Crossing the Wide Forever

by Missouri Vaun

  Lillie lay very still giving Cody space to say more.

  “I should have left sooner than I did.” She looked at Lillie. “I should have taken Ellen away from there sooner.”

  “Where is she now?”

  “She’s with my aunt Hannah, my mother’s sister. I plan to send for her as soon as I’m settled somewhere. As soon as I’m able.”

  “Cody, I’m so sorry about your father.” Lillie pressed her body against Cody’s and hugged her. She didn’t know what else to say except she was sorry, and that seemed horribly inadequate.

  “I guess I’m glad you know.” Cody sniffed and wiped at another tear.

  They lay quietly for a few minutes.

  “If you let me, I have some salve that might make the scars soften and heal.”

  Cody hesitated, but then finally nodded.

  Lillie retrieved a small canister from her suitcase and knelt beside Cody on the bed. “Turn over.” Cody rolled over, gathering the pillow up under her chin.

  “Thank you,” Cody whispered.

  Lillie lifted the tail of the nightshirt and pulled it up until it was gathered at her neck. She kissed Cody’s shoulder and then tenderly spread the soothing potion on each mark all along Cody’s back.

  *

  Cody was dressed and waited for Lillie who’d offered to go down and fetch coffee and biscuits for them while Cody washed up. As she was closing the last buttons on her shirt, she noticed the sketch on the desk. She picked it up and held it closer. The drawing was still in her hand when she heard the door.

  “I hope you don’t mind. You were too perfect this morning and the light was so good…I felt compelled to sketch you.” Lillie set a small serving tray on the edge of the desk.

  “I don’t mind.” Cody set the drawing down and accepted the cup of coffee Lillie offered. “I’ve been wanting to get a look at your drawings, but I didn’t want to pry.”

  “I think there isn’t much you couldn’t ask me that I wouldn’t share with you.” Lillie’s cheeks flushed with color as she peered at Cody over her teacup. The teasing look she gave Cody brought the hummingbirds back to her stomach.

  “Thank you for breakfast. The biscuits are good.” Cody took half of a biscuit into her mouth in one big bite. “I guess I was hungry.” Crumbs flew out as she spoke.

  Lillie laughed. Then they were both laughing, which triggered a coughing fit with more crumbs flying, until Cody washed the whole business down with a large gulp of coffee.

  After they finished the light breakfast, Cody suggested they see about securing a team to pull their wagon. Ox teams were in great demand. They sold for around twenty dollars a yoke.

  Cody had heard other emigrants talking about the obstacles of travel by wagon when they’d been aboard the steamship. Consensus among the men seemed to be that the longer they lingered before hitting the trail, the later they’d leave and the worse the grass. That would mean less food for their team. Cody and Lillie had discussed staying one more day to fully outfit their rig, and then they would leave with the next group, which included Griffin and Nan, and was being led by Mr. Alexander.

  On the way to the livestock pens near the livery, they passed the open doors of saloons full of drunks. And it was still early. Aspects of this town appeared rough in a way Cody hadn’t seen before.

  A sense of desperation mixed with industry mingled in the air all around them. The folks that milled about seemed to represent every type and every rank of society. While not unlike the small community aboard the steamship, the extremes at each end in Independence seemed to swing wider.

  Cody made sure to keep Lillie close, and she paid careful attention to her surroundings. The livery building was crowded when they arrived. The smell of hay and sweat hung in the air of the large open office that adjoined the barn. Several men were queued up bartering with other men at a counter near the front. Tack hung along the walls. A man standing just inside the door turned and spit into a brass spittoon.

  Lillie had started to follow Cody inside but stopped. “I think I’ll wait outside.”

  Cody looked around and realized there were no other women in the livery office. “Okay, if you prefer. Hopefully, this won’t take long.” The sun was breaking through the clouds and warming the damp earth. Cody stood in the doorway and watched Lillie walk toward the rail fence along where cattle stood loosely gathered, munching hay.

  *

  Lillie smiled at Cody as she disappeared into the den of menfolk. Too much manliness in one room, Lillie had decided. When she reached the fence she crossed her arms on the top rail and rested her chin there.

  She’d never spent any time around farm animals, cows, or even oxen for that matter. Of course she’d had riding lessons in the summer, so she had some limited experience with horses, but that was the extent of her knowledge of animal husbandry. And yet somehow she’d believed that she could take over her uncle’s farm alone? The farther away from New York she traveled the more treacherous her journey seemed. What if she hadn’t met Cody? What if Cody hadn’t agreed to the marriage?

  She supposed she should prepare herself for all sorts of unexpected challenges as they traveled across the prairie. Probably dangers she couldn’t even imagine.

  Her life in New York seemed like a memory of a faraway place now. Like some mythical land with sculpted gardens, luxuriously appointed homes, cafes, and art galleries. Art galleries. Artists. Her stomach clenched at the thought of how far away she seemed to be from anyone who cared about art.

  A noise behind Lillie pulled her mind back to the moment. She turned to see that a few men stood nearby. One of them stood apart from the group, looking at her. She glanced down at her light blue floral print dress and back at the men and realized she looked sorely out of place.

  She felt uneasy but wasn’t sure why. The man took a step closer. He was unshaven, and even from several feet away smelled badly. She wondered if he worked in the stable. Although, if she were the owner she wasn’t sure she’d trust him around horses, let alone customers.

  “You lookin’ to buy a cow, missy?” He shuffled closer. His eyes were shadowed by the brim of his dusty hat so that she couldn’t see them well.

  “No, I’m here on other business.” She tried to move away from him, but her back bumped against the railing. She’d forgotten how close she was to the fence.

  He laughed and turned back to the others. “She’s here on other business, fellas.” They all laughed. She looked toward the door for Cody.

  “Maybe there’s some other business we could help you with.” He leered at her and edged closer. There was still about twenty feet between them, and she was just about to make a move for the livery office when Cody appeared.

  *

  Cody stepped out to check on Lillie because there was a bit of a wait inside. She turned to regard the loose cluster of four men slouching near the holding pen across from the livery. She stiffened when she realized one of them was talking to Lillie. She’d encountered men like this before back in Arkansas. Men of low character. Rawboned, weathered men who reeked of sweat, whiskey, and meanness.

  She followed their collective gaze to where Lillie was standing at the fence across from them. Her pale blue dress stood out against the dirt and mud all around the enclosure. For an instant, she could see Lillie as they must have, like an innocent lamb in a territory of wolves. Her heart seized, and she turned back to pin them down with a glare.

  As she drew near to Lillie, one of the men spoke.

  “You got yerself a pretty wife there, son.” He spat on the ground near his boot.

  Cody didn’t speak to him. He wasn’t trying to make conversation. She knew enough about his kind to know the man’s statement had been a warning. And she’d heard it loud and clear.

  Cody walked over to Lillie, standing directly in front of her to block the men’s view.

  “You can’t be here.” She spoke so that only Lillie could hear.

  “I know.” Lillie leaned into Cody’s shadow.
She looked frightened.

  “I’ll walk you back to the hotel.” Cody put a firm hand on Lillie’s elbow and marched them away from the livery back toward the well-populated shops in the central part of town.

  As they walked, Cody decided having a pretty wife presented its own set of problems, and she’d just gotten some advance warning that she should be prepared to defend them both. She realized how dangerous it would have been for Lillie to make the trip without an escort. It would have been impractical and foolhardy, at best.

  She resolved to teach Lillie how to shoot her pistol as soon as possible.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Lillie decided it was quite difficult to know what was necessary to pack and what could be left behind for travel across the prairie by wagon.

  The basic idea was to be able to keep house on the road. Bacon, beans, flour, salt, and other groceries along with essential tools and utensils for housekeeping and farming needed to be purchased.

  After the encounter at the livery, she had decided to gather the soft goods, food, and various supplies with Nan, while Griffin and Cody secured livestock, tools, and wagons.

  Lillie didn’t let on to Nan how much she didn’t know about cooking over a fire or sleeping in the open. She hoped she could watch and learn, although she also knew Nan to be a generous person who would no doubt be happy to coach her in the skills needed to help keep them fed while traveling.

  It was late in the day when Cody returned to the hotel. She washed up before supper. They had a fine meal in the dining hall that Lillie tried not to rush, but she was anxious to have Cody alone. They had one more night to enjoy the luxury of the honeymoon suite before sleeping in a rough wagon, partially exposed to the elements, for days.

  The wagon master, Mr. Alexander, stopped by their table during dinner. He was leading the group they’d be leaving with in the morning. It was safer for families to travel with others. There was safety in numbers she hoped, at least that seemed to be the prevailing wisdom. Mr. Alexander was responsible for organizing and guiding their wagon train. He’d traveled all the way to California on the Santa Fe Trail so he knew the route.

  “Good evening, Mr. and Mrs. Walsh. We’re to depart in the morning. Are you all set?” He was a stout man, tall and fit. He had a stern yet friendly manner. Lillie liked him. He reminded her in some ways of her father. Maybe Mr. Alexander had been a ship’s captain in a former career.

  “Yes, sir, we’re ready to leave. The wagon is stocked.” Cody stood up, while Lillie remained seated.

  “Excellent then. I’ll see you tomorrow at seven.” He tipped his head in Lillie’s direction. “Good evening, Mrs. Walsh.

  Lillie was a bit lost in thought as they finished supper and walked to their room. She’d tried to prepare herself, but in reality, that was impossible. After all, she was a city girl and had no idea what to expect from this part of their journey.

  “Do you think we really are ready?”

  “As ready as we can be.” Cody slipped the suspenders from her shoulders. They hung slack and bowed near her trouser-clad thighs.

  Lillie walked over and helped Cody with the buttons of her shirt. Cody braced her hands on her hips and watched Lillie work each fastener free.

  “You don’t mind this do you?”

  “Attention from you?” Cody draped her arms around Lillie’s waist. “I find myself just wanting more of it.”

  “Good. Because I think I rather like doting on you.” She turned around once Cody’s undershirt was revealed because she could tell Cody was still feeling shy.

  She heard the rustling of the sheets as Cody settled under the covers. Lillie felt Cody’s eyes on her from across the room, so she took her time undressing and laying her clothes out for the morning. Finally, she climbed in bed wearing a nightgown.

  She moved Cody’s arm away from behind her head and snuggled into the hollow space in Cody’s shoulder as was becoming her habit at bedtime. Cody pulled her close. She looked up and noticed the bed for the first time. It was mahogany with two carved swags of oak limbs entwined on the headboard, and she marveled that this detail had completely escaped her the previous night. She was reminded of the mahogany bed she’d left behind in New York and how she missed it.

  Cody was feeling anything but drowsy. Normally, she looked away when Lillie undressed for bed, but not tonight. Something had shifted between them the previous night. Some barrier had been stripped away. She felt close to Lillie in a way she hadn’t before. Maybe it was because she’d allowed Lillie to see her scars. She’d allowed Lillie to see her worst and Lillie hadn’t turned away.

  She watched reverently as Lillie had slipped out of her dress revealing the creamy perfection of her neck and shoulders, the indent at her waist just before the slight curve of her hips. Noticing these details only served to quicken Cody’s pulse as she lay waiting across the room. Waiting to be close to Lillie. And now Lillie was snuggled against her, and she wanted to say something, something meaningful, but she didn’t know what to say. Lillie was smiling and looking up at the headboard as if enjoying some private joke.

  “What’s funny?” Cody decided to try to distract herself with safe conversation.

  “This bed. It’s very similar to the one I had in New York. I didn’t even notice it last night.” Lillie kissed Cody on the cheek. “I was so distracted that I didn’t notice the bed we were sleeping in. What else am I not noticing I wonder?”

  Cody couldn’t help smiling. She let her fingers drift through Lillie’s hair. She wondered if Lillie could sense how nervous she was. Nighttime was becoming the thing Cody most looked forward to and the thing that also incited the most anxiety. Not a bad sort of anxiety, but a good sort, if there were such a thing.

  The collar of her nightshirt was open as the evening was warm, and she was even warmer lying next to Lillie. She closed her eyes as she felt Lillie’s fingertips trail down her neck and delicately brush across her exposed collarbone. The tiniest contact of her skin with Lillie’s fingers caused a waterfall of sensations for Cody. A tightness would start in her chest before it released and splashed like a rock into her stomach and then her legs would feel all twitchy, like they wanted to bolt and run. Regardless of what her legs wanted, the last thing her mind wanted was to run away. Instead, she wanted to run to Lillie. She wanted to be closer but wasn’t sure exactly how to go about it or what would be allowed.

  Dressed as a man she’d already upended many conventions she’d been raised to believe in. What would it matter to upend one more? Who was to say that women should only be with men? Maybe women had something unique to offer each other apart from men.

  “Does this make you uncomfortable?” whispered Lillie.

  She must have sensed how tense Cody was. She tried to force her muscles to unwind. She shook her head and reminded herself to breathe. In and out. In and out. Lillie’s lips were so close, and her fingers drew circles on her skin at the opening of her shirt. She’d never had anyone touch her the way Lillie did. Even the most casual gesture of affection cut through her like a knife blade.

  Lillie was lying partially on top of her, her thigh barely resting on Cody’s. She brushed a strand of loose hair off Lillie’s cheek. They held each other with their eyes in the near dark room. The faintest hint of light still issued from the dying fire, little more than the glow of one candle. But it was enough for her to see Lillie’s beautiful face just above hers.

  Their lips met, and she felt the weight of Lillie’s body sink into hers. She wanted to swallow Lillie whole, to have nothing to separate them.

  The kiss was needful, demanding, possessive. Lillie’s kiss was like a match strike to dry grass.

  Cody moved her hands luxuriously up and down over the outer curve of Lillie’s hips. She could feel the warmth of Lillie’s skin through the thin nightgown. Pressure was gathering in the place between her legs, and it was hard not to move against Lillie.

  Lillie must have felt something too. She shifted, which applied more pressur
e between Cody’s legs. She was now fully on top of Cody, and their centers were against each other moving in a very slow rhythm as they kissed.

  Every movement Lillie made caused some primal surge through her core, everything seemed to caress her; the air, the sheets, Lillie’s lips, the pounding of her own heart. Her nerves were frayed and electrified.

  Something was happening with Lillie that never had before, and whatever that thing was it made Cody feel very much alive. When she’d left Arkansas, her only notion was to get away. Any situation would have been an improvement she figured. She hadn’t expected to meet someone like Lillie, someone that she wanted to protect and care for.

  The encounter at the livery had unsettled her, but it had also strengthened her resolve to look after Lillie.

  “I guess we should get some sleep. Tomorrow is a big day.” Lillie kissed her once more, lightly, briefly, and curled up beside Cody again.

  “I’m really happy to be here with you.” Cody brushed her hand across Lillie’s shoulder. She’d wanted to say something more meaningful, but nothing sounded right in her head.

  “I’m happy too.” Lillie’s arm was draped across Cody’s midsection, and she squeezed her a little as she spoke.

  Cody wasn’t sure she’d be able to sleep. Her body hummed as she tried to lie still so that Lillie could drift off. Lillie’s soft curves tempted Cody’s view, and the scent of her skin invaded Cody’s senses. She wanted nothing more than to keep kissing Lillie. She squeezed her eyes shut. Tomorrow they’d really be on their own. Sure, they’d be traveling with others in the company of wagons, but they would need each other now more than ever.