On Your Knees

by Liz Bradford

  They got out of the car. Ella adjusted her bag on her shoulder, and they walked to the door. She couldn’t believe Adam had actually bought the house they had talked about getting together when they were kids. The little bungalow was on their bike route to the lake. They had ridden past this house and dreamed of how they would fix it up and live happily ever after in it. Apparently not every dream had died for either of them. Adam handed her the bag of takeout and unlocked the door.

  A loud bark resounded from behind the door. “Hope you still like dogs.” Adam pushed the door open, and a great big golden retriever greeted them with a boatload of enthusiasm.

  “Down, Rusty.” Adam pushed past the dog while giving him a generous rub on the head. Adam turned the lights on and pushed a few buttons on an alarm panel by the door.

  Ella knelt and greeted the dog. “Rusty, huh?” She nuzzled the affectionate dog.

  “His fur was so red… Reminded me of the color your backend would be after I’d gave you a ride in that rusty old wagon.” Adam’s cheeks were nearly as red as the dog.

  “His fur’s gorgeous.” She looked back at Rusty. “You’re a good boy, aren’t you?”

  “He is. Best protector from those horrible Hazel Hill squirrels.” Rusty barked and ran towards the side door. “See. All you have to do is say squirrel.”

  Warmth filled Ella’s chest. Not only had Adam bought the house they’d dreamed of, he got a dog just like they’d talked about. She stood and looked around the house.

  Adam put his messenger bag on the coat rack to the left of the door and let Rusty out the side door.

  Ella followed him to her left. The side door was in a small dining room with a simple dark table and chairs. She set the bags of takeout on a counter that divided the dining area from the kitchen, whose modern decor with white cabinets and stainless-steel appliances was stunning. She wandered back towards the interior of the house. A hallway with four doors cut down the middle of the house. She walked past the hallway and into a little living room graced with a plush, black leather sofa with an array of colorful pillows, an Ikea chair, and a large-screen TV. She wandered in and set her bag by the couch. Along the far wall, an old upright piano held the focus of the room even over the large TV. Several guitars sat near the piano. She smiled. The light gray walls were adorned with black-and-white photographs, and the dark hardwood floors created a seamless look among the rooms. She stepped closer to one of the photographs.

  Adam came to her side. “Like it?”

  “Did Jocelyn take this one? It has her flair.”

  “She did. Thankfully she doesn’t only use her skills behind the lens to solve crimes. Did you see that one?” He pointed across the room to the wall between the TV and the piano.

  She shook her head and took a step in that direction. “The lake.” She could almost feel the warmth of the late summer breeze coming off the lake.

  “Do you remember taking that one?”

  She looked up and met his grey eyes. “Of course. That was our summer.” She let her voice fade. When Adam didn’t say anything, she added, “I guess it’s no different than me having a picture of us from that summer in my living room.”

  Slight lines appeared at the corners of his eyes, and he drew his lips in.

  She stepped towards the kitchen and away from the strange fuzzy feeling that was invading her insides. She complemented him on the house, and they both went into the kitchen.

  Adam retrieved plates from the cabinet, and they fixed their plates. While they ate, Adam told her all about the gutting the house and the fun he’d had doing the renovation. He also told her how his friendship with Caleb had grown during the process of them hanging drywall.

  Adam took another bite of his Szechuan. After he’d finished telling Ella about the time Caleb had dropped the drywall on Adam’s foot and Ella’s laughter had faded, they fell into an uncomfortable silence. The unspoken words were going to eat him with more vigor than he’d eaten his Chinese. How did he even begin to apologize for all he had done to her?

  “Ella?” Her name barely slipped from between his lips.

  “Yeah?” She looked up at him; the forkful of rice loomed near her lips that almost seemed to quiver.

  “I… uh…” He couldn’t find the words as his mind took him back to the day that he had betrayed their friendship.

  Adam shifted from one foot to another and listened to Mr. Withers berate him for the paper he had turned in the day before.

  “Adam, you could risk losing your scholarship to UNC if you don’t pass my class. You only have two weeks left before graduation. Don’t blow it now. This paper is lousy, and I know you are capable of better. Fix it! And have someone proofread it for you, for crying out loud. I want it back on my desk tomorrow morning. If it is up to the standard that I know you can achieve you’ll pass the class, but if it’s not, I’m going to have to fail you.”

  He sighed and took the paper back from his English teacher. “Yes, sir.”

  Mr. Withers dismissed him with a nod.

  Adam turned and all but stormed out of the classroom. He rolled up the paper and stuffed it in the back pocket of his jeans. Why did Mr. Withers hold him to such a high standard? English was not his subject. Before high school Ella had always helped him with his grammar homework, and she was a grade behind him! Oh, how he missed her, and not just for her way with words. He missed everything about her. Why had he let that relationship fade away? Why had he been so distant from her? Here he was about to graduate, and he had nothing but regrets. Maybe he should seek her out. He had thought about it probably a million times over the last three years. His heart tightened.

  He had just been dumped by another bimbo, but that wasn’t why he felt this way. Every time a relationship ended, he just wanted Ella. She was the one he was supposed to be with.

  He walked down the hallway, taking the long way to his locker so he would pass by Ella’s and hopefully at least catch a glimpse of her before he went home.

  His heart tripped up when he saw her, despite the gloom of the paper that still hung over him. But then he caught sight of her round belly. How could she? He clenched his teeth, and his ears grew warm with anger. She had claimed that she wanted to wait until she was married, but clearly, she had just meant that she didn’t want to have sex with him.

  He slowed his pace. Connor, his supposed friend, knocked Ella’s books on the floor. Adam’s stomach lurched. He was conflicted as always, stand up for Ella or let Connor just be Connor? A glimpse of Ella’s “True Love Waits” poster in her locker fueled his anger though, and he walked up to them. She was such a hypocrite.

  “Leave me alone, Connor!” Ella pleaded.

  “Oh, come on, it’ll be fun. Just come back to my place. Clearly, you’re a little floozy. Let me show you a good time.”

  “Go away, Connor!”

  “Hey, Adam! Don’t you agree?” Conner’s sleezy voice made Adam want to punch him.

  But Adam stayed silent.

  “You guys are no fun.” Connor walked away but not before kicking Ella’s books further across the hall.

  He hated the way Connor treated Ella, but he was so mad that he couldn’t say anything. He just stood there and watched Ella struggle to lean over and pick up her things.

  “Why, Ella? Why would you go and get yourself knocked up? You’re such a hypocrite!” He reached into her locker and ripped her “True Love Waits” poster out and tore it into pieces as Ella stared at him, tears streaming down her cheeks. He threw the shredded poster at her and turned and walked away.

  A huge knot formed in his throat. He instantly regretted his behavior, but it was too late. Words and actions couldn’t be taken back. He tried to blink back the tears that pooled in his eyes, but they were too big. Ella’s sobs echoed off the walls from behind him. What had just happened? Why had it come this far?

  Adam looked up to where Ella sat next to him at the little square table and wiped his face with the heel of his hand. How could he even dare to a
sk for her forgiveness? But her beautiful brown eyes were full of compassion.

  He stood and took their plates to the sink. When he turned, she stood there, just waiting for him.

  In a soft voice, she said, “Let’s go sit on the couch.”

  He just nodded, afraid his voice would crack if he spoke. His throat was so tight.

  She led the way to the couch. She went to the far side and picked up a brightly striped pillow off the couch and hugged it as she sat. “I have to say Adam, the pillows are an unexpected, almost feminine touch.”

  He smiled. “Totally Becca. She got them for me as a house-warming gift when I finished renovations.”

  “That doesn’t surprise me one bit. They do look like they are straight from her living room.”

  He watched her, but she was still waiting for him. He needed to say what was on his heart. He sat down at the opposite end of the couch and learned forward putting his elbows on his knees. “I’m so sorry, Ella. I… I can’t even express how much I regret how I treated you, especially that day in the hallway with Connor… I don’t expect you to forgive me. I just want you to know how sorry I am. And now that I know what happened… I feel even worse. You were the only thing that ever mattered to me, and I let you go and treated you like garbage…” He leaned further forward and buried his head in his hands. His stomach burned from his shame.

  Her hand came to rest on his shoulder shooting electricity through his body. Ella was touching him! He lifted his head and met her eyes. He hadn’t even heard her scoot over next to him. She slowly removed her hand. Her eyes moved back and forth as she kept them locked to his and in conjunction with a quick, sharp breath gave away her conflicting emotions at having made physical contact. He wanted so badly to pull her into his arms and just hold her and tell her he would never mistreat her again. But he didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve her forgiveness.

  “Adam,” her tender voice broke into his thoughts, “I forgive you.”

  “What?” He couldn’t believe she would.

  “I forgive you.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “Because, I do. Why isn’t the easiest question to answer, but frankly because I want to. I have missed you so much. But it’s more than that. Christ has forgiven me and calls me to forgive in the same way. Like it says in Ephesians, forgive ‘just as in Christ God forgave you.’”

  “What have you ever done that needs forgiveness?”

  “Plenty. Trust me.”

  “I don’t believe you.” He gave her a sideways glance.

  She laughed. The sweet music of her laugh lifted his heart further. “Oh, Adam, if you must know an example…” her laughter floated out the window, and a very serious expression overtook her face and darkened her eyes. “I am having a very hard time not dwelling on what I would do to that b- monster given the opportunity. Let’s just say, it’s not what Jesus would do.”

  It was his turn to laugh. He shook his head.

  She shrugged.

  “I still can’t believe you would forgive me.”

  She smiled. “Believe it, because I do.”

  “Thank you.” He ran his hand through his hair. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Of course.” She folded her hands in her lap.

  He turned toward her. “Did you come back to school after that day in the hall? I didn’t see you.”

  “That’s because I didn’t go back. I couldn’t. Mom coordinated with my teachers, and I finished the last two weeks of my junior year at home and homeschooled my senior year. I couldn’t step back in that building after that. Well, until I had to two weeks ago.”

  “What was two weeks ago?”

  “We had an in-service thing over at the high school. Actually, I had a flashback that day because of that.”

  The ache in his stomach returned. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t. I really think God was preparing me to face all of this.”

  He couldn’t understand her faith, especially with all she’d been through. “I don’t get it, Ella, how can you trust a God who would let all this happen to you?”

  “Because no matter what I go through He is still good.”

  “I don’t know.” Rusty came over and nudged Adam’s hand with his snout. He petted the dog. Part of him wished he could have the blind trust in God that Ella and his other friends had, but it seemed impossible.

  As if reading his mind Ella said, “It’s not just some blind faith. He’s proved himself over and over again. I went through all this awful stuff, but He was always there for me. I found comfort in His Word and in His presence.”

  He smiled at her. She was as passionate for Christ as ever. No wonder she and Amelia were such good friends.

  Ella’s phone rang. She got up, retrieved it from her bag, and answered it. He watched her. She was the most gorgeous creature on earth. He tried to not stare at her while she talked, but she made that very difficult as she paced back and forth. She turned back around and hung up.

  “Amelia says everyone is gone.”

  “Where did the evening go? So much for watching the movie. I guess you want to get to bed soon.” He looked at the clock; it was already eight thirty.

  “I don’t have to leave yet, unless you want to take me now.” She smiled shyly.

  His heart spun. “No. You can stay a bit longer. How about some dessert? I have some ice cream in the freezer.”

  “That would be perfect.”

  Adam could barely lift himself off the couch. He was dumbfounded at how this evening was going with Ella.

  “Okay, spill it.”

  Ella had barely walked in the door of Amelia’s house when the tiny pregnant woman demanded details from Ella’s time with Adam. She laughed, and her cheeks flushed. “We had a good time, if you must know.”

  “Of course, I must! How good a friend would I be if I didn’t pull it out of you?” She winked at Ella.

  Ella shook her head. “Only if I get a cup of that amazing tea.”

  “But of course. You can thank Becca for that. She’s the one that got this southern girl drinking herbal tea.”

  Ella dropped her bag by the steps and followed Amelia to the kitchen. “The kids in bed already?”

  “Yeah, Caleb is up there reading to them.”

  “What a great dad!”

  “I agree.” Amelia put the pot onto boil, and Ella sat in one of the stools at the breakfast bar. “So, tell me. Obviously, it went well, better than you expected, huh?”

  “Yeah, he apologized.”

  “Really? Now, I know you haven’t told me everything, because while I totally agree that you deserve an apology for the way he abandoned your friendship, I had a sense that there was more of a betrayal…”

  “You’d be right about that.” Ella went on to tell her about that day with Connor in the hallway at school.

  Amelia fixed their tea and slid it across the counter. “Oh, Ella…”

  She pursed her lips in a frown. “Yeah, it hurt. I wanted so badly to just yell at his back as he walked away that I had been raped and had only ever wanted him. But I really thought it wouldn’t matter, but maybe it would have. Maybe he would have turned around and pulled me into his arms. That’s what I needed. Amelia, I can’t believe the sorrow I saw in his eyes as we talked tonight. I just wish he would repent to God the way he repented to me. My heart breaks for him. He needs Jesus.” She brought her mug to her mouth and blew on the hot liquid.

  “But you represented Jesus to him tonight. You showed him forgiveness he didn’t deserve. Just like Jesus.”

  “I’m so far from a perfect representation of Jesus.”

  “I didn’t say perfect, just a picture of Him.”

  Ella let that sink in. Maybe her forgiveness would help Adam see that God can forgive him, too. Oh God, please help Adam see you. Reveal yourself to him. Heal his heart. And help me protect mine…

  Chapter 10

  The next day, Adam sat at his desk twirling his pen and waited for Amelia to g
et off the phone. Hopefully she had good news regarding the case. It had been two days, and they still had no idea if the little girls had actually seen someone watching at the school or if their imaginations had gotten the best of them.

  “Thanks, Mr. Withers. We’ll be there shortly.” Amelia hung up her phone.

  “Well?”

  “Another class of kids saw the guy again, thankfully this time they got to the teacher before he disappeared. Looks like we have a more credible witness than my daughter and her cousin.”

  “Give Molly credit. This proves she was right!” He stood up and pulled his blazer off the back of his chair and slid his arms in.

  Amelia slowly stood and followed him out to the car. As they drove to the school, Amelia kept looking over at him. “What is it? Is Carter’s drawing of me with a unicorn horn coming true?”

  “Sorry, no.” Her cheeks flushed.

  “What did Ella tell you?”

  “She just told me about last night. I’m really glad you guys are able to reconcile. I’m proud of you for apologizing.”

  “Has she told you the whole story?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then You know why I had to. I still can’t believe she forgives me.”

  Amelia smiled. “She’s not the only one who will forgive you.”

  He shook his head. Caleb had always been good at not preaching at him about God’s forgiveness, but Amelia, not so much.

  “Yeah, I know what you’re going to say, and you can save it.”

  “Adam, I’m just saying.”

  “I know… How ‘bout this? I’ll think about it. And you know if I say something, I’ll do it.” He smiled at her.

  “Yes, I do. And now I understand your motivation to always be true to your word.”

  “Indeed. I messed up the best thing that ever happened to me by not keeping my word; so, never again. If I say something you can count on me. I’ll think about it, Scully.” And he already had been. Ever since last night, the idea that maybe God could really forgive him had been eating at his mind.

  He pulled into the school parking lot.

  Once inside Adam and Amelia split up. Adam spoke with the teacher. Her description of where they saw the man was exactly what Molly and Callie had seen two days ago.