Signs of Love

by Skye, Harper

  She was pointing to the bear, but Zach had collapsed his face against the back of her head. His wide hands weighing down on her shoulders. Ailsa could hear from his breathing that he was struggling to calm himself, and she immediately turned into him. He didn’t raise his head, and Ailsa brought her arms around his neck and held his head in the crook of her neck.

  “It’s fine,” Zach said. “I just thought…” He raised himself up to his full height, lifting himself away from Ailsa as he did so.

  “You thought I’d left,” Ailsa finished. “I’m sorry. I should have…”

  “Don’t be sorry.” He shook his head. And then his gaze moved beyond her, over her shoulder and out the window, and Zach caught sight of the bear. “Ah!” He said, understanding what she had called him over for. “Well look at that!”

  “It’s a bear!” Ailsa breathed, still unable to quite believe it.

  Zach laughed. It was a soft laugh that came from his belly, and it was such a good sound for Ailsa to hear. “It’s your bear, in fact.”

  Ailsa turned back to look at him, her eyes narrowing with confusion. She hadn’t told Zach about her dreams. She hadn’t even told him about the reason she had gotten on the plane to come back to Alaska in the first place. “What do you mean, my bear?”

  “That’s Ailsa’s Bear. Ailsa Bear. I named her after you. Or, I guess after the bear we saw together last summer.” Zach brought a hand around Ailsa’s waist pulling her against his back tenderly. “I used to see her all the time last autumn, but haven’t seen her since she went to sleep for the winter. What are the chances…” He finished, his voice filling with the sense of strange awe that Ailsa also felt echoing in her own heart.

  “You named her Ailsa’s Bear?” Ailsa’s blue eyes were wide. The power of intuition beat a rhythm deep inside of her. And she recognized it.

  “Don’t laugh. I was feeling sentimental…”

  “I’m not laughing,” Ailsa replied. But then she realized she was. She was laughing softly into herself. At the strange, unpredictable language of the universe.

  They stood together for another moment, watching as the black bear meandered down towards the edge of the tree line and then moved back in amongst the trees. “That is my bear,” Ailsa whispered. She turned back towards Zach. “I’ve been having this dream about a bear. Ever since I left Alaska last summer. The same black bear with these eyes that stare into me. I know it sounds silly, but it’s not just a dream. There is something in it. Some bigger meaning. And I’ve been trying to figure out what it is.”

  She sighed.

  “Come sit down in the kitchen,” Zach said, wrapping his arm around her shoulders. “I need some coffee and you can tell me more.”

  The bright midday light poured through the windows filling the cabin with an optimistic atmosphere, and Ailsa sat quietly for a minute as she watched Zach fill the coffee machine with water and coffee grounds, his large thumb flicking the switch to brew. “Now, tell me about this bear,” Zach said at last, folding his large wide hands and looking over at her across the kitchen counter to where she sat on a raised stool.

  “Well,” she began, frowning as she glanced out the window and over the wild land to where the mountains rose up in the distance. “I used to feel a lot of connections with animals and nature. I guess, what people might think of as omens. Signs from the universe. I got really into it, recognising my intuition when one of these signs would appear. Trusting it enough to follow it. It’s why I got this tattoo.” Ailsa looked down, rubbing her left thumb against the back of her hand where the Viking rune for Destiny stood out from her pale skin.

  Zach reached across the table, taking her hand in his and examining the rune. His calloused thumbs brushed across it, and a tingle raced up Ailsa’s spine. It was as if Zach had felt it too, and he looked up at her, their eyes meeting in the energy of this brief touch. Then he released her hand and turned to pour the dark coffee into two mugs.

  “And I’ve been having this dream about a bear. Every time I have the dream, I feel the bear is trying to tell me something,” Ailsa nodded. “But I don’t understand. And…” She paused, reconnecting with the sad underbelly of this dream. “It is the first time I’ve felt anything like this since…” Ailsa swallowed.

  “When did you have the accident?” Zach asked, guessing what she had meant.

  “Four years ago. My last year at university.” She bit her lip. “Since then, it’s like the world just shut off. I couldn’t feel anything. Couldn’t connect with anything. I wanted to…” She added, looking over at him as he stood cradling his mug in both hands.

  “But everything just feels dark. Flat. Remote. I don’t know, I can’t describe it.”

  Zach nodded and she continued. “When I got back to Scotland last summer I started having these dreams. I’d come across a bear in the woods. That was all. I’d see the bear, and it would stand up and look at me. I was never frightened. I knew the bear wouldn’t hurt me. And then I’d wake up.” Ailsa brought the steaming mug to her lips and sipped the bitter coffee gratefully.

  “I don’t know why, Zach. It doesn’t make any sense. But it just feels like, if I can figure out what this bear is trying to tell me, I’ll understand why I’m still here. Why I’m alive. Why I didn’t die in that accident. And what I’m supposed to do with my life to make it worth that.”

  “Is that why you came back to Alaska?” Zach asked after a moment.

  She looked at him, trying to decide what she should say. She had already hurt him so much this morning with her threats to leave. How could she say — yes, she had come to Alaska for the bear. Not to find him. She wondered now whether that was even true.

  Zach shook his head. “Never mind.” He brought his mug up to his face, and Ailsa knew he was trying to disguise his feelings.

  “Zach…” She reached her hands out to him across the kitchen island.

  “Yeah…” Almost reluctantly, he put down his mug and gave over both his hands.

  “Whatever reason brought me back here…” Ailsa said softly, trying to hold his gaze with her eyes, “I’m glad I found you again.”

  He looked at her. And then he wrapped his hands around hers and brought them to his rough mouth and kissed them.

  “Let’s get some breakfast going,” he said, trying to change the subject. “I’m starving.”

  “Do you have to go to work today?”

  He hadn’t expected this question, and he looked over at her with a slight frown on his face, as if he was deciding whether to be angry. Ailsa felt something tighten inside her as he came around the side of the kitchen towards her.

  “Ailsa…”

  From where she sat on the bar stool, he towered over her. But his gaze was gentle and his hands reached up to wrap both sides of her face. “You need to understand something that I think you’ve missed.” He paused, and she looked up at his warm brown eyes, his scruffy rugged face, his tousled hair.

  “I am completely in love with you.” He paused, his expression intensifying as he looked at her. “This massive thing has just happened between us. And for you. Literally, there is nothing on this earth that would compel me to leave your side right now.”

  He stood before her solid like a tree, rooted into the ground, sure and strong and unwavering. Ailsa could feel tears welling up in her eyes as she felt the power of him. She had never felt more held, more safe. For that moment, it seemed like nothing could touch her. She was safe. And she was free.

  She reached out and brought a handful of his teeshirt into her fist, pulling Zach down towards her. And although the words of her own love for him still felt locked inside, she tried to tell him with her mouth, with her kiss, that she felt the same, and that she would try her best to let him love her and to love him in return.

  Chapter 28

  Ailsa stood on top of the ridge looking out across the wide open land. The wind blew against her face, pulling strands of her long hair out of the knot she had tied at the nape of her neck. In the dist
ance the mountains rose up with uncompromising strength and power. White-capped all year round, Ailsa could feel an echo of that beauty and strength within her, and she stood soaking it in, completely captivated by the majesty of the natural world.

  The trail had been a challenging climb. They had started off on a gradual incline through the alpine forest, and Ailsa had been amazed at how quickly Alaska had transformed from what had seemed the edges of spring to almost full summer with moss and lichen growing across the rocky terrain and wildflowers enthusiastically popping out of the ground. Quickly the elevation had increased, and the path had wound up makeshift steps that led higher up the ridge.

  It had been a good hike to Wickersham Dome, and as Zach had promised, the dramatic views were worth every step. Ailsa took a deep breath of the cool breeze that flowed up over the ridge. It was one of those moments when everything felt right. The sun, the beautiful world around her, the man by her side.

  Zach took another swig from his water bottle and offered it to Ailsa. “Well, you were right,” Ailsa said, nodding her head in the direction of the mountains. “This view is amazing.”

  She thought about the conversation she had had with her mother earlier that morning. “You sound happy,” her mother had commented, and Ailsa could only agree. She had been happier over the past few weeks with Zach than she could remember. Zach was so easy to be around. There were times when he was quiet, but he was always quick to laugh and a new energy seemed to fill him that filtered into Ailsa. Or maybe it was the other way around.

  The previous night they had been cooking dinner together, chopping vegetables, weaving their arms around each other’s waists, laughing and kissing and drinking red wine. “Let’s go have an adventure,” Zach had suggested suddenly. “I’ve worked enough this week. The sun’s shining. Let’s go out and see some mountains.”

  “I can see mountains from here,” Ailsa laughed at his enthusiastic grin.

  “I mean different mountains.” He had wound his fork through the spaghetti and tested it. “Yep, this is done.”

  So they had packed a lunch and laced up their hiking boots and driven north to Summit Trail. The views of the White Mountains had been worth the trip.

  Zach pulled his pack off his broad back and gestured towards some rocks. “How ‘bout over there?” He suggested.

  Ailsa could feel her stomach growling. It was definitely time to eat. She eased herself down next to Zach and leaned her back against the sun-warmed rock, reaching out to accept the sandwich Zach passed her from the pack. “Mmmmm, this is good,” she commented with her mouth still full.

  Zach looked over at her and laughed. “Yeah, I know. I made it!” His brown eyes twinkled. It was like that every time he looked at her, as if he found her infinitely interesting and funny. How she deserved that, Ailsa didn’t know. But she was getting tired of asking herself that question. And since their huge blow up when she had finally told him everything — the truth about her past, the way she felt about the accident, her dreams about the bear — it seemed that something had shifted between them. He hadn’t made her feel like she must instantly heal. He had understood the importance of the bear. And she had begun to trust him, deep down, in a way she didn’t trust anyone.

  There was something different in him too, she knew. Knowing that she had finally chosen to share her secrets with him had given Zach a new level of confidence. He could handle anything, as long as he knew what he was dealing with, as long as he knew the truth. And Ailsa could sense that something in him had loosened up. He was relaxing into her, when they walked together, when they sat together by the fire or watched tv, when they made love. A hesitancy she hadn’t even noticed had disappeared, and she now saw it by its absence in him. He moved now as if they belonged together. And maybe they did, Ailsa thought looking over at Zach where he sat leaning his back against the rock, his knees loosely bent, his face tipping towards the sky.

  After lunch they stood for awhile looking at the view over the valley to where the White Mountains rose up. It was the same feeling Ailsa got when she looked out towards the horizon, the vast open space echoing inside her with an indescribable recognition.

  “We’d better start back,” Zach said at last, touching his wide hand to her waist and grazing the skin under her shirt. Ailsa’s whole body tingled at his touch. “Okay,” she nodded, reluctant to leave the beautiful view from the Dome behind and descend back down towards earth.

  As they turned their boots back down the trail, Ailsa’s eyes wandered over to the place where the trail continued in the opposite direction. “Have you ever kept going?” She asked.

  “Further out?” He nodded his head back towards Summit Trail as it wound further into the Alaskan wilderness. “Yep, I’ve camped out there quite a few times. We’ll go sometime.”

  “I’d love that,” Ailsa smiled. But then she felt a knot in her stomach, and she remembered the way her mother had hesitated during their phone call. When do you think you’ll be coming home? Would she be able to wild camp with Zach sometime? Would she still be here? There was an undeniable fact they were both still ignoring. She was British. He was American. And although she had gotten an extended visa that would allow her a whole six months on U.S. soil, she had never intended to stay that long.

  “What is it?” Zach asked noticing her frown. His strong athletic legs strode easily down the rocky slope of the trail.

  “Nothing…” Ailsa hesitated. “I just really hope that happens.”

  “Of course it will…” Zach began, but then he caught the thread of Ailsa’s meaning and stopped speaking. His brown eyes narrowed in concentration, and Ailsa watched as he brought his hand across his rough chin.

  She wanted to say more. She wanted to pour out her worries to him. She wanted to say — even if it’s what I wanted, they won’t let me stay in the U.S. forever. But something held her back, and she watched him out of the corner of her eye.

  “We’ll figure something out,” Zach said at last looking over at her. But Ailsa could hear the uncertainty in his voice.

  She dug her hands into her pockets and put one foot in front of the other, looking down at her feet and then away towards the colorful lichen and moss that covered the rocks at the side of the path.

  “Come here, babe,” Zach reached out and swung his arm around her shoulders. “It will be okay.” He squeezed her against him, and it was hard to doubt it in that moment when the landscape spread out wild and beautiful all around them, when the sun shone against the crowns of their heads, and when Ailsa felt Zach’s solid chest so close to her heart.

  But she still did.

  Chapter 29

  “Can you show me how to make something in your workshop?” Ailsa had rolled onto her stomach on the bed and reached one arm across Zach’s chest. Zach cracked a sleepy eye and peered into her face. Ailsa’s light brown hair fell in waves across her shoulders and whispered across his thick forearm as he lay still half-asleep. Her blue eyes looked back at him like the unwavering sky.

  “Really?” Zach grunted, shifting to bring her into the crook of his right arm. He closed his eyes again, running his wide hand up and down her back.

  “Yeah really. I want to make something. A chair or a table or something…”

  A low chuckle rose up from Zach’s chest. “Let’s start with a table.”

  “Whatever, I don’t mind.” Ailsa reached down and pressed her mouth against his scruffy face. He was incredibly handsome. Pretty much all of the time, but especially now with his face full of sleep and the muscles of his chest and arms encircling her and the warm smell of him surrounding her.

  Zach had been at work for the past three days trying to finish a sunroom he and Seb had started before she had turned up at the bar in Fairbanks. The last thing he probably wanted to do was go back and work on more wood. But Ailsa was bored. She needed something to do besides play her fiddle and attempt to write articles for online nature and outdoor blogs and wander about his workshop fingering bits of wood. She wa
nted to make something that she could hold in her hands. And she knew she wouldn’t have to try very hard to convince him. Her bare legs eased against his beneath the sheet, and she ran her fingers up the side of his chest. Zach made a soft sound and cracked one eye again.

  “Please…” She knew she wasn’t doing a very good job hiding the cheeky grin that kept pulling at the corners of her wide mouth.

  She moved her knee up along his inner thigh suggestively, shifting her weight slightly more onto his chest. She could feel Zach flex his hand in response to her and another soft sound moved out of him. It sounded like the sigh of the wind.

  “Please…show me how to use your tools in the workshop so I can make a table…”

  “Ugh….” Zach’s face broke into a smile and suddenly his arms had wrapped around her waist and he had flipped her onto her back and was on top of her. “Damn it, you’re irresistible. How will I ever say no to you?”

  Ailsa ran her fingers up his arms to where his triceps stood out through his skin. “I know…” she smiled seductively, softening her voice. “It’s going to be a real problem for you…”

  She reached up into the crook of his neck and ran her tongue lightly along the back of his ear and then nipped at his neck, smiling to herself as she heard Zach groan. She loved the way she could make him feel. Sexy and loved. Strong as he moved against her. Weak as she brought herself on top of him and he succumbed to her body.

  “What a fucking problem to have!” Zach crushed his mouth against hers, his hands moving with purpose along her body, up under her teeshirt where her breasts lay cool and open to his hand. Ailsa arched her back as she felt her mind begin to buzz. “So that’s a yes…” she breathed.