A Time to Heal

by Diana Lesire Brandmeyer

  He took the bowls out of her trembling hands and set them on the counter. Then he pulled her into an embrace. “I'm sorry that happened to you and your student. How long ago was that?”

  The stroke of his warm hand on the back of her head melted her fear. Her phone dinged. She wanted to stay crushed against his warm chest, live in the moment when his arms made her feel safe.

  She pushed away and checked the message. “Lucy will be back soon. We'd better get that ice cream into the bowls before it melts in the container.” She'd told him more about her fear that day than anyone else. The experience had scared her so much she’d resigned her teaching position and took a job for a year on a cruise ship taking photos.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Lucy ran her fingers through her tangled hair. She should wash it, but she couldn't find the energy. It had been several days since she'd spoken to her brother and Deni. She couldn't, because she knew they wanted her to say yes right now to them adopting the baby.

  A knock on the door startled her. She wasn't expecting anyone. Everyone was at work. Maybe it was the mailman dropping off a package. She looked down at the stain on her shirt where she'd dribbled jelly from breakfast. The mailman would leave it. She was comfortable on the couch. Another knock, more insistent this time. Maybe she had to sign for something. With a deep sigh, she stood and meandered to the door hoping by the time she got there the person would be gone.

  She peeked through the curtain on the door. Evan. What could he want? She opened the door.

  “I brought your truck back. I was hoping you could take me back to the dealership?” He stuck his hands in his pockets.

  “I don't know, Evan. I wish you would have called first. What if I wasn’t here or had plans?”

  “I was afraid you'd tell me not to come.”

  “I would have.”

  “I'm sorry, Lucy Belle.”

  She cringed. What right did he have to call her that? She'd poured her heart to him as a friend and he'd abandoned her. “You can call someone from the dealership to get you.” She started to close the door.

  He reached out and touched her arm sending shock waves of memory through her. “Stop!”

  He jumped back, both hands in the air. “Lucy, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you.”

  Her heart pounded in her throat, and then her body started to shake. “Evan, it's not you. I don't even know why I'm reacting this way.”

  “Will you come out here and sit on the deck with me? You're pale, and I can see you’re trembling. I won't even sit next to you if you don't want me to. I don't want to leave you like this.”

  She took a step outside. The sun warmed her face. Without thinking, her hand went to her face to make sure there weren't any toast crumbs sticking there. When had she stopped caring about the way she looked? Before she left the country she'd been on top of what was trendy and she helped other women find the beauty within them, but now? She couldn't even put on clean clothes. Was it the pregnancy, or the trauma of what had happened to her? Maybe both.

  “Thank you for coming out. I have a lot to say.”

  “I thought you'd said plenty when you took off in a flash the last time you were here.”

  “That wasn't right. You told me to leave. You didn’t have a choice with what happened. I figured I could at least do what you asked. I didn't—don’t know how to act or what to say about what you went through.”

  “I don't either.” She sat in a chair. “Have a seat, and I'll listen because I'm pretty much done talking after telling my parents, Grams and Joel.”

  “How did they take it?” He lowered himself onto the sofa across from her.

  “They are angry. Joel and Deni want the baby.”

  “Good. You have a solution, then.”

  Was he saying she should give them the baby? How dare him? He was the one who always told her she'd be a good mother and should have a lot of children. “Looks like you side with them.”

  “I didn't say that. Just that it is a possible solution. What I want to say is that I think, maybe, we should go out on a date. See how we feel about each other.”

  “And what does that mean? Do you love me, Evan? It's been a long time, and now there is a baby that isn't yours. Are you saying you want to marry me, and you'll accept this child to raise? Or are you saying you just want me after I give the baby away?” Her body ached from exhaustion and her mind filled with what if’s. Hadn't this been in her mind when she came home? To see if Evan could be an answer to her problem?

  “I don't know, Lucy. I care for you still as a friend for sure. I've worked hard to get you in a place in my heart that is protected from getting hurt.” And he had. He'd dated a lot of women, considered marrying one of them, but he didn't feel the same about that woman as he did Lucy. It didn't seem fair to settle. “If we do find ourselves in a place where we are in love, yes, I'll claim this child as mine. If not, then maybe we'll be good friends again. I can be someone you talk to. Help you reach a decision about what you want to do, not what your family feels you should.”

  “How can you do this, Evan? I hurt you so much when I sent you away. I didn't think you would even speak to me again, especially after meeting you on the beach the other night.”

  “It was a shock to see you. I didn't know what to do with the rush of feelings I had. I chose anger.” It was the safe emotion for him. He didn't want to go back to the dark days after she'd broken up with him. “Lucy, did you know after we broke up that I quit school and moved back here? I worked with my Dad selling cars. It was hard pretending to be this happy salesman, especially when families came into buy mini vans. I quit a few times, and then dad would convince me to try again.”

  “I didn't know. Grams never told me what you were doing.”

  “I asked her not to. You'd made your choice, and I knew you wouldn't change it. You were pretty clear about that.” This conversation wasn't going the way he'd hoped. He needed to circle back to the reason he'd come here. “Lucy, I'm not here to argue. Please, let's think this through. I still have feelings for you. Could you possibly have any left for me? If not, then say so. I'll still be your friend, and help you the best I can, but it will be difficult for me.”

  Lucy sniffed. Great he'd made her cry.

  “There's so much at stake. What if it doesn't work out? Then I'm faced with being a single mom, or I ask Joel and Deni to adopt much later. And how long, Evan, will we need to find out if what we had is still alive? Honestly, so much has changed. I'm not the same person you fell in love with, and I'm sure you aren't either.”

  “Will you think about it?”

  “Yes. But what I really want is to talk to Grams. I wish she were home. I know that's selfish of me to want her to drop everything and come back.”

  “Maybe she will. You said you talked to her and told her about the baby?”

  “I did. And I told her not to come back.”

  “Maybe think about calling a professional?” He knew Lucy spent more time with her Grams than her mom. He never understood the distance between them, but maybe that had changed. “And what about your mom? Can't you talk to her?”

  “No. We do love each other, but we've never been close like Grams and me.”

  “Maybe you could give her a chance?”

  “I don't know. She sounded cold, like she didn't believe me when I told her what happened. Even if she does believe me, that's what I'll remember. The chill in her voice when she said, ‘that's unfortunate.’ That’s going to take a long time to forget.”

  “When you called her, she must have expected normal conversation with you. Instead, you gave her a shock I'm sure she didn't mean it the way it sounded. We all reacted differently.”

  “Yeah, you ran away.

  And he had, but why can't she see that he'd come back and was willing to help her?

  Lucy stepped into the hot shower. The warmth of the shower soaked into her muscles, massaging them. Lori told her that Deni had a rain shower head installed when she lived
here, and that it was amazing. And it was. How long would it take her to twist the hot water handle without thinking she had only a few minutes to shower? Even the fragrant shower gel, filled with things that delighted the senses and softened the skin felt foreign.

  Evan's visit surprised her, or maybe shook her enough to realize the time for moping was over. It was time for her to make some changes. The first thing was to take care of herself. Getting clean was a good start. She shampooed her hair twice and considered a third time. It was a wonder that Evan even wanted to try dating again, especially seeing the way she looked today. Face it, Lucy, you've been dressing like this for weeks. Stained, unwashed clothes and hair were not appealing, which made his attempt even sweeter.

  Why hadn't Lori said something to her? Then, what would she say to someone who'd moved in a few weeks ago? Roomie, you stink. Take a shower? She giggled, the sound strange to her ears. When was the last time she'd laughed? Really laughed, not the pretend stuff she'd been doing around family and friends.

  The memory smashed into her gut. That dreadful night when she had gone to dinner with her friends. Tim had been there. He was such a clown and a terrible magician. He'd been trying unsuccessfully to make a coin slide under a glass. His spiel got funnier each time he said it because he was flummoxed that the trick didn't work. She and Rae were gasping for air because they'd laughed so much.

  She remembered something else. She turned the shower off. Tim had told her he was attracted to Rae, but he could never get her alone to see how she felt about him. They were both going to the same place, but different schools, to teach English as a second language. He feared Rae would find someone else before he'd had a chance to spill his feelings.

  Lucy had encouraged him to tell Rae knowing she liked Tim a lot. She'd offered to help him out by coming up with a reason not to walk back with them so he could talk to her. She'd given the excuse she wanted to get some things to take home with her and encouraged Rae to let Tim walk her back because Lucy wanted to shop alone. Her friend had looked hurt, but Lucy knew by the time she returned, Rae would be bubbling with happiness.

  Her shoulders straightened. It wasn't because of a silly need to buy a bunch of trinkets that she had not gone with them. Somehow that made her feel better. It made no sense because the outcome was the same. It also explained why Tim could barely speak to her when she'd called him from the hospital emergency room. He'd come with Rae but stood in the background. He wasn't angry at Lucy but with himself that he had agreed to let her return without them.

  She climbed out of the shower and dried off. As soon as she was dressed, she'd attempt to call and tell him it was not his fault what happened to her. Not in any way. Had he and Rea matched up? Lucy hoped what happened to her didn't pull them apart.

  It was a small thing, but she was in control of this. Helping alleviate guilt for a friend she could do. She wished she'd realized it earlier. Had it damaged the blooming relationship of her friends? She hoped not. After she talked to Tim, she'd get in touch with Rae. Both had begged her to stay in contact before they flew out the next morning. But after what happened, she’d considered deleting the information from her phone. She'd been blaming them for what happened to her. Faulty thinking for sure.

  She slid on her pants, tugging to make the zipper close. It was time to find some clothes that fit and a counselor in Silverton. Because, while she held onto the way she used to be, the baby continued to grow. If she couldn't have Grams to talk to, she needed to find a local counselor, because she didn't want to live like a victim any longer. Evan was right, she needed someone to talk to, someone who worked with people who had experienced what she'd been through, and not even Grams would be able to understand her reality. And while she was at it, she’d make an appointment to cut her hair.

  Lori walked into the kitchen and dropped her keys in the dish and hung her purse on the hook by the door. “Hey, I’m home. Something smells good.”

  Lucy came in from the living room. “I was feeling a need for chocolate, so I made brownies. I hope that’s okay.”

  “I never turn down chocolate. I’m up for a piece right now. Dinner can wait.”

  Lucy grinned. “I thought you might say that so there’s a piece waiting for you on the counter.”

  “You seem happier today.” Lori grabbed the small plate and broke off a chunk of brownie. “And you washed your hair.”

  “You noticed. You could have told me I needed to shower.”

  “Uh, no. That was your choice but I’m glad you figured out you needed too.” She worked with enough students with attitudes and she had to tell them what to do. But Lucy was an adult who should know what she needed.

  “I was thinking we could download a movie or something tonight?” Lucy’s voice was tentative. “Unless you have other plans? I’d understand if you do.”

  “That’s a great idea. There is a rom-com I’ve been wanting to see with Marcie Max.”

  “The one where she stows away on a train?” Lucy grabbed the pan of brownies and set it on the table.

  “Yes, that one. Are you planning on eating that whole thing?”

  “Maybe. Probably popcorn too and I noticed a frozen pizza in the freezer. All the makings of a girls’ night.”

  “All we need is some nail polish and I have some.” Lori set her plate on the counter. “I’ll change into comfy clothes and we’ll get this party started.” Living with Lucy was turning out to be more fun than she expected. It reminded her of dorm living with Deni and the good times they had.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Lori rushed to The Pumpkin Moon after work. Alison had sent a text that she had an emergency and needed to see her right after school. Then she'd texted back saying it was about the wedding and the only one who should panic was herself, followed by another text saying Chad told her an explanation was needed or Alison's friends might be concerned that she was dying. Lori smiled. She could see that conversation playing out. Alison had a flair for overstating things, sometimes along with jumping into big plans without thinking about them, like buying the old bakery that needed a lot of repairs.

  Maybe the dress she'd picked came in, and there needed to be another trial try on. Lori hoped not. One day of that had been more than she liked.

  She parked the car and grabbed her coat. She yawned. The last few nights Lucy’s nightmares were loud enough to wake Lori. She’d rushed in to make sure Lucy was okay. Then they’d ended up drinking hot chocolate and watching a decorating show. Lucy wouldn’t tell her what her nightmare was about, but Lori figured it had something to do with what had happened to her roommate.

  Snowflakes were falling but not heavily. The forecast didn't call for accumulation, so she couldn't look forward to a snow day tomorrow. Those were the best. A mini, unplanned vacation with no expectations except the ones she picked. That was when she would go through her photos and adjust them in her software program. Adding a highlight, removing distractions from photos, and sometimes a filter could change the photo to something amazing. She was anxious to work on some of the photos she'd taken over the summer. She’d been able to take advantage of the cruise stops as long as she caught photos of the guests. She didn’t mind carrying her camera and the one that belonged to the cruise line.

  Deni waved to her as she went into the cupcake shop. Good, she wouldn’t be the only one expected to handle this emergency. She hurried inside. Deni and Alison were at the table in their favorite corner. And she wasn't the last one here. Kat hadn't arrived yet, but then she often came late because of a story she was working on.

  “Alison, your text scared me and then made me laugh.” Lori put her coat on the chair and sat, taking in the empty tabletop. “No cupcakes?”

  “Serena will bring them in a minute, along with some tea.” Alison drummed her fingers on the tabletop. “I don't know what to do. Chad is insisting that Wade stay in the wedding, but it just won't work.”

  Had Alison grown tired of Wade? If he weren't in the wedding party, it wouldn't
be as stressful. Lori managed to keep the words in her mouth.

  Serena set a tray full of rainbow-decorated cupcakes and glasses of tea on the table.

  “Why don't you want him to be a groomsman?” Deni's forehead scrunched like she was trying to put a puzzle together.

  “It's not Wade. He and Chad have been friends since first grade. Somehow that makes him being in the wedding a requirement according to Chad. The problem is Kat. She's gone.”

  “Gone where?” Lori didn't remember saying anything about a trip the last time they'd talked.

  “She sent me a text this afternoon saying she couldn't be in the wedding. Who does that?” She swiped her phone screen and read, “Sorry, I took a job that came up fast. No time for goodbyes, tell everyone. Thanks. I'm sorry, but it won't be possible for me to be in your wedding. I'm sure you can replace me.” She set the phone on the tabletop, grabbed a cupcake and put it back. “I can't eat these. Once I start stress eating, I can't stop.”

  “That's what we're here for. Bridesmaids to the rescue.” Lori scooted the tray closer to her. “Deni, you can still reach them, just don't let Alison have any.”

  “I think I'd better stick to just one or even a half. I've been nibbling too much as well. It's a good thing you are getting married in December instead of March or I wouldn't fit in that bridesmaid dress you picked for us to wear.” Deni unwrapped her cupcake and took a bite. “Why did you have to make these so good?”

  “If I didn’t, I'd be out of business.”

  “Yes, but we'd all be smaller. Or I'd like to think I'd be smaller.” Lori pushed hers away. “I'm going to savor this one and use a few muscles by having to reached for a bite. I wonder how many calories that will burn.”

  Alison laughed. “I love that. If I weren't afraid of losing customers, I'd make cupcake workout posters with calorie burn listed and hang them.”

  “I didn't even know Kat was searching for another job.” Lori was relieved that Kat was out of Wade's vision. She didn't trust him and knew he was too lazy to rush after Kat. She would be safe from him.