A Sea of Lies

by H Dillon Hunt

  “She was never mine to love,” Ryan says simply with a shrug. “She was made for him.”

  Chapter 19

  Bree

  Present

  I wake up to soft, golden light filling the room as the sun rises slowly over the ocean. I can hear the murmur of waves crashing through the cracks in the window.

  Feather-light fingertips run up and down the length of my spine. Chills dance across my skin despite the warm body I’m wrapped around. I peak an eye open to see the clock, but all I see is tan skin and dark curly hair.

  Sam lays on his back, one arm bent behind his head and the other wrapped securely around me. He’s awake, staring out the window that faces the bed. He has a stormy look in his eyes as he watches the waves crash against the sand. I smile against his bare chest, blinking against the morning light.

  Sam’s mossy green eyes find mine at my first movement. His face breaks into a breathtaking smile that I feel all the way through my stomach to my toes. I didn’t know you could feel a smile like that.

  This is what living feels like. I don’t feel stuck like I used to. I don’t feel numb. All I feel is Sam. He makes me feel safe. Loved. Whole.

  I’ve never known this feeling, but I want to keep it forever.

  He leans up, lifting the hand from behind his head and burying it in my hair. He grips the back of my neck and kisses me deeply. It’s a long, lingering kiss that heats my face and makes my stomach flip. He draws back a few inches and smiles again. “I’ve been waiting all morning to do that.”

  “I’ve been waiting my whole life for you,” I whisper, threading my fingers through his hair.

  He leans his forehead against mine, his eyes falling shut. “I didn’t think anything could be this good.” He murmurs, a shadow crossing his face. “I don’t deserve you, Aubree.”

  “Everyone deserves love,” I whisper, “especially you, Sam.”

  He opens his eyes and there’s a flash of pain there that I don’t understand.

  “I don’t,” he rasps, his entire demeanor shifting to something dark and distant.

  “Sam, you’re the kindest person I know,” I tell him, brushing my fingers over his face softly. “You’re sincere and honest and good. If anyone doesn’t deserve that it’s me.”

  He holds my gaze intently for a long moment, searching my eyes. He looks like he wants to say more but I kiss him again before he can. I pour all my love and need for him into it so he can feel just how much he does deserve this.

  He kisses me back desperately, his composure cracking open. He kisses me like he’s dying, and I can save him. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, or where he just went. All I know is that it’s me he needs, and that’s all I can give him.

  So I give him all of me. My heart, my body, my trust. He has it all. He always has and always will.

  There’s a deep pull on your soul when it meets the one it was made for. Two magnets straining through life to find their match. Some are never lucky enough to find it. Some pass it by or let it slip away. Some, like us, find theirs in the midst of chaos and pain, with seemly no way out.

  It’s rare to see those pieces come together. For two broken hearts to be made whole in each other.

  I would like to believe Sam was made for me, that we were always supposed to find each other. I don’t believe in fate or coincidence, not with a love this strong. I believe this love was designed by something much bigger than that, and for it, I am eternally grateful.

  Chapter 20

  Sam

  Two years ago, Afghanistan

  “So explain to me again what you’re doing over there?” Elle asks, fidgeting with the camera on her end of the Skype. “You’ve been so vague, I don’t even know exactly where you are.”

  I sigh and sit back in my chair, crossing my arms. “I’m a medic. What else do you want to know?”

  “That you’re the base medic or something and you never have to leave the safety of the camp.” Maddie chimes in, taking a seat next to Elle on their couch.

  “Sorry Mads, that’s not the case.” I chuckle, shaking my head. “It’s a little more complicated than that. I can’t go into too much detail.”

  “Well, give us the cliff notes.” Elle sighs. I can tell she’s getting antsy. I’ve been over here for a few months now and I’ve evaded all their questions up to this point. I thought the less they knew the less they would worry. But they keep asking questions and they seem more worried than they should be.

  “Okay, fine.” I sigh, running my hands over my face. “I’m part of a Civil Affairs Mission in support of a PRT or Provincial Reconstruction Team. Civil Affairs is hearts and minds, attempting to engage with local communities and shape positive perceptions of the coalition forces. We’re essentially trying to get the different groups to cooperate and not sympathize with the enemy. We collect information and intelligence.”

  “What kind of information?” Madison asks curiously.

  “That’s confidential,” I grin. “Now stop worrying, I’ll be fine. This tour is the tail end of my contract, I won’t be active after this.”

  “Good,” Elle huffs, crossing her arms. “I’ve lost one too many brothers, I’d like to keep you.”

  “Hey,” I stare at the screen until they both look at me. “I’m coming home safe to you two, okay?”

  Elle nods stiffly and Maddie smiles, “Caleb would be proud of you Sam, you’re finishing what he started.”

  I nod because I can’t respond, my throat is too tight.

  I take a deep breath and try to change the subject. “How is school going?”

  “Pretty good,” Elle tells me. “We have a new study buddy, she’s awesome. Don’t you know Bree Harrington? We met her last year.”

  My stomach dips at the mention of her name. I fluster, trying to decide what to tell them.

  “She’s in all of our clinicals but I remembered you knew her already when we met her at that gala.” Maddie tells me. “We asked how she knew you but she was vague.”

  Good, I can do vague.

  “I was the teacher’s assistant in one of her classes last year,” I tell them.

  They exchange a look that says they know more than they’re letting on.

  “And?” Elle eyes me closely, as closely as she can via Skype.

  “And nothing, we were school friends. I helped her study sometimes.” I shrug, looking away.

  “That’s funny,” Maddie grins with an evil glint in her eye. “She gets the same look when we talk about you.”

  “So you already knew that.” I deadpan.

  “Oh yeah, that’s as much as she’d give us.” Elle grins. “Apparently we ask too many questions. Bree made rules the other night after bottomless mojitos at taco night. We have two rules now, don’t talk about Sam, and don’t ask about Ryan.”

  My chest tightens at her words. Bree told me goodbye, I accepted that. But I still miss her like hell. It kills me to know she can’t even speak my name, that I’m grouped in with the likes of Ryan.

  “Yeah, so we thought we’d try to pry the truth out of you.” Maddie shoots me a devious smile.

  I hear footsteps behind me so I quickly tell the twins goodbye. I don’t need Ryan walking in on a conversation about his wife. Sure enough, as soon as I shut the laptop, Ryan enters the room.

  I watch him closely to be sure he didn’t hear us discussing Bree, but he shows no signs of it. He flops down on his bed and kicks off his boots.

  “How’s life back home?” He asks in a light tone.

  “Good,” I nod, standing. “I’m gonna go find some food.”

  “It sucks today,” he says, chuckling. “It’s about as bad as my wife’s cooking. But you already know that.”

  I stop dead in my tracks and look at him. He’s still smiling like nothing is wrong.

  “I know what?” I ask him this as calmly as I can, but there’s an edge to my voice that even I can hear.

  “That the food here sucks?” He laughs. “Dude, what is with yo
u today?”

  Relief washes over me and I shake it off, “Nothing,” I shake my head. “Just distracted, I guess.”

  “Yeah I can tell,” he’s not laughing anymore. “I’m not an idiot, Sam.”

  Chapter 21

  Sam

  Present Day

  Life with Bree makes me wonder if I was ever really living before I was with her. I have spent every waking, available moment with her for the past two months. There was no discussing what we were, we both know that we belong to each other. We’ve waited so long for this, once we finally came together there was no tearing us apart. I haven’t wanted to ruin our happy bubble with the truth, so it sits heavy on my chest until I can find the courage to tell her.

  I had a moment of guilt, a moment of shame when I woke up beside her that morning. I wondered if I would even be there with her in my arms if Ryan was alive. I wondered if they would have made up and moved on. And I almost told her everything right then and there.

  But then she kissed me. She kissed me and we made love like I was the only man she had ever loved. After that, any thoughts of doubt vanished like smoke in the air. And I have been so caught up in this dream with her that I’ve shoved my reality to the back of my mind. I swore to myself that I would take things slow until I finally told her.

  We fell quickly into a new routine that revolves mainly around my new work schedule. After graduating medical school, I never did my residency. My deployment came shortly after my graduation, and for the last year, I’ve been lost. I wasn’t sure I could be the doctor I once thought I could be. I wasn’t sure I could live up to the pressure. But I know better now.

  I took a residency at the hospital Aubree and my sisters both work at, but it’s been keeping me busier than usual. I don’t get to see her as much as I’d like to, I don’t get to hold her in my arms at night as much as I need.

  I’m at her house constantly cooking. Aubree and my sisters have suddenly forgotten how to feed themselves since we started dating. She’s at my house mostly for privacy from the twins prying eyes and giddy grins. She has stolen my dog from me. The gangly Great Dane loves her more because she snuggles him like a teddy bear even though he’s twice her size and she gives him treats when I’m not looking. Like right now.

  “I saw that!” I call into the living room after her from where I stand at the stove. Moose is licking his lips happily and following her around. She grins at me over her shoulder and winks. I pretend to be annoyed but we both know I’m not.

  She skips into the kitchen, Moose at her heels. She wraps her arms around my waist from behind and rests her chin on my shoulder. She has to lean all the way up on her tiptoes to reach. “What are you making me?”

  “Pasta,” I turn my head to kiss her nose and continue whisking the roux.

  She pulls away with a dramatic groan, “I swear, you’re trying to fatten me up with all this pasta.”

  “Says the woman who eats a pound of candy a day,” I say dryly.

  “You know, it’s a wonder that I don’t weigh a thousand pounds.” She muses, pushing herself up onto the counter beside the stove.

  “It’s a wonder that you’re not diabetic,” I counter, moving the handle of the skillet she almost burned herself on.“Why can’t you sit in a chair like a normal person? You’re going to burn yourself.”

  “I like to sit on the counter,” she smirks, hooking her legs around my waist and pulling me to her. “So I can stare at you and get all in the way.”

  “You don’t get in the way,” I place the lid on the pan and settle against her, sliding my hands around her waist. “You just distract me.”

  “And that’s a problem because…” She grins, kissing my jaw and down my neck. I groan, catching her lips and kissing her softly. She smiles up at me with a peaceful expression. I love seeing that look in her eyes, it’s the best part of my day. I want to see that look in her eyes every day, when I wake up and before I go to sleep. I’m tired of only seeing her for a meal here and there with our schedules.

  “Move in with me,” The words are out of my mouth before I can think them through.

  Her eyes widen slightly and I want to kick myself. Slow, I said that I would take things slow until I told her, I chide myself.

  A slow grin spreads across her face, her jewel-colored eyes lighting up. For the millionth time, her happiness dissolves the truth on the tip of my tongue.

  “Okay,” she says quietly.

  My brows shoot up and she giggles at the shock evident on my face. “Really?”

  She nods, still laughing. “Yeah really, why do you look so surprised?”

  I take her face in my hands and kiss her deeply. She wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me back. I can feel the smile on her lips.

  “Move in now, like right now.” I grin. She throws her head back laughing.

  “Sam, I’m already here. Don’t make me go face your sisters tonight.”

  I dig my phone out of my pocket and dial Elle’s number.

  “What are you doing?” Bree asks suspiciously. “Sam, no! You’ll wake the beasts!”

  “Hi big brother,” Elle answers on the second ring

  “Hey Elle, is Maddie with you? Yeah? Put me on speaker.” I tell her, holding Aubree off as she tries to swat my phone away from my ear.

  “Okay, we’re both here,” Maddie says. “What’s up?”

  “Aubree is moving in with me, she’s all mine now and you can’t ever have her back.” I try not to sound too smug.

  There’s a beat of silence and then a wave of noise from my phone speaker so loud it just sounds like gibberish. I catch a ‘You are not taking her’ and a ‘we had her first’ and a ‘this is so not over’ before Bree finally starts tickling me and is able to get my phone out of my hand. She hits the mute button and tries unsuccessfully to give me a stern look.

  “You have declared war, you know that right?” She slips, a smile at cracking her lips. “They are not going down without a fight.”

  “Well then let them come, I’m not giving you up.” I grin taking her face in my hands again and kissing her so deeply that I forget what we’re talking about.

  She pulls away breathless, her eyes narrowed. “You fight dirty.”

  “Not denying that,” I smile.

  She shakes her head and presses the mute button again, the argumentative chatter still coming out of the speaker. “Elle, Mads?” The chatter grows louder and then continues for a few minutes and she lets them get it all out until, finally, it stops. “Okay so here’s the deal, I am moving in with Sam but I will still see you just as much as I do now so there’s nothing to freak out about.”

  She pauses for a moment to listen and nods, “Okay that’s doable. One girl’s night a week and dinner twice a week.”

  “I do not agree to these terms,” I cross my arms. Aubree places a finger over my lips to silence me.

  “Okay, yes I promise.” She nods. “I love you too. Okay, I know. Alright, see you tomorrow.”

  She hangs up the phone and grins at me. “Hi, roomie.”

  I laugh and kiss her again, God I love this woman.

  ***

  Bree

  Living with Sam is the exact opposite of living with his sisters. With Elle and Mads, the house was constantly a wreck. Laundry and piles of scrubs piled everywhere and random pieces of makeup and hair products ending up in strange places like the fridge or the cabinet. Once, I found my bronzer in the silverware drawer after missing it for a week.

  With Sam, I’m actually able to keep up with my belongings. I don’t really have to worry about Sam stealing my scrub tops or my lipstick.

  Our schedules are all over the place, we both work crazy shifts at the hospital but Sam always finds time to feed me. By the time I get home dinner is ready and all I have to do is shower, eat and put on my pajamas. In other words, he’s absolutely spoiling me rotten.

  We finish up dinner tonight and I make him go sit down while I do the dishes. He sits at the table and we talk abou
t our day while I load the dishwasher.

  “What are you reading these days?” He asks. He knows I’m constantly in the middle of a book, even though it takes me forever to finish them.

  “I just finished Atheists Who Kneel and Pray by Tarryn Fisher,” I tell him, shutting off the sink.

  He raises an eyebrow, “A book on religion?”

  “Actually, it’s a romance.” I scoff, wiping my hands on a towel. “Love as a religion. It’s an interesting concept, but it’s a good book. She doesn’t believe and he loves her unconditionally until she does.”

  “And what do you believe?” he asks me softly.

  “As far as religion or love?” I ask, leaning against the counter.

  “Both.”

  I think about this for a moment. “I wasn’t raised in church or taught about God growing up. And I never had an example of love in my home.” I meet his gaze. “I think for some people that would make them believe in neither, but it just makes me believe in them even more.”

  I look away as I sort through my thoughts. “There have been two times I prayed to God in my life. And both times, He answered me. So I have to believe He exists. ”

  “What did you pray for?” Sam asks.

  “A few years ago when things were bad with Ryan, I laid in bed one night crying myself to sleep, wondering how my life had gotten to that point. What I did to deserve all of it.” I pick at the hem of my shirt, almost embarrassed to go on. “I prayed for light. Some kind of light to cut through all the dark. Something, anything to make me feel...good.”

  “How do you know He answered you?”

  “Because the next day I met you.” I meet his gaze expecting to see disbelief or amusement. I see none of those things. He’s listening intently, his eyes alert.

  “What about the second time?” He asks.

  “The second time, I guess it wasn’t really praying,” I scoff. “More like screaming. I was bargaining, begging. I wanted to feel something and nothing at all. I was so furious with my whole life, I didn’t want to live it anymore. It was the day you came to my house after Ryan died. When you came in and took me out into the ocean.”