by Alex Grayson
I still haven’t brought up the subject of her being my daughter, and neither has she. If I’m honest, it scares the shit out of me. I have no idea how to be a father, and I’m scared of failing. I know I’m being a coward, but really, how do you talk to an eleven-year-old about being her father? A father that hasn’t been a part of her life until recently.
Ellie and I haven’t spoken more about what happened to her either. I’m still coming to grips with the fact that it was partially my fault that she was attacked and could have easily died. Could have miscarried Maisy. No, I didn’t throw her in front of her assailants, but I may as well have. I threw her out of my apartment that night instead of making sure she got home safely. It was my guilt of knowing she could never come to terms with what my brothers and I had planned for once we moved back to Sweet Haven. I was so worried she would look at me with fear and horror that I pushed her away, literally, and it ended with her being horrifically hurt. I’ll live with that regret for the rest of my life. I still would have ended things between us, but I should have taken her home, or at the least made sure she got in her car safely.
My phone rings, and I blink away my thoughts. I release a sigh when I see Mae’s name on the screen. I knew this was coming. I should have called her already, but I didn’t know what to tell her.
Getting up from the couch, I leave Maisy in the living room and walk to the room I’m using.
“Hey, Mae.” I rub my hand across my forehead and take a seat on the chair in the corner.
“You know, it makes a person feel pretty insignificant when she has to hear from one son that her other son has a child he knew nothing about.”
I wince at the amount of guilt I feel at her statement.
“Mae—”
“Not only that, but this child needs a kidney transplant and you plan to give her one of yours. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you. It’s actually very noble. But I still would have liked to have known before you took off.”
Mae is the only person in the world who can make me feel three feet tall, and that’s exactly how I feel right now. She might not be my biological mother, but she may as well be. When she took my brothers and me away from Sweet Haven all those years ago, she and Dale stepped in as parents. Hell, even before we left Sweet Haven, they were more parental figures to us than our real ones were.
“I’m sorry,” I say with sincerity. “I wasn’t purposely keeping it from you. I was just trying to get used to the idea myself before I announced it. I’m still a bit overwhelmed by it. I had planned to call you this evening.”
She’s silent for a moment. She won’t hold a grudge, but I know I’ve hurt her feelings, and that makes me ten kinds of an asshole.
“How bad is her condition?” she asks quietly.
I blow out a breath and relax back in my seat.
“It’s bad. According to her doctor, if she doesn’t get a new kidney, she won’t survive past six months.”
She sucks in a harsh breath. “Poor child. To be so young and have to fight to live. Trouble said you have matching blood types.”
“Yeah. We’re waiting on the final test results to come in. Her doctor wants to set up the surgery immediately once they do.”
“I wish you had told me about her before you left. I would like to have met her.”
Another shot of guilt settles in my stomach. I should have taken Ellie and Maisy by to see Mae. Just in case….
I push that thought away. Maisy will be okay. There is no ‘just in case’.
“Once Maisy’s well enough to travel, she and Ellie are moving to Malus. I’ll make sure your house is the first place we visit,” I tell her.
“Make sure you do. You don’t want me to hunt you down.”
I chuckle. I have no doubt there’ll be hell to pay if I don’t bring the two to see her.
“Ellie. That name sounds familiar,” she muses. “She’s the one you were seeing before you and the boys moved back to Sweet Haven, right?”
Mae only met Ellie a few times. She pulled me to the side the first time and told me Ellie was a keeper. By that point, I already knew she was, but I also knew I couldn’t keep her.
“Yes.”
“I always liked that girl. It was a shame things didn’t work out.”
I never told Mae how things ended between Ellie and me. I knew she would try to talk me out of it; something I couldn’t let happen.
“What’s Maisy like?”
A smile tips up my lips. “She’s amazing. She’s got long, curly brown hair. My eye color and the same indent I have in my chin. She’s smart too. Smarter than other kids her age. She acts shy, but I’m not sure if it’s just me or if that’s her personality.”
“She sounds lovely, Judge,” she says after a sniff. “You just make sure she gets well so I can meet my granddaughter.”
“You know I’ll do everything in my power to make that possible.”
“I know you will.” I get to my feet, anxious to go back out to the living room. “Listen, I really didn’t mean to keep this from you.”
She clears her throat. “I know. It was just a shock. I can’t imagine how big of one it was for you.”
“Yeah.”
“I expect an explanation when you get back as to why she waited so long to tell you.” Her voice is stern. I’m not the only one affected by what Ellie did.
“I’ll let you know what happened as soon as I return. But Mae, don’t be too hard on her. Her reasons were valid. I’m still pissed she kept Maisy from me, but I understand better why she did.”
After a promise to let her know when the surgery is, we hang up. I take a couple of minutes to gather my thoughts before leaving the bedroom. Maisy is still playing her video game, so I make my way back to the couch to watch her. Before I can retake my seat, her sweet voice rings out.
“You wanna play?”
I freeze in place and glance at her. She’s still facing the TV, but her game is paused. My gaze flickers down, and I notice a second controller sitting beside her on the floor. It wasn’t there earlier so she must have gotten up to get it after I left the room. Something I’ve never felt before forms in my stomach. Something that feels suspiciously like… butterflies. I’m a fucking grown man and I’m feeling butterflies in my stomach. How pathetic is that shit?
“Sure,” I edge closer to her. “But I’ve never played this game before, so you’ll have to teach me.”
“I don’t mind.” She shrugs, like it’s no big deal, when all I can do is mentally fist-pump the air. My kid wants me to play a video game with her. We’ve talked some over the past few days, but we haven’t really had the opportunity to have one-on-one time together.
I look toward the kitchen and see Ellie still puttering away on the other side of the bar. She left the room about an hour ago to go cook dinner, leaving Maisy and me somewhat alone. From the look on her face as she stares back at me, she must have heard Maisy’s question. Her expression is softer than I’ve seen it since I arrived a few days ago. Apparently, Declan came home from work while I was talking to Mae, because he’s in the kitchen leaning against the bar, his back toward me. He must say something quietly to her because she looks away from me to him.
I take a seat beside Maisy and stretch my legs out in front of me. Grabbing the controller, I hold it awkwardly.
“Okay. Show me what to do.”
She does something with her controller, and a minute later, the screen is split in two. A while later, and after instructions from Maisy, I think I’ve got the basics down. That is, until the green block zombie thing explodes and kills me. I’m kind of glad though, because it makes Maisy giggle.
“You have to build your house faster than that. You build a house to hide in from the Creepers. They only come out at night though, so you build during the day,” she informs me.
I look at her half of the screen and notice her big block house, then look at mine with its two walls and partial roo
f. I maneuver my block character to some trees and begin chopping some down to gather some wood. This game is harder than it looks.
“Who was on the phone?” Maisy asks a few minutes later, out of the blue. Her question surprises me so much that I push the wrong button on the controller and my character jumps off a big cliff, effectively killing me again. Thank goodness this game comes with infinite lives or I’d never make it anywhere.
I clear my throat before answering. “It was Mae. She’s, uh… my mother.” I decided on a simple answer.
It takes Maisy a couple of minutes before she replies. “So, I guess she’s my grandmother, right?”
My character freezes on the screen when my fingers stop pressing the buttons. This is the first time Maisy’s mentioned anything related to me being her father, so I’m unsure how to respond.
“Yeah, she’s your grandmother.” I give her the only answer there is.
“I haven’t met my grandmother on mom’s side, so it’ll be nice to meet the one on your side,” she says idly, easily moving her block character around the block world.
“She’s looking forward to meeting you.” I move over to my pathetic house and begin adding the third wall.
“Do you think she’ll like me?”
I move my eyes away from the screen and glance at Maisy. Her focus is still on the TV, but her bottom lip is between her teeth, something that I remember Ellie doing years ago when she was nervous about something.
“She won’t just like you, Maisy. She’ll love you.”
“Really?” she asks, looking away from the TV and giving me her beautiful green eyes.
“Yes. She told me on the phone she’s looking forward to meeting you. And you want to know a secret?”
“What?”
I lean closer to her and lower my voice. “Don’t tell her I said this, but she’ll probably cry when she meets you. And I bet she’ll tell you you’re her favorite grandchild.”
Her eyes widen. “You think so?”
“I know so.”
She smiles, and I feel ten feet tall at the look. A moment later, the smile slips and her eyes narrow.
“How many grandkids does she have already?”
I laugh. The girl is too smart for her own good. “She only has one beside you. Elijah. But he’s just a baby still. Even so, I know you’ll be her secret favorite even if she had twenty.”
“I don’t have to be her favorite. I just want her to like me.”
“Well, you don’t have anything to worry about. I promise.”
She goes back to her game, and I pick my controller back up. I only get two block pieces in place on my house before her next words has me freezing again.
“Thank you for giving me one of your kidneys.”
I rub the heel of my palm against the tightness growing in my chest. She has no idea how much her words hurt.
“I may not have been your father for long, Maisy, but now that I am, I’d do anything for you.”
She damn near kills me with her next words.
“I’m glad you’re my dad.”
A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER, as I lie in the hospital bed in a ridiculously uncomfortable gown, I think about what’s going to happen over the next several hours. A nurse will come in and wheel me to the operating room, where the doctor will cut me open and remove one of my kidneys. They’ll put the kidney in Maisy, and we’ll all hope and pray her body doesn’t reject it. The next few weeks are going to be stressful for all of us. I’m anxious as fuck because as much as I want to stay here in Kentucky until the results are in, I can’t. I’m needed back in Malus. I could probably pull off a couple of weeks total, but after that I have to get back. As the town judge, my responsibilities are too dire to neglect for long. I will, however, be calling often for updates, and as soon as Maisy is in the clear, I’ll be coming back to help Ellie pack up their belongings to move to Malus.
When I made the threat to Ellie about taking Maisy away if she refused to move them both to Malus, I was serious. There was no way she was taking my daughter away from me after she announced I had one. I may not have ever expected to have any children, but now that Maisy’s in my life, it’s where she’ll stay. Now though, after watching the way Ellie is with Maisy and how much Maisy loves her mother, there’s no way I could separate them. It would destroy them both. Of course, I’m not going to tell Ellie that. She needs to believe I’ll follow through on my threat so she doesn’t change her mind about moving. I don’t know what my next move would be if she did, so I don’t want to find out.
My phone rings on the bedside table, and I snatch it up.
“Judge.”
“I know your surgery is today, but do you have a minute?” JW asks.
“Yes.” It’s not scheduled for another forty-five minutes.
“I got the report back on what happened to Ellie that night years ago.”
“She’s told me she was attacked when her car wouldn’t start and she walked to a gas station,” I say between clenched teeth. Just the thought of what happened has my temper rising. “She said she passed out and a man came across her being attacked. Woke up in the hospital a couple days later.
Papers ruffling comes across the line.
“She give you the details?”
“Only that it was three guys; two of whom were sent to prison for fourteen years while the third got away. Speaking of, now that you have her file and the two guys’ names who were sent to prison, I want them taken care of. I want a lock on the third guy as well, but I want him brought to Malus. I’ll take care of him personally.”
“I’m already looking into it.”
Someone must have come into his office, because his voice is muffled as he speaks before he comes back on the line.
He clears his throat. “Did she tell you about her injuries?”
“We didn’t get to that part. I was already on the edge of losing my shit when she told me about the attack.”
He lowers his voice. “It was bad, Judge.”
My stomach bottoms out. “How bad?”
“Really fucking bad. She had to have surgery to repair the damage done to her face. Her collarbone was broken and so was one of her arms in three places. Her other arm was ripped from the socket. The ligaments had to be repaired. Her ankle bone was crushed and had to be repaired, and she had three broken ribs.”
“Goddamn fuckin’ hell,” I growl. Why in the fuck didn’t she tell me this when she told me about the attack the other day?
“I managed to get her medical reports. Her doctors couldn’t see how she didn’t miscarry.”
A miracle baby. That’s what Ellie said her doctors called Maisy. No Goddamn wonder. Ellie was half dead by the time those fuckers were caught.
“I want them dead. Do whatever you have to do, but I want them to suffer.”
“Got it. And Judge? Keep us posted on the surgery.”
“Yeah.”
We hang up, and I throw my phone back on the nightstand, anger making my blood pressure rise. I’m pissed at Ellie for keeping that part of her ordeal to herself, but what really gets my blood boiling is knowing one of the guys who hurt her is still out there somewhere.
It may take time and a shit ton of patience, but I’ll find the bastard. Once I do, he’ll regret the day his mother gave birth to him.
Chapter Nine
ELLIE
I SIT IN THE FAMILY WAITING room gripping the arms of the chair I’m sitting on. My knees bounce and sweat beads on my forehead. It’s been two and a half hours since they took Maisy and Judge to the operating rooms. I’ve never been so scared in my life. Even when those guys were beating the crap out of me and I was afraid they would kill me. Nothing compares to the fear you hold for your child when their life hangs in the balance.
My head snaps up when the door opens, but my shoulders droop when it’s just Declan who walks in. He has two Styrofoam cups of coffee and he hands me one before retaking his seat beside me. I
grip the cup with shaky hands and bring it to my lips, wincing when the hot liquid hits my tongue. Lowering my hands, I rest my coffee on top of my thighs.
“Crap,” I mutter when my bouncing knees cause some of the hot liquid to spill onto my hands.
Declan takes the cup from me and sets it on the table in front of us. “Stop stressing. Everything’s going to be okay,” he says, grabbing one of my clammy hands.
I look at him, unable to hide the worry I’m feeling.
“You don’t know that. You heard what the doctor said. There’s a number of things that could go wrong.”
He squeezes my hand. “That’s true, but the chances of those things happening is minimal.”
“Even the smallest of chances is too much.”
“Ellie, Maisy is strong. She’ll make it through the surgery and her body will accept Judge’s kidney. You have to stay positive or you’ll drive yourself insane with worry. Maisy needs you to be strong as well.”
His words hit home. He’s right. I need to be strong for Maisy. These next few weeks are going to be tough on her. She’s only eleven years old and she’s undergoing major surgery.
I nod and rest my head on his shoulder, beyond grateful he’s here with me. I have no idea if my parents know about Maisy’s illness. When I first told them I was pregnant, they demanded I put the baby up for adoption when they realized Judge wasn’t in the picture anymore. They’re devout Catholics and are firmly against women raising children out of wedlock. When I refused, they said they didn’t want anything to do with me or Maisy. That hurt, but over time, I got over it. What broke the fuse between my parents and me was when I came to them six weeks after Maisy was born. I had hoped if they saw her, their attitude would soften. When my mother answered the door, she didn’t even look at Maisy bundled in a blanket in my arms. Her eyes were cold and ruthless. My father appeared beside her, and when I tried introducing Maisy to them both, my father claimed he no longer had a daughter, right before he slammed the door in my face. That was the last time I saw them. Declan appeared on my doorstep a couple of weeks later when he found out how they treated me. He’s been by my side ever since.