The One You Feed

by Renee Miller

  “Why not wait until next year to start?”

  “I already got my loans. They’ll make me pay it back right away if I don’t go.”

  “Oh.” Hayley sipped her coffee again.

  He scanned the room, the silence growing unbearable after a few moments. “I was worried that I’d be stuck with a bunch of old biddies and so relieved to see you walk in, even if you aren’t my type.”

  Hayley bristled. That was not what she wanted him to say. “Pardon?”

  He shrugged. “I mean for dating. Don’t be offended.”

  “Hardly.”

  “Just because we’re a guy and a girl doesn’t mean we have to date. I usually go for smaller girls, cuter, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t okay.”

  “Thanks,” she muttered.

  “So, what’s your type?” he asked.

  “I don’t really have one,” she lied.

  “Everyone has a type.”

  “I guess tall dark and handsome.”

  “Well, too bad you’re not what I usually go for.”

  She didn’t return his smile; he could go fuck himself. “You’re hardly tall, and while you’re…passable, I wouldn’t go as far as to say you’re handsome.”

  “Don’t be so sensitive. We’ll make great friends, and who knows, sometimes familiarity breeds a little attraction.”

  What a dick. “Look at the time.” Hayley stood, picked up her uneaten éclair, and smiled. “Don’t want to be late for class on the first day.”

  He grabbed his coffee and, much to her dismay, he stood as well. “Sure. Lead the way.”

  She walked through the thinning mass of people and out the door, not pausing to hold it or to see if he followed.

  —

  During their last class, a horrifying hour Tom called “Effective Presentations,” she could ignore Connor no longer. Tom paired them into groups.

  When he listed her and Connor as partners, she didn’t try to stifle her groan. Tom gave her a little frown but said nothing. Connor moved around the table to sit next to her.

  “For this exercise we’ll be having a dialogue. I’ll give you the topic and some questions to get you started. You’ll have a few minutes at the end of each class to work on this, anyone who wants to get together after class—I leave that up to you. We’ll have presentations in two weeks; I want a full dialogue at least five minutes long.”

  “I didn’t mean to piss you off. I was just trying to break the ice,” Connor said when Tom sat behind his desk and instructed them to begin.

  “Sure, telling a girl she’s not your type but you might be persuaded to be attracted, given enough time, is an excellent way to win her over.” Hayley stared at the page Tom had given them.

  “I was just being honest.”

  “Whatever. Can we do this? We won’t have any time after class.”

  “I can come over to your place. We can order pizza or something and work on it.”

  “Um, no.”

  He smiled. “Come on, let’s agree to be friends. I can’t help it if I don’t see you as girlfriend material.”

  “I don’t care who you like or don’t like, and I am not interested in a boyfriend or a friend. I want to pass this course and get on with my life,” Hayley’s voice rose and she struggled to lower it.

  “Okay, relax.” Connor picked up his paper and read it.

  They spent the remaining thirty minutes reading their papers, not uttering a word.

  When the bell rang, Connor handed her a slip of paper. “My number, in case you deem me worthy of your time. We can meet up and work on this.”

  “Sure.”

  “Hey, I’m really sorry. Maybe if you chilled a bit, guys might be more receptive. A pretty face only goes so far. Without that or a personality, you’re going to be lonely.”

  Hayley sneered at him. Was he joking? Did he realize how deep he was digging his hole? What an asshole. She gathered her things and shoved them into her bag before grabbing her coat off the back of her chair. Without a word, she left the room.

  Of all the arrogant, rude comments anyone could ever make, he’d topped them. By the end of the month he’d be begging her to go out with him and she’d turn him down cold.

  CHAPTER 43

  After their disastrous first meeting, Hayley chased Connor with everything she had, determined to prove he was wrong. Most days she preferred a ponytail and no makeup. She wore jeans, T-shirts and tennis shoes. When she went to school, she carefully applied makeup the way Mandy’s mom had shown her. She wore skirts and sweaters and cute little blouses, or her favorite jeans that made her butt look exceptionally good.

  Then she flirted with guys around the school, even Tom, who encouraged her too much. At first Connor ignored her, only speaking about their project and nothing else. Once or twice she caught him leaning in closer.

  She’d paid attention when he told Nadine he preferred soft scents on a woman, like musks and fruity perfumes. Nadine wore strong flowery scents, enough to knock a person out if they were stuck in close quarters with her. Connor had the nerve to mention it one day and Nadine asked what he’d prefer her to wear.

  The next Monday, Nadine and Hayley arrived in class smelling like fruit salad. One week—when studying human behavior—Tom asked the class what their rules of attraction were, in order to show them the impact that the media placed on their thoughts and beliefs. Within the first week, they’d acquired six more members of their class; all women. Hayley didn’t think the rules of attraction for a class made up almost entirely of one gender would differ very much.

  Tom sent half of the class, five women, to watch videos in another room. When they returned, he began the attraction discussion to prove that their opinions of beauty had been influenced by what they watched. It was a fascinating experiment, though hardly conclusive in Hayley’s opinion.

  Connor said he preferred women with dark hair; redheads and blondes did nothing for him, and he liked petite frames, because, Tom suggested, he wanted to feel like the protector.

  Hayley figured she couldn’t do much about her size, but she could darn well fix her hair. The next night she dyed it a dark brown hoping to obliterate the hated coppery highlights that ran through it. She had been disappointed when her result was simply darker shades of red, but decided that since the red was less noticeable, it would work.

  On the Saturday before their dialogue project was due, Hayley invited him over to finish it. Her parents were working and Jacob sworn to secrecy if he wanted to stay downstairs. That day Connor won a little piece of her heart when he took time to talk to Jacob and play a few video games with him. Was it a big enough piece to forgo her plan, though?

  She thought about that question as she sat on the front steps reading. Now, she didn’t want to win him just to reject him. She wanted to win him and keep him.

  Gravel crunched on the road. She looked up from her book. Connor rode into the yard on his bike.

  “Hey,” he said.

  She set her book aside. “Don’t you have better things to do than kill yourself biking here?”

  “I wanted to talk to you and since you still haven’t given me your number, I didn’t have any other choice.”

  “We’d have seen each other tomorrow.”

  Connor got off the bike and walked it into the yard. Hayley stood, straightening her sweatshirt and jeans.

  “You look better like that. I mean without the makeup and the hair all fluffed.”

  Hayley’s hand went to her ponytail. So she’d done all that work for nothing? “Really? I’m not too hot without it.”

  “Hot is overrated. Eventually there’s nothing makeup can do to help, and then what do you have?”

  Hayley frowned, not sure whether that was a compliment or not.

  He shuffled his feet.

  She waited, letting him feel uncomfortable for a while.

  “So, what are you doing?” Connor asked.

  “Not much.”

  “I thought maybe we could watc
h a movie or something.”

  Hayley hadn’t told her parents much about him, only that he was in her class. She wouldn’t have said anything at all, but Mandy’s mom was a terrible gossip and asked about the guy she saw Hayley letting into their house the week before. She had to explain they were working on an assignment and she had no choice but to invite him over.

  “Unless you’re busy…” he said.

  “I’m not.” She reached out to wipe an eyelash from his cheek. “Eyelash.” She wondered when she became such a dork.

  “Thanks,” he said. “So…we can go?”

  “Sure, you did ride all this way after all.”

  “I did.”

  —

  Hayley stood talking to a dark-haired man on a bike. Ronny peered through the curtains, shamelessly spying on them. “Who is she talking to?”

  “I think it’s that guy, Connor. The one she told us about.”

  “I don’t like him.”

  “She’s eighteen. I think that’s old enough for her to make her own decisions, whether you like it or not.” Dana pulled him away from the window.

  “What’s with the bike? A grown man doesn’t ride a bike.”

  Dana sighed when he shrugged her off and returned to the window. “Leave it alone. You know if you say anything she’ll just want him more. That’s how teenage girls operate.”

  “Is he going to come in? Most people who visit a girl come in to meet everyone. Why are they just standing out there?”

  Since giving up the booze, Ronny’s new obsession was his kids. He’d become a different person in many ways, but his obsessive nature needed a focus. Sadly for the kids, they were it.

  “I think he’s cute,” she said. “And he likes her enough to ride a bike thirty-five kilometers to see her.”

  “Or he has no money, he’s out to use her, and he has no other choice but to ride a bike. I know how guys operate, and he’s thinking she’s a meal ticket.”

  “You got all that from a ten-minute conversation that you can’t hear because you’re spying through a window?”

  Ronny straightened and let the curtain fall. He scowled at Dana and brushed past her toward the kitchen. “I’m going to finish painting. If he’s still out there when I’m done, I’m going out.”

  “Okay.”

  The kitchen was a never-ending project. It had started with a cupboard replacement, after one section fell off the wall. It had taken a good portion of plaster from the wall. Declaring the plaster walls “shit,” he ripped them down to the studs and put up drywall before installing new cupboards. Then, with half of the kitchen drywalled and half plastered, he realized that he’d have to paint.

  Dana told him they should remove the old wallpaper on the other half first, or the pattern would bleed through the paint. One month later, her kitchen was covered in dust and debris as every piece of removed wallpaper took more plaster with it. Then—in a fit of rage—Ronny tore down the rest of the wall and drywalled again.

  Dana was happy it all happened; she hated the old kitchen with the white and blue goose wallpaper and white cupboards. Now with the new cupboards in a dark oak and the white walls behind, it felt modern and fresh. She would wait to mention that in comparison, the rest of the house was dated.

  She turned to the window again in time to see Hayley touch Connor’s face. The way he looked at Hayley… Ronny was right, there was something off about him.

  Then he smiled and Dana understood why her daughter was so taken. That smile could melt any woman. Dana’s heart fluttered, though he wasn’t even smiling at her. His gaze shifted to the window and she jumped back.

  She laughed at her silliness.

  “I could use some help,” Ronny called from the kitchen.

  He couldn’t do any project without her help. She didn’t actually do anything except hold this or that and run to get various tools that, until recently, she’d had no idea what they were or how they were used. She was also someone to yell at when he got frustrated.

  He didn’t drink, he never threatened or touched her in anger, so his yelling didn’t scare her. Some things would never change, no matter how hard you tried. Ronny’s filthy language and quick temper were just a couple of those things.

  CHAPTER 44

  June 1996

  Connor blended in well with the family. Dana found him charming and polite. Ronny hated him.

  Hayley was in love, though, and went out of her way to make him happy. That concerned Dana just a little. Her daughter wasn’t usually so accommodating and it wasn’t a trait she was happy to see develop. Hayley had changed her interests, let go of friends, and often relented when he didn’t agree with something she said. If Hayley thought this type of meek behavior would make Connor love her more, she couldn’t be more wrong.

  Bit by bit, Hayley slowly disappeared under the mask of Connor’s girlfriend and Dana hated every second. It couldn’t last long, though. Hayley’s true self was too strong to be hidden away forever.

  While she did her best to hide her growing concern, Ronny got nasty every time he was forced to watch the two of them together. Dana decided it was up to her put an end to it. One evening, after Hayley and Connor went to bed, she sat Ronny down to discuss her idea. “I think we should encourage Hayley to move out.”

  Ronny’s mouth dropped open. “Are you fucking insane? He doesn’t even have a job.”

  “He’s in school and just had an interview with a security company. We could offer to pay first month’s rent, help them get some furniture together, and stuff like that.”

  Ronny stood, knocking his chair over. “I will not help her make the biggest mistake of her life. Hayley works two jobs and goes to school. He might have had an interview, but he doesn’t have the job yet.”

  “It’s the only way she’ll know if he’s worth her time or not.”

  “How?”

  “Reality has a funny way of making everything clear. If Connor is really serious, he’ll be good to her. If he turns out to be a jerk, she’ll see it right away, move back and leave him behind. Either way, you’d see him less, which I hope improves your mood.”

  “That’s a stupid plan.”

  “Just trust me on this one. She’s smarter than you’re giving her credit for.”

  “Fine, but if this backfires, it’s on you. And I will say I told you so.”

  —

  They were lucky enough to find a bachelor apartment in a clean building close to Hayley’s school. It was over a bar, but it was the only apartment they could afford. Connor had taken a job at the hospital as night security but his hours fluctuated. He rarely worked more than three days a week. Hayley continued to go to school, but would finish soon. Her grades were excellent, so Dana had no doubt she’d get a good job once she was done.

  The day after she put a deposit on their apartment, she sat Hayley and Connor down to tell them her plan. “Hayley, you know how your father feels about Connor spending the night here,” she said. “And I know that you have no other choice Connor, because your brother’s house is full of kids and that’s not exactly a lover’s paradise.”

  Hayley blushed. “Mom—”

  “Your dad and I have found an apartment.” She waited for hugs and excitement. None came.

  “You want me to move out? Why didn’t you just say something?”

  She didn’t expect Hayley to be hurt. “It’s not that I want you to go, but you guys need to be on your own. You’ll be nineteen in a few months and you’re obviously serious about each other. Connor doesn’t have to move in, but I think a place of your own would be good for you.”

  Hayley glanced at Connor. “I guess… Where is it?”

  “It’s about five minutes from the college and you can move in at the end of the month.”

  “That’s two weeks. I can’t move in two weeks. Jesus Mom.”

  “Sure, you can. Your dad and I have some furniture for you and we can check the second hand place to fill in the rest. The apartment comes with a fridge and
stove, and the other stuff is easy. It’s a bachelor apartment, so you won’t need much.”

  “But I don’t drive. How am I going to see my friends or get to work?”

  “You shouldn’t be trying to work two jobs. Quit the restaurant here and keep the other one. Connor’s working now. It’ll be more than enough.”

  “I guess I don’t have much choice.” Hayley sulked.

  Connor remained silent. He stared at Hayley, his face a blank page. Dana couldn’t tell whether he was pleased or as pissed as Hayley was.

  “Honey, I’m trying to help. You’ve always been independent; I thought you’d be excited about it.”

  “I haven’t even seen the place.”

  “I’d never choose something awful.”

  “I just don’t like decisions being made for me.”

  Dana sighed. “Sorry. I thought I was doing something you’d like. We’ve paid your first month’s rent and it is a nice little apartment.”

  “Come on, Hay,” Connor finally said. “It’s really nice of them, and they’ve paid for it already. Don’t you want to live with me?”

  “It’s not that. It’s all happening so fast.”

  “It’s a perfect Christmas present. And your dad won’t have to stay up all night wondering if I’m sleeping on the couch or upstairs. It creeps me out every time I wake up to find him watching me.”

  Hayley laughed, and Dana relaxed. Connor was happy, so she would be happy. As much as that bothered Dana, it ensured Hayley went along with her plan.

  —

  Hayley lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling. Two weeks they’d lived together, fourteen days with Connor, alone with no interruptions. Yet he hadn’t touched her once since the first night. She’d tried and the humiliation of his rejection still hurt.

  She turned toward his back and listened to his even breathing. Though she tried to figure out what she’d done to make him treat her like an annoyance, she couldn’t come up with anything that made sense.

  The second night at their new apartment she’d had to work late and he was pissed that she didn’t make something for supper before leaving for school in the morning. That was the only time he’d voiced any anger. Hayley told him to go fuck himself and went to bed. Could that be it?