Divorce, Drinking and Dating

by Danielle Prahl

  Don’t be afraid to change with what your soul calls to you. Complacency is close to death. Your time on this earth is short. LISTEN to that calling inside of you. Then, DO something about it. I knew I needed to leave H long before any of this mayhem happened. But I was comfortable and I wanted to avoid pain. I wish I’d had the courage to listen to the quiet voice inside of me that was calling for change. Don’t hear that voice inside saying anything? Go to a quiet place. Sit in silence for a bit. Shut your stupid phone off and stop flipping through Instagram. Put your feet into the soil of the earth. Close your eyes and breathe. Repeat this process until you do start hearing something.

  Once you decide to start listening to yourself (and that may take you a bit of time), give yourself permission to have what you desire. This one may sound simple, but it is actually the hardest part. I remember when I got pregnant, a girlfriend of mine told me (and I quote), “Get ready to give up a quality life.” Meaning I’d have to give up trips, dreams, chances as an entrepreneur, adventures, lavish things like brand name clothing, you name it. I remember thinking to myself, WHY? Why can I not have a baby AND those things?

  I believe that we (women especially) are so busy doing for others that we often don’t do enough for ourselves. We lower our standards, we settle, we fall in line, so as not to be seen as too “needy,” “bitchy,” “selfish,” “weak,” you name it. Yet, ignoring the essence of who you are and what you deserve IS bitchy, selfish, needy, and weak. By avoiding what you are scared of being, you become it. It’s okay to have everything you want. Disclaimer: This does not give you the right to treat people like shit and start taking the quiet, beautiful moments in life for granted. However, it does give you the right to start demanding more out of yourself and others.

  I feel that I have only tapped into a small portion of who I am and what I can accomplish in life, and I hope to keep tapping into it. I hope I never stop changing and evolving, discovering, and uncovering.

  Chapter 25:

  Time Does Not Heal All Wounds. You Gotta Do the Work

  They say that time heals all wounds, but it doesn’t. Even if time heals the wounds, it will not heal the scars. The scars are important to pay attention to, because they are the things that stay with you long term. It’s important to not let these scars wound you too deeply, to not let them affect who you want to be. I don’t mean that you can’t learn from them, that you can’t make smarter decisions because of them, but don’t let them change you for the worse.

  A lot of times, we think sinking further into misery will hurt other people who have harmed us, but it doesn’t. Those people only care about themselves. I know, it’s sad but true. I hear women say this a lot after a man has hurt them—“I’m never dating a man again!” like you being alone and miserable your entire life will teach them. I know it makes sense right now, but in reality, it doesn’t make any sense. You know what hurts other people? You giving yourself permission to live life to the fullest. To be who you really are. To show up and not take so much shit from others. To be caring and kind and compassionate. To know when to draw the line in the sand, when to stay, and when to keep it moving. That is what confuses and scares people (not that you should go around making decisions based on what people think—that is actually the opposite of the point I am trying to make).

  Sometimes, when awful things happen, we need to feel like shit. In fact, this is me giving you 1,000% permission to feel awful for a while. Guess what? It totally sucks to be in pain, to be hurt, to be heartbroken, to feel loss. It’s a real bitch (and not the kind you can be frenemies with later). Sometimes, we spend such a long time putting this part off, that we don’t ever let the feelings sink in enough to be able to deal with them and move on. So, put on a Real Housewives marathon if you want. Don’t get out of bed for a week (or maybe six). Eat leftover pizza with questionable expiration dates (at least you are eating something). Give yourself time to just be. I think that is the smartest thing you can do when horrible things happen.

  After you throw yourself a pity party of the appropriate length (and only you can decide when that is—when you start to get sick of yourself, that is usually a sign you are ready to move on to the next phase), it’s time to go in depth into what you want your life to be like. Go deep into who you are and what it is you want. Dream. Dream bigger. Then, dream some more. Just when you think you are dreaming too big, revisit it for an even grander dream. Only then have you gotten somewhere. Envision yourself being, doing, and having all the things. Close your eyes. Let it sink into your bones. Now the real work begins.

  In order to get to that next level of you, you are going to have some hurt and pain and past scars to heal. In order to do that, you may have to hire someone. I’m not joking. A coach, a therapist, a psychic, a trusted friend, you name it. Sometimes, this journey is long and having help will shortcut it. Me personally? I hired a therapist, read books, journaled, exercised, meditated, did EFT tapping (highly recommend), did kinesthesia, invested in programs, asked for advice, did Reiki, got massages, did reflexology, even talked to a psychic. Want to laugh? Go for it. I was and am willing to do whatever it takes to be the best version of myself. When I finally hired a coach who spoke my language and who I understood, she helped me to understand that the me I am trying to become is here.

  A friend of mine I used to complain about life with, suddenly stopped complaining. She started using transcendental language. Her body language shifted before my very eyes. I could see the light literally glowing inside of her. She started going for her dreams. She let go of drama. I reached out to her about a year and a half into my journey and said, “Dude, what are you doing?” She said to me, “I took this course from this lady. Here is her information. It really helped me change the way I looked at life in a huge way.”

  I reached out to the lady. I emailed her. I stalked her. When her course finally reopened, she let me know. I didn’t care what it cost, I didn’t care what she was teaching. From the words that she spoke and the information that she was doing, along with the shift I had seen in my friend, I just knew that I NEEDED her. Lo and behold, she became a mentor to me. The course at the time was way beyond my budget or what I was comfortable with paying. I envisioned myself as a CEO of my own business making millions of dollars a year. I put myself in that space and said, “Would that girl be afraid to invest in herself?” HELL TO THE NO she wouldn’t be. So, I wouldn’t be, either. I got out a credit card and I enrolled myself in her program. It worked for me. I made my investment back 10-fold so far.

  This doesn’t mean that YOU need to do exactly what I did or hire the same coach or mentor. The point is that you need to sometimes invest in yourself to make shifts. You can’t do things the same way forever and expect different results. You have to start making decisions as if you were already reaching your big, wild goals. If someone speaks to you in your language or has what you want, invest in learning that information from them. It’s a shortcut.

  We can sometimes sabotage ourselves or become filled with emotional triggers, based on things that we haven’t cleared deep down from our past. I always thought the past stuff was complete horse shit. I imagined a bunch of overgrown pussies sitting in a circle blaming their parents that they didn’t get picked first for their adult softball league team. This is not what I am talking about at all. Simply uncovering some of the frustrations that you have, the reactions you have in life, and where exactly those came from, is the first step to healing them. When I started to heal those things, life changed dramatically for me.

  You have to be willing to do the work—the hard work, the deep work, the emotional work. You must be willing to let go of some of the soap-opera-like drama you have become accustomed to. You have to separate yourself from the way you have always done things, and try something new. This is the only way you can get onto a new and better path. And, my friends, the new path holds nothing but opportunities for you.

  I have never been afraid to walk the path less traveled, no matter who mo
cked me, or afraid to celebrate my failures, no matter who made fun of me or thought I was insane. And, armed with a new focus to live at a higher vibration, there is no telling what I will be able to create in this life (and hopefully this time I’ll get it right, no conmen allowed).

  Stop being afraid to fail.

  Sometimes, you may try a job, a relationship, or a hobby and realize later on it’s just not for you. You can call it failure, or you can recognize it as knowledge that you wouldn’t have had before. Changing your mind isn’t bad. Attempting something and realizing it isn’t for you is NOT going backward, because you would have never known it if you hadn’t gone that route. Sometimes, your biggest failures literally pave the path to what you were always supposed to be, do, and have anyway. Go for life with reckless abandon. Take action. Change your mind when you want. Stop doing shit if you realize it’s not for you anymore. We talk ourselves into staying with stuff for OTHER people, when we are the only ones who pay the ultimate price. Only you are responsible for you at the end of the day, and where you end up. The time to try new things and change direction, to start that new thing or end that toxic relationship—is NOW.

  Start being grateful for the lessons.

  In fact, start being grateful in general. If you make it a daily habit to go through a gratitude list, you will be amazed how much your life will change. Even when things were at their lowest point, I’d at least be able to find some basics to be grateful for to get me through the day. Such as: I’m grateful for waking up, I’m grateful for my bed, I’m grateful for my health, I’m grateful for my family. I’ve heard it’s best to do first thing in the morning, but just do it whenever and wherever you can. What have you got to lose?

  You have to be extremely aware of the words that you use and your mindset. I have worked with some of today’s leading entrepreneurs. I’m talking about people with multiple seven-figure businesses. Do you want to know the difference between them and other people? They wholeheartedly believe they can have what they desire and aren’t afraid to try. They work hard on their mindset, and so should you.

  If you want all these positive “high vibration” things like joy, love, abundance, whatever that looks like for you, being negative and repeating lowly stuff will never reflect goodness into your life, because your life is a reflection of what you believe to be true. It’s so important that I’m going to say it again. Your life is a reflection of what you believe to be true. Consciously and unconsciously. People will treat you in accordance with how you feel about yourself. Granted, sometimes people are just assholes. Yet, everyone is here to teach us something. Spend time working on your deep, emotional shit. Sure, it’s not sexy, but your future is, and it will thank you for it.

  Start spoiling yourself a little.

  Do one thing each and every day that makes you feel good, and watch how your life shifts. It could be simple, like a walk outside or dancing to your favorite song. It could be eating your favorite candy bar (not 20, that will make you feel awful, duh), getting a massage, or watching your favorite trashy show. Think all this is crazy? So is doing the same thing over and over and expecting your life to be different. So, just try it, okay? Do it for me. But really, do it for you.

  When you start mastering this, you will want to start outsourcing things that don’t bring you joy when you are able to. What do I mean by this? One of my very successful clients hasn’t done laundry in five years, hasn’t washed a shirt, hasn’t folded her pants, hasn’t matched a sock. She hired someone to do this. Why? It’s a small expense that takes something off her plate that brings her zero joy. She is blessing someone else’s business by paying them to do it, and she gets that extra time each week to enjoy her family, take a walk outside, work on projects she loves, or do whatever brings her happiness.

  Why are we so afraid to spend money, a renewable resource, for time, a non-renewable resource? You can make more money; you cannot make more time. This doesn’t mean you should go into debt and live beyond your means, but once you prioritize yourself, shift your mindset, and raise your vibration, your life will shift. When it shifts financially enough for you to have a bit extra every week, don’t be afraid to start spending some of it to buy your time back for yourself, okay?

  What are you afraid of? Are you ready to start living (like REALLY living?) I hope so. I hope you will join me in this crazy dreamer’s world where we can have a full life, creating magical things, surrounded by people who inspire and lift us up.

  That is what I want for myself, and that is my parting wish for you.

  Chapter 26:

  Happy Endings?

  (We’re Not at a Massage Parlor)

  As I sit here in my kitchen writing this while sipping on some coffee, I realize how much life has changed for me. I have been through hard things, but haven’t we all? Yet, as I stare at my partner and my little baby girl and I share these words with you, I cannot fathom the torture I put myself through to get here.

  There is a state of flow in the world that feels so dang good when you can tap into it. These days look much different than they used to. I wake up and feed my daughter and go for a walk to hear the ocean. With the sun on my face, I look out as the waves crash and literally thank the heavens above that I am here, that I get to create and inspire, that I can write words hopefully that help other people. I get to be here for a lot of moments with my daughter. I get to enjoy a glass of wine with my friends on a nice patio and eat food that I love. Those things are blessings.

  I have created courses and mentorship opportunities to allow others to build businesses and lives that they love. I get paid to be myself, kind of like a Kardashian (but not really). I have designed a life and business around things that suit me. What’s next for me? I just really want to give back. I have created things for the woman that I was, for the things I was struggling with, for entrepreneurs who don’t know what to do next or how to get where they want to be, for women who are stuck, for people who want to design a life of their dreams, too.

  You can join our community of powerful people who are all about re-inventing themselves after hardships (or just because), building new lives and growing incredible businesses. We can support you if you’re wanting to make shifts in life and to live on another level. We share the crazy shit, the tears, the laughter, all of it. We aren’t afraid of failures. We give you the kick you need to get going with your dreams. And we pick you up when you don’t know how to move forward. We are strong, resourceful, kind, compassionate, and sarcastic as hell, and we love fiercely. We also like to have FUN.

  If these are the kind of women you want to surround yourself with, join the free community here:

  www.danielleprahl.com/party

  If you want to know more about me or what I do, you can find me hanging out online here:

  www.danielleprahl.com

  Thank you for taking your valuable time to share in my stories, adventures, lessons and dreams. Let’s change the world together.

  xx.

  Danielle