“I’m so sorry, sweetie. That's how Knox is, he's not a relationship kind of guy. You gave him what he wanted and he probably decided to move on. You know how popular he is with the girls at school. Especially now that he's QB1.”
She confirms my worst fears, that all Knox’s attention and kindness were just a trick to get in my pants.
“Do you want me to talk to him? But babe, that's how he is. He was probably trying to fuck you before Teague. Those two have always been rivals. But think about it, you fucked both our quarterbacks! Wait until Macy and Rachel hear that! Especially Rachel, she’s Knox’s rally girl and he’s been ignoring her since school started. At least you can say that he liked you enough to sleep with you.”
The bell for second period rings: we have calculus and all of a sudden I can't face it.
Not just the math itself, which I hate enough as it is, but the thought of sitting in the A-Class with the guys.
Of facing Teague’s and Devon’s hatred and Knox’s indifference.
I know that Landon has been a sweetheart this whole time but right now, I can't deal with him either.
There's always a chance that if we got closer, he’d lose interest like Knox and Devon.
I have to accept that no one really wants me.
I tell Margaux that I need a minute to redo my makeup but as soon she leaves to go to class, I leave the building and drive home.
I DRIVE THROUGH A CONSTANT stream of tears, my chest hurts as if my heart were breaking inside my chest cavity.
It's my fucking fault for falling for three more guys after Devon broke my heart.
I should've kept away and at least let myself recover from the blow that his indifference delivered to my self-esteem.
I wasn't strong enough to get involved with the others and now I’m paying the price.
And I know it's really unfair to Landon because he's been sweet and he's never doubted my innocence, not even for a second.
But somehow, being with him right now, would make me think about the others and I simply can't take it.
Maybe, rather than my foolish hope to have them all, like Ayla and Aubrey with their boys, I should accept that I should have none of them and be alone, so no one can hurt me or reject me again.
And alone is all I’ve been since my sister and her boys left for college, and when I’m at the highway exit that would take me onto the local road to Chaz’s house, I make a decision.
I can't face that empty house, if I can't have my sister, maybe I can try to speak to my mom.
So I go home to my parents.
I haven't spoken to them in the six weeks since I’ve been back from Hilton Head and maybe it's time to try and mend the one relationship in my life that, together with the one with my siblings, will always be there no matter what.
I know there are problems but maybe my family is a problem I shouldn't run away from.
I get through the gate and through the crazy security systems that my dad installed to protect the property without any problems: I guess he hasn't changed the settings so I haven't been disowned yet.
I don't see any of the house staff as I make my way into the living room through the grand foyer at the entrance.
The house is quiet and there's no sign of Mon or Dad.
But on a Wednesday morning Mom could be out at one of the countless charity events she's involved with or shopping or whatever else she does to occupy her days.
And Dad will be working, so I guess I traded one empty house for another one.
I suddenly feel exhausted: the emotional rollercoaster of the last few days has definitely taken a toll on me and last night I didn't get much sleep.
I kept checking my phone hoping that Knox would call me or text me like he had promised.
I sigh and make my way up the stairs to my room.
I guess that I could take a nap while I wait for Mom to get back.
My eyes feel swollen and they burn because of all the crying I’ve been doing and I look forward to closing them for a little while, hoping to get some relief.
However, I know myself and I know that despite feeling exhausted, my brain won't switch off with all the stuff that's troubling me right now.
So I decide to take one of the Ambiens my Mom gets from her doctor to help her with jet-lag when she follows Dad around the world on business.
As I open Mom’s bedroom door, I immediately notice that the bed is unmade and the covers are left open as if someone had just gotten out of bed.
And then I hear the toilet being flushed in the en-suite bathroom.
A second later, my mom steps back into the bedroom with an unsteady gait.
She looks pale and it's past ten am but she's still in her nightie.
Mom is tall and thin and has a gorgeous olive complexion, black hair and vibrant green eyes.
My colouring is a mixture between Mom’s Mediterranean looks with my dark brown hair and Dad’s blonde looks, especially my dark blue eyes, identical to Daddy’s, Abi’s and Alex’s.
I unfortunately didn't inherit Mom’s top model height but I’m on the shorter side like Aubrey at about five foot three.
I’ve always envied Mom’s polished beauty, she’s always turned heads wherever she goes.
But today she looks like a shadow of her usual self and for an instant, all my worries fade away.
‘Please God, tell me that she isn't sick’ I think as we look at each other, surprised to be face to face.
She sits on the king size bed and she pats the spot near her.
Mom has always been very strict, probably to compensate for Daddy’s frequent absences and his tendency to spoil me rotten with lavish gifts every time he was home.
And even if lately, or I should admit since Abi and Alex entered our lives, we haven't seen eye to eye, I’ve never doubted that she loves me with all her heart.
This is why, when she sided with Daddy about setting me up with a suitable date, I felt hurt, betrayed and surprised.
Especially because she followed her heart when she got with Daddy, despite him being married at the time.
I go sit next to her and the dark shadows under her eyes don't go unnoticed.
The dark green of her nightie, that normally highlights her beautiful complexion, today makes her look sickly.
“Mommy, are you sick?”
My voice is breaking and I know that this is definitely the last straw: I’m so stressed that I can't take one more bad thing.
“No, baby. Or, well, a little bit but I'll be all right.”
She hugs me and I feel her warm lips on the top of my head as I rest my face on her chest.
This is how she always comforted me when I was little and I was sick or scared or sad and it's such a familiar feeling that I can't take it.
I feel the first tears burning their way down my face: hot, salty and bitter like my heart right now.
“Mommy, please don't lie. I can't take another lie or another secret.”
She whispers into my hair:
“I swear, I’m all right baby. But what are you doing here? I’ve missed you terribly but shouldn't you be at school right now?”
“I ... I —”
My tears have the best of me again and between sobs that wrack my whole body, I tell her everything.
I begin from my summer fling with Devon and I end with the confrontation with him and Teague at the training field earlier and with Knox’s indifference after the afternoon of passion we shared yesterday.
“I made a mess of things, Mommy. I’m falling for all of them and I don't know what to do.”
She frames my face with both her hands and fixes her eyes onto mine:
“Baby—”
I sob again.
I fucking hate myself right now!
Normally I'm level headed but since I met Devon on that beach, my emotions have been all over the place.
“I know what you're gonna say. That I behaved like a total slut and—”
Mom interrupts me.
“I’d never call the love of my life a slut! And ok, maybe getting involved with four guys isn't something I would agree on, but I’m the last person who can judge you. Why do you think that I’ve never told you how I met your father until I had to explain myself with your half siblings? Granted, when we hooked up I didn't know that he was married but all it took him to convince me to follow him into his hotel room was a few minutes of chit chat during the flight we met on and one drink at the hotel bar.”
I hug her tighter.
“Yeah but he didn't dump you straight after ...”
She laughs and strokes my cheek with the back of her hand.
“Didn't he? If I hadn't fallen pregnant after that weekend and I hadn't tracked him down, I doubt that I’d ever have heard from him again.”
I think about it for a second.
Her story isn't that different from mine and Devon’s.
Only, it took me two weeks to capitulate and sleep with him.
So maybe Mom understands how I’m feeling right now.
“Baby, what about that Landon? He believes you.”
“I don't know, Mom. He was with Knox and they both looked so distant ... what if Knox told him that I slept with him and now Landon hates me too? Also, I saw the way he was looking at me yesterday in the library, when Devon told him and Teague that I slept with him.”
Mom sighs.
“Ok, but Aubrey, at the risk of sounding judgemental, this is why you don't mess with more than one guy at once. Regardless of what happens at the end, with Landon or the others, you'll have to face them at some point. You can't keep missing school and you know how important it is to your father that you graduate from BHPA.”
I nod.
“I know. I just—”
“You told them your truth, Aubrey. Now you have to let them come to their own conclusions. I know it hurts but if they don't believe you or if they’ve lost interest after they had sex with you, are they really worth your tears? I know it's easier said than done, sweet child, but if that's the case, you're better off without them.”
She's right.
I hug her tighter: coming home was the right thing to do.
Mom sighs again, she has a sad smile on her face.
“This is the hardest part of motherhood: to see your child cry and get hurt and not be able to take the pain away. To not be able to protect you from getting your heart broken. I wish it was as easy as when you fell from your tricycle, remember? A Band-Aid and a scoop of ice cream would make everything right.”
I smile for the first time since yesterday and I propose:
“Maybe a scoop of ice cream would make us both feel better?”
“You go ahead, baby. Just the idea of ice cream makes me—”
She gets up abruptly and runs into the bathroom, where she doesn't even make it to the toilet but vomits into one of the sinks.
I'm on the threshold and I look at her retching with a hand over my mouth: just the smell of vomit makes me wanna puke too.
“Do you have a stomach bug, Mom?”
She stumbles back towards me and I help her back to bed.
“No. If you’d picked up your phone or came to see me the countless times that I tried to reach out to you, you’d know that you're gonna have a new brother or sister.”
“Fuck me!”
I gasp, surprised.
Ok, I really need to stop blurting out expletives when I’m surprised, because Mom flinches the exact same way the principal did at the school assembly, when I saw Devon again.
And I feel tears starting to pour out of me again.
But this time they're happy tears: another sibling!
And this time, Alex, Abi and I can all see him or her grow up and be a family.
Maybe in a way it will be a way to get back what we missed out on by growing up far away from one another.
“Are you ok, Aubrey?”
Mom looks worried about my tears but I reassure her.
“Yes, Mom. They're tears of happiness.”
She hugs me tight and it must be the warmth of our embrace and the emotional stress that we’ve both been under, but we fall asleep next to each other.
Aubrey
I WAKE UP BECAUSE THE mattress dips with someone’s weight and I know it's Daddy before I even open my eyes.
The smell of his aftershave has always been one of my favourite, my pillow often smelled of it as a child, when he came to give me a goodnight kiss after my bed time had come and gone, if he had to work late or was back from a business trip.
He bends down to kiss Mom and then his dark blue eyes meet mine.
I’m still mad at him: our last conversation was a huge blow up.
To this day, I’m not sure if I moved out or he kicked me out.
His lips stretch in a tired smile but it reaches his eyes and one of his hands comes down to my forehead to move away a lock of hair.
“Baby girl, you're home ...”
Fuck!
The warmth in his voice makes my tears break the floodgates again and I know for a fact that my father hates weakness.
Whenever I cried as a child, he would dry my tears and tell me that Richmonds are strong and don't cry.
But this time his eyes look shiny too and I’m about to say something but Mom wakes up and he asks her how she's feeling.
His eyes are still on me though and I know that we need to talk about the new baby and what he expects from me.
“Maria said that dinner will be served in ten minutes. Aubrey, are you staying?”
I look at the digital clock on Mom’s nightstand and realise that Mom and I slept the day away and my stomach informs me that I’m starving.
So I nod: we might as well eat while we talk.
If you asked me what was for dinner, I wouldn't even be able to tell.
All I know is that I missed my parents but deep down, I’m still fucking furious with both of them for trying to control my life.
Especially Daddy but Mom too, because I honestly was shocked and disappointed that she didn't take my side.
Surprisingly Daddy doesn't talk much during dinner but after the maid clears up the dessert plates he clears his voice and asks:
“What brought you here today, Aubrey? Are you finally ready to reason with me and move back in?”
That ‘finally’ is what makes my blood boil and I almost stand up and walk away.
But I guess one of us here has to be the adult, so instead I try to come up with a diplomatic way to tell him that I want to be a part of this family but that I won't be controlled, when Mom answers on my behalf.
“She had some ... uhm, boy trouble, so she needed her Mommy.”
She smiles softly and I nod gratefully that she didn't tell him that I fucked two guys, almost fucked a third and managed to get dumped by all three.
That there's a fourth guy in the picture but he’s probably gonna dump me too because the others have probably convinced him that I drugged them and got them kicked out of the football team.
All because guy number one, the quarterback, was the one who ghosted me after fucking me last summer.
This is why they think I did it.
Yeah, ‘boy trouble’ sounds much better.
I sigh, Daddy’s waiting for an answer to his loaded question.
‘See reason’ means agreeing to his marriage plans for me and I won't do that.
“Daddy, I don't want to fight with you and Mom again. I'm eighteen but I still need you guys in my life and I love you. So, no, I won't move back in. If I did, I’d have to see the disapproval in your eyes every time I drive my car or do something that you don't agree to. And I'm sorry but I won't marry a guy you choose for me. This isn't the nineteenth century.”
I expect my daddy to say something scathing or try to force my hand but instead he sighs and looks at Mom.
“Well, Eva, I’m afraid your plan is impossible then.”
Hold on a second: Mom’s plan?
I look at my parents
and I grab the arms of my chair, pushing myself forward, as if looking at them more closely could help me make sense of the weirdness that my family life has become in the last year.
“Does someone care to explain what ‘plan’ you guys have and what that has to do with me? Pretty please?”
I edited out all the ‘f-bombs’ that my question contained originally, as it formed in my mind.
My parents look at each other again in that unnerving way they do: they always used to do it whenever I asked to do something that I knew they’d say no to.
It's like a silent communication that only they're privy to and it never fails to make my palms sweat with nervous anticipation.
Daddy is the one who explains.
“Aubrey, I know that the last time we spoke it didn't go very well. But before we get into another fight, could you please hear us out?”
“I—”
Mom pleads.
“Please, baby?”
I nod, bracing myself for another shouting session.
Well, my Mom and I yell, Daddy normally looks at us with a quiet fury in his dark blue eyes and I was surprised and a little amused to see Alex do exactly the same when he's pissed.
“Your new brother or sister will be born in less than six months. And your mom and I couldn't be more excited to have another child, despite it being a huge surprise to us. Aubrey you know how much I love you, right?”
I say yes with a sigh: I’ve never doubted that Daddy loves me but let's just say that in the last twelve months, that confidence has been tested by the fact that he and Mom hid that I had two siblings for seventeen years.
And by the way Daddy treats my brother and sister: I can't say that I grew up without his love, because despite being absent a lot due to his business, Daddy has always been a devoted parent to me.
But when I saw the way he let Alex and Abi grow up with nannies and boarding schools, basically denying them the love of a family ...
When I saw how he ‘washed his hands’ of his wife locking her into rehab to shack up with his mistress, my Mom ...
Yeah those facts made me see him under a different light.
Especially the way he treated Abi when her mom passed, trying to marry her off to secure himself a huge business deal and using me as a bargaining chip to make her do his bidding.
The Retribution: A High School Light Bully Romance (Beverly Hills Prep Academy Book 3) Page 16