Love Me Love Me Knot

by Deb Lee

  Sophie raised her head from her laptop and took him in. All of him. Ryan leaned against the doorframe with his arms loosely crossed. He seemed larger than life at that moment, like he filled up the whole room. Not that there was much space left to be had with all the boxes that lined the back wall. Only her desk and a few necessary office supplies were left unpacked.

  She closed the laptop having just replied to a second grant that had been awarded to Chicks ’n’ Slicks.

  “Yeah. And thanks.” She looked at Charlie peacefully sleeping on the couch. Ryan had carried her into the office after she had fallen asleep in Sophie’s lap. “You know, for everything.” Sophie’s heart still thundered from what had happened. Or maybe it was because Ryan was still here.

  He stared at her, but she refused to fall into his gaze. Not this time. Not ever again. His Biblical-worthy exodus out of town after the cruise spoke volumes. Sure, he’d came back to interim at Up Front as it closed, but he didn’t try to see her, and that was for the best.

  Though, she was grateful he was here when Tomilson went crazy, that brought up another question. “Why are you here?”

  He stepped around the desk and took her hands, guiding her up. “I’m not asking you to trust me again. I don’t deserve that. But I do want you to know how sorry I am. Enough that I will turn around right now and never bother you again. But if any part of you believes me, then all I’m asking for is a chance to prove it to you.”

  She swallowed a hard lump. His eyes captured hers and his gaze slowly traced her face, settling on her lips. And like always, it elicited a deeply rooted tingling. It also pained her. The last time he’d made her feel that was right before she’d entered his cabin on the ship. She’d longed to feel like that again. But he was an editor in chief now in a land far, far away.

  Sophie shrugged. “How did you know where to find me?”

  “Grandmoo.”

  “She sold me out?” Sophie frowned. “She’s supposed to be Team Sophie.”

  “I can be pretty persuasive.” Ryan winked.

  “She’s not as shrewd now as she was in her hay day, I suppose.” Though Sophie knew it wasn’t true. Grandmoo had just helped pull a modern-day miracle pushing through her non-profit magazine. Typical time frame was a minimum three months and she got it done in less than three days.

  Ryan reached inside his coat pocket and withdrew some papers. “Here.”

  Sophie narrowed her eyes. “What’s this?”

  “Just look at them.”

  Sophie unfolded the carbon copies of what looked to be a contract. “Is this the same thing your HR department sent us? Because if so I have the copies in my drawer.”

  Ryan’s brows furrowed. “What are you talking about?”

  Sophie set Ryan’s papers down and reached into the top drawer, taking out a manila envelope. “Your stamped signature closing us down is right here. It was a nice touch having it delivered certified mail. Your formal apology in the official letter was heartwarming. Did your assistant come up with that, or do you write your own Dear John letters?”

  Ryan shook his head at the paperwork. A muscle tensed along his jaw. “This isn’t my signature.”

  “Well, they have a fine copy of it.”

  “That’s why I’m here, Sophie.” Ryan leaned on the desk. “I resigned.”

  What? “You quit?”

  “Yup.”

  “But why?” Her voice cracked but she couldn’t hide her enthusiasm. “That was your dream job. It’s what you killed yourself for. It’s what cost you . . .” Sophie couldn’t make herself finish that sentence. It’s what cost him them.

  “It’s because of bull like this.” He stabbed the packet with his finger. “This is not what I signed up for. It’s all bureaucracy and politics.”

  “Oh.” Sophie stared at the packet. Ryan’s finger turned white from the pressure. She picked up his hand, not sure what their physical boundaries were.

  He laced their fingers together. She didn’t realize how cold she was until she felt how warm he was. “Listen, Sophie. I am going to say this as plain and clear as I can. No more holding back.”

  Sophie gulped. Why’d he have to use his deep, sexy voice?

  “I love you. My day begins and ends with you in mind. I want every day to start and stop with you beside me. I thought I was doing what was right by my company, and in a roundabout way, by my father. I wanted him to be proud of me. But pride doesn’t keep me warm at night. I want you. Need you. I’d give up my dream job a million times if it means having you forever. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?”

  Sophie’s heart about exploded with want. Her insides melted at his feet. Every inch of her core longed for those words to ring true. She wanted more than anything to believe he was as sincere as he expressed. If only she could trust him. But that was the problem. She couldn’t trust him. Even if he meant well, she couldn’t give up any more for him. She was embarking on something great, and she didn’t have it in her to mend another broken heart.

  She was scared to try again. “Ryan, I . . . I don’t know.”

  Ryan grabbed the papers from the desk and placed them in her hand. “Read this, please. You’ll understand when you do. Then you can give me your answer. Or ask me to leave. And I’ll respect it whatever it is.”

  Sophie snapped the folded piece of paper open and began reading. Line by line, word for word, as she read on, her brows raised. And then it clicked. She looked up in disbelief. “It’s a rental agreement for Up Front’s building. Good for another six months.” She set the paper down and wiped her face.

  “It’s for your magazine.”

  “Ryan . . .” she started, her voice cracking and trailing. “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t need to say anything.” He took a step closer, his gaze trained on her lips.

  Her breath hitched, allowing the fullness of him to overpower her fading willpower.

  “There’s more you need to know. I’ve leased an apartment here. I can live anywhere with my blog. I have the support, and I still own my sports app. But I will be here. With you.”

  Hot tears blurred her vision. He was staying here? For her? He quit his job? For her? Rented out Up Front’s office space for her magazine? And donated a ton of money? She couldn’t stop shaking. She slumped onto the desk not convinced her legs would keep her upright.

  “I love you, Sapphire. I always have. And I’m sorry for not proving that to you before.”

  He was giving her his everything. And she loved him, desperately. Could she really let him go?

  “What if . . .?” Sophie’s words stuck in her throat. “What if you came on board with us? I can’t pay you or anything, and you’d be more eye candy and stuff, but it could be fun. And we rep a great cause.”

  Ryan’s lips spread wide and he stepped into her personal bubble. When she didn’t object, he threaded his fingers through her hair and leaned into her. He groaned like a man deprived of oxygen and devoured her lips with his. He was demanding and full of promise and Sophie answered back. Yes. Always.

  When he finally broke the kiss—pity—he touched his forehead to hers. “How’s that for an answer?”

  “Ew.” Charlie shifted on the couch. “Get a room.”

  Sophie smiled and fastened her gaze back on Ryan. “Sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a long time.”

  Epilogue

  Six Weeks Later

  The high-resolution sign, FIERCE, INC., hung where Up Front’s once did on the city building. The rich, red with a golden accent dwarfed the original sign. Ryan and Sophie couldn’t have envisioned it better when they sent the specs to the sign maker.

  Across the street, preparations for Fierce’s debut were almost done. The stage looked massive, decorated with Fierce’s bold insignia. Samp
les of the magazine’s covers flanked the sides, and the bleacher seats blocked all of West Highland Street, but who cared? Today was as close to perfect as they came.

  Thanks to The Department of Building and Housing, Mr. Tomilson’s building failed inspection and was officially condemned. Renovation for Fierce’s new office space drew publicity from all around the Bay due to its unique floor plan that included an aerodynamic sphere design, with a layout donated by a local contractor.

  “She looks beautiful,” Sophie said, standing with Ryan across the street, watching workers drill the new sign into place.

  “Not as beautiful as you.” He wrapped an arm tightly around her waist and kissed her nose, each cheek, and finally her lips.

  She blushed every time he did that, which was a lot.

  “Hey! You two. We don’t have time for that. Get a-movin’, we have two hours before the big reveal.” Donovan grabbed a few more boxes from his white Prius and headed for the building. Ryan walked over to help.

  Several of the former journalists and columnists from Up Front decided to join Fierce, giving Sophie the warm fuzzies. They could freelance with whomever. Some even decided to Uber people around the city, but they still wanted to remain active with this outreach, and that was more than Sophie could have ever hoped for.

  Amy hooked her arm around Sophie’s and dragged her to the other side of the street. “So, we have our sponsors in place, and both the online and periodical issues are set to launch in two months.”

  “Yep, and the daily blog from our professional contributor will help the magazine focus on relevant topics.”

  “Excellent.” Amy clapped her hands.

  “Sophie!” Charlie screamed, sprinting full speed down the street as if a twenty-five-foot spider was chasing her.

  Sophie cringed, nearly trampling over Amy as they both ran toward Charlie.

  Sophie patted the outside of Charlie’s jacket, checking her for missing limbs. “What’s wrong?”

  Ryan and Donovan jogged over.

  “Got a . . . had a . . . need to catch my breath.” Charlie’s cheeks were streaked with tears, and the attention of every person on the street rested on them, which was no easy feat in this city. The people around here were usually so glued to their technology, they’d only know that a bus hit them if they suddenly found themselves on the pavement squished and dead.

  Charlie panted for a few moments before Amy handed her a bottle of water.

  “What is it, Charlie?” Sophie’s anxiety was dialed to full on panic.

  “You’re not going to believe this. I don’t even believe it.”

  Sophie shook Charlie’s arm. “What is it, girlie? Spill it.”

  “I’m going!” she cried. “I’m really going.”

  “Going where? Did you meet a boy? The answer is no. Right now I am your unofficial guardian and I say no.”

  Charlie rolled her eyes. “No, dingbat, I’m going to school!”

  “What? When did this happen?”

  “Like, thirteen seconds ago!” Charlie beamed, holding up a semi-crumpled piece of typed computer paper, Bethany’s letterhead adorned across the top.

  Sophie began reading, “‘Dear Ms. Charlotte Williams . . . We are pleased to inform you . . .’” Sophie read further down coming to the important part . . . “Full scholarship!” She started screaming and scooped Charlie in her arms, dancing and jumping and screaming in circles around everyone.

  “When do you leave?”

  The bystanders moved along, probably assuming no blood, no fun.

  “I’ll start fresh in the spring.”

  “Okay, great.” Sophie’s internal mothering instinct sighed in relief. “But I was serious about the boys.”

  Charlie gave her a dirty look.

  Sophie grinned, “I am more proud of you than words can say, which as a journalist, kind of says a lot.”

  Charlie beamed. “I know.”

  An hour and a half later, goose bumps rose on Sophie’s arms and her nerves turned her stomach.

  “You’re gorgeous, toots.” Donovan dabbed another coat of matte foundation on her face. “Listen, I’ll be in the front row. Picture me in my underwear and you’ll be just fine.”

  A fresh wave of shivers that had nothing to do with nerves made her nauseous. “No, I’m pretty sure I’ll puke if I picture that.”

  “Well, I tried,” he said. “Okay, you look fab. I’m out. See you after the ceremony.”

  “Bye.” When he left, Sophie grabbed a handful of tissue and blotted the makeup. She checked her reflection for the umpteenth time, and when Ryan walked back in from checking on the crowd, she wrapped her arms around him.

  He nuzzled her neck. “It’s a full house out there.”

  She stuck her hand deep in his back pocket, where she’d put her notes since she didn’t have a pocket in her dress, and with a little squeeze, snatched them out.

  Ryan laughed. “You look fabulous and your notes are on point.”

  Sophie read them again anyway. “I’m so nervous. I want to mention it was your inspiration that started this magazine.”

  “Darling, you were the inspiration,” Ryan said, kissing the top of her head.

  He didn’t need to know how intricate his role was, and it was probably best. She tucked her hair behind her ears and Ryan gently grabbed her wrists.

  “You have nothing to be nervous about. Everything is as it should be.” He put his arms around her and squeezed. “We’re up in fifteen minutes. City Councilman Peterson just wrapped up how struggling teens with eating disorders will now have access to others just like them so they won’t feel so alone.”

  A silken cocoon of euphoria warmed Sophie. “You pulled all this off.”

  “We pulled it off.” He cupped her cheek and kissed her lips.

  Not thirty feet from where Sophie stood, several members of city hall, a reporter with the local paper, an affiliate with The Times, Channel 2 Nightly News, E!, two contributing pediatricians, one contributing dietitian, hundreds of young pioneer readers, and a few ad sponsors showed up for the ceremonial ribbon cutting outside the newly renovated office. Sophie overheard someone from The Times mention that this was some sort of record for a magazine launch, especially a local one with an online app already up and running ahead of schedule.

  “I’m so proud of you,” Red said, walking in.

  Sophie let go of Ryan and leapt to Red. “When did you get here?”

  Red embraced her. Sophie had never seen him in a Hawaiian print shirt and khakis before. He had always been the epitome of black slacks and ugly ties. “This morning,” he said. “And I’m heading back to the Vineyard tomorrow, but I wouldn’t miss the launch of your new magazine for the world.”

  Sophie blushed. “I’m so nervous.”

  “That’s a good sign. And this is what putting your heart into your career looks like. I couldn’t be prouder.”

  “Oh, Red, thank you for everything.”

  He put his hand on her cheek. “You’re my couch potato too.” He glanced over at Ryan and stuck out his hand. “Congrats, man.”

  Some kind of unspoken understanding passed between them that was totally lost on Sophie. “Thanks, Red.”

  “Okay, I’ll see you two out there in a little bit. I’m going to go bug Donovan about that haircut. Someone needs to.” With a shake of his head, he turned and left.

  Sophie smiled. “That was great.”

  Ryan whispered in Sophie’s ear. “Just wait. It gets better.” He took Sophie’s hand. “Come here.” Ryan discretely led her out of the dressing room and into their newly renovated office space swirling with nodes of freshly cut cedar and crisp, new paint.

  “What is it? You didn’t see a rat or anything, right?” Sophie laughed, placing a well-earned k
iss on his nose.

  When she stepped back, Ryan held a small ring brandishing a not-so-small princess-cut diamond. She clamped her hands over her mouth, stifling a squeak.

  “About ten years ago, I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life by letting you go. Yet you forgave me. I let building my portfolio and making a name for myself come before the only thing I really wanted. But in all that time, I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped loving you. I’m here now and I will never let you go.”

  Sophie realized if she didn’t start breathing, she’d never get engaged.

  “Sophie—” Ryan dropped to one knee. “Will you make me the happiest man ever?”

  Ryan hardly got the question out before she screamed. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes! Of course I’ll marry you.”

  He stood, smiling with satisfaction. “Let’s make it official.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Grandmoo, you can come out now.”

  “What? Grandmoo’s here?”

  Dressed in a fancy-sequined top with black slacks, Grandmoo shuffled out of hiding with the help of her walker. Ryan walked over and kissed her cheek. “After I asked Grandmoo for your hand in marriage, she told me about the funding account. I could only type in my donation so fast. I learned then about her visit with the attorney general, and your plans. And I very much wanted her to be a part of this moment.”

  “Wait.” She pointed at Grandmoo. “You knew about this? For six weeks? And didn’t say anything?”

  “Babydoll, I wouldn’t have told you if you threatened to put me in an old folk’s home. Some surprises are worth the wait.” Grandmoo pressed her lips together in a playful smile. “Though I did ask the boy to hurry up so I could get me some of those great grandbabies!”

  “Aw.” Sophie joined them and placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek. As always, Grandmoo smelled like floral-scented Bengay. It was her personal fragrance. “I’m so glad you’re here, Grandmoo.”