On the Rocks

by Kandi Steiner

  It was nestled in an old, sturdy oak, with planks of wood hammered to the trunk that led all the way up to the door. It wasn’t a luxurious treehouse, like the fancy ones that had plumbing and a bed. There were folks in town who built those kinds, mostly with the purpose of renting them out to tourists. But no, this was a true treehouse — built by a father with love for his sons.

  Ruby Grace seemed to be taking in every corner of it, from the different-colored wood to the small windows and tin roof. Her hazel eyes swept over every inch.

  And my eyes stayed on her.

  “Can we go inside?”

  I scoffed. “Of course. Why do you think we’re here?” I unhooked my saddle bag, tossing it over my shoulder before I held my hand out for hers. “M’lady.”

  I helped Ruby Grace up the stairs first, popping the latch on the bottom door and keeping my hand on the small of her back as she climbed inside. When she plopped down on the floor and looked around, I reached up and to the right, flicking on the generator, and with it, all the string lights hanging inside.

  And that’s when Ruby Grace gasped.

  “Wow,” she breathed as I climbed the rest of the way up. I still couldn’t take my eyes off her, not with her eyes wide like that, her mouth hanging open.

  The inside of the treehouse was where the real magic lived.

  There were eclectic rugs covering every space of the floor, collected over the years from places Mom and Dad traveled together. Four, giant bean bags large enough for at least two people each sat in every corner, and the corners were decorated to fit different styles — one for each brother.

  Michael’s had his old guitar leaned up against the wood, posters of his favorite southern rock bands taped to the walls. His corner used to be a lot younger, since he was only four when the house was first built. Over the years, he’d added to it, decorating it to fit his style the more he came into himself.

  Logan’s corner was two walls of very neatly organized bookshelves — his favorites and others that Dad bought for him to read throughout the years. They were ordered by author last name and then by color.

  Jordan’s had football legends ranging from last year all the way back to the early fifties, complete with a shelf of limited edition trading cards and a signed Tom Brady pig skin on a gold holder.

  And mine was decorated with sailboats and constellations, with globes of all shapes and sizes, and a world map that spanned the entire wall behind my bean bag.

  In the center was a large, square table where we would play board games, do puzzles, and have arm wrestling competitions. And above it all was a giant skylight window, revealing small branches of the tree and the now dark purple sky above.

  “This is yours?”

  I nodded. “Mine. And my brothers’. We all share it.”

  “I never knew this was out here,” she mused, still taking it all in.

  “Most people don’t, not unless we bring them out here. And trust me when I say we don’t bring many people out here. In fact, you’re only the third guest outside of the family. At least, that I know of.”

  A smile bloomed over her face, eyes shining as they met mine. “Really?”

  “Really.”

  “I feel special.”

  Her smile was sad, eyes worn.

  I couldn’t wait to get her mind off everything that put that sadness there.

  “Good,” I said, standing before I offered my hand down to her. “You are.”

  I helped her stand, and when she did, we were chest to chest, breath to breath, eyes dancing over lips. She swallowed, and that sadness she’d worn before crept back in, shading her eyes as she watched me.

  I stamped down the feeling that something was off, choosing instead to slide my hands into her back pockets and pull her into me. She took a deep breath as my palms slid against the denim, and I cupped her gently, tugging her close.

  “I’d like to kiss you, Ruby Grace,” I whispered. My eyes flicked between hers, but her gaze was locked on my lips, her hands resting on my chest.

  She didn’t answer, just nodded, hands fisting in my shirt and pulling me closer as her chin angled up. I slipped my hands from her pockets, trailing my fingertips up over her arms before I slid my hands into her hair, cradling the bottom of her head, thumbs framing her jaw. She closed her eyes, a soft breath escaping her parted lips and touching mine before I closed the distance and kissed her.

  Part of me wondered if the magic would fade, if now that we’d crossed the lines between us and taken each other when we knew it was wrong, if the chemistry would die. Maybe it was just lust. Maybe it was just me wanting someone I couldn’t have.

  The moment our lips touched, I knew it was more.

  We both inhaled, like we’d been under water until our lips locked, and that was our first breath of oxygen in days. We drank each other in, hands roaming, pulling, touching, pleading. The kiss was gentle at first, just one long press of her lips to mine, but then we moved, lips opening and closing, tongues sweeping, teeth grazing the flesh tenderly.

  She was shaking.

  I was, too.

  And when I pulled back, pressing my forehead to hers, we both let out a trembling exhale.

  “I’ve wanted to do that all week,” I confessed.

  I thought she’d smile, or laugh, but if anything, her face seemed to crumple more. “Noah…”

  “It’s okay,” I told her, pulling her into me. I wrapped my arms around her, resting my chin on the crown of her head. “I know it’s been a long week. We don’t have to get heavy yet. Here, let me show you something.”

  I grabbed her hand, leading her over to the aqua blue bean bag that was mine.

  “Sit,” I said, patting the giant chair. “You have to sit to get the full effect.”

  Ruby Grace obliged, a curious smile on her face once her cute butt was in the chair and her eyes were on me again. “Okay. Now what?”

  I smiled. “Look up.”

  When she did, she gasped, eyes widening. “Whoa.”

  I plopped down in the chair next to her, shifting us until she was under my arm and we were both reclined back, our eyes on the tin ceiling. It was covered in pin-hole-sized dots that mirrored stars, building constellations that were illuminated by a light hanging outside the treehouse. The holes were covered by glass, shielding any outside weather, and Dad had painted the tin roof above my section a dark, navy blue to make it look like the night sky.

  “Is that the Big Dipper?” she asked, pointing to the constellation.

  I nodded. “Mm-hmm. And Orion’s Belt, Scorpius, Lyra,” I said, pointing to them as I called out their names. “There are more, but I can’t remember them. Dad knew them all.”

  “Why are they only in this corner?”

  “This is my corner of the tree house,” I explained. “Dad built this for me and my brothers, and when he did, he tried to put a little bit of each of us in our own sections. At the time that he built it, I was hell bent on sailing around the world one day, and I had a big fascination with space and the constellations.”

  She smiled, eyes tracing the man-made stars. “Do you still want to? Sail around the world?”

  I shrugged. “I mean, I think it’d be cool, but I think that desire shifted more to just traveling, in general. I’m so tied to this town, to the distillery, that I never leave. I want to change that in the coming years, get out and see the country, the world.”

  “I get that,” Ruby Grace whispered. She opened her mouth to say something more, but paused, closing it again, instead.

  I swallowed.

  “My dad built this for us with the intention of us always having a safe place to run to. He never got upset if we wanted to take time out here, and he told us whenever we got angry, to come here and think it all through first before acting. And I mean, it wasn’t all for angsty teenage boys,” I said on a smirk. “We came out here just to have fun and hang out, too. But, it’s been a safe place. For all of us. And I knew one day I’d bring someone out here, that I
’d share it with them, I just didn’t know who. Or when.” I shifted, looking down at her in my arm. “I wanted to wait until it was the right time, the right person.”

  She pulled her gaze to mine, then, and her brows bent together. “Noah…”

  “I know this has probably been one of the hardest weeks of your life,” I said. “I can’t even imagine what you’ve gone through in the days since I last held you. But, I’m so glad you came tonight.”

  Thunder rolled deep and heavy through the treehouse, and gentle rain began tapping on the tin roof, giving me the background music for the declaration I’d been preparing all week.

  “Noah, we need to talk.”

  “I know,” I said, thumbing her chin. “I know we do. But, can I go first?”

  She frowned, but nodded in concession.

  My stomach flipped a little as I sat up, turning until I could face her completely. “You aren’t the first girl to come into my life, Ruby Grace, but you are the first girl to come into my life and leave a mark.” I swallowed, searching her eyes with mine. “I’ve never experienced this kind of… feeling. It’s selfless. I can’t stop thinking about you, about all that you are, all that you will be. My thoughts are consumed with the way you make me feel, with the sound of your laugh, with the colors of your eyes, with the passion flowing from your heart for everyone you care about.” I shook my head, taking both her hands in mine. “I thought it was impossible to ever make you mine… truly mine. And I would have settled on being your friend if I had to, but God, I’m so glad I don’t have to.”

  Her eyes watered, and she bit her bottom lip, shaking her head and letting her gaze fall to my chest. “Noah…”

  “I did something this week,” I said, heart racing a little faster now. “And I know it’s going to probably be a lot to take in, and you have time to consider everything, but…” My smile was so wide, I could barely speak through it. “I applied to AmeriCorps for you.”

  Her eyes snapped back to mine. “You… you what?”

  “I only did it for two positions,” I said quickly. “And only for two that I thought you would be perfect for, two that I knew you’d love. They’re both out west. One of them is working in a center focused on mental health and substance abuse victims, and the other is on a Native American reservation working with senior citizens.” My hands started shaking the more I spoke, my excitement growing. “I had to do some digging for your community service history, and I wrote a motivational statement on your behalf, but… well… yeah. I applied for you.”

  She gaped at me, and my heart raced more.

  “Obviously, you don’t have to go,” I said, trying to gauge her reaction. I thought maybe she was in shock, or maybe she didn’t think it was possible, that this was something she could do. I aimed to show her that it was. “And you can apply to different ones if those don’t interest you. I just… I wanted you to know that you can do whatever you want. If you want to go into the Corp, you can. If you want to go back to school, you can. Because even if your parents cut you off, AmeriCorps will help pay for your education. And I’ll go with you,” I said, but as soon as the words left my lips, I paled. “I mean, if you want me to. Or I can stay here and wait, whatever you want. But what I’m trying to say is… we’re a team, Ruby Grace.” I smiled, smoothing my thumbs over her wrists. “We’re in this together, and it’s not just about me and my dreams. It’s about you and yours, too.”

  The rain picked up, the ting ting on the roof the only sound between us as Ruby Grace opened her mouth, shut it again, opened it, shut it. She searched my eyes with a look I couldn’t decipher — something between awe, love, shock, and hurt. All of those emotions existed in equal measure in those hazel eyes, and my stomach knotted tighter, my thumbs still rubbing her wrists.

  “Can you say something, please?” I said on a soft laugh.

  Ruby Grace rolled her lips together before closing her eyes, and she shook her head, as if the next words she was about to speak were burning her tongue but she was holding her mouth closed to try to keep them in anyway.

  And when she finally spoke, I understood why.

  Ruby Grace

  My throat burned as I tried to sort through the thoughts in my head.

  Every fiber of my heart urged me to throw myself into Noah’s arms, to wrap myself up in him and cry tears of thankfulness. Here he was, the man I’d always dreamed of, showing me the kind of love I’d wanted all my life — the kind of love my fiancé would never give me.

  And I had to walk away from it.

  I had to walk away from him.

  Tears stung my eyes when I finally opened them. Noah stared back at me, hope lit up in his cobalt blue irises, and he waited for me to speak.

  You’re amazing.

  No one has ever cared for me this way.

  I feel more like myself when I’m with you than I ever have before.

  You’re everything I want.

  I love you.

  “How could you?” I said, instead, and all the color drained from Noah’s face when the words were in the air between us.

  “I…” He closed his mouth, swallowing. “What?”

  The tears I’d been holding at bay broke free, sliding down each cheek in parallel lines as I formulated the lie I had to tell him.

  It didn’t matter that I felt the same about him that he felt for me.

  It didn’t matter that I wanted him, that I wished more than anything in the entire world that I could kiss him and hold him and say, “Of course, I want to go, and of course, I want you to go with me!” I wished I could leave this town behind, leave my family obligations and expectations in the dust and just take on the world with him at my side.

  But this wasn’t a movie.

  This was my life.

  And in my life, there was more to think about than just my own selfish wants. I had a mother depending on me, a father in trouble he couldn’t get out of on his own, a sister who was oblivious to the peril — and I wanted to keep it that way.

  I came here tonight to give myself one last evening with Noah, one last time in his arms, one last kiss… and then, I knew I’d have to let him go. I knew I’d have to tell him something — anything — to get him to stay away from me.

  If I told him the truth, he’d tell me it wasn’t my problem. I already knew he would. But, he couldn’t possibly understand. This was my family at stake — our name, our reputation. Generations of Barnetts were watching me from above, expecting me to do what was right to save the family name.

  And I wouldn’t let them down.

  I couldn’t let them down.

  “I can’t believe you would do this,” I said, sniffing back tears as I stood, leaving Noah in the bean bag. He scrambled up after me. “You applied for a job without asking me, Noah. A job that requires years of commitment.”

  He gaped. “But… this is what you said you wanted.”

  “No,” I corrected, even though my heart screamed yes. “It’s what I used to want.”

  Noah furrowed his brows, taking a step toward me. “Baby, please. Come here.”

  He held is arms out wide, and my heart squeezed tight at the sound of the nickname rolling from his lips. I wanted to be his baby. I wanted to be his, period — and I cried harder at the cold reality that I never would be.

  Life wasn’t fair.

  This was one lesson I’d never forget.

  “You’re treating me like a child,” I said against the sobs. “Like you know what’s best for me.”

  “That’s not what I—”

  “Stop trying to save me when I didn’t ask to be saved.”

  His mouth popped shut at that, and he blinked several times, digesting my words as he watched me like I was someone else entirely.

  In that moment, I was.

  “Don’t do this,” he finally whispered, shaking his head. “Please. Don’t do this.”

  “I’m not doing anything,” I said, crying harder. “You did this.” I shook my head, swiping the tears from my f
ace as I made my way toward the treehouse door. “This was all a mistake. I stepped out on my fiancé after one stupid misunderstanding without even talking to him. And I’m sorry I did that, I’m sorry I went to you, but this?” I gestured to the air between us. “This thing that you’re trying to make happen between us? It’s just a fantasy. It’s not the real world.”

  “Stop it!” Noah said, crossing the treehouse and stepping in my pathway to the door. “Stop pushing me away because I’m the first person in your life to actually give a damn about you.”

  I covered my mouth with my hands, closing my eyes and willing myself to calm down, to stop crying — but I couldn’t.

  “Look at me,” he said, framing my arms, but I kept my eyes shut. “This isn’t a fantasy and you know it. This? What we have? It’s real. It’s that bullshit man who only wants you to play a part that’s not real. It’s your parents who want you to be a prop in their life instead of an actual daughter that’s not real.”

  I couldn’t respond, not with my heart ripping itself to shreds inside my rib cage with every word he spoke. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around him, bury my face in his neck and tell him everything. I wanted to hear him say I didn’t owe them a thing, that this wasn’t my mess, and more than anything, I wanted to believe that myself.

  But as much as I wanted those things, I wanted to be there for my family more.

  I loved them, no matter what had transpired between us, and I couldn’t let them go down in flames. Not when I knew I held the fire extinguisher in my hands.

  “Look at you,” he said, squeezing my arms as another sob ripped through me. “You feel it, too. You don’t want to leave right now. You don’t want to fight with me.”

  I shook my head, pressing my hands into my face more to soak up the tears as they fell.

  “What are you not telling me, Ruby Grace?”

  Another wave of sobs tore through me, and when I could finally force a breath, I let my hands fall, creaking my eyes open to look up at him through my damp lashes.

  I still couldn’t speak.

  “What is it?” he whispered, hands framing my face as he searched my eyes.