A Sea of Lies

by H Dillon Hunt

  “Well, in that case, you keep me alive.”

  ***

  I end up getting assigned the same barracks as Ryan. We form an unlikely acquaintance, quickly becoming each other’s right-hand man. He’s not a bad guy. A little unstable maybe, but he’s the closest friend I’ve got here.

  Its funny how we can see the world in black and white for so long, but circumstances force out the shades of gray we never would have noticed before.

  I never would have thought that Ryan was a bad guy, someone I could hate. Someone I thought I already did hate. You get to know the good side of a person and it makes it all the more difficult to accept the bad parts of them. Ryan was my friend, he was a good and loyal man who serves his country well and that I have trusted for months. But he’s also a horrible husband, and the reason I can’t be with the woman I love. The only thing is, I had no idea he was both of those people until I had known him for nearly a year.

  I walk into our room one night after dinner and I hear her voice.

  I thought I was dreaming for a minute. Dreaming about Aubree wouldn’t be anything new. But then Ryan looked up and saw me and rolled his eyes, gesturing to his computer with a bored expression.

  We had figured out after being here a few months that we’re from the same town. I told him I lived on Tybee and come to find out he lives just a few miles down the beach from me. You’d think with that information and his name I would have put two and two together. That despite how much I may like him now, he’s the same guy I hated just a few months ago. The same one that’s married to Bree.

  He looks back at his computer screen where he was skyping Aubree and cuts her off mid-sentence. “Look that’s fine. I don’t give a shit what’s in the papers, just have them ready for me to sign when I get back. I’ll be done here in two months.”

  Anger swells in me, fast and potent. “Don’t talk to your wife like that, asshole.”

  Ryan glances at me surprised and looks back at the computer.

  “Who was that?” I hear her soft voice again and it’s like music.

  “No one,” He mutters. “I’ll talk to you later, Bree.”

  He slams the laptop shut and stalks out of the room without meeting my gaze.

  Chapter 17

  Present

  Sam

  She is always running away from me.

  “Lydia, what are you doing?” I stare down at her after Bree takes off. I try to keep my voice even so that my impatience to go after Bree doesn’t break through in my tone.

  “What are you talking about?” She asks innocently, batting thick eyelashes at me.

  “Lydia, I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I say in a low voice. “Whatever was going on between us is over. It never even began.”

  She juts out her bottom lip and takes a step closer. “Well, that’s because you never let us begin.” She smiles, stroking my chest. “We could be good together, Sam. We’re from the same world.”

  “No, we’re not.” I remove her hands and take a step back. “I told you from square one that I was in love with someone else. And that someone else just left because you can’t take no for an answer. I told you last week, and I will tell you again now. I’m not interested, I’m sorry. But this ends now.”

  Her face twists up in a pout but I don’t wait for her response, I take off in the direction that Bree ran off in. I have to find her; I can’t let her slip away again.

  I catch the sight of emerald silk and violet curls as she slips through my fingers once more.

  ***

  I pull up in front of Bree’s house just as my sisters are walking out the front door. I hop out of my truck and meet them at the bottom of the steps. They’ve changed out of their gowns into bar clothes.

  “Is Aubree inside?” I ask in a rushed tone.

  “Maybe,” Elle glares at me. “Why?”

  “Because I need to speak with her,” I grind out.

  “You sure you don’t need to speak with that awful twit Lydia?” Maddie crosses her arms.

  I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Yes, I’m sure.” I bite out. “I am sure because I already spoke with her. I told her the same thing I told her last week after I saw Aubree for the first time; that I am in love with Aubree and I always will be and that we were done.”

  The twins now share matching cheesy grins.

  “Well, when you put it that way,” Elle smiles, sweeping her arm in the direction of the front door. “Go get your woman, we’re going out.”

  “No, you’re not.” I cross my arms, eyeing their skimpy outfits. “Not until you get your asses back inside and put some more clothes on.”

  “Sam, come on!” Maddie groans. I raise my eyebrows and give them a look that tells them I’m not kidding.

  “No point in arguing,” Elle grumbles, turning around.

  “I’ll wait right here!” I call after them as they huff and puff their way back into the house.

  They reemerge about ten minutes later in acceptable clothing and dirty looks. I kiss their heads as they slump past me and smile. “It’s only because I love you. Call me if you need a ride.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Maddie scowls. “Love you too big brother.”

  Elle sticks her tongue out at me like the mature adult she is and tells me she loves me too.

  I wait until they pull out of the driveway to climb the steps. I’m glad we’re alone, but I’m now suddenly scared to face her. It hits me that now would be a good time to tell her about Ryan. I may as well get it out of the way now, while she’s already pissed at me. Whatever this is between us since she’s come back into my life, it hasn’t gone too far. If I tell her now, there’s a chance she could forgive me. She could move past it and we could finally be together, after all this waiting, after all this time.

  She can only hear it from me, if I can scrounge up the courage to tell her, to give her the letter. If I don’t, I would be keeping her from the closure she so desperately needed only a year ago.

  But what if she’s already found that closure? She’s so happy now. I have never known her to be this full of light. I’m sure she still struggles with the past, but she’s not living in it. She’s moved on. I don’t want to ruin that for her. I don’t know what Ryan put in that letter. What if it’s nothing good and it just opens up old wounds? And then on top of that hurt, I have to tell her the circumstances of why I even have that letter, to begin with. How I knew Ryan, how I’m the reason-

  “Sam?” She’s standing in the doorway. She’s changed out of her dress and she somehow looks even more beautiful in a pair of thin cotton shorts and a tank top.

  I will tell her someday, soon. I promise my conscience even though it doesn’t believe me. Neither do I.

  “Hey,” I run a nervous hand through my hair. “Can we talk?”

  “Yeah,” She nods, holding the door open wider.

  I shove my hands in my pockets and follow her inside. She doesn’t move after she closes the door, she just stands there with her back pressed to the wood and her eyes on the floor. We stand there in the dark foyer for a whole minute.

  “Aubree,” my voice is soft but she jumps. Her eyes snap up to mine and they are wild, full of questions. I can see her overactive imagination going into overdrive and there’s no telling what she’s concocted in that mind of hers.

  I can’t help but grin at her.

  “Go on, say all the things you’re thinking.” I urge her.

  “I just, I’m a little unsure about what’s going on here.” She looks at me with hesitation before she rambles on quickly, unleashing the floodgates. “I mean we both know there was something between us way back when, but obviously I was married and we just avoided it, well until we didn’t, but now I’m not married anymore and there’s still clearly something there but it’s been three years.”

  I take her by the hand and begin walking her into the kitchen. She continues on rambling and I let her because I know she needs to get it all out of her head and into the air. Even if it’s n
ot relevant, if she has a thought, she has to speak it. I position her by the stove, her hips against the countertop like she was last time I was here. I grip the counter by her hips and stare down at her amused.

  “I mean you could have a girlfriend for all I know or a fiancé or a wife. I mean two years is a long time to-”

  “I don’t have a wife,” I tell her. “Or a girlfriend or a fiancé. I did get a dog, though. His name is Moose.”

  “Okay, no wife,” she nods seriously. “Or girlfriend or fiancé. Moose.”

  She chews on her bottom lip for a minute and then she goes on. “Well, what about that brat you’ve clearly been spending time with?”

  “I admit I was... spending time with Lydia,” I chuckle at the face she makes when I say her name. “But I told her from the start that I had feelings for someone else. And when I saw you last week, I called her and told her we couldn’t see each other anymore. Tonight was her being as you and my sisters love to call her, a ‘little twit.’”

  Right when I think I’ve appeased her, she gets a second wind. “But I feel like things are weird like we’re dancing around things like we did years ago. Except, this time there's nothing holding us back. If you’re really not with anyone, there’s nothing keeping us apart. Which makes me wonder if there’s even anything still there you know? Three years is a long time. People change, I know I have-”

  She glances around like she’s just taking in our new positioning. “What are we doing in here?”

  “I liked this setting better,” I tell her as I cup her face in my hands. Her skin is soft and flushed. She’s breathing heavy and her eyes are wild.

  “You like this setting better for what? My neurotic rambles about the blurry lines of our relationship-”

  I crash my mouth against hers and kiss her deeply. I kiss her like I’ve been dying to kiss her for two years. Her lips part on a gasp and she melts into me. Her arms wind around my neck tightly, pressing the length of her body against mine.

  I lift her swiftly and set her on the countertop. Her legs wrap around my waist and I press into her. I explore her mouth with reverence, slowly and leisurely mapping out each curve of her lips. She shivers when I run my hands lazily down her neck. Her breath hitches when I tangle my hands in her hair and kiss the delicate skin under her jaw.

  “Sam,” her voice is a breathy sigh. I move my mouth back to hers, wanting to taste my name on her lips. I kiss her once, twice, three times; and then I pull away. Her legs tighten around my waist, making my fingers flex in her silky curls.

  Her head falls back against the cabinet behind her, her chest rising and falling rapidly. Her voice is a breathy rasp. “I’ve never been kissed like that before.”

  “Did that answer your question?” I ask her, my voice rough. She lifts her head nodding, her eyes heavy and burning. She reaches up, placing her hand on my cheek. Her fingers brush feather light across the stubble on my jaw. They trail down my neck and I close my eyes, willing myself to have restraint. To take things slow with her.

  Her hand stops over my quickly beating heart. Her palm flat on my chest, feeling each rapid beat.

  When she speaks her, her voice is barely a whisper. I open my eyes and I can see her question before she says a word. “Do you still-”

  “I never stopped loving you, Aubree,” I tell her fiercely. “My heart has been in your hand since the moment I met you.”

  Her eyes search mine intently, lighting up from within. Her hands grip my shoulders and she brushes her lips softly over mine.

  “Show me,” she whispers against my mouth, and I lose my mind, my heart and any control I might have had.

  I capture her lips with mine and kiss her deeply. This kiss is different. It’s desperate and passionate. I wrap my arms around her and lift her with ease, carrying her down the hallway to her bedroom.

  I show her how much I’ve missed her.

  I show her I’ll never leave her side again.

  I show her how deeply in love with her I am.

  Chapter 18

  Sam

  Two Years Ago

  “Dude, this heat is killing me,” Ryan groans, plopping down in the folding chair next to mine. He unscrews his canteen and goes to take a sip. I nudge the bottom just enough to splash water all over his face. He snorts, dumping the rest over my head.

  “You’re the idiot that volunteered to come on this tour,” I slap the canteen out of his hand laughing. Things have been tense for the past few days after I snapped at him for how he was speaking to Bree. I’m having a hard time reconciling who he is, the man who I had preconceived in my head or the one that I’ve gotten to know here? The one who has caused a world of hurt and pain for the woman I love, or the one who has become one of my best friends?

  Ryan’s laughter dies and he leans back in his folding chair, closing his eyes with a grin. “You’re alright, man. You know that?”

  I stare at his face, trying to find the stress there, but there’s none. There’s nothing in his expression like that of the other men and women here whose spouses are back home, worried sick about them. No worry lines or false ease to keep himself from thinking about Bree. He acts like she doesn’t even exist.

  I hate him for it.

  “You’re not like the other guys out here,” he continues his previous thought, squinting one eye open at me. “I always know you’ve got my back.”

  I also don’t hate him.

  “I will always have your back, man,” I tell him. I don’t tell him that I didn’t use to have his back. I don’t tell him that if he knew how much I didn’t use to have his back, he’d be pulling a knife out of it.

  I definitely don’t tell him that I’m in love with the wife he’s treating like shit.

  “You were right for jumping my ass the other night,” he says quietly, his eyes fixed on the horizon. “I shouldn’t talk to my wife that way. I shouldn’t do a lot of things...”

  He trails off and I think he’s going to change the subject but he goes on. I guess he wants to explain himself. I want him to explain his side, I feel like I need to know where he’s coming from. I need to understand his reasoning even if I don’t agree with it, even if it doesn’t justify his actions.

  “Bree and I started dating when she was right out of high school,” he begins, the first signs of discomfort he’s ever showed etching lines on his face. “Honestly, I think she only gave me a chance because it would piss off her parents to date a college drop out in the military. We didn’t have a big love at first sight moment or anything like that. Really we were just good friends and we had a lot of fun, but neither of us saw a future together. We both knew I would be deployed again at some point and she was going off to school.”

  “I didn’t have much of a family growing up, it was always just me and my dad. Cancer took him when I was eighteen. My dad was my hero, and as weird as this may sound I always wanted to be a dad, to be like he was. I wanted a family. So when we found out Bree was pregnant...it was the best day of my life.”

  He’s quiet for a long time. I know the rest of this story, I know how it ends. I just don’t know how he could blame Aubree for it.

  “We lost the baby,” he tells me, his voice gruff. “It’s a condition she has; her body rejects the pregnancy or some messed up shit like that.”

  He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and wiping his hands roughly over his face. He goes on and for the first time, his regret and shame is evident. Good, I think, he should be ashamed. “I know it wasn’t her fault, I know that. But I couldn’t seem to stop blaming her. When we lost Jackson, it was like losing my dad all over again.” He shakes his head and stares at the ground. “I spiraled. I just got stuck in this dark place and nothing could pull me out. I cheated on Bree, I drank every night. I came here to war just to get away from it, how messed up is that?”

  “The worst part is I’ve screwed things up for Bree more than I probably have myself.” He shakes his head. “She’s miserable because of me, and she lost a
baby too. She’s feeling everything I am and more because I’ve made her life hell. And now, I can’t even make it right. She’s divorcing me.”

  I open my mouth and immediately swallow my words. My first thought is selfish, to tell him leave well enough alone and let her move on. But my second thought is that they both deserve closure, even if it means working things out. They both deserve to move past the pain, and if it weren’t for my love for Aubree, I don’t know if I would feel that way. But I do love her, and my love for her is more potent than any selfish desire.

  “You can make things right,” I tell him, despite myself. “You can start by apologizing to her. Write her a letter, call her, do whatever you have to do but don’t let her keep feeling your blame. If you work things out, great. If you don’t, you’ll move on. But you both deserve to put an end to this torture.”

  He nods quietly, considering this.

  “You’re right,” he finally says. “But we won’t be working anything out. That I know for sure.”

  “Why do you say that?” I ask, trying not to sound too hopeful.

  “She’s in love with another man,” he says plainly.

  My stomach sinks, like a ball of ice dropping into my gut. “How do you know?”

  He looks at me and I feel like he’s looking straight through me. He doesn’t look angry or betrayed or any of the things a man is supposed to feel when he looks at the man his wife is in love with.

  “I followed her one night after we had a fight,” he says. “She went to his house and I watched through the window as he held her and she cried in his arms. I couldn’t see his face, but I could see hers. Bree has never looked at me the way she looked at him. She’s never cried in front of me, never let me hold her or comfort her. Hell, I’ve never seen her so much as lose her composure. She loves him and she deserves to be loved back. And that’s the damndest thing; I don’t love her, not that way. Not that purely, not that deeply.”

  “Why not?” I ask, honestly curious. Genuinely perplexed at the thought that someone could spend any amount of time with Aubree Harrington and not fall for her, heart and soul.