Ember

by Emma Renshaw

  “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  “I don’t want to worry you, but I have a fever. My doctor said to get to a hospital if a fever occurs. I’m not feeling well and need help getting there.”

  “I’m on my way,” I said and closed the cabinet door. Delilah rushed to my side.

  “Let’s get going.”

  She turned to Ms. Young, who was already rising from the table. Tuck still sat on the chair, looking scared, and I crossed the room to him as Ms. Young spoke. “Leave Tuck with me and I can drop him by your mom’s later, Delilah. Y’all get going, let me know what’s happening.”

  “The fridge.” Delilah gestured over her shoulder. “I’m so so—”

  She cut her off. “Don’t fret about it. It’ll be easy to put back, and I’ll give Tuck one dollar for every item.”

  I knelt in front of Tucker. “We’ll be back, okay?”

  “Is your mom going to be okay?”

  I swallowed past the fear rising in my throat. “I hope so, bud. She’s got some really amazing doctors.”

  He reached out and wound his arms around my neck. I hugged him back, rubbing my hand up and down his back. “It’ll be okay.”

  Delilah did the same after Tuck released me; then she led us outside, grabbing the keys from my hands. “I’ll drive so we can get your mom more easily. When you go to grab her, I’ll make sure the back seat is ready and then I’ll drop y’all at the emergency exit.”

  Three little words I couldn’t believe popped into my mind. I couldn’t say them. Not right now. I needed her by my side through this, and I knew she’d stay there. I slid into the passenger’s seat and grabbed her hand as soon as she backed out of the driveway. I planted a kiss there and released it as she raced down the street, going over the speed limit to make it to my mom.

  I was out of the car and sprinting up to her house before Delilah could put it in park. True to her word, when I made it back outside—half-carrying Mom, with her medical bag slung over the other shoulder—Delilah had both our doors open and was back in the driver’s seat, ready to go.

  “What happened?” I asked Mom on the way to the hospital.

  “It started as the normal nausea, but then I got very dizzy and felt feverish. I started coughing and haven’t been able to stop.”

  Just as she finished speaking, she started coughing so hard I was worried her lung would come up. I glanced at Delilah, who met my eyes. It’s going to be okay, she mouthed.

  I closed my eyes and counted the seconds until we arrived. I jumped out of the car before it had come to a complete stop and threw open the back door, gathering my petite mother in my arms and racing inside.

  I glanced back at Delilah.

  “I’ll be right in, I promise. Go.”

  I nodded and ran straight to the registration desk. “My mom has a fever. She’s going through chemotherapy for ovarian cancer. She’s coughing and pale.”

  The nurse rose from the station and brought a wheelchair around the desk with her. “Okay, sir, I’ll need some more information from you and we’ll get her back straightaway.”

  Another nurse stepped forward and started rolling the wheelchair as soon as I placed my mother in it. Her head was leaning to the side, and her eyes were closed. Her eyes opened, but it was as if her lids were too heavy to handle. “Where are you taking her?”

  “We’re taking her to an exam room. If you could fill out some information while we do our initial exam, we’ll get you right back with her.”

  Pounding footsteps sounded behind me a moment before Delilah’s hand landed on my back. “What’s going on?”

  “I’ll be right there, Mom.”

  She nodded and I grabbed the clipboard from the nurse. “I need to fill these out.” I grabbed Delilah’s hand for reassurance, and we sat in the closest seats.

  “I can see her from here. I’ll keep an eye on her while you fill them out,” Delilah said.

  My heart squeezed and those little words roared to life inside my veins. My entire being was begging me to tell her how I felt, how this would be impossible without her. Instead, I filled in the spaces on the forms, one by one, as Delilah kept me updated on everything they were doing.

  “I’ve never seen her look so sick before,” I whispered. I put my shaking hand over my face and took a deep breath. My entire world felt like it was going to crumble. I was straining to hold the pieces together, but it felt like a losing battle.

  Delilah rubbed my back and pressed a kiss against my temple. It was everything knowing she was there.

  “Can you promise me something?” I asked.

  “Anything.”

  “During the season, if I’m on a road trip, will you help her?”

  “Yes, no matter what.”

  I nodded. A part of my brain snagged on the “no matter what” and wondered if she thought our relationship wouldn’t continue, but I couldn’t process that right now.

  “I’ll do anything I can to help her. No matter what,” she repeated.

  I shook my head, clearing those thoughts from my mind. “I know she has cancer, but she’d been doing well. She’d lost weight and stuff, but she was doing okay. I’ve never seen her look like that.”

  “I know,” Delilah whispered. “Are you almost done with the forms?”

  I nodded and stood, holding out my hand for her. She grabbed the bag from the floor and hooked it over her shoulder, and together we strolled toward my mother.

  Her eyes opened and she spotted us walking toward her. A ghost of a smile graced her lips. She’d always wanted to see me settled and happy with someone. Someone who made me as happy as my father had made her. She had to get better. I needed her here. I needed her to see everything life was going to give to me, to us.

  My jaw turned to granite. I wouldn’t think like that. She would be here. She’d be here for me. For Delilah. For Tuck. She’d be there if we got married. The image of Delilah in a gorgeous wedding dress with Tuck at her side popped into my mind and took the last bit of air in my lungs.

  My mind raced to the future, the World Series trophy.

  A baby with Delilah—a brother or sister for Tucker.

  My mom had to be there for all those moments.

  Every second felt like an hour as we waited for the doctor. I stood when he arrived. I wanted to pester him with questions before he began speaking, but I waited. He smiled at Mom.

  “How are you feeling, Jenna?”

  “I’m not going to win a marathon anytime soon.”

  I gritted my teeth in a cross between annoyance with the small talk and gratitude that, even looking as bad as she did, her sense of humor was still intact.

  “I’m going to admit you for the night to monitor you, but it seems as if you’ve caught a little cold. They’re harder to battle when your body is compromised by the chemo, but you’ll make a full recovery and will be back on your feet in no time.”

  I collapsed back into the chair. Delilah sat on my lap, hugging me close to her and whispering in my ear, “she’s okay. She’s going to be okay. You’re okay, handsome.”

  I clung to her as I reached out with my free hand and grabbed Mom’s. My head was resting against Delilah’s chest. The dull beeping of the machines kept me from slipping into a deep sleep, but I kept clinging to the woman who was becoming the center of my universe and holding the hand of the person that had been there for me every day throughout my life.

  31

  Gunner

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come? I’d like for you to be there.” I cradled the phone between my ear and shoulder. The hitch in Ms. Young’s voice tore at something in my chest, but I’d keep trying.

  Ms. Young had begun watching Tucker so Delilah could run errands. Sometimes Delilah didn’t really need to run errands, but since learning about Declan, she wanted to bring Ms. Young into our lives in any way she could. And Tuck brought a smile to anyone’s face. Ms. Young was even watching Rattler that evening because we’d be gone for the night. If she had ag
reed to go with us, we would’ve found other arrangements.

  “I’m sure,” Ms. Young said. “Congratulations, Gunner. Enjoy the day.” She hung up before I could reply. I ran a hand through the dark locks I’d tried to comb into submission. I’d been in front of the press before, but this was different. Delilah, Tuck, and Mom would be in the audience. It was a new team.

  Smooth, slender arms wrapped around my waist from behind. I laid my hands over hers and squeezed. Her breasts were pressed against my back, and every inch of her body was molded to some part of mine.

  “We’re ready,” Delilah said.

  I spun around, putting my arm around her. She melted into my side like she belonged there. She did belong there. Delilah had gotten around every defense I had up. I was defenseless against her.

  “How are you feeling, Mom?” I asked when we entered Delilah’s living room. She’d stayed at my cabin while I’d been at Delilah’s.

  Mom stopped packing her purse and sighed before standing and placing her hands on her hips. “Gunner, you listen here. I’m saying this one more time and then I’ve had it. I’m done after that.” She took a step toward me, leaning in to make sure I understood every word that was coming out of her mouth. “It was one cold. It was one day in the hospital. There is nothing getting me down today. I feel fine. No nausea.”

  “Woah,” Tucker whispered. “She looks like you, Mom.”

  Delilah chuckled and patted my back. A tiny smile played on her face as if she enjoyed this.

  “Today,” Mom continued, ignoring the others in the room, “cancer does not exist. Chemo does not exist. If you ask me how I’m feeling one more time, I’ll grind you up, make you into a ball, and pitch it to Tucker so he can knock you out of the park!”

  I pulled my ear. The last of her words had risen to an octave not meant for humans.

  “Alright,” I said. “I—” I started to explain myself but stopped when I caught her glare. I knew when to shut up. “Alright, let’s go.”

  Delilah locked up her house as we headed out. The luggage for the night was in the car. We would be staying in Austin; I’d booked a three-bedroom suite downtown. I had a night planned for the four of us—then some time with just Delilah while Mom watched Tucker.

  Tucker’s excitement escalated throughout the drive to Austin. “Look! There it is!” He pointed through the front windshield. He was leaning over the center console, straining his seat belt to its maximum capacity. The Austin Rattlers stadium was slowly rising in front of us as we inched along in traffic.

  Deep purple and silver banners waved from street lamps and flagpoles. The Texas flag and the United States flag flew high in the air, whipping in the wind. The stadium lights were off. As we edged closer, I made out the details on the old red brick archways. The history of the team and the state were carved into the stone.

  Playing for the home team is every child athlete’s dream. I couldn’t believe I would be living my dream, and the people in the car with me made it that much sweeter.

  Even with the cool air and blowing air conditioner, my brow broke out in a sweat. I glanced at the time. There was no telling how a new member of the team would be received. Every locker room was unique, with its own hierarchy, and finding your place wasn’t always easy and could make or break a career.

  I drove into the underground garage for players, employees, and families of the team. “This is where you’ll park when y’all come to games,” I said to Delilah.

  Her eyes widened at the row of fancy cars, mostly fast sports cars. Some were decked out in the colors of the team. “I don’t need a special place to park.”

  “Wives and girlfriends park with the players,” I said, raising her hand to kiss the back of it.

  “Mom,” Tucker hissed. “We need to park here. Look at these cars! What if we see players! Oh my god! Can we go to opening day? I’ll save all my allowance! I swear!”

  “We’ll have to see,” Delilah said.

  I squeezed her hand and turned toward her. “You’ll be at opening day.”

  She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off with another kiss on her hand and repeated myself. “You’ll be at opening day.”

  Delilah grinned and leaned across the console to lay her head on my shoulder and planted a kiss, which I felt through the fabric of my shirtsleeve.

  “Ew,” Tucker said. “Mom, you can’t act all lovey-dovey inside! You’ll embarrass Gunner.”

  I parked and turned in my seat. “I’ll always be proud to have your mom next to me and any time she kisses me, it’ll only make everyone wish they had what we do. She’d never embarrass me.”

  And she wouldn’t. I couldn’t be prouder walking into my new home stadium with her on my arm. She was beautiful and confident. And the long legs showcased under her red dress were tantalizing. I still wasn’t sure how she’d come like a fastball into my life and taken over every thought, but I never wanted her to leave.

  Tucker tilted his head, reminding me of Delilah, before he nodded. “You’re right. She’s the best.”

  “Damn right,” I said.

  We exited the car and strolled to the door. Delilah was next to me, holding my hand, and Tucker was on my other side. I laid a hand on his shoulder, and he walked right next to me, taller than I’d ever seen him. His eyes were darting around the underground garage like it was the holy grail, and he hadn’t even seen the good stuff yet. Mom was on Delilah’s other side, striding toward the doors, looking happy.

  “You have a lovely family.” Mr. Owings, the Rattlers’ general manager, shook my hand when the cameras were off and the press was exiting the room. The press conference had been the usual. I’d answered questions for the media, I’d put on my new uniform, and they’d taken photos. Photos I’d made Delilah, Tuck, and Mom join me for.

  Buttoning up the purple jersey with silver stitching had been surreal. Declan and I had gone to Rattlers games as kids, and we’d worn their name with pride, but I’d never truly thought I would be playing here.

  “Thank you.” I glanced over at them. Delilah was taking pictures of Tuck sitting at the table I’d just left. He was acting like he was talking into the microphone while wearing the jersey I’d requested for him. It was a replica of mine made in his size.

  “Zeke filled us in on the situation with your mom. I would like you to know the team’s resources are available to you for anything you need.”

  “I appreciate that. I needed to play closer to home. Thank you for making the offer to make it happen.”

  “You made that happen on your own. The grit and drive you possess is one we’re always interested in.” He clapped a hand on my shoulder. “Want to take a tour of your new home?”

  I grinned and looked over my shoulder. “Hey, Tuck. Want to check out the field?”

  His eyes widened and he slowly stood, pressing his hands down on the purple tablecloth in front of him. “I can go down to the field?”

  “I thought we could do some batting practice, test out how well we swing in the stadium.”

  “Hell yeah!” he shouted.

  “Tuck,” Delilah hissed and her cheeks turned red.

  Mr. Owings and I laughed as Tuck scrambled around the table and ran straight to me, crashing into my legs and calling over his shoulder, “Sorry, Mom!”

  Delilah and Tuck walked to the outfield on bare feet, laughing with each other. Mom stayed by my side as I strolled behind them, unable to take my eyes away. I’d imagined a lot of moments in my life happening inside a baseball stadium; everything I’d ever dreamed of was baseball-centric.

  I’d never been in a place in my life to imagine a wife and a son, but as my eyes stayed glued to the pair in front of me, I wanted them. I wanted them as mine, sitting in the stands cheering my name. There for every great game and there after every bad one.

  I wanted them next to me on the field when I held a World Series trophy above my head.

  I wanted to teach Tuck more baseball skills on a Major League field, somet
hing not many kids had the opportunity to do. Everything that mattered in my life was in the empty stadium, standing on bright green, freshly cut grass.

  “You love her,” Mom said. It wasn’t a question, just a simple truth. A simple matter of observation. If anyone knew me at all, it would only take one look to know what that woman meant to me. My life had been ruled by a 5.25-ounce white ball with 108 red stitches until Delilah Moreland won me over with nothing more than a plate of French toast.

  “I do. Tuck too,” I said. “I don’t…I don’t know when it happened.”

  “I’m not sure we ever know the moment we fall in love. It’s little things that add into big things that become all-consuming until it’s impossible to deny it. You don’t need to know the exact moment it happened, you’ll just have to fight like hell to hold on to the flame.”

  I’d battled fire before. It had left me scarred. The fire burning inside Delilah, the one that called to me, only gave warmth and left me craving more.

  Just as if she’d heard my thoughts about loving her, Delilah looked over her shoulder, making eye contact with me, and every nerve ending in my body flared to life as she smiled the smile that was reserved just for me, like we had a secret that was exclusively ours. She’d wrapped herself up in my soul, clinging to my heart, and was as vital as marrow, blood, oxygen, and baseball. She was a part of me and I’d never let her go.

  32

  Delilah

  Austin’s skyline glittered in the late-night sky. The elevator to the penthouse suite at the hotel was made of glass and faced the city. Gunner stood behind me, pressed against me, and kissed up the column of my neck. I tilted my head and brushed my hair to one side to give him easier access. The elevator was soundproof, and as we slowly rose to the top of the hotel, it was just us two in all of the world.

  It had been the perfect day. An all-consuming pride and lust had fueled me as I watched Gunner give his press conference and then show Tucker around every square inch of the stadium. They took batting practice on the field and played catch as Jenna and I sat in the dugout.