A Time to Heal

by Diana Lesire Brandmeyer

  “Then you need another bridesmaid to balance the numbers.” Deni shifted in her chair. “Don't you have a cousin?”

  “I do, but we aren't close at all. I haven't seen her in years.”

  “What about Lucy? I know you haven't known her long, but you two seem to hit it off on the nights we got together.” And Lucy wouldn't be a temptation for Wade. He wouldn't want to date a pregnant woman. It wouldn't make him look good.

  “But she's pregnant.” Deni gasped. “She'll be seven months by then. What if she's too tired or something? And is there time to get a dress for her?”

  And the tension was back. The ice dam building between her roommate and sister-in-law continued to grow. Lucy hadn't said if she would give them the baby or not. The therapist had told her to take her time and imagine each stage of the baby's life as an aunt instead of a mother. Meanwhile, Deni was busy picturing every stage as the baby’s mom. Lori took another bite of the cupcake. Deni wasn’t the only one who wasn’t going to fit into that dress.

  “That's not a bad idea. There's still time to switch the dress size, and Lucy will look adorable. I'm sure she would be fine long enough to get through the ceremony. Besides Chad and I intended to include her in everything we do anyway. Do you think she would do it, Deni?”

  Lori waited for Deni to answer Alison. The way her friend slowly unwrapped her cupcake indicated her reluctance.

  “I think she would, Alison.” Lori jumped right in. “Text her right now and ask. Then we can set up a time to get her dress fitted.”

  Deni shot her a glare.

  Lori smiled back. She wished things had been different for her friend and she'd been able to have her own baby, but she was a mom already. Besides, she knew deep down her friend wasn't mad at Lucy. Deni was hurt because Lucy hadn't shouted for joy yes, she'd give her baby to them.

  “I'll text her right now. No wait. I'm going to do this the personal way. I'll run upstairs to the apartment and call her. You two hang out here, and I'll be back as soon as I know what Lucy says. If you want more cupcakes, ask Serena for them. My treat, by the way.”

  “Deni, you have to let this go. Don't destroy your relationship with your sister-in-law.” She sounded so reasonable, and yet she hadn't bothered to go to her own brother's wedding. God kept poking her to go home and see her father. She wished he'd quit. She was doing just fine with her adopted Silverton family made of friends. They didn't look at her with accusation.

  “I know. I can't seem to help myself though. She keeps stalling about her decision, and I'm afraid she'll wait until the last minute. Then I'll be rushing around trying to get a nursery ready. Or worse, she'll say yes and change her mind when she sees the baby.”

  “Maybe it's best if she takes this much time. It has to be hard for her. No, I know it's hard because she's told me. She thinks you and Joel are the perfect choice if she decides to let the baby go. She's praying about her decision, and so am I because she asked me to. But Deni, I'm praying for God's will to be done. As much as I love you like a sister, and want you to have another child, knowing Lucy has made me understand this has to be His will. It was different when you adopted the boys because I didn't know and care for the mother like I do Lucy. I knew, unlike this baby, they had been neglected and unloved. Do you think you can be happy for her even if she keeps the baby?”

  “Joel said I must. But it's hard.” Deni wiped a tear from her eye as it leaked down her cheek. “It seemed like a perfect solution when we offered. And the more I thought about it, that I'd have a chance to hold an infant and love him from the very day he was born—?”

  “There it is. You already have that. You love the baby now and can still do that forever. You'll get to hold her—Lucy thinks it's a girl by the way—a lot.”

  “A girl, but she can’t know that yet.”

  “She hasn't found out, but she's got a feeling.” Lori reached across the table and put her hand over her friend's hand. “It's going to work out. She's going to need a lot of help as a single mom, and who better to offer it than her brother and his wife?”

  Deni nodded. “I'll work on my acceptance.”

  “Take it to God. And I'll continue to pray for you too.” She squeezed her friend's hand. “We'll get through this, all of us. Don't let the evil one steal our joy.”

  Alison slid into the chair. “What'd I miss about joy?”

  “Nothing. What'd did Lucy say?” Deni's grin seemed forced to Lori, but at least she was trying.

  “She's excited. Didn't even care that it's last minute. I called the bridal shop too. I hope you can go with us for her fitting.”

  Lori held her breath. Come on Deni. Say yes.

  Her friend looked at her and said. “We'd love to, right, Lori?”

  “I think that would be fun.” But would it? Now she'd be playing mediator between Lucy and Deni.

  Trey hadn’t given up asking Lori to accompany him just once on a photo shot. He’d asked her to go for the last three weeks. This time Lori couldn’t say no when he tossed in a stop at the St. Louis Art Museum and a stop at Ted Drewes for their famous custard. The gallery had an understood hush to it. Even the parquet floors swallowed the sound of their footsteps as they ambled through the galleries absorbing the work of the masters. Her creative well sucked in the colors and paint strokes. It had been too long since she'd been here. “I can't believe I'm not teaching today. I feel guilty.” Lori stared at the wall-sized Monet. She'd taken a personal day from school. It hadn't been a problem. She'd left instructions for the sub and hoped they were followed.

  “Don't. You left someone in charge, and if you don't take care of the part of you that creates, you'll soon grow weak, unable to lift a camera higher than your chin.”

  She laughed. “That is a bit of an exaggeration. But it is based on truth. Trey, is this how you stay sharp and ready to photograph, to see the perfect shot every time?”

  “Yes, every time I focus my lens I know that it will turn out perfectly. No one will walk through it, a plastic bag won't blow into the edge of the frame, and even the weeds dare not poke up their heads.” He quirked his brow. “I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I am not that photographer. I do have to work at getting those shots, and as you know it can take twenty-five to get the one that will take a client's breath away. When I'm working with a client, it isn't always the photo that I think is best. It's like these paintings. Every person sees something different that appeals to them.” His hand brushed against hers.

  She broke her gaze from the painting. He wasn't studying it. He was staring at her. As her eyes connected with his, a tremor went through her, and heat rushed up her face. It was all she could do not to slap her hands over her cheeks to hide the red she knew was there. She blinked and backed away. “Shouldn't we be leaving soon? How far is it to your client's house?”

  “We have a little time. Let's get our gear out of the truck sense we’re already here and take some shots of Art Hill. Framing the museum in the background makes a nice shot. And it can be little warm up treat before I take King's photo would be fun.”

  “Sounds like fun, but do you want to take the photos from the top or the bottom of the hill?”

  “How about the middle? That way we can get either the museum or the lake? Or both if you like.”

  “I like the shot from the bottom. The lake in the foreground, but the weight of the museum on top. It's a difficult photo to take. I’m usually here in the summer and there are people everywhere. But today, since it's still the school year, it isn't crowded.”

  “Good point. Why settle for the middle when you can have the best?” His smile warmed her heart.

  Was he talking about something besides taking a photo of Art Hill?

  He winked.

  At her. What did that mean?

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  Evan had convinced Lucy to take a chance and go out with him today. She had been quiet on the drive to St. Louis. He missed the fun, ready-to-do anything Lucy. Would her experience change her foreve
r, or would she return someday? He prayed so. He exited highway 40 on Hanley to get to Forest Park and the Art Museum. The sound of the blinker might as well have been screaming go home, go home. She looked nice today, smelled good too.

  “I like your new haircut.” Should he have said that? The way her hair swayed, almost touching her shoulders made her look like the Lucy he knew before. But pregnant Lucy was unpredictable, and she might not like it.

  “Thanks. It was time for a change, and now that I have hot water every day, I can keep it clean. The braid kept my hair off my face so I couldn’t smell how dirty it was. It’s not like I loved it. It took me awhile to adjust to it. At least everyone was the same. We all wanted to take a long bath and soak our hair. Besides that, home is that what you long for, the basics of life, not things. Would you believe I once tied my sandal together with a piece of string that I’m pretty sure came from an animal. I didn’t ask. It was offered as a gift.”

  He parallel parked the car.

  “As a kid, I always thought it was funny they named this street Fine Arts Drive. It makes sense, but I wonder what it was before they changed it or if they ever did.”

  “We could ask, or we can look it up if you want to know.” He smiled. Today would be a good day. She was out of the car before he could get around to open her door. “At least we aren’t parked at the bottom of the hill.”

  “It’s not that steep. I think we would have made it easily enough.”

  They walked in silence to the edge of the steps leading to the building.

  “This is going to be fun, Lucy Belle. I promise.” Evan reached for her hand. “Will you let me hold yours while we walk up the steps? I don't want you to lose your balance.” He'd decided he would do everything he could to win her back to him, win her love and her respect. And the way she left his hand hanging in the air let him know it wasn't going to be easy.

  “But what if—?”

  “No one will see us here. We aren't even in the same state, and it's the middle of the day. Everyone we know is working today. In Illinois, not Missouri.”

  “This is true. I can't see Deni or Joel driving across the river for any reason today. I also don't want to tumble down the steps, though I'm not that big, Evan. Still, I do seem to have trouble knowing where my center of balance is located anymore.”

  As she took his hand, his heart quickened. “You aren't big at all. Just a tiny little bump and a lot of glow in your face. You aren't as pale as you were when you first got home.”

  “I'm not sick every five minutes. That makes a difference.” They reached the top of the steps and she stopped. “Oh wait. I love the view of the lake from here.”

  She twisted his arm as she turned, but she went the wrong way and ended up pressed against his chest. She didn't move. He wrapped his other arm around her and bent down to look in her eyes. Her lips were so close. If he leaned in a little, he could claim them as his.

  She could kiss him. She wanted to fall against him, have his arms around her and lose herself listening to his heartbeat. It would be that easy to let him take care of her. Lucy leaned away from Evan. “That's a little too fast and close, don't you think?”

  “Can't blame me for enjoying the moment.” His voice soft and full of desire as he held onto her.

  She needed some distance, or she would not be able to make a choice that made sense. Making sense would be to let him love her, but she wasn't going to start off a marriage like that, convenience was great when you needed to pick up a gallon of milk because it was gone in a few days. Marriage, when done right, should last a lifetime. She untangled herself from him. “Evan, we said go slow and get reacquainted remember?”

  “Ah, but those lips of yours were begging to get to know me again.” He smiled and tugged a lock of her hair as if they were back in elementary school.

  “Stop it. We aren't ten anymore.”

  “No, we are not. The challenge to get you to love me is the same though.” He took a step away from her. “Let's go inside. Maybe you'll get some ideas for baby names, like Van or Picasso.”

  “Ha. Those are not names I'd ever choose to burden a child with. Can you imagine the horrors of recess time?”

  “Think about it. Donatello could work for a boy or a girl.”

  “Or a turtle. Joel had some of those toys. He and Chad were always playing Ninja something.”

  “I'd forgotten about those turtles. They were all named after painters. Can you name all of them?”

  “I always forget one of them, Donatello, Raphael, Leonardo and—?” She squinted as she tugged her ear, frustrated. The name wouldn’t come to her.

  “Michelangelo. How could you forget him?”

  “It's not always him. I just can't remember all four of them at once.” She'd forgotten how much fun Evan could be. When there were dating, he'd been the first to come up with something different to do, a new place to eat, or even the one night he took her to a public garden to watch the sunset. She'd been upset because she'd failed a history test, one that she'd spent a lot of time studying for. When she got to class, all the facts had fled from her mind. Evan took her out for ice cream and then to the garden. He said anyone could go, even if it was located on the mental hospital grounds.

  She hadn't been sure it was for anyone, but they hadn't been asked to leave, and no one paid any attention to them. It had been a beautiful October night, and by the time they'd left, she'd forgotten about the stress of the test. Evan had always been able to calm her emotions. And right now, that's what she needed. But what about later? Would she once again feel like he was smothering her, trying to fit his image of what he wanted her to be? Or was Evan what she'd needed all along?

  Trey carried Lori's camera bag for her, despite her protests that she was capable. The truth was she found it charming that he insisted. “What is your plan this afternoon for making an old dog look good?”

  “Don't you mean majestic?” He laughed. “I'm serious though, that's what his owner wants. Majestic portraits of King. I suspect it's going to be over the top since the owner said she would be supplying props.”

  “Think he has a castle? Or if the dog is a Scottish king, maybe he will be wearing a kilt?”

  Trey set her bag against the stone wall barrier in front of the Post-Dispatch Lake. The backdrop of the Emerson Grand Basin led the eye to the museum. The fountains were still flowing. He might take a few shots of those. “That might be a first. Now I'm looking forward to this job.”

  “You said once that you do it to pay bills. Isn't there something else you could photograph that would pay?”

  “I haven't found it yet. Weddings are more frustrating than pets, and with family portraits, one out of five families think their photos aren't good because someone didn't look the right way, or a hair was out of place. One that I couldn't see by the way. I had to do too many retakes to make it worth my time.”

  “I like taking family photos. It's a marker of time when everyone comes together, even if they have their differences. Though I only take them at Hope House so that's different. I always get thanks when I hand them the photograph, but after they leave and they have time to look at it, I'm not sure if they like it.”

  “That's a downside, but what you are doing is important. Cementing in print what their new family looks like, that they can be whole without the missing family member.”

  They worked in the quiet, setting up their equipment. Lori considered what Trey had said. What would it be like to take a family photo with her family, without her mother? She'd never know. Lori had been gone too long to try to fit back into her family. She assembled her tripod to where it seemed like it would be in the right place and then bent down to check where the view finder would land.

  “Are you good there?” Trey raised his tripod. “I'm going for the building rather than capturing the lake, then maybe some fountain shots. What about you?”

  “I'm good. I didn't bring my telephoto, so a general shot is what I'm after.” Lori attached her camera
to the tripod. She snapped few shots, wishing the couple walking up the steps to the Art Museum would hurry up and get out of her frame. She could remove them using Photoshop, but she'd rather have a clean photo to start with. She bent down to the camera lens to take another look. The couple had stopped to embrace. She had a moment of envy. What would it be like to escape life for the day with someone you loved? With them being the only two on the steps, it made for a nice photo. She snapped the shutter. She did like to include people in her photos and since she didn't sell them, there wouldn't be a need for a model release. Which is good since there wasn't any way she could get up that hill fast enough to get it.

  “Uh, Lori, did you know your roommate was going to be here today?”

  She stood and looked around the promenade. “No, where is she?”

  “Come look through my lens. Isn't that her? With Evan?”

  She stepped over to his camera. His arm brushed gently against her back as he moved out of her way. Why did his touch fuel her longing for more? Maybe it was because Kat was gone, and now even Lucy had someone in her life. That's all it was. She was doing fine on her own. She couldn't let anyone permanent into her life. She didn't deserve that.

  She looked in the lens. “Now that is interesting.” The couple she'd taken a photo of just happened to be people she knew. But Lucy hadn't mentioned anything about seeing Evan. More like he had fled once she'd told him about the pregnancy. What did this mean? One thing she did know, there would be some interesting things to talk about with Lucy tonight. “Would you send me that photo?”

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Trey watched Lori from the corner of his eye. So far, she hadn't stepped into his light, and that made him happy he'd brought her along. She had good staging ideas and even now she was cajoling the owner to take a few photos with King.