Beautifully Broken Life (The Sutter Lake Series Book 2)

by Catherine Cowles

“Yup.” I pulled open the back hatch of the vehicle.

  Tessa’s jaw dropped. She looked from the storage compartment to me and back before dissolving into laughter. Her laughter was quickly becoming my favorite sound. “Did you buy out the whole store?”

  Heat crept up the back of my neck as I surveyed the back of my SUV. It was crammed full of everything a cat could want or need. A litter box, litter, toys, enough food to last six months, and a climbing tree that, even disassembled, took up almost the entire space. I shrugged. “The little guy deserves some perks after all he’s been through.”

  Tessa placed a hand on my shoulder. I froze. “You have a kind heart, Liam.”

  Would I have preferred that she tell me I was ruggedly handsome and incredibly manly? Yes. Would I take kind heart and run with it? Yes, I would. “Just looking out for our new friend.”

  Tessa squeezed my shoulder lightly and then released her hold. “He’s lucky to have you in his corner.”

  My eyes searched hers. “I’m in your corner, too.”

  Tessa’s expression shuttered, and I wanted to curse. “Thanks,” she said and spun to head to the passenger-side door.

  I shut the back of the SUV with a little more force than was necessary. “So much for patience.”

  TESSA REACHED into the small carrier she held on her lap. “Everything’s okay now. I’m taking you home with me.” The kitten mewed and then dissolved into purrs so loud, I could hear them on the other side of the vehicle.

  I turned the key over in the ignition. “The little guy sounds happy.”

  Tessa took her eyes off the furball in her lap and looked in my direction. “He does, doesn’t he?” The kitten batted at her hand as if to say, “Hey, pay attention to me.” Tessa giggled then returned her attention to him.

  I reversed out of the parking spot and pulled out into traffic. “So, how about a late lunch?” It was after three, so…really late. But I would do just about anything to extend the time I got to spend with Tessa.

  She toyed with the zipper on the cat carrier. “Aren’t you worried someone will spot you and your cover will be blown?”

  I slipped on my sunglasses. “We’ll go somewhere in Sutter Lake. Everyone there has been great about keeping my secret. Plus, it’s not exactly prime eating time.”

  Tessa’s hand clenched around the zipper. I hated that something as simple as going out to eat with me caused such a struggle within her. I went with my gut and reached over to gently place my hand over hers. “We don’t have to go. But if you want to try, we can have a secret sign. If you feel uncomfortable at any time, just give me that sign, and we’ll leave. No questions asked.”

  Tessa stared down at the kitten in her lap. “Why do you put up with…?” She trailed off without finishing, as though she couldn’t find the right words.

  We stopped at a red light. I gave Tessa’s hand a squeeze, and her gaze met mine. I didn’t blink. I didn’t look away. I needed to make sure she really heard. “Because I think you’re worth knowing.”

  Tessa’s hand spasmed in mine, and the beginnings of tears gathered in her eyes. “I want to know you, too…I’m scared.”

  The simple truth. It was a powerful blow. “We’ll just take it one step at a time. If anything’s too much, you just let me know.”

  She licked her lips, the action drawing my attention to her mouth. My jaw clenched. I wanted to taste that mouth. Feel her lips on mine. Tangle my tongue with hers. My pants grew tighter. Shit. I shook my head, trying to clear the image from my mind. “So, what do you say? Lunch?”

  “Lunch.”

  I grinned. It was so wide, I probably looked like an idiot. I didn’t give a shit. I was taking Tessa on our first date.

  It didn’t take long for us to make it back to Sutter Lake. I pulled into a parking spot in front of the bakery, which also housed a café that served simple but delicious fare. I glanced at Tessa. “You ready?”

  Her hands fisted the strap on the cat carrier. “What about him?” she asked, glancing down.

  I turned off the SUV. “Bring him.”

  Tessa’s brows rose. “Really?”

  “I’m sure they won’t mind.” I glanced through the large windows of the shop. “There’s hardly anyone in there right now.”

  Tessa bit her lip but nodded. “Let’s go.”

  I let out the breath I’d been holding. We exited the SUV, and Tessa held the carrier protectively in front of her. I reached the door to the bakery first, pulling it open for her. “After you.”

  Tessa stepped cautiously through, her gaze traveling all around as if she were waiting for someone to jump out and attack. I placed a hand on the small of her back, my body warming when she didn’t jolt in surprise. I ushered her forward to the hostess stand.

  Moments later, Nina, the owner of the bakery appeared. “Well, what do we have here?” She eyed the pet carrier skeptically.

  I slipped my wallet out of my back pocket. “We just picked up this little fella from the vet. He’s a rescue, and we don’t want to leave him alone before he gets settled. Any chance you might pretend you don’t see him.” I opened my billfold, about to offer her a tip as incentive, but she waved a hand in front of her face.

  “Put your money away, Hollywood. We don’t take bribes here. You can keep him with you.” Nina eyed me sternly. “But he stays in his carrier. The last thing I need is to be reported for a health code violation.”

  I grinned at her. “He’ll stay put.”

  Nina let out an exasperated sigh. “You’re too charming for your own good, you know that?”

  My grin widened. “It’s served me well.”

  Nina eyed Tessa. “I can see that. Treat this girl right, you hear me?”

  Tessa blushed, but I chuckled. “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

  Nina grabbed two menus and led us towards a back table. “You better.” She glanced at Tessa. “How are things at the Kettle?”

  Tessa gave Nina a small smile. “Good. I’m still working on expanding our menu, hoping to give you a run for your money.”

  Nina laughed. “One of these days, we need to get in the kitchen together, invent some new recipes.”

  Tessa’s eyes seemed to light up at the idea. “I’d love that.”

  Nina placed the menus on the table as we sat. “We’ll get it on the schedule.” Tessa nodded. “You two browse the menu, I’ll be back in a few to take your order.”

  Tessa carefully placed the carrier on the empty chair next to her, unzipping the flap just an inch to stick her finger inside to scratch the kitten’s ear. He made a sound between a purr and a meow. “We need a name for him.”

  I studied Tessa’s expression, so full of adoration. God, her heart was so good. “We do. Any ideas?”

  Tessa looked up to meet my gaze. The kitten clearly didn’t appreciate her change in focus because he stuck his little paw out of the bag and batted at Tessa’s hand. She giggled. “How about Bubbles?”

  I had just taken a sip of water and almost choked. “Bubbles? For a male cat?”

  “What’s wrong with that? He’s got a bubbly personality.”

  I rubbed a hand over my jaw. “It’s not exactly masculine. He’s already been through one trauma, you want to add another one to his plate by naming him Bubbles?”

  Tessa wadded up a paper napkin from the holder between us and threw it at me. “Fine, mister expert on all things masculine and tough, what should his name be?”

  I caught the napkin and placed it back on the table. “Hmmm. How about Killer?”

  Tessa’s face wrinkled in disgust. “No. Just, no.”

  I loved that more of her spark was showing, and I couldn’t help but needle her just a bit. “Spike?”

  Tessa’s nose twitched as if she smelled something bad. “You’re horrible at this.”

  I tapped the table. “I’ve got it. Lucifer.”

  Tessa’s jaw fell open. “You didn’t.”

  I grinned, but that smile soon morphed into a look of alarm. “Tes
sa, catch him!” The kitten had managed to unzip the bag and was about to make a break for it.

  Tessa’s eyes widened, but her reflexes were quick. She caught him just as he leapt onto the table, cast in tow. “You’re going to get us in so much trouble.” She hurriedly stashed him back into the bag.

  I was laughing so hard my stomach hurt but still trying desperately to keep as silent as possible so as not to draw attention. Tessa looked at me with an exasperated sigh. I reached across the table and squeezed her hand. “I think he’s named himself.”

  Tessa’s lips twitched. “Oh, yeah, what?”

  “Trouble.”

  She glanced down at the kitten trying to paw open the bag. “I think you’re right.”

  The remainder of lunch passed uneventfully. We chatted mostly about my music and her art. I learned that Tessa had never taken an art class beyond high school and was largely self-taught. I was careful with my questions, and she didn’t balk at any of them. Progress. It might not have been her life story, but Tessa was slowly letting me in, and it was the most precious gift I’d ever received.

  We called our goodbyes to Nina as we left and climbed back into my SUV. I snuck glances at her as we drove. Tessa’s braid had fallen out, and her dark hair hung in loose waves, framing her face. Her creamy complexion and rosy cheeks just made her vibrant eyes stand out all the more. She was breathtaking.

  I tore my gaze away from her, narrowly avoiding swerving into oncoming traffic. Shit. This woman was going to be the death of me.

  I pulled to a stop behind The Tea Kettle, shutting off the car. “Can I help bring all the gear up to your apartment?”

  Tessa stilled in the seat next to me. I knew this was asking a lot. No one else was here. Late in the day, the Kettle was dark and locked up tight. Allowing me into her space when no one else was around would be a huge show of trust on Tessa’s part. She stared down at Trouble, nibbling on her bottom lip. I gave her time. Let her process whatever she needed to go through to make her decision.

  Tessa twisted the carrier strap between her fingers. “That would be nice. Thank you.”

  I tried not to let my elation show too much, but really, I wanted to run circles around the car with my fists in the fucking air. “You’re welcome. I’ll grab the big stuff. Why don’t you just take Trouble and unlock the doors.”

  Tessa nodded. She moved somewhat jerkily as if she weren’t used to the movements required to exit the vehicle and unlock the door. But I knew the truth. She was terrified. My smile fell as my chest constricted in a vicious spasm. I hated whoever had done this to her, forced her to live in such tremendous fear. I wanted to end whoever it was. Make them suffer as Tessa suffered.

  I stared down at the pavement, clenching and unclenching my fists, trying to get my body to relax. Tessa picked up on everything, and if she got one whiff of the fury running through me, she would run for the hills. I took a few deep breaths, willing my tense muscles to release. I pictured Tessa with Phoenix, Tessa throwing the napkin at me, Tessa cuddling Trouble. It worked. My heart rate slowed, my body relaxed, and my breathing evened out.

  I took hold of the cat climbing tree in the back of my SUV. Maybe I had gone a little overboard. One piece of this thing had to weigh fifty pounds. I started up the stairs and piled the items one by one just inside the door to Tessa’s studio apartment. When I brought the final items in, Tessa appeared from the kitchen.

  Her hand shook as she gave me a glass of water. “I thought you might be thirsty.”

  I took the drink from her hand, careful not to get too close. I knew I needed to play this just right. No sudden movements. No going in for a kiss or even a hug. I moved so that she had an open line to the door, and I saw her shoulders relax slightly. Fuck. I didn’t want this woman to be scared of me. Ever. I knew it was a reaction she couldn’t control, something ingrained in her over time or through trauma or both. It didn’t mean I had to like it. I fucking despised it.

  I was careful to keep my expression neutral. “Thank you.”

  Tessa nodded. “Thank you for everything you did. For me. For Trouble.” She glanced at the carrier sitting on her bed, then back to me. “Think I can let him out now?”

  I grinned. “I think he’ll find a way out if you don’t.”

  A small smile teased her lips, and she headed towards the bed. Tessa slowly unzipped the carrier and carefully lifted Trouble out. “This is your new home.” She nuzzled his tiny face. “You’re safe here.”

  Trouble sniffed the air. Tessa cautiously set him down. She looked up at me. “Do you think he’ll be okay with his cast?”

  I edged a step closer. “I think he’ll figure it out.”

  Tessa released her hold on the kitten. Trouble wobbled at first, and Tessa braced to steady him if he needed it. Slowly, he found his footing and began to wander around the small apartment.

  I finally took in Tessa’s space as we watched Trouble wander. She had made small efforts to make the apartment homey: a pitcher of flowers on the small kitchen table, a worn quilt on the bed. But there was very little stuff. Not much she couldn’t grab in a moment’s notice if she needed to. The thought had my gut tightening.

  I would do anything to get her to stay.

  21

  Tessa

  M y heart hammered in my chest. I willed it to slow. It refused. Its reason was two-fold. One, this was the first man I had ever allowed up here. Not even Walker, Tuck, or Andrew had been inside since I started living here. Anything that needed fixing, I did myself.

  Two, it wasn’t just any man in my apartment. It was Liam. I bet he thought I was jittery because I was scared, but he wasn’t entirely right. Sure, my instinct was to be on guard at all times. Always have an exit plan. But my gut told me that Liam would do anything to prevent my pain. He wasn’t a man who would exercise his frustrations in anger on another person. He was kind. Gentle. Generous. And a million other things that I hadn’t yet learned.

  But I wanted to. I wanted to know Liam in every way possible, with a soul-deep ferocity that terrified me. He also made butterflies take flight in my stomach when he got close. Made my skin tingle when he touched me.

  I fisted my hands at my sides. My face heated. I hadn’t been with a man since Garrett. Up until recently, I’d thought the desire to ever be close to someone in that way was dead and buried along with my past. But slowly, over the past few weeks, my body had come alive again.

  My nerves had been deadened for so long. I’d had to turn off as much feeling as possible to survive—in my body and in my heart. The more I felt, the more I hurt. I hadn’t realized just how much I’d been missing out on. The simple pleasures of enjoying delicious food, confiding in a friend, and maybe, just maybe, letting the embers of a crush catch fire.

  I glanced in Liam’s direction. My belly warmed as I took in his gorgeous face, those broad shoulders. What would it feel like to drag my fingers through his hair? To tangle my mouth with his?

  He studied me carefully. “Want to tell me what’s got those cheeks turning such a pretty shade of pink?”

  I knew my blush deepened when Liam chuckled. “Ummm, no.”

  Liam scrubbed a hand over his cheek. “That’s fair enough.”

  A crash sounded from the kitchen. We both dashed towards the noise. Rounding the corner, we took in Trouble, peeking out of one of the cabinets, having shoved a pan out and onto the floor. My mouth fell open. “That cabinet was closed. How did he get in there?”

  Liam shook his head, laughing. “I have no idea. But I’d say his name definitely fits.”

  I bent to scoop up the kitten and the pan. “You can’t be doing that,” I cooed. “You’re going to get hurt.”

  I set the pan on the counter and then stole a quick glance out the kitchen window. Habit. Two years of running had instilled in me a need to continually check my surroundings. My kitchen window looked out onto the back of the building. Behind Liam’s SUV, another idled.

  I sucked in a breath. The hand that held back th
e curtain started to shake. I didn’t recognize the vehicle, and there was no reason for anyone to be back there. The Tea Kettle wasn’t open. I felt heat at my back.

  “What’s wrong?” Liam’s voice was alert with an edge of hardness.

  “I don’t…there’s a car just idling.” As soon as I uttered the words, the SUV pulled away, continuing out of the alley.

  “They were probably just lost. Or texting. Better they pull over than cause an accident.”

  “Probably.” I squeezed my eyes closed, trying to force my fears out of my brain. I would not let my paranoia ruin another day with Liam.

  “Want me to hang out for a little bit? I can help you assemble the climbing tree thing. Let me tell you, that fucker is complicated. Probably need a masters in rocket science to put it together.”

  I turned to face Liam, Trouble still in my arms, purring contentedly. Liam’s face was so damn hopeful. And I wanted him to stay. That idling SUV had freaked me out more than I wanted to admit, and I didn’t want to be alone. But more than anything, I wanted to spend more time with Liam.

  I gave him a smile. “It would be a bit of a challenge to do major construction and hold this little fella at the same time.”

  Liam grinned. “And you know if you put him down, he’ll just destroy something.”

  I let out a light laugh. “So very true.”

  “Thank goodness, I’m here to assist.”

  I scratched under Trouble’s chin. “Thank goodness.”

  Liam stepped back. “Point me in the direction of your tool box.”

  I inclined my head towards the sink. “It’s under there.”

  Liam bent to retrieve it, and I couldn’t help but notice that he had a ridiculously muscled ass. A paw smacked me in the face. “Ow.”

  Liam straightened. “You okay?”

  I stifled a giggle. “Just Trouble causing trouble.”

  Liam shook his head. “Where do you think we should set this thing up?”

  I glanced around my small apartment. “Maybe over there?” I pointed to a window a few feet from my bed. “So he can look outside?”