My Own Personal Rockstar

by Kirsty McManus

  “Uh, no. It’s almost 10pm. I’ll wait until a decent hour.”

  “Rockstars don’t wait until ‘decent hours.’”

  I shake my head. “Goodbye, Felix. I’ll see you soon.”

  I hang up and look into space. The guy has a point. Tash is definitely someone I need in my life.

  I just have to make sure I don’t do anything stupid and mess it up.

  NINETEEN

  Tash

  It’s been just under two weeks since I last saw Lincoln when I get another delivery. This time, it’s not flowers, but an envelope.

  Upon opening it, I find several things:

  1. Tickets to Lincoln’s Sydney show tomorrow night

  2. An airline ticket for tomorrow to Sydney

  3. A handwritten message

  Tash, please come to Sydney. I’ve already talked to Millicent, and she’s lined up to look after Daisy. Felix says you can stay in his spare room. He wants to see you!

  (So do I.)

  Lincoln.

  I laugh out loud. If I had any singing talent myself, I’d be feeling just like Lady Gaga in A Star Is Born right now. This kind of thing doesn’t happen to me. And I can’t believe Millicent didn’t tip me off. I call her immediately.

  “I thought I was the one you were supposed to be loyal to!” I tease.

  “Ah. You got the tickets.”

  “Yes! And you didn’t warn me!”

  “Lincoln wanted it to be a surprise.”

  “I’m not sure I should go.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “What do you think I should do?”

  “Whatever the hell you want. You’re a grown woman.”

  “But what if he wants to…you know…”

  She cackles. “You mean, what if he wants to screw your brains out? Isn’t that what you’ve wanted for forever?”

  “I…I don’t know. Maybe. But what if I’m just a groupie to him?”

  “He doesn’t need to fly a groupie down to Sydney. I’m sure he could find plenty of women after the show down there if he just wanted a one-nighter.”

  “So, you think he’s serious?”

  “I’m not a mind reader. You’ll need to ask him that for yourself.”

  “I don’t want to get hurt, Missy.”

  “I know, hon. But sometimes you have to just go with the flow. See what happens.”

  “Okay. And you’re sure you’ll be fine to look after Daisy?”

  “Of course. I’ve got a hot date next week, so I’ll need you to reciprocate.”

  “Yes, definitely. Who’s the date?”

  “His name is Constantinos. He’s just moved to Australia from Greece.”

  “Oh, I hope it goes well.”

  “Me, too.”

  We talk a bit longer about our week, and then I hang up. I text Lincoln.

  Thank you for the tickets. I’d love to see your show. But don’t get any ideas!

  I send it before I have a chance to change my mind.

  He writes back straight away. What ideas might they be? He posts a winking emoji beside it.

  Me: You know exactly what I mean. Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow. Can you give me Felix’s address?

  Lincoln: He’ll pick you up from the airport. All you have to do is get on the plane.

  Me: You’ve got it all worked out, haven’t you?

  Lincoln: It’s my way of apologising properly for my behaviour after the show in Brisbane.

  Me: You have nothing to apologise for. But thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow.

  Tomorrow suddenly seems both too soon and too far away.

  But regardless, I’m cautiously excited to see where this leads.

  ***

  For the entire flight to Sydney the next day, I’m all jittery. Anyone looking at me would think I’m scared of flying, but it’s quite the opposite. I love travelling. I’m not sure what the plan is once I land, so I’m already dressed appropriately in case we go straight out, in a form-fitting knee-length black skirt and a sparkly top. I even begged my hairdresser to touch up my colour at late notice, and she used a special dye that will produce an extra-cool effect tonight.

  Once I land, I spot Felix right away. He’s pretty tall and by far the best-dressed guy waiting outside the arrival gate. Plus, he’s holding a little sign with my name on it as if he’s a chauffeur.

  He sees me immediately, too. “Tash, you look gorgeous as always.” He gives me a hug and insists on taking my bag out to his car, where it’s waiting in some fancy valet parking zone.

  I get in that luxurious Audi, and Felix begins the drive over to Manly where he lives.

  “Do you want to be a complete tourist and drive across the Harbour Bridge? Or are you happy to take the tunnel?”

  “I’m fine with the tunnel. I assume it’s a little quicker?”

  “About ten minutes,” he confirms.

  “Then, yes, let’s do that.”

  “Have you visited Sydney often in the past?” he asks.

  “Not really. Maybe a handful of times in total, including when I met you. And I haven’t been to Manly since I was a teenager.”

  “It hasn’t changed a lot. Well, I don’t think it has.”

  “You’re lucky to live near one of the country’s most famous beaches.”

  “I know.”

  “Have you spoken to Lincoln today?”

  “Yes. He was hoping he’d be able to get away before the show, but the band is doing some media thing beforehand, and then they have a soundcheck.”

  “Ah.”

  “So, I was thinking we’d have a few drinks at my place, and either eat in or grab something on the way to the show, and then Uber over to the venue. They’re playing at The Enmore Theatre.”

  “That’s a pretty well-known place, huh?”

  “It is. I think they’re expecting over a thousand people tonight.”

  “That is awesome. It was very kind of Lincoln to invite me.”

  “Well, he never stops talking about you, so I told him if he wanted you in his life, he needed to start making an effort.”

  Warmth flows throughout my body. “That’s sweet and all, but I’m sure he’s still got a lot to process after what happened with Rachel.”

  “Yes, but if he dwells on the past, it will take him a lot longer to move on. Besides, I never liked Rachel. I couldn’t tell Link that because she had him wrapped around her little finger, but I always knew there was something shady about her. Now I know I was right.”

  “She looked nice enough on the show.”

  “Of course she did. She was always preening for the camera and playing the devoted partner and mother. But in real life, she was nothing like that. I didn’t really get to see them much, because I was living here and they were up there, but from the stories I heard, she was all about image. Don’t tell Link I told you this, but she was disappointed he didn’t win Sing to Me and only got a national tour of mid-sized venues as a result. It wouldn’t bring in as much money as a record deal and an international stadium tour.”

  “But he’s only just getting restarted! It’s unrealistic to expect he’d go from nothing to everything overnight.”

  “Exactly. I need him to move on so that when he does achieve all of that—which we both know he will—she doesn’t suddenly change her mind and worm her way back into his life.”

  “So, you see me as a stepping stone in his recovery?” I ask lightly.

  “No, of course not. I think you’re beautiful, strong, and independent, and I can see you as a great team. Who says you need a whole bunch of rebounds before you settle back down?”

  “I’m sure the odds of settling down with someone who has recently experienced a messy break-up are against you more than if they’ve been single for a while.”

  “I don’t know. He seems like the kind of guy who likes to be settled, and you would be perfect for him.”

  I don’t say anything else. If that’s true, I’ll have to think about whether I’m ready to settle down.<
br />
  What do I want?

  Actually, I think I’m getting waaayyy ahead of myself. We’ve only hung out as friends a few times, unless you count his one drunken attempt at hitting on me. Which I don’t.

  We arrive at a lovely, modern three-story house, and Felix pulls into the driveway. He takes me inside and up to the third level, where he puts my bag in the guest room. The entire place is open-plan, with lots of glass looking out onto the bay and all the sailboats below.

  “Wow. I can see why you’d hesitate to relocate to Brisbane.”

  “This house is pretty special,” he agrees. “Link thought it would be a bit presumptuous to invite you to his hotel, so I was happy to offer you my place.”

  “Why isn’t he staying here?”

  “He and the band are all booked together as part of the tour. But I’m just going to put it out there now. Please don’t feel guilty if you don’t end up wanting to take advantage of my hospitality.”

  I blush. “Felix!”

  “Honey, we’re all adults here. You do what you want.”

  “Okay, thank you. I think I need a drink after that.”

  He laughs. “Let me give you a quick tour of the rest of the house, and then I’ll show you where I keep the hard liquor.”

  Felix shows me his room, with tasteful timber panelling behind the bed and the kind of swishy double-layer curtains you see in fancy hotels. The spare rooms are just as nicely furnished, with white linen and fluffy pillows on all the beds. Every level has an amazing view of the water, and I understand from the expensive-looking vases and bowls adorning every surface why Felix wouldn’t want young children staying here. Back downstairs, he pours us champagne, and we sit out on a terrace overlooking the pool. I feel like I’m in one of those R & B film clips where they have a bunch of women twerking in bikinis.

  My life is pretty surreal right now.

  TWENTY

  Lincoln

  I am super nervous about tonight. Not just because it’s my first big show in Sydney, but also because I’m wondering if it was the right move inviting Tash down here. Am I rushing it by organising such a grand gesture? I do like her, but I’m not sure what I want from her, or what she expects from me. We barely even know each other. But what I do know is that she is bringing light into my life at a time that I very much need it. And it doesn’t hurt that she’s incredibly attractive.

  I guess I’ll just have to go with the flow and see what happens. It’s not like I invited her to share my bed tonight or anything. I just wanted to see her. And also, with her and Felix being friends, it makes sense they’re hanging out, too.

  In the afternoon, a limo picks me and the guys up to take us to one of many pre-show interviews Max booked for the tour. I did a few of these during the filming of Sing to Me, but this is the first one I’m doing with my band. It’s exciting and feels more real. The station has asked us all to come along to play a song, but I’ll be the only one speaking during the interview.

  I sit down on one side of the studio desk while the guys start setting up their instruments at the back. The DJs, Axel and Amber, are well known for their witty banter, and this radio segment usually gets good ratings.

  Axel starts talking. “Lincoln Page. It’s great to have you and your band in ahead of tonight’s show at the Enmore Theatre. We’ve heard positive things about the tour so far. How are you feeling about it all?”

  “Yeah, we’re really enjoying the experience. It’s great to be out touring the country and playing for everyone again.”

  “We’ve been told you’re starting to incorporate a few originals into your setlist. Tell us about that.”

  “I think the guys and I realised we had more to offer than just covers, and fortunately, the audiences have been very kind so far. We’re excited to see where it all leads.”

  “Should we be looking for any hidden meaning in the songs? You did go through a rather messy break-up recently…”

  Damn it. This is not the direction I wanted this interview to go.

  “Uh, I guess you’ll have to listen to the songs and decide that for yourself. But I’m not one for airing my grievances through music.”

  Axel laughs. “Very diplomatic answer there.”

  Amber cuts in. “Leave him alone, Axe.” She then looks at me. “But I can’t imagine being single again has hurt ticket sales with a certain demographic. Have you found you’re seeing more female fans at your gigs?”

  Jeez. I hope Tash isn’t listening to this. I laugh nervously. “I’m not sure. I don’t keep track of who’s in the audience.”

  “So modest. Maybe there’s already another lucky lady in your life?”

  Shit. I really, really hope Tash isn’t listening to this.

  “You’ll just have to wait and see,” I say mysteriously.

  Amber laughs. “Interpret that how you like, listeners.”

  Axel grins at me. “All right. Now it’s time for a little This or That. Do you know how the game works, Lincoln?”

  “Yes. Even my daughters know how to play,” I say.

  “Good. Let’s get straight into it, then. Cookies or ice cream?”

  “Ice cream.”

  “Pop music or rock music?”

  “Rock.”

  “Coffee or wine?”

  “Coffee.”

  “Summer or winter?”

  “Summer. Definitely.”

  “Blonde or brunette?”

  “Can I say hair that looks like fire?”

  “Um, that’s oddly specific, but okay. Frozen or Moana?”

  I think of the night I spent with Tash and Daisy and smile.

  “Frozen.”

  “And the last one…Japanese or Mexican food?”

  “Japanese,” I answer without hesitation.

  “Well, there you have it, folks. Lincoln Page is a sushi guy.” He smiles blandly at me. “While we’ve got you and the band here, will you play us something? We did a poll with our listeners, and they unanimously requested your final performance from Sing to Me. Will you do the honour of playing Never Tear Us Apart?”

  “Sure.” Even though the question sounded spontaneous, we’d been told of this in advance, so we came prepared.

  “All right. Take it away, guys.”

  I join the boys at the back of the studio. As I grip the microphone, I clear my mind to focus on the music. That’s all that matters right now.

  ***

  After the interview, we head back to the hotel to get ready. I have to admit, I’m enjoying the whole rockstar in a limo thing, even if it’s only for a short while.

  As we cruise through the streets of Sydney, I get out my phone to see if I missed any calls while I was at the station.

  My heart stops when I see one from an international number. The country code is from the UK.

  There’s no message on my voicemail, so I press redial, holding my breath.

  No one answers. Shit. Was that Rachel?

  I do a reverse phone number search, but nothing shows up online. I save the number under Rachel’s name with a question mark. What if she finally wanted to talk but I was too busy doing press for my show?

  But also, what if something is wrong? The girls might be hurt…someone could have been in an accident…

  And then I catch myself. If something was seriously wrong, she would have left a message. And I don’t even know if it was her.

  I hate that I have no idea what’s happening. The tour still has six weeks left, so I’m stuck until then.

  We pull up at our hotel, which happens to be the Shangri-La again. This time I have mixed emotions. During my last visit, Tash was an acquaintance, and I was still living in blissful ignorance with my partner and children.

  But now…

  We check in. Max has booked two rooms, so I have to share with one of the guys. I would much rather be hanging out at Felix’s, but I don’t want to look like I’m not a team player.

  Beau and I have been friends the longest, so we take one room, and Jesse
, the lead guitarist, and Andy, the bassist, take the other. We agree to meet back down in the lobby a couple of hours before the show.

  I try calling the UK number again, and this time someone answers.

  “Rachel?”

  “Hi, Lincoln,” she says neutrally.

  “Oh my God! It is you. I’m so glad you finally got in touch. How are the girls?”

  “They’re fine. They love London. There’s so much more to do than in Brisbane.”

  “Can I talk to them?”

  “No, I just dropped them off at pre-school.”

  “What about when they get home? Can you call me then?”

  She sighs. “I wish everyone would just move on. Between you and the bloody girls whinging to speak to each other…”

  “Well, what do you expect? As far as we all knew, they were my daughters and I was their dad. And in my mind, that’s still the case. Just because of your fuck-up, you shouldn’t keep punishing everyone forever.”

  “Jesus, Lincoln. I’ve never heard you sound so aggressive. I wish you’d had some balls like that when we were together. I might have stuck around.”

  I almost choke on my tongue. “Are you kidding me?”

  “Lighten up, all right? It’s not like you’re living some closed-off hermit life or anything. I still read the news.”

  “I’m on tour, Rachel. I tried to pull out, but I would have been sued if I did. Either way, you can’t possibly think I’m happy with the way things are right now.”

  “I really don’t care how you feel.”

  Holy shit. Has she always been this cold? I take a deep breath. There’s no use me yelling at her. “Then why did you call me?”

  “To be honest, I didn’t. The girls had my phone in the car on the way to pre-school, and one of them must have accidentally dialled your number.”

  “Rachel, please. Let me talk to the girls sometime. I don’t care what time of day it is, or for how long. I just want to hear their voices and know they’re okay.”

  “Fine. I’ll think about it.”

  “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

  “Just remember how generous I’m being when my lawyer gets in touch.”

  “I will.” My heart sinks a little, wondering whether she’s going to try and take everything from me. But I can’t worry about that now. I’m just glad she’s considering letting me talk to the girls.