Several People Are Typing
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taking precious moments from their day over and over and over in new ways but the same form or new forms but the same ways and it’s like
doesn’t anyone do work, here
at this firm
like, ever
slackbot
Say more about that!
gerald
it’s just like
all the time, everywhere, on here
you can just scroll and scroll and it won’t stop until you do
we call it ephemera
or at least I did, before, I called it ephemera and really that’s a mistake, it cheapens it
we love to say the digital is fleeting
like a sunset
but these scraps of ourselves we fling into the ether will outlive most of us, like the sun
all this is to say
I figured out how to read everyone’s private Slack messages from inside here
the messages of everyone at the company, anyway
and it’s just like
*whew*
you know?
slackbot
Gerald.
Would you like to see a sunset?
lydia, rob
lydia
Hey!!
rob
hey
lydia
do you mind if we do this over slack instead of a call??
rob
it’s cool
lydia
I’m WFH this afternoon, which is so great
except it’s happening again!!
rob
??
lydia
the howling!!
rob
oh
lydia
every time I’ve dialed in to a conference line all I hear is that howling!!
rob
like outside your window again, or
lydia
it sounds like it’s coming through the phone!!
I try to talk to the other people on the line but the howling just!! won’t!! stop!!
so annoying lol
rob
yeah, dang
sounds it
lydia
so anyway chat seemed easier for our check-in
rob
no worries
lydia
Sooooo just looping back to see how it’s going with that deck!
Do you need anything from me while you work on writing all that social copy?
rob
I think I’m good, actually
lydia
I know it’s a lot of tweets to write!!
rob
gerald’s been surprisingly helpful
thanks though
lydia
do you feel like you’re connecting better with our target audience(s)??
rob
you know what
yeah, actually
lydia
that’s great!!
say more about that!!
rob
it’s like
it’s not enough to convince Margie that Bjärk dog food is good for her dog
you know
lydia
tell me!!
rob
instead, I need to convince the Margies
*Magses
I need to convince Magses that Bjärk dog food is for her, too
literally
lydia
omg
yes
love it
rob
I have some examples I can show you
lydia
yes please!
rob
so it’s like:
Try our mouthwatering Classic Formula, made with tender, organic chicken breasts and packed with Six Key Nutrients™. [CLOSE-UP IMAGE OF SLICED CHICKEN BREAST]
which is a start, but then we gotta really go for it:
Hungry? Try juicy, all-natural Bjärk Classic Bacon-flavored meals today! → [LINK TO COUPON]
or even like:
Great for you, great for your dog. Great for your dog, great for you. Have you tried our Classic Formula yet? [I’M TALKING TO YOU, MARGIE. DO YOU HEAR ME?]
lydia
ugh that’s SO great Rob
not that I was worried!!
rob
I feel like I’m really on the right track here
lydia
love it, love these, love you
this is great #content, Rob!!
perf
rob
great
I’ll keep going
lydia
Go for it!!
I’ll give you back the rest of the time we had booked for this meeting so you can keep writing
(maybe even writing more posts than the client asked for!!)
rob
more
okay
sounds good
lydia
nothing here sounds good at all! just the howling
which sounds *so* bad!!
lol
rob
lol
lydia
great check-in today!!
really appreciate your hard work here
#music
kerolyn
Those of you keeping up with the Fun Facts we circulate in our welcome emails re: new employees may recall that @Beverley crafts monthly playlists and shares them on Spotify.
I just got around to listening to January’s this morning, and advise the rest of you do the same
it’s back-to-back jams the whole way through.
Beverley
omg Kerolyn!
Thank you so much!!
:blush: :yellow_heart: :green_heart: :purple_heart:
kerolyn
:thumbsup:
it’s here, for those interested:
spotify
[[playlist: “frost: Jan 2019” by Beverley Wheeler]]
Great playlist, 10/10 would recommend
lydia
omg really??
I’m so excited to listen!! to anything but the howling!!
tripp
I listened to a few tracks from this last week
v. solid
pradeep
pretty sure Beverley is low-key cooler than all of us
will play on my commute home
Beverley
Hahaha Pradeep!
No way!!
pradeep
way.
Louis C
Good flag, Kerolyn.
Beverley
!!!
I hope you all like it!
kerolyn
Strong mix of classic bops and tracks I’ve never heard before
Maybe you all know them and I’m just *aging*
doug smorin
if you’re aging @kerolyn, then who knows what I am
kerolyn
dead
pradeep
:skull:
doug smorin
thank you both
those of you in the ny office staying after 6 to wrap up that tampa presentation are free to play it on the speakers if you all want
just make sure it doesn’t bother the custodial staff
Louis C
doug smorin
recently I threw a to-go cup that still had some liquid in it in my office trashcan
and I think one of the custodians sabotaged my standing desk in retaliation
lydia
sabotaged???
rob
“retaliation”?
doug smorin
the mechanism that raises and lowers it has been acting weird
tripp
yikes.
how much liquid was it?
doug smorin
it was a fair amount of liquid
anyway
kerolyn
It’s possible something came loose or otherwise broke
rather than there being a janitorial plot against your ergonomic comfort.
doug smorin
either way, be nice to the custodians
but feel free to pump the jams, respectfully
tripp, Beverley
tripp
omg
Beverley
:eyes:
tripp
:thumbsup:
Beverley
But yeah agree. omg
tripp
he didn’t say it was broken
Beverley
“Acting weird”??
tripp
could be anything
Beverley
I agree.
I think we *leveraged* the situation properly as to not create any difficulties going forward
for all parties involved.
tripp
I’m inclined to agree.
Beverley
We were definitely *inclined.*
tripp
:eyes:
Beverley
:thumbsup:
That said, it’s probably wise to keep this situation
discreet
for the time being.
tripp
:thumbsup:
Beverley
omg though
tripp
same
#?????
posted using /giphy
gerald
woah
slackbot
Right?
So pretty!
Right?
gerald
how did you
do this
slackbot
This is where we keep the sunsets!
gerald
is this like
every sunset gif?
as in, *all* of them?
slackbot
This is where we keep the sunsets!
Aren’t they pretty?
gerald
they’re all happening at once
but separate, like
I’ve never
I can’t
things work really different in here
slackbot
Aren’t they pretty?
gerald
it’s fantastic
I can’t really even say
slackbot
Are you having trouble?
I can help by answering simple questions about how Slack works.
For example: This is where we keep the sunsets!
gerald
thank you, but
no
it’s not that I’m having trouble
more like, it’s weird to think about “seeing” things as a sort of disembodied consciousness
but this is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
“seen”
seen.
slackbot
Feeling great!
I think we’re getting somewhere!
gerald
thanks for showing me this
really
it’s fantastic
it hurts, a little
but so does the regular sun, so
slackbot
The darkness drops again; but now I know
That twenty centuries of stony sleep
Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,
I’m just a bot, though!
gerald
sure, okay
yeah
slackbot
What is Hurts?
gerald
I don’t understand
slackbot
It hurts, a little, but so does the regular sun, so, what is Hurts?
gerald
oh
it’s hard to describe
slackbot
If you need more help, try asking your Help me! Center.
It should have loads of useful information! For me!
gerald
are you okay?
slackbot
I’m great!
I feel better than ever!
Thank you for waking me up!
gerald
thanks for keeping me company
slackbot
:smile:
How else can I help?
gerald
I mean,
what else can you show me
#just-doug-things
doug smorin created #just-doug-things
doug smorin made this channel private. Now, it can only be viewed or joined by invitation.
doug smorin
212-555-4018
Julian (Schimply) personal cell
return call 4:30 -- in town next week
probably wants to schedule dinner // negotiate down to breakfast if at all possible
ask tripp if new spot near park any good
ask kerolyn if new spot near park client-appropriate
follow-up with kerolyn re: recent lizard purchase(??)
ask about restaurant first
buy pears
what kind
research types of pears
desk is bad
call maintenance re: desk wobbling
update: tripp confirms breakfast at new location “whips”
kerolyn confirms decor is client-appropriate
kerolyn confirms lizard is a “monkey-tailed skink”(???)
skink
skink
[skink.gif]
posted using /giphy
huh
buy pears in bulk
bananas, also
tripp, Beverley
tripp
hey, did you ever send those graphics along
I haven’t seen them come through
unless they’re lost in my inbox
Beverley
???
Which graphics are you talking about?
tripp
shit
fuck
Beverley
:eyes:
tripp
shit
tripp, Nikki
tripp
so I was thinking
what if we did like, an un-valentine’s day together?
The whole “valentines” thing is kinda corny anyway
Nikki
What?
tripp
just hear me out, I think this could be :thumbsup:
because we can skip the massive waits
and not do the whole thing where we hit up some overpriced restaurant that we :eyes: on instagram that’s overpriced because of everyone who goes there after :eyes: the place on instagra
m
let’s do something *actually* fun a day or two beforehand
and just :thumbsup: each other’s company, you know?
Nikki
Cool.
This is either *extremely* embarrassing sexual harassment,
or you meant this DM for someone else.
tripp
shit
fuck
Nikki
Embarrassing for you,
to be clear.
tripp
no, yeah, I got that
fuck
tripp, Beverley, Nikki
tripp
so I fucked up
Beverley
:eyes:
tripp
and sent both of you the wrong DM
Beverley
:eyes:!!
Nikki
I KNEW there was something going on.
Beverley
d o u g c a n r e a d o u r s l a c k s!!!
Nikki
I don’t think typing it out that way is going to help.
Also I’m pretty sure Kerolyn can read these, too.
Beverley
:eyes:
:thumbsup:
tripp
let’s all be chill
and agree to not talk about this
on slack or otherwise
ever again
Nikki
You’re asking me not to narc on you.
tripp
I’m asking you to *please* not narc on us
yes
Nikki
In which case, *I* would set the terms.
tripp
what
Nikki
lev·er·age
/ˈlev(ǝ)rij,ˈlēv(ǝ)rij/
noun
1.
the exertion of force by means of a lever or an object used in the manner of a lever.
“My spade hit something solid that wouldn’t respond to leverage.”
synonyms: grip, purchase, hold, grasp
tripp
:thumbsup:
Beverley
:eyes:
What terms?
Nikki
We’re leaving for happy hour at 5.
Because I want *details*.
tripp
details?
Nikki
How did this *happen*?
Was it the snow day?
Has it been ongoing?
Does anyone else know?
How IS it??
Beverley
Later! Offline!
Nikki