A Sea of Lies

by H Dillon Hunt

  “Will you be my wife?”

  “Yes, yes, yes!” She breathes, tears streaming freely.

  I laugh, fighting tears of my own as I slide the ring onto her trembling hand.

  I stand and pull her back into my arms, kissing her hard. She clings to me like she’s clinging for life, and I stand there in awe that my life, my whole life, is right here in my arms.

  “I promise that I will fight every day of my life to make you this happy,” I tell her fiercely. “I will always put you and our baby first, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you.”

  She closes her eyes, tears still leaking out of the corners, and takes a deep breath. When she opens them again, they are so full of love that I swear my heart bursts in my chest. “I’ve never been happier than I am in this moment.” She laughs. “You’ve given me so much, Sam. You pulled me out of my darkest place and loved me through all of the pain, after all this time. You gave me a family where I feel like I can finally belong.” She smiles and smoothes a hand over her belly. “You gave me this baby and the courage and confidence to carry her this far.”

  She touches my face and smiles, “I cannot wait to be your wife, Sam Hudson.”

  “YOU PROPOSED AND DIDN’T WAIT FOR US TO SEE IT?!”

  “HE DID WHAT?!”

  Bree grins at my sisters in the hallway, unfazed. “You wanna see my ring?”

  “Yes!” Elle squeals, rushing over and grabbing Bree’s hand. “Oh I was so right, the oval cut is perfect.”

  “Yes, but the simple setting that I picked is much more elegant than the one you chose.”

  “Hey, don’t you two have a party to set up?” I ask.

  “Yes, we do!” Elle perks up. “That’s why we’re here; we need your final name choices for the reveal.”

  I look to Aubree whose eyes are wide, “Do we know for sure?”

  She shakes her head and shrugs.

  “We just need first names, you can pick the middle later,” Maddie adds.

  “Well, we know Avett if it’s a boy, right?” I ask Bree.

  She nods, grinning “Avett Gryffin.”

  “Oh, my heart,” Elle gasps clutching her chest.

  “And for a girl?” Elle asks, giddy.

  I look at Bree, brows raised. She hasn’t been able to pick a girl name, she keeps insisting that it’s a boy. “That one’s up to you babe. I like both choices.”

  Aubree bites her lip, “I think of the two, my favorite is Arabella.”

  “That my favorite too!” Maddie squeals with excitement.

  “Forgotten about MJ, have we?” Aubree laughs.

  “No, that can be her middle name.” Maddie beams. “Okay, we have to go finish setting up. Don’t come downstairs for another hour or so.”

  They hug and congratulate us again and then dash off downstairs. I take Aubree’s hand and walk towards our bedroom, knocking over a box on the way. She laughs as I bend down to pick it up, “When are you going to unpack all this stuff?”

  I haven’t gotten the box halfway off the floor when I notice the contents. My old uniforms, one of which still has a worn and dusty letter tucked inside, addressed to Bree. My stomach sinks as the slow realization that it’s too late to tell her washes over me. Maybe we would just be better off if I left it all wrapped up in this box. She’s happy, she just said so herself, she’s so happy. I don’t want to ruin that, I don’t want to open old wounds that have long healed.

  I drop the box back on the floor, letting it cover the contents. “I’ll go through it soon,” I tell her, ushering her out of the room and shutting the door. “It’s all old junk anyway.”

  Chapter 26

  Bree

  Sam and I go to our room and start a movie while the twins finish setting up the party downstairs. We snuggle up on the bed and Moose immediately jumps up and curls around me, resting his head on my shoulder. I kiss his nose and tell him he’s going to be a good big brother. There’s a light squeeze in my stomach and I don’t know if it’s the baby moving or just my imagination. I open my mouth to tell Sam but he smiles down at me before I can.

  “Her,” Sam says quietly.

  “Huh?” I tilt my head to look at him, losing my train of thought when our eyes meet.

  “You said, ‘her’.” He grins. “Earlier when we were talking about the baby, you said you’ve carried ‘her’ this far.”

  I bite my lip, realizing my mistake.

  “I thought you were convinced it was a boy?” He laughs, but my face falls.

  “No, I’m convinced it’s a girl, I just want it to be a boy.” I look down at my hands with a sigh.

  He tilts my chin up with his forefinger. “Hey, what is it?”

  I’m quiet for a moment while I try to verbalize the internal struggle I’ve been having for weeks.

  “What if she hates me?” I whisper, confessing my biggest fear. “What if I have the same relationship with her that I have with my mother?”

  He smiles like he doesn’t believe a word of any of that. “That’s impossible Aubree because we will raise her-or him, we still don’t really know- with love and kindness and acceptance. Something that was a rarity in both of our homes growing up.”

  He looks so sure, so confident, I can’t help but believe him. I have this blind faith with Sam, I would trust him with my whole life. He’s never once let me down. I smile, finding so much comfort in the soft mossy green of his eyes and the warmth of his smile. A giddy thrill runs through me to know I get to have this with him forever.

  “I can’t wait to be your wife,” I whisper, tears rushing back. Damn these hormones.

  “I can’t wait to be your husband.” He kisses me gently.

  I nestle into the crook of his shoulder and close my eyes, overwhelmed with the onslaught of emotions. It doesn’t take long before I drift off to sleep, completely content.

  ***

  Maddie and Elle wake us up after everything is set up. I get up to make myself presentable for a party, still half asleep from my nap. I run a brush through my hair and dab some concealer under my eyes, still puffy from crying. I catch the glint of the diamond on my hand in the mirror, smiling in awe as I take it in for the first time. It really is beautiful; an oval solitaire framed by three small stones on either side, cut to look like leaves on a simple, solid band.

  My mother appears in the mirror behind me. I told her she could come a little early to see what we’ve done with the nursery so far. She stands there in her pristine white pantsuit, her red hair in her famous tight chignon. She’s got the same rigidly perfect posture I’m used to, but when I catch her eyes in the mirror, I see she’s crying. There are actual tears in my mother’s eyes right now.

  “Mom?” I set my makeup brush down and turn to face her.

  For the first time since I was a little girl, I see compassion in my mother’s eyes. I see true emotion. She gives me a watery smile, touching my cheek with her cold hand. When she reaches down and places a hand on my swollen belly, I realize this is the first time she has seen me since I started showing.

  “Aubree, darling” She whispers, tears clogging her throat. She takes a deep breath and looks me in the eye. “I’m so sorry. I have not been a good mother to you, and for that, I am so sorry.”

  “Oh, mom,” My heart cracks and fills back up at her words, seeing her remorse. It’s all I’ve ever wanted to hear from her. Her love and acceptance were all I ever truly needed. I reach for her shoulders and pull her into a tight hug. It’s a little awkward at first, I can’t remember the last time my mother and I embraced in a genuine show of affection.

  But then the most amazing thing happens. The baby kicks. I feel my child’s movement in my belly for the very first time.

  My mom gasps, “Was that the baby?”

  “I don’t know,” I gasp, amazed. I place my hand over the spot I felt it “I’ve never...oh! Sam!”

  I giggle, feeling the gentle nudge again. I grab my mom’s hand and place it where she can feel too. Tears rush back to my ey
es as we grin at each other in amazement, waiting for another kick. Sam runs into the bathroom breathless, his face strained with panic. His eyes move quickly over the scene, assessing the situation.

  I laugh and wave him over. “Come here! The baby’s kicking!”

  “Oh,” He sighs in relief, rushing to my side. I grab his hand and place it over my stomach right as the baby rolls over. Or at least I’m assuming it rolled over, from the squeezing pressure I felt. Sam gasps in surprise.“Oh!”

  I laugh, tears of joy blurring my vision. “Nothing for weeks and now all of the sudden she’s having a dance party.”

  “She?” My mom gasps. “I thought you didn’t know yet?”

  “Well we don’t,” Sam smiles at me. I feel my heart inflate a few inches in my chest. “We just have a feeling.”

  Elle knocks on the door softly, Maddie behind her “People are arriving, are you all set?”

  I wait with my hand on my belly to see if she will move again for the twins to feel, but she seems to have found a comfy spot. “Yeah, I think we’re ready.” I smile at Sam, and then to my mom. “And I have a middle name picked if it’s a girl.”

  Sam raises his eyebrows but nods for me to go on. I smile at my mother as I say her own middle name. “Rose,” My mom gasps, swiping fresh tears away and grabbing my hand. “Arabella Rose.”

  I decide that from this moment on, I will make an effort with my mom. That my daughter’s middle name will be my constant reminder to do better, to show her a healthy mother-daughter relationship. My mom and I have a silent exchange where I tell her this, and she seems to understand. She nods, smiling weakly. “I love it.”

  When Sam sees my mother’s reaction, he smiles and kisses my forehead. “I love it, too.”

  We go downstairs to the party after making a quick stop in the nursery to show my mom. The twins have outdone themselves. The living room is covered in decorations and games, all pertaining to guessing the gender. They have funny signs places around that read “We’re here for the sex” and little blue and pink ducks for people to make their predictions on with a sign that says “What the duck is it?”. Sam and I enjoyed those more than our mothers did. Speaking of Sam’s mother, she was surprisingly pleasant. Oohing and awing over my ring and my belly with my mother.

  When it was time for the reveal, Maddie and Elle handed out mini confetti bombs that contained confetti of blue or pink. They had us stand under the banner that has the baby’s name written on it, but it’s covered and wrapped with a cloth containing even more confetti.

  “Okay,” Maddie grins once were positioned beneath it. “On the count of three, pull the string to your left.”

  Everyone counts down, and when Sam pulls the string they all set off their confetti pops. Gold, silver and pink confetti flies all around us, Arabella scrawled in metallic gold on the pink banner. Sam and I grin at each other, not surprised but ecstatic nonetheless. He sweeps me up in a dramatic kiss, the cheers and laughter of our friends and family all around us. I feel another funny squeeze in my belly, but I think that’s just butterflies from the look in Sam’s eyes.

  The world seems to slow down around us as I hold his gaze. I can’t comprehend the joy and peace surrounding me. I don’t know how I got this lucky. I don’t know what I did to deserve this love.

  “I love you so much, Aubree,” Sam whispers against my lips.

  I memorize this moment. I commit every aspect of it to memory. The look on his face, the elation in my chest, the love I feel so deeply. I hold onto it, I cling to it.

  Because after this moment ends, it all goes to hell.

  Chapter 27

  Sam

  The party is over and people are trickling out. The only remaining guests being mine and Aubree’s parents and our siblings. We say goodbye to the last of the guests and I go collapse on the couch next to Bree, where she sits with the twins and our moms. Carter is talking seriously with mine and his father about business mumbo jumbo. I don’t care to join that conversation so I let the moms pester me about wedding plans and work and who will stay home with the baby and yada, yada, yada…

  Bree gasps beside me and I jump, turning to face her. “What is it, are you okay?”

  She squeezes her eyes shut and then relaxes, blowing out a breath. “I’m fine, she’s just very squirmy today.”

  “Was it a pain or just a weird feeling?” I place my hands on her stomach and forget all my years of medical training. I lose all thought when Bree has a funny pain or moves around too much or sneezes. She tells me I could never be her doctor because I panic too much. She’s not wrong.

  She pats my cheek with a laugh. “There’s a human growing inside me, it all feels weird.”

  “Well just tell me if something feels wrong or if we need to call Dr. Ferrante or-”

  “Sam!” She laughs, “I’m fine, I’m sure she’s just moving around now that she’s figured out how.”

  Robert, Aubree’s father walks over to us with a booming laugh. “Don’t worry son, all men get this way when the woman’s doing all the work.”

  I raise my eyebrows in response and bite my tongue. No wonder she doesn’t talk about her dad much. He’s a dick.

  I haven’t had much interaction with Robert over the years. The most I’ve spoken to him was last week when I called to tell him I would be asking Bree to marry me. I guess now that I’ve caught his attention, he has a sudden interest. He begins asking me about work and I tense up, wondering if my father told him I was in the Army. I keep my answers short, but polite and just as I try to steer the conversation to something else, he asks me. “So Samuel, will you re-up now that your contract is over?”

  Bree’s head snaps in my direction, her eyes wide. “What are you talking about daddy? What contract?”

  “Well the army, of course.” Robert booms with a gruff chuckle. “I see you’ve got pregnancy brain, sweetie. Don’t worry, your mother was the same when she was pregnant with you. Couldn’t remember a thing.”

  He laughs to himself and Bree forces a brittle smile, her eyes holding me in place.

  “So Samuel?” Robert continues, “Will you re-up or are you staying here?”

  Aubree watches me closely as I respond, waiting for what I will say. “No sir,” I clear my throat, looking away from her accusing stare. “I’ve begun a residency here, I won’t re-up.”

  No one in the room seems to notice our world falling apart other than Aubree and myself. No one knows that my being in the army was a secret from her. No one knows that I’ve been lying this whole time to the woman I love. No one knows. Not one damn person knows.

  So it doesn’t faze anyone when Aubree stands up and announces that she’s very tired, she needs to go to lie down. Everyone stands up and says their goodbyes. The twins eye me closely as they walk out.

  And then everything goes to hell.

  The door closes behind the last person and the soft click is deafening. The silence is so loud. Her silence is screaming at me.

  She doesn’t say a word. She doesn’t look at me. In fact, she looks confused. She looks perplexed. She’s got to be thinking, how? How could he have lied to me for this long?

  She doesn’t know the half of it.

  She runs upstairs. I run after her, she shouldn’t be running, she’ll strain herself. I yell for her to stop, to calm down, breath, let me explain. She slams the office door in my face and clicks the lock.

  I hear her rummaging. She’s tearing through the boxes I’ve left so plainly in sight. She’s looking at my uniforms. She’s looking at my files.

  She’s realizing I’m a liar.

  She’s realizing I lied to her.

  She’s realizing the man that just promised to make her happy for the rest of her days is nothing but a liar.

  “Aubree, please let me explain.” I breathe. I grip the doorframe on either side, resting my forehead on the door. I squeeze the doorframe so tightly I think it may crumble. I want it to crumble. I want to tear down every barrier in between us. I wa
nt to clear the path from me to the woman I love. The right way. The way I should have done months ago.

  The thing is, fear can make you do some crazy things. And fear of losing someone you love can drive you to extremes. Like lying to your pregnant fiancé about her dead husband for over a year.

  I was afraid. I was so afraid that if I told her the truth, I would lose her again. I would watch her walk away. Again. I tried to force the hands of fate, but what if she’s not fated to be mine after all? What if I have ruined what would have been her story?

  She swings the door open, my uniform clutched in her fist. “Why didn’t you tell me, Sam?”

  She’s breathing hard, her eyebrows drawn tightly together. “It’s so trivial, so random. Why wouldn’t you want me to know?”

  “I was deployed after we...lost touch,” I tell her. I’ve never heard my own voice sound so strange. It’s like someone else is talking and I’m just watching him drop this bomb on her. “It never came up back then. I didn’t talk about it much.”

  “So why didn’t you tell me you had been deployed when we got back in touch?” She asks breathless. “You had to have just gotten back when…”

  She inhales sharply and covers her hand with her mouth. She forces herself to finish the sentence. She closes her eyes as realization washes over her. “When you came to Ryan’s funeral.” She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. “You were there because you were deployed with him, weren’t you?”

  “Yes.” I choke on the words that should have been said two years ago. “He joined up with my unit.”

  She stills completely, like someone has hit an invisible pause button. I move past her and dig the letter out of the box. It’s worn, the pages yellowed with dust where it sat under Ryan’s trunk. I set it on the edge of the desk next to her where she stands frozen.

  “I will tell you everything,” I say quietly. “When you’re ready, I will tell you all the things I should have told you a long time ago. This letter is for you from Ryan. I am so sorry Aubree. I’m so sorry.”