An Autobiography or the Story of My Experiments with Truth

by M K Gandhi

  ‘I do,’ said I.

  ‘Well then, Hinduism offers no absolution therefrom, Christianity does,’ and added: ‘The wages of sin is death, and the Bible says that the only way of deliverance is surrender unto Jesus.’ I put forward Bhakti-marga (the path of devotion) of the Bhagavad Gita, but to no avail. I thanked him for his goodness. He failed to satisfy me, but I benefited by the interview.

  During these days I walked up and down the streets of Calcutta. I went to most places on foot. I met Justice Mitter263 and Sir Gurudas Banerji,264 whose help I wanted in my work in South Africa. And about this time I met Raja Sir Pyarimohan Mukarji.265

  Kalicharan Banerji had spoken to me about the Kali temple, which I was eager to see, especially as I had read about it in the books. So I went there one day. Justice Mitter’s house was in the same locality, and I therefore went to the temple on the same day that I visited him. On the way I saw a stream of sheep going to be sacrificed to Kali. Rows of beggars lined the lane leading to the temple. There were religious mendicants too, and even in those days I was sternly opposed to giving alms to sturdy beggars. A crowd of them pursued me. One of such men was found seated on a verandah. He stopped me, and accosted me: ‘Whither are you going, my boy?’266 I replied to him.

  He asked my companion and me to sit down, which we did.

  I asked him: ‘Do you regard this sacrifice as religion?’

  ‘Who would regard killing of animals as religion?’

  ‘Then, why don’t you preach against it?’

  ‘That’s not my business. Our business is to worship God.’

  ‘But could you not find any other place in which to worship God?’

  ‘All places are equally good for us. The people are like a flock of sheep, following where leaders lead them. It is no business of us sadhus.’

  We did not prolong the discussion but passed on to the temple. We were greeted by rivers of blood.M2 I could not bear to stand there. I was exasperatedM3 and restless. I have never forgotten that sight.

  That very evening I had an invitation to dinner at a party of Bengali friends. There I spoke to a friend about this cruel form of worship. He said: ‘The sheep267 don’t feel anything. The noise and the drum-beating there deaden all sensation of pain.’

  I could not swallow this. I told him that, if the sheep had speech, they would tell a different tale. I felt that the cruel custom ought to be stopped. I thought of the story of Buddha,268 but I also saw that the task was beyond my capacity.

  I hold today the same opinion as I held then. To my mind the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being. I should be unwilling to take the life of a lamb for the sake of the human body. I hold that, the more helpless a creature, the more entitled it is to protection by man from the cruelty of man. But he who has not qualified himself for such service is unable to afford to it any protection. I must go through269 more self-purification and sacrifice, before I can hope to save these lambs from this unholy sacrifice. Today I think I must die pining for this self-purification and sacrifice. It is my constant prayer that there may be born on earth some great spirit, man or woman, fired with divine pity, who will deliver us from this heinous sin, save the lives of the innocent creatures, and purify the temple. How is it that Bengal with all its knowledge, intelligence, sacrifice, and emotionM4 tolerates this slaughter?

  XIX

  A MONTH WITH GOKHALE–III

  The terrible sacrifice offered to Kali in the name of religion enhanced my desire to know Bengali life. I had read and heard a good deal about the Brahmo Samaj.270 I knew something about the life of Pratap Chandra Mazmudar.271 I had attended some of the meetings addressed by him. I secured his Life of Keshav Chandra Sen, read it with great interest, and understood the distinction between Sadharan Brahmo Samaj and Adi Brahmo Samaj.272 I met Pandit Shivanath Shastri273 and in company with Prof. Kathavate274 went to see Maharshi Devendranath Tagore,275 but as no interviews with him were allowed then, we could not see him. We were, however, invited to a celebration of the Brahmo Samaj held at his place, and there we had the privilege of listening to fine Bengali music. Ever since I have been a lover of Bengali music.

  Having seen enoughM1 of the Brahmo Samaj,276 it was impossible to be satisfied without seeing Swami Vivekanand.277 So with great enthusiasm I went to Belur Math, mostly, or maybe all the way, on foot. I loved the sequestered site of the Math. I was disappointed and sorry to be told that the Swami was at his Calcutta house,278 lying ill, and could not be seen.

  I then ascertained the place of residence of Sister Nivedita,279 and met her in a Chowringhee mansion. I was taken aback by the splendour that surrounded her, and even in our conversation, there was not much meeting ground. I spoke to Gokhale about this, and he said he did not wonder that there could be no point of contact between me and a volatile280 person like her.

  I met her again at Mr. Pestonji Padshah’s place. I happened to come in just as she was talkingM2 to his old mother, and so I became an interpreter between the two. In spite of my failure to find any agreement with her, I could not but notice and admire her overflowing love for Hinduism. I came to know of her books later.

  I used to divide my day between seeing the leading people in Calcutta regarding the work in South Africa, and visiting and studying the religious and public institutions of the city. I once addressed a meeting, presided over by Dr. Mullick, on the work of the Indian Ambulance Corps in the Boer War.281 My acquaintance with The Englishman stood me in good stead on this occasion too. Mr. Saunders was ill then but rendered282 me as much help as in 1896. Gokhale liked this speech of mine, and he was very glad to hear Dr. Ray praising it.

  Thus my stay under the roof of Gokhale made my work in CalcuttaM3 very easy, brought me into touch with the foremost Bengali families, and was the beginning of my intimate contact with Bengal.

  I must needs skip over many a reminiscence of this memorable month. Let me simply mention my flying visit to Burma,283 and the foongis284 there.M4 I was pained by their lethargy. I saw the golden pagoda. I did not like the innumerable little candles burning in the temple, and the rats running about the sanctum brought to my mind thoughts of Swami Dayanand’s experience at Morvi.285 The freedom and energy of the Burmese women charmed just as286 the indolence of the men pained me. I also saw, during my brief sojourn, that just as Bombay was not India, Rangoon was not Burma, and that just as we in India have become commission agents287 of English merchants, even so in Burma have we combined with the English merchants in making the Burmese people our commission agents.

  On my return from Burma I took leave of Gokhale. The separation was a wrench, but my work in Bengal, or rather Calcutta, was finished, and I had no occasion to stay any longer.288

  Before settling down I had thought of making a289 tour through India travelling third class, and of acquainting myself with the hardships of third-class290 passengers. I spoke to Gokhale about this. To begin with he ridiculed the idea, but when I explained to him what I hoped to see, he cheerfully approved. I planned to go first to Benares291 to pay my respects to Mrs. Besant,292 who was then ill.

  It was necessary to equip myself anew for the third-class tour. Gokhale himself gave me a metalM5 tiffin-box and got it filled293 with sweetballs294 and puris. I purchased a canvas bag worth twelve annas and a long coat295 made of Chhaya296 wool. The bag was to contain this coat, a dhoti, a towel and a shirt. I had a blanket as well to cover myself with and a water jug. Thus equipped I set forth on my travels. Gokhale and Dr. Ray came to the station to see me off. I had asked them both not to trouble to come, but they insisted. ‘I should not have come if you had gone first class, but now I had to,’297 said Gokhale.

  No one stopped Gokhale from going on to the platform. He was in his silk turban, jacket and dhoti. Dr. Ray was in his Bengali dress. He was stopped by the ticket collector, but on Gokhale’s telling him that he was his friend, he was admitted.

  Thus with their good wishes I started on my journey.298

  XX


  IN BENARES299

  The journey was from Calcutta to Rajkot, and I planned to halt at Benares, Agra, Jaipur and Palanpur en route.300 I had not the time to see any more places than these. In each city I stayed one day and put up in dharmsalas or with pandas301 like the ordinary302 pilgrims, excepting at Palanpur.303 So far as I can remember, I did not spend more than Rs. 31 (including the train fare) on this journey.

  In travelling third class I mostly preferred the ordinary to the mail trains, as I knew that the latter were more crowded and the fares in them higher.304

  The third-class compartments are practically as dirty, and the closet arrangements as bad, today as they were then.M1 There may be a little improvement now, but the difference between the facilities provided for the first and the third classes isM2 out of all proportion to the difference between the fares for the two classes. Third-class passengers are treated like sheep and their comforts are sheep’s comforts. In Europe I travelled third—and only once first just to see what it was like—but there I noticed no such difference between the first and the third classes. In South Africa third-class passengers are mostly Negroes, yet the third-class comforts are better there than here. In parts of South Africa third-class compartments are provided with sleeping accommodation and cushioned seats. The accommodation is also regulated, so as to prevent overcrowding, whereas here I have found the regulation limit usually exceeded.M3

  The indifference of the railway authorities to the comforts of the third-class passengers,305 combined with the dirty and inconsiderate habits of the passengers themselves, makes third-class travelling a trial for a passenger of cleanly ways. These unpleasant habits commonly include throwing of rubbish on the floor of the compartment, smoking at all hours and in all places, betel and tobacco chewing, converting of the whole carriage into a spittoon,M4 shouting and yelling, and using foul language, regardless of the convenience or comfort of fellow-passengers.306 I have noticed little difference between my experience of the third-class travelling in 1902 and that of my unbroken third-class tours from 1915 to 1919.

  I can think of only one remedy for this awful state of things307—that educated men should make a point of travelling third class and reforming the habits of the people, as also of never letting the railway authorities rest in peace, sending308 in complaints wherever necessary, never resorting to bribes or any unlawful means309 for obtaining their own comforts, and never putting up with infringements of rules on the part of anyone concerned. This, I am sure, would bring about considerable improvement.

  My serious illness in 1918-19310 has unfortunately compelled me practically to give up third-class travelling,311 and it has been a matter of312 constant pain and shame to me, especially because the disability came at a time when the agitation for the removal of the hardships of third-class passengers was making fair headway. The hardships of poor railway and steamship passengers, accentuated by their bad habits, the undue facilities allowed by Government to foreign trade, and such other things, make an important group of subjects,313 worthy to be taken up by one or two enterprising and persevering workersM5 who could devote their full time to it.

  But I shall leave the third-class passengers at that,314 and come to my experience in Benares. I arrived315 there in the morning. I had decided to put up with a panda. Numerous Brahmins surrounded me as soon as I got out of the train, and I selected one who struck me to be comparatively cleaner and better than the rest. It proved to be a good choice. There was a cow in the courtyard of his house and an upper storey where I was given a lodging.316 I did not want to have any food without ablution in the Ganges in the proper orthodoxM6 manner. The panda made preparations for it. I had told him beforehand that on no account could I give him more than a rupee and four annas as dakshina,317 and that he should therefore keep this in mind while making the preparations.

  The panda readily assented. ‘Be the pilgrim rich or poor,’ said he, ‘the serviceM7 is the same in every case. But the amount of dakshina we receive depends upon the will and the ability of the pilgrim.’318 I did not find that the panda at all abridged the usual formalities in my case. The puja319 was over at 12 o’clock, and I went to the Kashi Vishvanath temple for darshan. I was deeply pained by what I saw there. When practising as a barrister in Bombay in 1891, I had occasion to attend a lecture on ‘Pilgrimage to Kashi’ in the Prarthana Samaj hall. I was therefore prepared for some measure of disappointment. But the320 actual disappointment was greater than I had bargained for.

  The approach was through a narrow and slippery lane. Quiet there was none. The swarming flies and the noise made by the shopkeepers and pilgrims were perfectly insufferable.

  Where one expected an atmosphere of meditation and communion, it was conspicuous by its absence. One had to seek that atmosphere in oneself. I did observe devout sisters, who were absorbed in meditation, entirely unconscious of the environment. But for this the authorities of the temple could scarcely claim any credit. The authorities should be responsible for creating and maintaining about the temple a pure, sweet and serene atmosphere, physical as well as moral.M8 Instead of this I found a bazar where cunning shopkeepers were selling sweets and toys of the latest fashion.

  When I reached the temple, I was greeted at the entrance by a stinking mass of rotten flowers. The floor was paved with fine marble, which was however broken by some devotee innocent of aesthetic taste321 who had set it with rupees serving as322 an excellent receptacle for dirt.

  I went near the Jnana-vapi (well of knowledge). I searched323 here for God but failed to find Him. I was not therefore in particularly good mood.M9 The surroundings of the Jnana-vapi too I found to be dirty. I had no mind to give any dakshina. So I offered a pie. The panda in charge got angry and threw away the pie. He swore at me and said: ‘This insult will take you straight to hell.’

  This did not perturb me. ‘Maharaj,’ said I, ‘whatever fate has in store for me, it does not behove one of your class to indulge in such324 language. You may take this pie if you like, or you will lose that too.’

  ‘Go away,’ he replied, ‘I don’t care for your pie.’325 And then followed a further volley of abuse.

  I took up the pie and went my way, flattering myself that the Brahmin had lost a pie and I had saved one. But the Maharaj was hardly the man to let the pie go. He called me back and said, ‘All right, leave the pie here, I would rather not be as you are. If I refuse your pie, it will be bad for you.’326

  I silently gave him the pie and, with a sigh, went away.

  Since then I have twice been to Kashi Vishvanath, but that has been after I had already been afflicted with the title ofM10 Mahatma and experiences such as I have detailed above had become impossible. People eager to have my darshan would not permit me to have a darshan of the temple. The woes of mahatmas are known to mahatmas alone.M11 Otherwise the dirt and the noise were the same as before.

  If anyone doubts the infinite mercy of God, let him have a look at these sacred places. How much hypocrisy and irreligion does the Prince of Yogis suffer to be perpetrated in His holy name? He proclaimed long ago:

  ये यथा मां प्रपद्यन्ते तांस्तथैव भजाम्यहम्327

  ‘Whatever a man sows, that shall he reap.’ The law of karma is inexorable and impossible of evasion. There is thus hardly any need for God to interfere. He laid down the law and, as it were, retired.M12

  After this visit to the temple, I waited uponM13 Mrs. Besant. I knew that she had just recovered from an illness. I sent in my name. She came at once. As I wished only to pay my respects to her, I said, ‘I am aware that you are in delicate health. I only wanted to pay my respects. I am thankful that you have been good enough to receive me in spite of your indifferent health. I will not detain you any longer.’

  So saying, I took leave of her.

  XXI

  SETTLED IN BOMBAY328

  Gokhale was very anxious that I should settle down in Bombay, practise at the bar and help him in public work.
Public work in those days meant Congress work, and the chief work of the institution which he had assisted to foundM1 was carrying on the Congress administration.329

  I liked Gokhale’s advice but I was not overconfident of success as a barrister.M2 The unpleasant memories of past failure were yet with me, and I still hated as poison the use of flattery for getting briefs.330

  I therefore decided to start work first at Rajkot. Kevalram Mavji Dave, my old well-wisher, who had induced me to go to England, was there, and he started me straightaway with three briefs. Two of them were appeals before the Judicial Assistant to the Political Agent331 in Kathiawad and one was an original case in Jamnagar. This last was rather important. On my saying that I could not trust myself to do it justice,M3 Kevalram Dave exclaimed: ‘Winning or losing is no concern of yours.M4 You will simply try your best, and I am of course there to assist you.’

  The counsel on the other side was the late Sjt. Samarth. I was fairly well prepared. Not that I knew much of Indian law, but Kevalram Dave had instructed me very thoroughly. I had heard friends say, before I went out to South Africa, that Sir Pherozeshah Mehta had the law of evidence at his finger-tips and that that was the secret of his success. I had borne this in mind, and during the voyage had carefully studied the Indian Evidence Act with commentaries thereon. There was of course also the advantage of my legal experience in South Africa.

  I won the case and gained some confidence.332 I had no fear about the appeals, which were successful. All this inspired a hope in me that after all I might not fail even in Bombay.

  But before I set forth the circumstances in which I decided to go to Bombay, I shall narrate my experience of the inconsiderateness and ignorance of English officials. The Judicial Assistant’s court was peripatetic. He was constantly touring, and vakils and their clients had to follow him wherever he moved his camp. The vakils would charge more whenever they had to go out of head-quarters, and so the clients had naturally to incur double the expenses. The inconvenienceM5 was no concern of the judge.