Beautifully Broken Life (The Sutter Lake Series Book 2)

by Catherine Cowles

  Liam surveyed the area. “I think that’s perfect.”

  We carried the pieces needing assembly over to the window. Well, Liam carried. I moved a few odds and ends while trying to keep Trouble balanced in one arm.

  Liam studied the pieces of the climbing tree and then the window. His eyes caught on the boards I’d placed vertically on the sides of the window to keep anyone from opening it from the outside. Liam glanced at me, his gaze probing, questioning.

  I shrugged, trying to keep my tone light even as my heart rate sped up. “Can’t be too careful.”

  Liam looked around my apartment. The few windows all had boards. My door had a new deadbolt and chain that I’d installed. My coin-filled can alarm system sat to the side of the door. I fought the blush that wanted to rise. I had nothing to be embarrassed about.

  Liam’s eyes bore into mine. “Do you feel safe here? I can talk to Jensen about having an alarm system installed.”

  I shook my head. “My system works fine.”

  Liam slowly nodded. “Okay. But let me know if you change your mind.”

  “I will.” I wouldn’t. If I wanted to ask for an alarm, I’d talk to Jensen myself, not go to Liam.

  Liam shook his head. “You won’t, but I’ll pretend I believed your lie.”

  My mouth fell open. This man saw far too much.

  22

  Liam

  T essa’s newly restored car bumped along the gravel road as I drove up to where she was taking care of the horses this afternoon. I drummed my fingers on the steering wheel in a staccato beat. I hoped I wasn’t shooting myself in the foot by returning her car.

  Over the past couple of weeks, we’d spent more and more time together. I’d offered to give Tessa rides home when she was done with her afternoon duties at the ranch so Jensen didn’t have to go back into town. Tessa had taken me up on the offer without me having to convince her. I took that as a sign that we were moving in the right direction.

  I’d taken to coming up early and bringing my guitar. I’d tool around, working on different songs while Tessa sketched. There was something about being with her, both in our own worlds to a degree but together at the same time. There was a rightness about it that I’d never felt before.

  So, hopefully, I wasn’t messing up a good thing by returning Tessa’s car. I might give back her wheels, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I was just going to keep showing up.

  I pulled to a stop at the fence. Tessa glanced over her shoulder at the sound of my arrival. One look at her stole all the damn air right out of my lungs. Her hair was loose today, swirling around her as the breeze twisted it into flowing shapes. Her cheeks were a rosy pink from working outdoors, and her eyes seemed to glow in the sunlight.

  I swallowed hard, willing my body under control before I did something stupid like maul her or propose. Or both. Think about anything except how fucking gorgeous she looks. Getting my ass kicked at my friend Austin’s MMA gym. Sweaty dudes. Gutting fish with my grandpa.

  That did the trick. Well, it did until I got out of the car and Tessa was right in front of me, close enough for me to see the violet in her eyes and smell the faint lavender scent of whatever perfume or lotion she wore. I was fucked. “Hi.” It came out as a croak, like I was going through puberty. What the hell was wrong with me?

  Tessa didn’t seem to notice. She clasped her hands in front of her chest. “My car’s fixed?”

  She was fucking adorable. I patted the hood of the vehicle. “Good as new.” It practically was a new car. It probably would have been cheaper to go that route. I’d pretty much rebuilt the entire engine, installed new brakes, tires, the works.

  Tessa studied the vehicle and began to twist the hem of her shirt. “Thank you so much for doing this. How much do I owe you for everything?”

  I rubbed a hand over my jaw. “We were lucky, the place I got most of the parts from was having a sale. I got everything for three-hundred dollars.” It was a bald-faced lie. I really hoped she didn’t know much about cars because if she did and took one look under the hood, she’d know I was full of it.

  Tessa’s brows rose. “Really?”

  The tension in my shoulders eased a bit when she didn’t immediately call me out. “Yup. And you can pay me whenever. There’s no rush.” I hated that she was paying me at all. I had such a strong urge to take care of Tessa, but I knew that was the last thing she wanted. Her pride and self-reliance were too strong.

  Tessa shook her head. “I can give it to you tonight. I honestly thought it would be way worse than that. That car was on its last legs when I bought it.”

  I shuffled my feet. “You’d be surprised what you can do with a few spare parts.”

  Tessa grinned. “I’ll take your word for it. I can fix a leaky sink or bake just about anything, but I know next to nothing about cars.”

  I breathed a sigh of relief. I was safe. “Well, I’m happy to help you out whenever you need.”

  Tessa laughed. “Be careful what you ask for.”

  I didn’t think I’d ever wanted someone to ask me for help so badly in my life. Tessa could ask me to work on her car every day for the next fifty years, and I’d do it with a smile on my face. If my friends, Austin and Ford, back in LA, could see me now, they would laugh their asses off. I was a total goner for a girl I hadn’t even kissed.

  Tessa took a step closer to me. “Do you have time to hang out for a bit, or do you need to get back?”

  I flexed my hand, wanting so badly to reach out and tuck a strand of Tessa’s hair behind her ear. “I’ve got no plans and could use a little writing time.”

  Tessa beamed up at me. God, I could get lost in that smile, the way her eyes danced, and her nose crinkled. Yep, I was so totally gone for this girl. “Good, because I could use some drawing time, and your playing always gives me good inspiration.”

  I grinned down at my boots and turned to pull my guitar from the car. “Happy to keep an artist in her creative flow.”

  Tessa let out an adorable little snort. “I don’t know about that, but I like the company.”

  I lifted my guitar case through the rails and then ducked between them myself, holding a hand out to Tessa. We settled into our usual spots on the boulder—Tessa with her sketchpad, me with my guitar. We lost ourselves in our tasks, in the beauty around us, in simply being with each other.

  I set to work on what I’d secretly dubbed Tessa’s Song. I had snatches of lyrics and sections of music, but I couldn’t quite fit it all together. I let my mind wander as my hands shaped chords. Nonsensical musical creations that floated away on the wind. I took in the horses, the rolling hills, the forests below, but my gaze kept traveling back to Tessa.

  A smile stretched across my face. Tessa was so damn cute. When she was really focused on her task, the end of her tongue peeked out from between her lips. My gaze zeroed in on Tessa’s mouth. I wanted to taste her so badly I could almost convince myself I had. My playing slowed as my eyes focused more intently on those perfect bow lips.

  Tessa looked up from her work. “What’s wrong?”

  I blinked a few times, attempting to clear the haze in my brain. “Did you know that when you concentrate really hard, you stick your tongue out just here?” I couldn’t resist the pull, I swept my thumb across the corner of her mouth.

  Tessa sucked in a breath but didn’t pull away. “Um, no. I didn’t.”

  The air seemed to still around us. I didn’t dare move as she leaned in, didn’t even breathe. Tessa needed to be the one to close the distance between us. Just as our lips were about to touch, a large creature shoved between us. Phoenix.

  Tessa burst into laughter. “Phoenix, were you jealous you weren’t the center of attention?” She scratched between the mare’s ears.

  I eyed the horse dubiously. Next time I got Tessa alone, it needed to be an animal-free zone. No horses. No tiny terror kittens. Hell, no zebras either. Nothing to keep me from my girl’s lips.

  23

  Tessa

&nbs
p; I bit my lip to keep from laughing as Liam studied the bakery case as though he were about to attempt to defuse a bomb. I tapped the top of the case from behind the counter. “You know this isn’t a life or death decision.”

  Liam’s eyes shot to mine. He straightened, pinning me with a very serious stare. “This is my afternoon dessert choice. The fate of the rest of my day hangs in the balance. If I get a sugar cookie but then realize I should have gone with the peanut butter and chocolate Rice Krispies treat, my entire afternoon will be ruined.”

  I couldn’t hold in my giggle. “You could always get both.”

  Liam’s eyes lit. “I like the way you think. Just give me one of everything sweet.”

  A snort of laughter escaped me. Cute, Tessa. Real attractive. “There are at least eight different desserts in there.”

  Liam shrugged a shoulder. “Better to have too many than to be riddled with what-might’ve-beens if I pick wrong.” He leaned on the top of the case, his face so very close to mine. “We can take my selection up to the horses, I might share with you.”

  A flash exploded. My heart stopped. It was almost closing time, and Jensen had already left to pick up Noah from school. I hadn’t even heard the bell on the door sound. Liam had that much of an effect on me. And now, someone had taken a photo of the two of us. Together. My heart rate tripled as my breathing picked up its pace, blood roaring in my ears.

  A teenage girl I’d seen in here more than a few times dropped her phone from in front of her face, blushing. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it. You guys are so freaking cute!”

  I rounded the counter, movements jerky like a robot who hadn’t been used in years. I reached out a hand. “Give me your phone.”

  The girl’s face scrunched. “Why?”

  “Because you don’t take people’s photos without their permission. Now, give it.” When she hesitated, I plucked it from her hand.

  “Hey!” she protested. From my peripheral vision, I saw Liam move to calm the girl down, and I think I heard him offer something about an autograph. I was too focused on the phone.

  I tapped on the photo icon, my stomach churning as the photo of Liam and me appeared. He was looking at me with such adoration. I didn’t have time to care. I hit delete and then double-checked to make sure there were no others. I handed the phone back to the girl. “If you want to be allowed back, you don’t take photos of anyone in this café without their permission.”

  The girl stuffed the phone into her pocket and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “I’ll just go to the bakery, you’re crazy.” And with that, she turned and left.

  I let out a slow breath and realized that my entire body was trembling. That was so close. If she hadn’t accidentally used a flash, I never would have known she took a photo. It could have been on the cover of a tabloid, and I wouldn’t have known until Garrett was at my doorstep.

  My breaths came even quicker, short pants that had my fingertips tingling. I knew I was moments away from a full-blown panic attack. I glanced at Liam. “You should go.” My words came out half-choked.

  Liam eyed me, concern filling his expression. “Tessa, everything’s okay.” He reached out a hand to rub it down my back, but I stepped out of his grasp. “What’s this all about? I know it was rude of her but—”

  I couldn’t catch my breath. I needed to be alone. I needed to focus on my calming exercises. But I couldn’t with Liam here. “Leave! Please—” My legs began to crumple as dark spots danced across my vision.

  “Fuck!” Liam caught me just before my knees hit the floor. “Tessa! What’s going on?”

  “Can’t breathe.” My chest felt as though it were in a vise. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get a good breath.

  Liam pulled out his cell. “I’m calling an ambulance.”

  I batted at his arm. “No!”

  Liam’s brows pulled together. “Why the hell not? I can’t help you!”

  I shook my head, hoping he’d listen. “Five. Things.” The words were wheezed, but they came through. Liam looked even more confused. “Liam. Tile. Table. Chair. Window.” The breaths I took between each word burned.

  “Five things.” I fisted Liam’s shirt. “Shirt.” I shakily planted a hand on the tile. “Floor.” It took more effort to bring that hand back to my leg. “Jeans.” I ran the hand down to my feet. “Boot.” Then to the side of the shoe. “Zipper.”

  My heart was beginning to slow. My breaths didn’t hurt as much. “Five things.” I inhaled slowly. “Lemon.” I knew from what we used to mop the floor. “Tea and honey.” Another inhale. “Cinnamon.” One more. I sucked air deep into my lungs. Crisp. Clean. Something totally unique. “Liam.” The final word came out as a whisper.

  My eyes flew open as a hand ghosted over my face. Liam cupped both of my cheeks in his hands. His eyes blazed with an unnamed emotion. “Please don’t ever do that again.” He pressed his forehead against mine. “You just took ten years off my life.”

  My breathing hitched, but for a whole other reason. I pushed at Liam’s chest. “Let me go.”

  Liam pulled back, hurt filling his eyes. “What did I do?”

  I couldn’t let myself see the pain in his expression, couldn’t allow myself to take it in. I needed him away. Gone. For good. I had been such an idiot to take these risks, thinking my past wouldn’t catch up with me. “I can’t be anywhere near you.”

  Liam pushed to his feet. “Why the fuck not?” Anger tinged his words, but I wasn’t afraid.

  I hugged my knees to my chest as I leaned back into the counter. “I can’t tell you why. I just can’t.”

  Liam ran a hand through his hair, pulling roughly on the ends. “We spend every day together for weeks, and you don’t even have the courtesy to share why you’re telling me to get the hell out of your life and not look back?”

  I threw my arms wide, frustration getting the best of me. “Because if even one picture of the two of us gets out there, he’ll kill me!”

  The room went wired. We both froze.

  Liam’s jaw was so tight, it was a wonder he didn’t crack a molar. “Who?” I’d never heard his voice sound like that. Ice-cold. Lethal. I never would have thought he had it in him. But he did.

  I pressed my back harder against the counter, wanting distance between me and that cold rage.

  Liam squeezed his eyes closed as if in pain. His hands flexed and clenched, over and over until he seemed to get himself under control. “I’m not mad at you, Tessa.” His eyes flared open. “I want to gut whoever has made you live your life in a constant state of fear.”

  The tension between my shoulder blades released ever so slightly. “He’s not worth it.”

  Liam shifted towards me, easing himself onto the floor. He sat next to me, not touching but close. “Who is he?”

  I might as well go for broke now. “My ex-fiancé.”

  Liam’s body locked. “Was he abusive?” He didn’t look at me when he asked, just stared straight ahead as if sensing I wouldn’t be able to take it if he looked me in the eye.

  “Yes.” The word came out as a whisper on an exhale.

  Liam edged closer so that the side of his body pressed against mine. His jaw worked. “I’m so sorry, Tessa.” He blew out a harsh breath. “I want to tear this place apart right now. Demand his name and fucking destroy him.” He took a quick peek at me from the corner of his eye. “But I know that probably isn’t what you need.”

  Liam slowly reached over and gently laced his fingers with mine. My skin tingled as though a mini explosion of fireworks were going off in my hand. He pulled our clasped hands to his lips and kissed the back of mine. Liam’s mouth caused a riot of sensations. His lips, so incredibly soft, filled my body with warmth. But the stubble surrounding those lips sent delicious shivers up my arm.

  Liam dropped our joined hands in his lap. “I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. The last thing in the world I want is to make anything harder for you. So, tell me what you need. If it’s to leave you the he
ll alone, it might break something inside me, but I’ll do it.”

  An invisible fist squeezed my heart. Tears pricked at my eyes. “I don’t want you to leave me alone. But I can’t see a way out of this mess. I tried everything I could think of, and the only thing that worked was to cease to exist.”

  Liam dropped my hand, reaching around to pull me to him. “You’re not alone. Not anymore. You don’t have to figure this out by yourself.”

  My heart so badly wanted to believe that, to fall into what it meant to belong to someone in a healthy way. To belong to a family of someones. To Jensen. Walker. Taylor. The whole extended Cole family. And to Liam most of all.

  Liam squeezed my shoulder. “Tell me this. Did you report him?”

  I ground my teeth together. “I tried once. He’s got too many connections at every level of the system.”

  Liam’s hand flexed. “Fuck. From near here?” I opened my mouth to protest, but Liam waved a hand. “You don’t have to tell me where, just tell me if he lives near here.”

  I swallowed, my throat dry at the idea of sharing any details of my past. “No.”

  Liam trailed a hand up and down my arm. “If he’s not from around here, and hell, even if he was, I think Walker is your best bet.”

  I stiffened. “No. If my ex finds out certain people are helping me, he’ll do everything in his power to ruin them.”

  Liam squeezed my arm. “Walker’s a great cop. He signed up for that job for a reason. To serve and protect. He’s not gonna let some asswipe with connections run him off his job.”

  Liam didn’t know what Garrett could do, just how powerful he was. I wouldn’t put my friends at risk. “I can’t.” The words were a whisper.

  Liam brushed his lips against my temple. “Okay. I won’t press on that for now. Just think about it.” I nodded into his shoulder, soaking up his warmth. “What are we going to do about us? I don’t know what this is yet, but it’s something. I don’t want to lose it.”

  I shivered, and Liam pulled me tighter against him. “I don’t either.”