My Own Personal Rockstar

by Kirsty McManus

  “I’ll call you tomorrow,” I say.

  She strokes my face before she leaves. “Take care.”

  I watch her go inside before driving away.

  But I feel like everything is wrong.

  On returning to my place, I head straight for the living room and throw myself on the couch.

  I shouldn’t be here alone. I should be there with Tash and Daisy. Being invited to go and hang out temporarily at their house has made me realise how separate we still are. How are we supposed to have a child and a normal relationship?

  I don’t like how we left things today. And I have higher standards for myself than to run away when things get tough.

  I jump in the car and drive all the way back over to Highgate Hill. I stride up the front path and knock firmly on the door.

  She answers, surprised. “What are you…”

  I cut her off by pulling her in close and kissing her firmly. It takes a moment, but I feel her body soften as she kisses me back. I run my fingers through her hair and inhale her beautiful strawberry-scented perfume.

  I gently pull away and look at her intently. “I just needed to see you one more time today.”

  She smiles. “I’m glad you did.”

  “If that invitation still stands, I’d like to come in.”

  “Of course. We’re just going to get take-out tonight and watch some more Disney. How do you feel about Hawaiian pizza and Moana?”

  “It sounds like heaven. The twins haven’t called yet, but when they do, I might have to briefly sneak away to talk to them. Is that okay?”

  Tash kisses me on the neck and yanks me inside.

  “Of course, you gorgeous man.”

  TWENTY-EIGHT

  Tash

  The next few days are crazy. I’m busy working, and Lincoln has a bunch of stuff to go through with his band. It’s looking more and more like a formal deal with Max is imminent, and I am so excited for him. I don’t want to jinx myself, but I feel like everything is finally coming together.

  I know Lincoln is still secretly worried about the results of the paternity test, but I have a surprise for him.

  It’s 6pm on a Wednesday night when I go to his place. I told him I had a meeting, which is technically true, but not for what he thinks.

  As soon as I get inside, he comes to greet me, picking me up and swinging me around.

  I laugh. “You won’t be able to do that for much longer.”

  He places me gently on the floor in the hall. “Nonsense. How did your meeting go?”

  “Good.” I can barely contain my excitement.

  “Is everything okay?”

  “Yes! I mean, kind of. Damn. I was going to try and be all cool about it, but I can’t.”

  He stares at me. “What’s going on?”

  I hold up an envelope. “The doctor had a cancellation a few days ago, and I managed to get the paternity test done early. The results are in here.”

  His eyes widen. “What? Why didn’t you tell me? I was going to go with you to the appointment.”

  “I know, I know. But you were freaking out about it so much. I thought I would go and get it over with and we could do this bit together.”

  He looks at the envelope as if it’s about to bite him. He ushers me through to the living room, and we sit down. “So, how do you want to do this?”

  I hold out the envelope. “I want you to open it. I mean, I already know what it’s going to say, so you should do the honours.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’ve said from the beginning, I want us to be up front with each other. We’ve both gone through crappy relationships, so we have to make sure we’re being as open and respectful of each other as possible.”

  He reaches out and holds my hand. “Have I told you lately how amazing you are?”

  “Probably. But I never get tired of hearing it,” I say, smiling.

  He gently takes the envelope from me and holds it for a moment.

  “It’s going to be okay,” I whisper.

  He kisses me on the mouth. “I know.”

  He slowly runs his finger along the side of the envelope to reveal its contents. And even though I know the outcome, it feels like everything is happening in slow motion.

  This is it.

  He unfolds the report, and I see his eyes quickly skim for the relevant information. I peer over his shoulder and see a table with a bunch of codes down the left, and two columns to its right—one with the baby’s information and one with Lincoln’s. None of it makes much sense except for the line at the bottom: Probability of Paternity.

  99.9998%.

  Lincoln stands up, whooping with delight and grabbing my hands. He pulls me to my feet and hugs me tightly. “It’s ours!”

  “Ha-ha, easy, buddy. Our child is getting squished.”

  He quickly loosens his grip and then kneels in front of me. I’m wearing a skirt with a black tank top, and he slowly lifts the tank top to expose my belly. He looks at it for a moment and then leans forward to cover my skin in little feathery kisses.

  I giggle and ruffle his hair. “That tickles.”

  He looks up at me, smiling.

  “There’s something else,” I say.

  He looks stricken. “Oh God. It’s twins, isn’t it?”

  I cackle with laughter. “No! Jeez. Could you imagine having two sets of twins in your life? I was just going to say, you may have missed a small detail on the report.”

  He looks at me, confused. “What?”

  “Turn it over.”

  He obliges and makes a choking sound. “The report tells us the baby’s gender?”

  “And that might be…?” I gesture my hand in a hurry-up motion.

  “Wait, you don’t know yet?”

  “No. I told you, I wanted us to do this together. Come on. Don’t keep me in suspense!”

  “It’s a boy!”

  I tear up. “A boy!” I lean down and place my hands on either side of Lincoln’s face. “One more thing.”

  “I don’t think I can take much more.”

  “This is important. Once the baby is born, I’d like you to register the birth certificate for us.”

  He looks me in the eye. “Thank you for being the kindest, most patient, and just overall awesome human being I know.”

  The tears are rolling freely down my face now. “The same goes for you.”

  He holds me again, this time more softly, and we stay there for a long time, lost in the moment.

  But then I pull away and raise an eyebrow. “You know, I don’t have to pick up Daisy for at least an hour.”

  He chuckles. “And you’re telling me this, because?”

  I grab his hand and pull him towards the bedroom.

  “What do you think?”

  He lets me lead the way.

  Today is a great day.

  TWENTY-NINE

  Lincoln

  Life is wonderful. Not only am I soon to become a father to a little boy, but I’ve also been able to reconnect with my daughters and establish the start of an amazing relationship with Tash and her daughter. And the icing on the cake? Today, the guys and I have a meeting with Max. He’s flown up from Sydney, apparently to see JC, but he wanted to check in with us, too.

  He’s asked to meet us at Brew in the Queen Street Mall, so we order beers while we wait for him to show up.

  I love my guys. What I thought was something that would never progress beyond a pub band is now doing better than anything I could have ever imagined. Our recent national tour has been the highlight of our professional career so far.

  And the fact that we’ve been able to transition into doing our own music so smoothly is something I could never have dreamed of.

  Max arrives. He waves to us while he orders a beer and then comes to join us in the corner.

  “How’s it going, lads?” he asks, sitting down and taking a sip of his drink.

  “Good, thanks,” I say. The other guys nod in agreement.

&nbs
p; “Well, that was all very limp and uninspired. I’m hoping what I’m about to say will change that tune.”

  I look at him, confused. I’d thought this was just an obligatory visit on the way to see JC.

  “I’ve been talking to Intergalactic and negotiated a deal for you. Three albums, plus a world tour.”

  He leans back and puts his hands behind his head, a huge grin on his face.

  It takes a moment for it to sink in. My brain short-circuits as I process the full meaning of those words.

  And then suddenly it’s like a dam has burst and all four of us stand up and hug each other. I slap the guys on the back and shake each of their hands.

  “Holy shit,” Beau says. “Is this for real?”

  “Yep.” Max stands up so he’s eye-level with us. “We’re already looking at the itinerary. You’re going to be on the festival circuit as well as headlining your own shows in over twenty countries. In the US alone, we’re looking at over fifty shows.”

  I can’t comprehend this. This is the ultimate. We’ve made it. We’ve really made it.

  And then something occurs to me.

  “Do you know the timing yet?” I ask.

  “It’s all still in flux at the moment, but we’re getting you down to the studio in Sydney in a couple of weeks to start laying down some tunes. The label has some ideas for the track list…”

  “Will we have any input into what goes on the album?” I check.

  “Yes, yes, of course. But don’t worry about that now. This is the good part! Enjoy it!”

  “When would the tour start?”

  “Again, that’s still all up in the air, but we’re developing an entire strategy involving singles, marketing, and then getting you on the road ASAP. I’d say probably in about three or four months?”

  My heart sinks. That will be near the end of Tash’s pregnancy.

  “You know Tash and I are having a baby soon?”

  He waves a hand dismissively. “And? Musicians have kids all the time. Bring ‘em along. Or leave ‘em at home. Either way, it’s not a big deal.”

  I beg to differ. This child is a huge deal. And Tash is a huge deal. This needs to work for her, too.

  The other guys are still all toasting each other and ordering stronger drinks, even though it’s only two in the afternoon. I know none of them have kids, so it’s easy for them to get excited.

  I need to talk to Tash.

  “Do you mind if I head out for a bit?” I say. “I can meet you back here in an hour, or wherever you’re going to be. I just want to tell Tash the news in person.”

  “It’s your call, man,” Max says. “But usually, my newly signed clients want to hang around and celebrate for a while.”

  “I do want to celebrate. But…”

  “It’s okay. I get it. Go to your woman. Call us when you’re done.”

  “Thanks,” I say gratefully. I quickly tell the other guys what I’m doing and take off.

  Tash should be at home. Although, by the time I get there, she might have had to leave for the afternoon school pickup.

  I’m right, and when I arrive at Highgate Hill, there’s no answer at the door. It’s only then I realise Tash has never given me a spare key to her house.

  And she doesn’t have one for mine either.

  While I wait for them to return, I duck over to the nearest mall and have a key cut for my place, also buying a little key cap shaped like a panda as a reminder of the rice balls she made for me the day she rescued me from the paparazzi. That seems like a lifetime ago now.

  It gets me thinking about the other encounters we had. It’s quite strange thinking back on when we hung out in Sydney before Rachel and I split up. I could appreciate she was a special person even then, but obviously I didn’t see her in a romantic way until later.

  Still, a tiny part of me feels guilty that I did know Tash before my relationship with Rachel was over. But I would never in a million years have acted on any attraction if Rachel hadn’t left.

  I head back to Tash’s and pull up just as she’s arriving with Daisy. I jump out of the car and give them both a hug.

  “Hey, my gorgeous girls.”

  Daisy blushes. I think she’s still getting used to having me in her life. She wouldn’t have had many older male influences apart from Tash’s dad, so I can understand it would be an adjustment.

  She runs ahead, grabbing the key from Tash and unlocking the front door.

  “I have something you might want to add to that keyring,” I say before we head inside. I hold out the panda key.

  Tash looks down, uncomprehendingly at first. And then the light dawns. “Is this…”

  I nod, smiling. “I know the place is on the market, but until it sells, I want you to feel as comfortable at my house as you do here.”

  She takes the key from my hand and encloses it in her own. “Thank you.” She then rummages around in her handbag. “I actually had this made up ages ago and was trying to figure out the right time to give it to you.” She hands me a key, too.

  I laugh. “Really?”

  “Yes! I mean, I was initially thinking we’d keep our separate places so that Daisy could get used to everything, but I don’t want you to ever feel unwelcome.”

  I pull her close. “I love you, Natasha Northwood.”

  She runs her fingers through my hair and sighs. “I love you, too, Lincoln Page.”

  She then presses her lips to mine, and if it weren’t for her daughter’s presence inside, I would be dragging Tash to the bedroom right now.

  I grin. “And I haven’t even told you the craziest part of today.”

  She points inside. “Why don’t we continue this in the living room?”

  I laugh and head in. Daisy has disappeared off somewhere. I sit Tash down on the couch and take her hands. “I just came from a meeting with Max. We’ve been offered a three-album deal and a world tour.”

  “Oh my God!” She squeezes my fingers so tightly the circulation is cut off. “This is it!”

  “I know!” And then I turn serious. “But you know what it means…”

  She thinks for a second. “Oh, right. Lots of you being away. Do you know the timing yet?”

  “Not exactly. But I have to go to Sydney in two weeks for a month, and that’s just the start.” I look at her earnestly. “I will do everything I can to make this work for us. I’ll still come to as many doctor appointments as possible, and I’ll force my lawyer to put in a clause so I’m back here for the birth.”

  Her eyes sparkle. “You are the sweetest person I have ever known, Lincoln Page.”

  “So, you’re okay with this?”

  “Of course I am! This is your dream! We both get to have our dreams!”

  I finally let myself relax a little. I should have known Tash would react like this. She is one of my biggest fans.

  “I’m so lucky.”

  “No, I’m lucky. And to think, if I hadn’t gone to Nicky’s Bar that night, I wouldn’t have made friends with Felix and none of this would have happened.”

  “I know. I guess it was meant to be.”

  She blushes.

  “What?”

  “I…probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I saw Felix invite you to Nicky’s on Instagram and that’s why I was there.”

  I gently poke her in the ribs. “Were you stalking me?”

  “No! All right, maybe. I realised as soon as I arrived that I wasn’t actually going to approach you if I saw you, but then you found me. Still, I did watch you every week on Sing to Me, so yeah, I probably verged on being a stalker.”

  I pull her against me again and rest my chin on her head. “I guess it just took a while for the timing to work out. I don’t want to take away from anything I had with Rachel, but in hindsight, my relationship with her was nothing compared to what I have with you.”

  She kisses my chest. “That means more to me than you can possibly imagine.”

  I smile and lean back on the couch, my arms still wrapped
around Tash.

  I don’t think things could possibly get any better.

  THIRTY

  Tash

  Later that evening, I’m making some dinner, and Lincoln is helping me. I’ve decided to teach him how to make proper ramen. Traditional Japanese ramen is made with animal stock, but I did a little research and found a broth I could make with soy sauce, miso paste, and dried shitake mushrooms.

  Lincoln is a pretty good cook himself, but never seemed to experiment with anything fancy.

  He’d gone back to see the guys for a couple of hours this afternoon but said he couldn’t bear to be away from me, Daisy, and the baby.

  “I told Max we can’t do any shows two weeks before the birth or four weeks after,” he tells me.

  “And he was okay with that?”

  “Not particularly. But he said he’d do whatever he could to make it happen.”

  “If you can get any time off around the birth, I’d appreciate it.”

  He kisses me on the forehead. “You are the cutest.” And then he seems to remember something. He excitedly gets out his phone and types something before showing me the screen. “We got our final paycheck from the last tour today.”

  I look at the number, squinting for a moment, and then stare at him, shocked. “Are you serious?”

  “And there’s going to be so much more where that came from. We’ll be able to buy a mansion anywhere we want after this next tour is over.”

  My heart almost bursts with happiness. And not because of the money. It’s because Lincoln is finally seeing the benefits of following his dreams. “I’m so proud of you, babe.”

  “You know what this means?”

  “What?”

  “That you can wind back your business. Take the pressure off.”

  My face hardens. “Sorry, what?”

  “I mean, you don’t have to kill yourself running this huge business and looking after a newborn.”

  I bite my bottom lip. “I’m not killing myself running the business. And I have no intention of winding it back.”

  He looks at me, confused. “I didn’t mean anything by it. I just thought…”