Beautifully Broken Life (The Sutter Lake Series Book 2)

by Catherine Cowles

  My gaze caught on Trouble in his climbing tree. The one Liam had spent way too much money on. The climbing tree he had put together. I glanced back at the computer. Closing my eyes, I took a few steadying breaths. Think before you do anything crazy.

  I walked back over to the computer and read the message again. If this person really knew who I was, wouldn’t they have said so? It would’ve driven their threat home. And if it was Garrett behind the message, he’d already be at my doorstep, wouldn’t he?

  I was done with Garrett stealing all the joy from my life. I wasn’t going to let the paranoia that he fueled destroy what I was building with Liam. I would simply delete the accounts and stop messaging people. I would find another way to nail Garrett for what he did. I just hoped I could do it without him finding me.

  28

  Liam

  I let out what sounded like a cross between a curse, a groan, and a yell. My frustration had reached new limits. After my tease of getting a little bit of my music back, it was all the more aggravating when I hit what felt like a brick wall. The song was at a stalemate.

  I didn’t know if it was dealing with all the lawyer stuff that I had made it come to a halt, or if I had simply lost my touch. The latter had me rubbing a spot on my sternum that had begun to burn. I glanced at my phone. Only an hour before I could head to meet Tessa.

  She’d become my peace lately. The one place the music flowed without frustration. Something about being around her just…how had she put it last night? Eased me. Even when I wasn’t able to weave all the threads of a song together, I didn’t hit this kind of wall. I didn’t doubt if I’d be able to make an album again, I just kept playing until I found another piece of the puzzle to put into place.

  I stood from the couch, rolling my shoulders back, attempting to relieve some of the tension that had settled there. My phone buzzed. Swiping it off the table, I tapped the screen. “What’s the word, Jim?”

  Jim’s no-nonsense tone cut across the line. “How bad do you want out of this contract?”

  I began to pace. “Pretty fucking bad.”

  “They aren’t going to make this easy.”

  Of course, they weren’t going to make it easy. The last thing in the world my label wanted was their cash cow leaving. “Can you make it happen?”

  Papers shuffled in the background. “I can. But it’s going to cost.”

  I dragged a hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. “I knew that going in.”

  “All right. As long as you understand that and that this means you’ll be burning a lot of bridges in the process.”

  I slid open the door to the back deck, inhaling the fresh, pine-scented air. “I’m done, Jim. I don’t want that life anymore. I want to make music on my terms. No one else’s.”

  “That’s going to be a challenge with all the resources you’re cutting off.” He was silent for a moment. “But I know if anyone can do it, it’s you.”

  “Thanks, man.” I leaned against the deck’s railing, staring out at the fields and forests before me. “I signed all the papers you sent over but let me know if you need anything else.”

  “Will do. I’ll keep you updated.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Goodbye.” With that, my lawyer ended the call.

  It was official. I was leaving my label. Or trying to. I watched as a hawk dipped and rolled, keeping an eye out for an early dinner. I couldn’t wait to be truly free.

  I checked the time. Fuck it, who cared if I was early. I needed to hold Tessa in my arms, inhale her scent, feel my peace.

  I HOPPED out of my SUV, my eyes on nothing but Tessa. She was breathtaking as she broke apart a bale of hay for the herd surrounding her. Her long braid swung as she worked. Her cheeks were pink from the wind. Her eyes—shit. Her eyes that usually held a sparkle around these creatures were dull. Worried.

  I quickened my pace, ducking between rails in the fence. She tossed the last of the hay on the ground and turned to face me, forcing a smile. I took her face in my hand. “What’s wrong?”

  Tessa opened her mouth to speak, a denial most likely on her lips, and then shut it again. She let her head fall to my chest, her arms wrapping around my waist. My arms encircled her. Tessa sighed against my pec. “I need to tell you something.”

  I fought my muscles’ urge to tense. “All right.”

  Tessa straightened. “Let’s go sit on the boulder.” I nodded, and we made our way over to the rock. Once settled, Tessa began toying with the fraying hem of her jeans. “The missing girl. The one you saw me looking up online. She’s someone my ex used to date.”

  I said nothing, sensing that Tessa needed to do this at her own pace. She pushed on. “She went missing in college, not long after reporting my ex to the campus police for domestic abuse.” My entire body locked.

  Tessa stared out at the field in front of her. “Once I made it to Sutter Lake and settled in, I started searching, hunting for any information that might help me make a stand against him. I was hoping I might find an ex who’d be willing to go to the police with me. That if there was more than just me reporting it, they’d have to believe me.”

  Tessa glanced in my direction, and I did my best to keep the rage and fear off my face. “That day I ran into you outside the library in Pine Ridge, I’d just learned that she was missing. Presumed dead.”

  My teeth ground together, but I didn’t speak. Tessa looked down at her boots. “Today, when I signed in to a fake social media account, I had a message. It said if I didn’t stop asking questions, I’d end up like Bethany.”

  I couldn’t stay silent anymore. “Tessa, we have to take this to Walker. He’ll believe you.”

  Tessa shook her head, a look of deep sadness and almost exhaustion filling her eyes. “I know he would. But it’s not that simple. Walker can’t prosecute my ex. We’re not in the same state. And my ex has an alibi for the weekend Bethany went missing.”

  I reached out, cupping the back of Tessa’s neck. Her skin was so smooth, her hair so soft. “We have to try. He can get someone to look into that account.”

  She placed a palm on my chest. “Liam, there’s nothing to find. No photo. The name was John Doe.” Anger flickered in her expression. “My ex is a lot of things, but he isn’t stupid. He wouldn’t leave any trace. And trust me, if he knew it was me, if he knew where I was, I wouldn’t be getting anonymous messages.”

  I pulled her to me, soaking up her warmth, her scent. “Nothing can happen to you.”

  “It won’t.”

  I held her closer. “Promise me you’ll stop looking into this. Or you’ll let me hire someone to do it for you.”

  Tessa pushed off me, eyes wide. “You can’t hire anyone.” She pushed wisps of hair back from her face. “I thought of doing that myself, but it’s too risky. My ex has too much power. He could get to anyone you might hire, flip them, get them to tell him information about you. About me.”

  “Okay, okay.” I pulled her back to me. “I won’t. But you can’t keep looking into this on your own either. Promise me.”

  She sighed against my chest. “I promise. I just want this to be over. I want to be free of him forever.”

  I kissed the top of her head. “We’ll figure something out. Together.”

  29

  Tessa

  M y heart pounded and chest heaved, sweat dripped down the side of my face. Next to being with the horses or getting lost in my art, this was the best feeling in the world. I pulled the boxing gloves from my hands and grinned up at Liam.

  He tossed me a towel. “Your right hook is looking deadly.”

  My grin turned into a smile as I wiped off my brow. I’d been working on the plan that Liam’s friend had put together for a few weeks now, and I was already feeling stronger in every sense of the word. There was something incredible about taking out all my frustrations on the heavy bag, about learning how to truly defend myself. I loved it. I was freaking addicted.

  Liam tugged on the hem of my tank, pulling me
flush against him. My body heated a bit more. “You’re a total badass.” He leaned in, taking my mouth in a slow kiss that ratcheted up the fire in my belly a few degrees. My breasts pressed into Liam’s chest, and he groaned, pulling away.

  We’d settled into a routine of sorts. Liam would help me with the horses each afternoon, we’d hang in the pasture—me sketching, him strumming his guitar. Then we’d run through a workout in his home gym before heading back to my apartment where I’d cook us dinner, and we’d play with Trouble.

  Liam spent every night with me now, and the touches and caresses had continued. He would stroke me to orgasm but refuse to let me return the favor. It was as though he sensed I wasn’t quite ready to take things further. But lying close to Liam every night, feeling his body pressed up against mine, was driving me mad.

  I deepened the kiss. My tongue dueling with Liam’s. I felt him harden against me, and I wanted to moan.

  Liam pulled back with a gasp. “You’re going to kill me.” His expression softened. “But it’d be a hell of a way to go.”

  I opened my mouth, ready to say the words that I knew Liam needed to hear, that I wanted more, that I was ready for all of him. Fear swept through me, stealing the things I so badly wanted to say. It wasn’t that I was scared that Liam would hurt me, I was terrified that I wouldn’t be any good at sex with an equal partner, with someone who wasn’t trying to overpower me, someone who got off on my powerlessness.

  I balled up my fists in frustration. Maybe I needed some more time with the punching bag. I let out a long breath.

  Liam tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “What’s wrong?” He always knew when something was going on, his gaze unbelievably perceptive, taking in every micro-expression and movement.

  “I want more. But something keeps holding me back from asking for it.” My hands clenched tighter.

  Liam wrapped his arms around me, and my own followed suit around him. “We have all the time in the world. You’ll know when you’re ready.”

  I let out an aggravated growl. “I want to be ready now. I feel like I’m about to combust.” Liam chuckled, the sound sending vibrations through me. “That’s not helping.”

  He only laughed harder. “I’m just glad I’m not the only one.”

  I sighed. “You’re definitely not the only one.” I tipped up my chin so that it rested on his sternum. We were both sweaty and gross, and there was nowhere I’d rather be. I stared into Liam’s hazel eyes, trying to beam all the thoughts I wasn’t quite ready to say out loud to him.

  He brushed his lips against my temple, the spot that always sent delicious shivers down my spine, and then released me. “Come on, we need to grab showers if we don’t want to be late for dinner at the Coles’.”

  My stomach flipped. Liam and I were still keeping a low profile in public, but our friends had slowly begun to realize that something was going on between us. Jensen would waggle her eyebrows at me every time Liam came into the Kettle, but she hadn’t outright said anything after the night that Liam had brought me ice cream. I knew that time was coming to an end.

  Tonight, we were going to dinner at the Cole Ranch. We were arriving together, and Liam had already made it clear that he wasn’t shy about showing his affections when no one would be able to snap a picture.

  I picked up my boxing gloves that I’d let fall to the mat. “Are you sure about this?”

  Liam studied my face. “What’s got you nervous?”

  I pressed my lips together before speaking. “I just want to make sure you’re ready for everyone to know.”

  Liam wrapped me in another hug and whispered in my ear, “I wish the entire world could know that I have somehow conned the most beautiful, badass girl in the world to agree to be mine. But since that’s impossible right now, I’ll settle for telling our friends.”

  He kissed my temple again. “They’ll understand that we’re keeping a low profile in public because we don’t want any press attention. They won’t need another reason.”

  My muscles relaxed at his reassurance. I hadn’t realized how nervous I was about everything until that moment. I stretched up on my tiptoes, brushing my lips against his stubbled cheek. “You’re pretty great, you know that?”

  Liam chuckled. “Don’t tell me that too often, I’m liable to get cocky.”

  I ducked under Liam’s embrace and pulled his arm behind his back in one of the holds he’d shown me. “Can’t have that now.”

  Liam groaned. “Should’ve never given you the tools to kick my ass.”

  I released his arm. “It really wasn’t the wisest decision.”

  Liam moved with a speed I’d had no idea he possessed. In a matter of seconds, he’d swept my legs out from under me and taken me down to the mat with a gentle thud, his body covering mine. He kissed me, long and deep. His tongue slipped between my lips, stroking my own in a tempo that sent fire licking through my veins.

  The kiss was over far too soon. And as Liam retreated, he nipped my bottom lip. “Gotta keep you on your toes.” He winked and pulled me to my feet, but the daze he’d left me in remained until the cold water of my shower snapped me back to reality. This man was going to be the death of me.

  WE PULLED to a stop outside the Cole family’s ranch house. I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. Liam pulled my hand up to his mouth, pressing his lips to my fingers. “Everything’s going to be fine. And if it gets to be too much, just squeeze my hand three times, and I’ll make an excuse for why we have to leave.”

  I nodded. “Okay.”

  Liam’s gaze met mine. “Everyone in there loves you.”

  My heart warmed. He was right. The people in that house only wanted the best for me. This would be fine. “Let’s go.”

  Liam gave me a quick kiss. “That’s my girl.” He exited the SUV, and by now I knew to stay put. The man got all scowly if I didn’t let him open my door.

  I took the hand Liam offered and slid from the vehicle. He linked his fingers with mine, and I soaked in their reassuring pressure. When we reached the bottom of the porch steps, the front door flew open, and Jensen stood there, a massive grin on her face. “I knew it!”

  I couldn’t help the smile that stretched my face. Liam kept hold of my hand and led me up the stairs. “Hello, to you, too, Jensen.”

  Jensen waved a hand in the air. “Yeah, yeah, nice to see you, Hollywood. Now, release my friend so I can take her to the kitchen and get every single detail about how this all came to be.”

  Liam looked down at me, checking to see if I needed him to run interference. I shook my head and reached up to brush my lips against his cheek. “I’ll be fine.”

  He kissed my temple and let me go. “Take good care of my girl, Little J.”

  Jensen scowled at the use of the nickname. “You two are so cute I could puke.”

  Liam chuckled and headed for the huddle of men in the living room, while Jensen linked her arm with mine and led me to the kitchen. Sarah was bustling about, making last-minute preparations, while Irma and Taylor sat in their usual spots sipping wine.

  Jensen cleared her throat before anyone could say anything. “Ladies, I need you all to know that Miss Tessa just arrived with a certain musician, and they were holding hands.” My cheeks began to heat as everyone turned to stare at me.

  Irma raised her half-full glass. “What did I tell you? Are you finally going to believe I have a psychic gift now? I could use a little more respect around here.”

  Sarah shook her head and then looked at me. “You couldn’t have picked someone else to date? We’ll never hear the end of it now.”

  Irma huffed. “Zero respect, I tell you.”

  I laughed. “Well, I’m kind of partial to that one.” I jerked a thumb in the direction of the living room.

  Sarah hummed. “He is rather handsome.”

  Taylor patted the stool next to her. “Come, sit. I want to hear everything you’re willing to share.” Her nose scrunched. “Well, not the sexy stuff. That’d just be weird beca
use Liam is like my brother.”

  Irma leaned forward on her stool. “Ignore her. I want all the dirty details.”

  “Mother,” Sarah chided.

  Irma shrugged. “I’m old, I’m not dead. And that man has an ass that doesn’t quit.”

  My mouth fell open. There was a three-count of silence and then we all dissolved into laughter. Warmth spread through my body. I realized that this is what it was like to let yourself belong. To ease up on your guard enough to let people in. It was the best feeling in the world.

  30

  Liam

  “Y ou seem happy.”

  I shifted my gaze from the view off my back deck and turned towards Taylor. “I am.” I loved coming out here each day to watch the way the morning sun painted the fields. Loved working on music out here. Sutter Lake was good for me. Tessa was good for me.

  Taylor grinned into her mug of coffee. “Don’t overwhelm me with words.”

  I chuckled. “Tessa makes me happy.”

  Taylor’s grin widened. “I’m so glad. For both of you.”

  I sobered slightly. “I don’t know that I deserve her, but I’m going to do everything in my power to keep her.”

  My statement did nothing to dull Taylor’s smile. “It’s good you feel that way, it means you’ll treat Tessa right.”

  I took a sip of my coffee. “I’ll do my best.”

  Taylor studied me. “How does she feel about the fame factor?”

  I stiffened. “Tessa doesn’t need that kind of attention right now, so we’re keeping things as low-key as possible in public.”

  Little lines of worry creased Taylor’s face. “You know that can’t last forever, right? She’s going to have to deal with it at some point.”

  “Tessa doesn’t have to deal with anything she doesn’t want to.” The words came out harsher than I would have liked. My instinct was to defend Tessa, even to one of my best friends. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. But you don’t know the whole story.”