. Get a good lawyer. Argue mental cruelty and abuse. I think we’ve all witnessed that,” I said.

  “I cheated. I’ll lose,” she said.

  “If you prove he was cruel and controlling beforehand, maybe not. Talk to a good lawyer that isn’t related to the Weathers. I’ll find one,” I said.

  “No, no. I can’t. I can’t do that now. It’ll look too obvious. And awful,” she said.

  “Yeah, Lance might accuse you of going back to Greg or something. Maybe get through the funeral. But if he’s awful, just come over to my place. I have plenty of rooms,” I said.

  She laughed. “And Greg.”

  “Stop. I’m your friend. That’s my house. If you want me to send Greg to stay elsewhere, that’s easy to do.” I found a pair of gray shoes I thought would work.

  “Perfect.” She nodded and grabbed a pair of hose from the closet. “Jewels and we can head to the funeral home. They have all the details about flowers and coffin and portrait and everything. So, this is really it.”

  “And a priest?” I asked.

  “That’s Lance’s job.” Mary Lou stood a bit taller.

  “Good for you.”

  “Matt decided they’d handle it.” Mary Lou grabbed the pearls. “You don’t have to go with me.”

  “I don’t mind. I’d like to get the right flowers for her anyway.” I knew they’d be expensive but the Weathers were like family. A dysfunctional and crazy Cajun family, but family.

  “Oh no. She picked what she wanted and prepaid for it. No one else is allowed to send flowers. You can make a donation if you want. Your favorite charity in her name would be good,” Mary Lou replied.

  “How will the family know? We could have masses said for her,” I suggested.

  “She didn’t want that. She’s up or down already. Won’t change it now.” Mary Lou imitated her former mother-in-law crossing her arms over her chest in decision.

  “That sounds right. Fine. New Orleans PD widows and orphans fund it is,” I said.

  “She’d like that.” Mary Lou nodded. “Now let’s get to the funeral home. I need to get out of this house.”

  “Good. We’ll get lunch afterward.” I followed her down the long staircase.

  “I’ll be checking the pearls at the wake,” Lance smirked as we passed.

  “Come on, Lance. We’re due at the church.” Matt nudged his brother.

  The tension would only make a hard time worse. I’d do what I could but there was no fixing Lance. I secretly hoped Mrs. Weathers left Mary Lou her own money in the will. But that would be admitting her son wasn’t perfect. In public? No way would Mrs. Weathers do that.

  After lunch, I went home for a break. Mary Lou had strict orders to lie down and rest. Let Matt handle Lance’s drama for a while. She insisted on going to her mansion but the invitation was open to stay.

  As I flopped on the couch in my living room, I felt the tension evaporate. Sometimes I took on too much of the emotions of my friends.

  Gunnar came out of the kitchen. “Everything okay?” he asked.

  “More or less. How about here? Greg okay?” I kicked off my shoes and stretched out on the big couch.

  “He’s fine. Ivy has that in hand. The house has been quiet. Ivy is going to make some chicken and rice dish she says you like for dinner. Need lunch?” he asked.

  “I’m fine. Thanks.” My phone chimed before I could even nap.

  I was relieved that it was LeBlanc and not anyone named Weathers.

  “Hi, Paul. What’s up?” I asked.

  “You okay? You sound off,” he said.

  “You haven’t known me long enough to know that yet. But a neighbor did pass away. I’ll be busy for the next few days. It’s Matt’s mom so he handed the case off,” I warned him.

  “Okay. Well, we can table the discussion about a manager for the clinic. Brimlow and I can do preliminary interviews,” he said.

  “Right. I also need to send you Brody. He needs to keep an eye on Ambrose and then we can get him a job of some sort,” I said.

  “Really? You think that’s smart?” Paul asked.

  “I know, but we can always fire him if things go crazy. I’m going to give him your number. Please put him together with Ambrose and I’ll have my accountant put him on the project payroll.” I was trying to think of anything I needed to hand off to him.

  “Got it. I did pull the info on
patients obsessed with the dead. No red flags. Everyone answered and spoke to their therapists when they called. That’s not total proof but we need more to go on. I can get you an unofficial list but we can’t treat them all as suspects. Some have never acted on their fascinations,” he reminded me.

  “One of the corpses had bite marks on the butt. Any of them biters?” I asked.

  “That’ll take more research. They aren’t all my patients. I called in some favors. Can they match dental records with suspected employees?”

  I yawned. “That’s the plan. It’s taking time. I’m going to text you the info for another detective. If you have brainstorms or want to help with the case, contact him. They’re good. Matt can’t handle it right now.”

  “No problem. I’ll leave you alone too. When is the funeral?”

  “Wake is day after tomorrow. The funeral is the day after that. So maybe after I’ll be back to normal. It’s one of my best friend’s mother-in-law so I have to help. I knew the woman too, so I really need to be there. Sorry if I’m dropping the ball. I’d much rather be working the case or on the clinic.” I didn’t have the energy to pretend I was okay.

  “Don’t worry about anything. I’ll find the details online. I’ll be there if I can,” he said.

  That was sweet. “No, it’s okay. You didn’t know her. It could have some drama,” I warned.

  “I can handle it. What are friends for?” he asked. “Get some sleep. Funerals are draining. A lot of people get sick so make sure to use hand sanitizer, wash your hands, and take your vitamins.”

  “I will. You’re such a doctor. I’ll do that all after I text you this stuff. Thanks.” I ended the call and texted him the info on Detective Hart. Then I texted Brody Paul’s information and vice versa.

  As my eyelids grew heavier, I was glad Paul was proving to be a good guy. Some men, like Lance, balked if you threw anything their way they considered beneath them. Now he just had to follow through and not screw up.

  Chapter Seven

  I wasn’t family so wearing all black would be a bit much. Instead, I chose a dark green dress a with square neckline. It hit my knees and was conservative enough for a funeral without trying to look like I was family. There were toes I had to not step on. Lance’s, John’s and John’s new wife’s were among them.

  I had a gray and burgundy dress set aside for the actual funeral. It was warmer for the graveside service. Today was just the wake.

  “De. Ready?” Greg knocked on my door.

  “Yep.” I opened the door.

  He looked good in his navy suit. I could tell he was nervous because we’d be half an hour early if we left now. Family time. But Ivy and Gunnar were right behind him. Gunnar looked good in a suit as well. Ivy had gone with a dark purple dress that I swear was stolen from my closet.

  “Should we take some food?” Gunnar asked.

  “No, they’ll cater it. People will bring anyway but I’d rather wait and make something for them once the efforts have died down. When they really need a home-cooked meal. Maybe a night when the housekeeper is off.” It was something I’d learned from my mother. People always wanted to do something right away. They felt bad if they didn’t bring food right away—like it was for show or a contest. A grieving family would be inundated with casseroles and such. Half the time they ran out of fridge space.

  My mother always waited a few weeks at least, then made a couple of dishes. Usually my favorite chicken and rice dish plus something like lasagna. Add in some fresh rolls and she’d bring it over, calling ahead of course.

  People always remember her for that because by then, the rest of the world was back to normal. The food originally brought was gone or tossed out. It was a good lesson to think about the people you were doing something nice for. Any gesture is kind but thinking a step or two ahead made it better.

  The Weathers, however, never really needed someone to bring them food. But it was nice all the same that Gunnar wanted to.

  “Let’s go,” Greg said.

  “We’ve got a little time,” Ivy said.

  “Have you eaten?” I asked Greg.

  He shook his head. “I’m fine.”

  I should’ve known when Greg and Mary Lou both swore they were done. It was over. A mistake and all of that—I should’ve know it wasn’t really true. But I’d hoped it was. Maybe Greg just cared about her because she was in a miserable marriage?

  “We need to have a bit of lunch. The wake is going to be long if we stay for it all,” Gunnar said.

  “You don’t have to,” I told him.

  Ivy nodded. “We’ll take at least two cars so people can leave.”

  Greg fidgeted with his tie. Did he miss his vespers?

  “Good. A snack. Come on.” We headed downstairs and did a mini raid on the kitchen.

  That delayed us just enough to show up fashionably on time for the wake. Not right at the beginning but only quarter an hour after it’d begun. I made it through the lineup fine. John was nice but his wife was ill. Matt was still in shock and Lance was still a jerk.

  Greg and I lingered at the end with Mary Lou.

  “I hope you don’t mind if we hang around,” I said.

  She walked away from the coffin a bit. “I’d appreciate it. Don’t let Lance fluster you. Matt will take your side.”

  “That is quite a coffin.” I admired the gleaming gold and silver monstrosity with intricate etchings all over it. The inside looked like velvet and there were jewels and other mementos inside next to the deceased.

  The room was filled with elegant flower arrangements, all color-coordinated. The display of pictures on digital screens was tasteful and family-centered. I’d have expected nothing less.

  “She wanted the best.” Mary Lou chuckled.

  “You okay?” Greg asked her.

  “Let’s go sign the guestbook,” I said to Ivy.

  Mary Lou grabbed my arm. “Someone else has to stay,” she whispered.

  “Your hubby is psycho,” I whispered back.

  “Please,” Greg said.

  Ivy and Gunnar went for the book and then walked the rooms full of people.

  “She has all the rooms?” I asked Mary Lou.

  “The entire four viewing rooms were taken up for her. The other rooms have big video screens with pictures of the main room and the coffin. It’s insanity. But there is a buffet in the back of one of them, so eat something.” She smiled.

  “Are you okay?” Greg asked.

  “It’s just exhausting. She had the will done by her own attorney. Not John. Everyone wants to know what’s in it. Who’ll get the mansion? It’s just silly. They have so much already.” She took a deep breath.

  “Need water or anything?” Greg offered.

  “Water would be nice. Room B,” she said.

  Greg left and Mary Lou breathed easier. “Promise you’ll come to the dinner after. It’s at the mansion,” she said.

  “Isn’t the dinner tomorrow after the funeral?” I asked.

  “No, not that. That’s at a restaurant. Tonight is a private dinner after the wake. Not everyone is invited but I need you there,” she said.

  “Of course. All of us?” I asked.

  She shrugged. “Ivy and Gunnar can come if they like. There is room. Greg, I’m not sure if he will show up or not. But apparently you’re named.”

  “Named? In the will?” I asked.

  She nodded.

  “Odd. I’ll be there for you. She probably wants to give me some jewelry lessons or something,” I teased.

  “You never did conform for Southern lady standards. Yankee,” she replied.

  I smiled. “Can’t help it.”

  Lance cleared his throat and glared in our direction.

  “I need to get back.” Mary Lou nodded.

  “I won’t go far.” I found a seat on the aisle about five rows behind the family row. Close enough to be on hand but not in their way.

  Greg returned and handed Mary Lou the water, then sat next to me with a bo
ttle for each of us.

  “Ivy and Gunnar?” I asked.

  “Making the rounds. Ivy always knows people. Dr. LeBlanc is in line.” Greg opened his bottle of water.

  “What?” I tried to look casual as I glanced back.

  He was. In a dark gray suit and looking very impressive.

  “Does he know them?” Greg asked.

  “I don’t think so.” I stood up to greet a few of our neighbors who’d come by. “I should walk the rooms a bit too.”

  Greg stood.

  “No, stay. If she needs something. I’ll come back and let you walk around in a bit.” I patted his shoulder.

  “The doc is calling?” Greg teased.

  “No, the flowers are giving me a headache. Lilies always irritate my sinuses for some reason.” I’d taken an allergy pill before leaving the house but still my nose tickled and my head ached a bit.

  I walked out of the main room and found Room B had food but no flowers. I didn’t grab anything but I surveyed the options.

  Gunnar and Ivy were sampling caviar.

  “Okay?” Ivy asked.

  “Just the flowers. I needed to breathe.”

  “I thought it was the doc,” Gunnar teased.

  “I’m sure he’s just being polite. I told him about this so he wouldn’t bother me during a funeral. He’ll get Brody set up with that job and handle the clinic stuff.” I shrugged.

  “Good man.” Ivy nodded.

  “Stop. Go check on Greg. I left him alone too near Mary Lou. Lance might start banging a club on the ground and drag her off by her hair.” I grabbed a celery stick and mindlessly chewed on it. The funeral home needed an update to its decor. Pink wallpaper and gold trimmings looked impressive but came off obnoxious. All the rooms seemed to have the same color scheme so there was no escape.

  “On it. But we’re leaving in an hour. We can come back but this is getting tedious,” Ivy said.

  “No worries.” I stabbed a piece of cheese with a toothpick and popped the sharp cheddar in my mouth.

  “Dr. Oscar, my condolences,” LeBlanc said from behind me.

  I dropped the toothpick and turned around as Ivy and Gunnar dashed off.

  “So formal? I appreciate it but she was a neighbor, not family,” I said.