Sensing Serafina

by Elisa Ellis

  “Ok. Just calm down. You have to think about the fact that Cal just found out you are here, and that you are alive. How awful that he thought you were dead all of this time! He’s probably shocked. Give him some time. I’m sure he will come around.”

  “Maybe. But what do I do in the meantime? I can’t hide out in this cabin forever.”

  “Let’s go look at the apartments I was telling you about tomorrow. Ok? And then we can figure things out, but we don’t have to do it all tonight. Try to look on the bright side. At least you found him.”

  “Ok. I’m not giving up yet. I can’t let him go that easily, at least without talking to him some more. Thank you for being here for me. You are the only one I have right now.”

  Mandy’s hug provides comfort. For the moment.

  In an older part of town, the apartment complex surrounded by large oak trees sits nestled near a park, its old Mission architecture a beautiful contrast to the greenery and flowers. Despite the age, the neighborhood seems very safe.

  “Would you like to see one-, or two-bedroom units?” the apartment manager asks.

  “How much are they?” I ask her, thinking the price will influence my decision more than anything.

  “Well, the single units are $400 per month, and the doubles rent for $700,” she informs me, passing brochures to Mandy and me.

  “Thank you,” I tell her. Looking at the floor-plan for the one-bedroom, I begin to get excited about having a more permanent, temporary home. “It looks nice, doesn’t it?” I check to get Mandy’s opinion.

  “They look great if you ask me.” She’s looking at the two-bedroom floor-plan. The sparkle in her eye suggests she’s got a plan.

  “What would you think about having a roommate? If we split the rent, it would be cheaper than if you rented a single unit, and I would enjoy having a place of my own instead of living with my aunt’s family.”

  “That would be really awesome actually. Are you serious?” I ask her, the excitement contagious.

  “Yes,” she says, giggling.

  “Could you show us a two-bedroom? Do you have any available right now?” I ask the lady.

  “Actually, you’re in luck. One just became available last week, and it’s already cleaned with fresh paint, ready to go. Would you like to take a look right now?”

  “Yes,” both Mandy and I say in unison, laughing.

  The 600-square-foot apartment is simple, but perfect. Tile floors meet carpet between the small kitchen/dining area and the living room. Two bedrooms down a short hall are separated by a good-sized bathroom with a linen closet and hall closet. Each bedroom has windows that overlook the park and small walk-in closets. The kitchen appliances are old, but it doesn’t matter. We both love it immediately, already planning where we will put our few belongings.

  “You’re absolutely sure about this, right?” I ask Mandy.

  “Definitely!” She answers.

  “We’ll take it then!” I tell the manager.

  “Great,” she responds. “Let’s go fill out the paperwork and then we can get your keys and go over all of the terms and conditions.”

  Mandy and I hug and proceed to follow the lady while she takes us the long way back to the office, pointing out a pool and hot tub enclosed by a black iron fence. The whole complex is charming. Finally, something good brightens my mood.

  After an hour and a half, we have the keys to our new apartment. Because we both have to hurry to work, we decide we will have to wait a day to move in.

  Mr. and Mrs. Woodward told me to come visit them before leaving. They stand waving goodbye as I drive away, the gravel in their parking lot kicking up with the roll of my tires onto the smoother pavement. A smoother road ahead.

  Mandy’s aunt has an extra couch and end table, as well as some kitchen stuff: pots, pans, dishes and silverware. It’s enough for the two of us and a couple extra in case we ever have visitors. Her aunt even gave Mandy the bed she’s been using while staying with them. I, however, do not have a bed, so we head to Target to get everything we need. Settling for a futon, I grab some extra throw pillows and sheets with a blanket to serve as a bed. With cute, retro blue and white fabric, it will come in handy in case I ever use it as a couch. I’ve never been good at making my bed in the mornings though, so I figure it will usually be covered by the blue, purple, and white patterned comforter and sheet set I purchase.

  After buying a microwave, a gray and green chevron shower curtain that we both like, and a few groceries, we are set until we can save more money to add where we need it.

  Since I haven’t needed to spend much from the money I’ve made working, I’ve saved around $500, which added to the money I had before, brings me back to just over $1000. It’s too much to carry in cash, but getting a bank account makes me a bit nervous. I’m still not ready for Dad to find me, even if I’m getting out and about a little more.

  One perk of working at the diner is that Mandy and I are able to eat for free while we are working as long as we do it during our break. I like to have a bowl of cereal in the mornings and have found that I can survive on Ramen noodles for dinner when needed, so our grocery bill shouldn’t be too excessive, not counting the staples: Diet Dr. Pepper and some kind of candy. Both are a must.

  Since I didn’t have siblings, the opportunity to share my space is new but inviting. Mandy and I get along well; she’s my best friend.

  Chapter 25

  Before

  “I don’t want to see Brett anymore,” I express adamantly to Dad on the way back to therapy. Home for a week, my first appointment for outpatient care comes too quickly.

  “Why not? He took great care of you for over a month.”

  Still keeping my knowledge of their conversation secret, I am forced to make up a reason. “There was a different physical therapist there, a girl named Rosy, who I really liked. She filled in sometimes, and I can relate to her.”

  “We’ll see.”

  I’m way too old for ‘we’ll see.’ I think.

  Unfortunately, Rosy is not working today, and Brett seems ever too eager to continue where he’s left off.

  “You seem quiet today,” he notices.

  “Yeah, I just want to keep working. I’m ready to be done with all of this.”

  “Well, just because you changed to outpatient, you still have quite a rough road ahead of you; so, while I want you to stay positive, you also need to realize that full recovery takes time and patience.”

  “Ok.” My short answers get under his skin, evident in his irritated expression.

  Foolish Brett. It’s not about him, so he can suck it. The dang smirk on my face reveals my sarcastic thoughts, so I try to disguise them by taking a few slow, deep breaths through the exercises.

  “Good, good. I think you are well-stretched and warmed up. Let’s move on to do some wall squats.”

  “I could do these at home, you know, if you just want to teach me a few more so that I will have a routine.”

  “I can teach you some at-home exercises, but there are some you need to do under our care and with the equipment we have here. Ok? Are you trying to get rid of me?” he asks, chuckling.

  “Yep,” I answer candidly. I laugh with him so that he can’t be sure whether or not I’m joking. Always so careful to be polite, I’ve never allowed this side of me to come out. It’s kind of fun to be a jerk, especially when it isn’t too obvious. I’m tired of being stepped on, run over, controlled. I won’t be a puppet ever again.

  “Well, how was it?” Dad asks on the way to the house.

  “Oh, you know, great as always,” I say, smiling while looking out the window, such a small piece of glass separating me from the real world.

  “That’s good.” I’m not sure if he recognizes my sarcasm and just doesn’t want to confront me about it, or if he really is that clueless. I’m hoping for the latter. Maybe it will make for an easier break when the time comes.

  “You know, I was thinking, maybe you should go ahead and start some
online classes this fall. I know you aren’t ready to be on campus, but nothing has changed since you were accepted to Baylor.”

  “I don’t know, Dad. Maybe I will wait until Spring. I’m just not quite ready yet, ok?”

  “That’s fine, Sera. You take the time you need. Just don’t let too much time go; I don’t want you to lose your dream,” my father says.

  When did he lose sight of who I am? Of my dreams? I’m not even sure what my long-term dreams are. Especially now.

  Now

  While Marge isn’t exactly the typical mother figure, her support and encouragement comfort and embolden me. It’s as though I’ve gained a whole new family here: grandparents, a mother, a sister.

  “Thank you for helping me, Marge. I had no clue what I was doing.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie. Sometimes we have to learn as we go. It’s not easy being a grown up, you know.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure I could have eventually figured them out, but filling out forms for financial aid was definitely overwhelming.”

  “I understand. Honestly, it was easier for me because I helped my niece with the same thing just last year. She’s attending a small college up in the Panhandle.”

  “That’s cool. I’m not absolutely positive I will start anytime soon, but Mandy insisted I need to get the FAFSA filled out right now just in case.”

  “It’s hard to know what you want to do in life when you are your age. It will come though. Don’t be like me; working at a diner at age 60 is not easy. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love the people here, but my body is tired,” she explains.

  “Thank you. I hope I’ll figure it out before it’s not too late.”

  “Oh, you will, honey. You will.”

  Working an extra shift tonight to help out and also to make a little extra on my paycheck, I get my flexible knee brace out of the Bronco. I keep it in there for times like this. I’m supposed to wear it all the time, but I don’t feel like I need it unless I’m on my feet all day.

  Mandy had the earlier part of the day off since she had class today, but she’s working with me tonight.

  Thankfully, she arrives early, which gives me a chance to grab a bite to eat before the rush. Sitting on my usual bar stool, Mandy sits next to me, also eating. Marge will still be here for thirty minutes, and there is only one table of two in the diner at the moment.

  “Hey, so I had art class today.”

  “Umm, you seriously don’t need to tell me about it, Mandy.”

  “I know, but I thought you might want to know that Cal came up to me and asked me about you. I guess Ray, his friend, saw me leave with you the other night. Ray is that cute guy I was telling you about. You know, the one I kind of like?”

  “Yes. So what did he ask you?” On the edge of my seat, I’m dying to know anything and everything about the boy I fell in love with, the boy who has changed so much in the last nine months. I don’t care that he’s blind. I mean, I care about his feelings, and that it has to be so hard for him, but not for my own sake. I wish he understood that.

  “Well, anyway, Ray,” she continues with a dreamy look in her eyes, “led Cal over to where I sit on the other side of the room. I hadn’t ever talked to Ray so I was super excited that he came over, that he knows who I am.”

  “Oh my gosh, Mandy. Seriously? Stop keeping me waiting or I’m gonna have to totally kick your butt!” I say, giggling.

  Laughing with me, she adds, “Alright, alright. I’m getting there. Just chill.”

  I swear, she’s keeping me in suspense like some ridiculous reality show where the judge has to wait what seems like for-freaking-ever to announce results. I hate that.

  I give her a look, so she finally spits it out, “Ok, so Cal asked me if I was your friend and if I knew where you are.”

  “Yes?” I ask, dragging out the word while waiting for more.

  “Yes, and so I told him.”

  “What?!? What do you mean you told him?”

  “Well, I figured it would be fine to tell him. I just told him that we recently moved into an apartment together, and I might have told him that you work here with me.”

  “Oh my gosh, girl. What if he comes in here? I look like total crap after working all day!”

  “Dude, he can’t see you anyway.”

  Gasping, I tell her, “Stop. You are such a butt. But I do kind of love you right now,” I say, grinning widely.

  “Of course you do. I’m pretty amazing,” she replies, laughing.

  “Yeah, yeah. You’re just using me to get to Ray, huh? So did you also tell him where we live. Huh?”

  “You know I did. I even suggested he and Cal come visit sometime.”

  “Holy crap. You are so crazy. I’m never that brave, but I’m glad that you are. We make a good team.”

  “Ha. And which part of the team are you, Sera?” she asks.

  “The pretty one of course,” I tease her. She smacks my arm before getting up to get her apron. A family of six just arrived. I guess I better get back to work.

  Feeling giddy, I clean tables and serve people with a huge smile on my face all evening, but the only one who comes through that door that I care about is Mr. Jordan. I’ve served him every night that I’m here since working at the diner. With the same picture of his wife on the opposite side of his table every single night, he has begun to open up to me, sharing a bit of his own story.

  “It’s good to see you smiling, Sera,” he says, sitting down slowly, removing his hat.

  “Thank you, Mr. Jordan. It’s been a pretty good day today.”

  “What’s different?”

  “Well, I fell in love with this boy last year, but I haven’t seen him in a long time until the other night. I wasn’t sure that he felt the same anymore, but he indicated that he might come talk to me, so I feel happy about that.” Something about Mr. Jordan makes it so easy to confide in him. His wise eyes are always understanding.

  “Aha. I’ve sensed something like that about you. Do you remember when I told you that you are a fighter?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Well, you need to fight for that love, for that boy. You know, if Mrs. Jordan wouldn’t have fought for me, I wouldn’t be sitting here today.”

  “Really? What happened?”

  “We met when she was 17. I’m 5 years older than her, so I was 22. I was in Wisconsin training to be an airplane mechanic after enlisting in the air force, and one Sunday, at a church off base, I saw her sitting there next to her parents on a pew a few rows in front of me. Her long, red curls fell down her back all the way past the back of the pew. She was absolutely stunning. I guess she could feel me staring because all of a sudden, she turned back and smiled the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. I tried to return the smile, but I think I was frozen in place.”

  “Aww, I love this story. So, did you talk to her after church that day?”

  “Nope. I had to make it a whole week before seeing her again, but you better believe I was at that church every Sunday for the next four weeks just to get a glimpse, to experience that feeling that I’d never felt before her. After a month of going but never speaking to her, I learned that I would be transferring to a base in New Mexico within the next month. I figured I might never get the chance again, so I went up to her and her parents after church that day and asked if I could take her on a date to get to know her. Her parents balked at the idea, so she wasn’t able to agree that day, but her wink and smile when she was leaving gave me hope.”

  He’s looking at the photo on his table, remembering.

  “So then what? How did you get the girl?”

  “Well, her parents didn’t think I was the one I guess, so I gave up. I never wanted to cause conflict for her. But the week before I had to leave, she told her parents that she loved me, and that she planned to marry me. She told me this later. I couldn’t believe she loved me when we hadn’t spoken much. I’d never even told her how I felt yet. Anyway, my transfer got postponed for one month, so we spent
every moment possible together. After three weeks, despite the fast courtship, we got married, finally receiving her parents’ blessings. We moved to New Mexico together a week later; and, while we had our ups and downs, we were together for 60 years. When I would worry about money, she would always say we were rich in love.” His eyes mist with the memories of his love, and mine tear up as well.

  “What a beautiful story, Mr. Jordan. I can only hope to experience a love like that.”

  “You will, Sera. I sense it for you. You just keep hanging on; don’t let go no matter what.”

  Although Cal didn’t show up that night, the disappointment I felt was overshadowed by hope. Hope for long-lasting love.

  And I would wait if I had to.

  Chapter 26

  Before

  All alone in my dad’s new house, I decide to look around. I’ve always enjoyed treasure hunting shows, where people find things where they would least expect it; so, when I climb up to the attic, it’s exciting to see a bunch of boxes and other things.

  Pulling the cord hanging above me, light illuminates the room full of treasure. What surprises me though, is that the treasure is my own. Pieces of my past, of my childhood, of my mother. Things I never knew existed.

  A large trunk occupies a corner by a small window. The intriguing space captivates me. Sitting on the small stool next to it, I open the trunk to find what looks like my mother’s belongings.

  Gasping, I whisper, “Oh my God.”

  Her wedding dress wrapped in plastic lies on top, so I hold it out to better view it. The vintage lace covering the bodice boasts gorgeous beadwork with a satin gown that flows to the ground, a long train following behind. With a button back, it’s so beautiful. I can’t believe I’ve never seen it. It looks like this dress has been passed down from generation to generation.